I finally saw a picture of one of CP’s good friend’s new fiancé. She was pretty and thin. All of CP’s good friends have pretty and thin (or fairly thin) wives or girlfriends. Two of them have even pushed out two kids but then busted back into shape. And then there is me. I wonder if CP sometimes gets annoyed that he doesn’t have a thin fiancé?
He has been able to quickly lose the 25 pounds he wanted and despite bringing back more bad food and alcohol into his diet, still manages to stay at his new weight. This is despite the fact that he hasn’t been the gym in over a month.
While at home last weekend he got annoyed that I didn’t have any alcoholic drinks with him at dinner. In my mind, I wanted to save the calories….but I didn’t tell him that. I just said that I didn’t feel like drinking with dinner.
I lost a few pounds over the past two weeks by watching what I ate and exercising a few times. That “few times” needs to grow into a larger number. Watching what I eat also needs to continue. I want CP to be proud to stand next to me on our wedding day. I will never be a size 2….or even a size 6, but a size 8 or 10 would be nice. I am running out of time to be a skinnier bride on my wedding day. I am even running out of time to look skinnier in our engagement pictures (we take them at the end of July).
CP didn’t have a lot of girlfriends through the years. The last girl he dated (it was serious enough to bring her home for Christmas one year, meet his family and some of his friends) was skinny. Like, really skinny. Even though he broke up with her (his reason? “She was stupid”) and hasn’t talked to her since before we started dating, she is the only reference point I have to what he finds attractive. And I am literally the complete opposite. She wore a lot of makeup, I don’t (sidenote: I am worried about having my wedding makeup trial because I’m pretty sure that I am going to think that I look like a clown). She was skinny, I am not. I do consider myself fairly smart though, so I guess that I “win” in that area. Annnnd because he never talks about her, that’s about all I have to compare.
Why am I worried about this right now? I have no idea. He proposed which means he at least somewhat likes the way that I look since he will have to see me for the rest of our lives. Still, he quickly lost the weight and I am lagging behind (damn moving to DC and getting off my schedule!). His friend’s wives are all skinny AND successful/ smart. I have only mastered half of that. It’s the same thing with my friends. I have ALWAYS been the heaviest person out of all of my friends. It’s not fun.
So what to do about my current (and obvious) lack of self-esteem? Hopefully not try to eat my way out of it. Hopefully not break out into “crazy” talk to CP. I don’t know, today I just really feeling like crying.
6.17.2009
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5 comments:
NSC, don't cry! You got to be successful partly by being smart and partly by working hard, and you can lose weight by working hard, too. Don't let the time frame overwhelm you. The sad truth is that sometimes weight loss takes longer than you want it to - that doesn't mean it won't happen or that you should give it up. It sounds like you've already identified the fact that you need to workout more. How about asking one of all those skinny wives/girlfriends to be your workout buddy? (I am willing to bet that they are not all naturally skinny and some work out regularly to maintain their weight.) Also, it sounds like you're on the right track by being careful about calories, but maybe you should be even more careful. Try an online or on-paper calorie counter and don't forget to record everything that goes in our mouth. Weigh stuff out like crazy and underestimate portion sizes if you can't weigh it. Be at a 500 calorie deficit every day and you will lose weight, I promise.
Cp choose you for a reason. He loves you for everything you are.
I know it is hard when you see other people but, you don't know what is in there heads about you. Perhaps they are envious of your relationship.
You ahve taken the first steps to be a bette ryou, you are eating better and working out. You know when you slip up and that awareness is great!
You are a beautiful person, don't let others dissuade you.
I would like to "ditto" what Anonymous said.......You can do this!! And I am behind you 100%.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and seriously, I can so relate. I wonder if Torsten wishes he didn't have a fat wife, one who requires $10k surgery to lose weight. You know? But I have to remember that he doesn't feel that way, and I'm sure CP doesn't either. YOU are what he finds attractive, not his dumb ex.
I agree with everyone above me.
What more can I say? You and every other woman will always have days like this.
You need to lose weight for yourself and only yourself. CP wouldn't have proposed if he didn't love YOU.
You also can cut calories in different ways. Feel free to enjoy alcohol, just go for a light beer... and nurse it.
LOTS of veggies. They're filling and next to none in the calorie department.
Make exercise part of your routine and not a chore. Same time every day. Cardio drops the weight, lifting keeps it off.
If you're struggling or getting bored, get a personal trainer. I know BSC has trial packs. Trust me... trainers are worth it!
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