???????

Well the news isn't getting any better around here. The blood test results are back and CP doesn't have malaria. I guess CP has high white blood cell counts so the doctor has now thrown out "cancer" and "immune deficiency disease."

WTF

Now we wait until Friday when CP has a meeting with an infectious disease doctor to see if he/she has any answers....

Microblog Mondays

CP has now been sick for over a week with diarrhea, chills, fever, and a rash. He was out of work all week last week and on Monday the doctors first thought that it was travelers diarrhea (he had just been to Mexico). On Friday he went to see the doctor again and they threw out malaria because his stool sample tested negative for parasites.

Malaria? Really? But then I was reading on the CDC website and remembered that malaria can hang out in your body for up to a year so he could have possibly gotten it on one of his work trips. The doctor ordered about 10 different blood tests and should have the results back in two days. On top of this CP has been dealing with difficulty swallowing- could it be related?

It's weird because I am always the "broken" one in our relationship- mostly due to infertility as I am actually healthier in the eyes of insurance companies than CP- and CP has to take care of me. But since he has been getting fatigued simply walking up the stairs I have had to take on the lion's share of the work at home and with Izzy. I'm used it so it's not a big deal....I just want CP to start feeling better.

If it is malaria or something funny then all I could think of today was thank goodness we decided to keep CP's frozen sperm sample at our clinic- especially if he is going to start taking funny medication to help him with whatever is going on. We contemplated getting rid of it because the sample wasn't that great, but recently decided that it is $400 insurance in case his fresh sample is not great....

Want to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.....

Bitter party of one

This afternoon I was in the middle of getting a pedicure when an email buzzed through my phone. My out of town friend who I had dinner with last month- the day before I was to take Misoprostol- wrote is to tell us that she is pregnant. She didn't drink that night because she said she was "in the danger zone" which I took to mean the two weeks between ovulation and pee stick time. Oh no she was already pregnant and just didn't say anything as her email gives an expected due date of November 4th.

My expected due date if the frozen transfer had worked was October 31st. I shouldn't have even looked it up before the transfer but I did. We could have had babies just days apart....

While I understand her desire to not say anything too early I can't respond just yet to the email. She said all of the right things when we met for dinner that night after I told her of the non-viable pregnancy and she even sent flowers after she got home but I'm still a little miffed that she didn't just say that she was pregnant when she was here.

Getting this email brought me to the brink of tears during my pedicure, bringing up feelings of jealousy and bitterness that I haven't felt in a while. Of course I am happy for her but once again she gets pregnant as soon as she is ready- this will be her third child. Why couldn't we have it that easy? Meanwhile CP and I are putting aside tax refund/work bonus money so that I can look forward to sticking myself with needles and getting violated with dildo cams over and over with no guarantee that any of it will even work.

It's amazing how I am able to brush off comments that I got this week like "oh your daughter is 16 months? So when are you going to have another?" but this email comes and hits me right in the gut. And CP doesn't help. I told him how I was feeling and he said that I shouldn't feel that way at the expense of a friend. I don't think that it is wrong to be sad/upset that we no longer could have babies just days apart. I don't think that it is wrong that I am sad/upset that getting pregnant is significantly harder for us.

I think I will wallow in my sadness tonight with some wine.

Why the Fitbit motivates me

I knew that once I got the Fitbit and that my steps would "count" and that I would be working towards a goal, I would start to try to move around more. I have had the Fitbit for 5 days and already I am doing extra to try to get my numbers as high as possible.

Monday- 9877 steps

Armed with the knowledge that I had to try to hit 10,000 steps per day AND that it was a beautiful day out, I headed out with Buster during lunch for a run. We went on a 2.5 run/walk and it felt GREAT to get outside and exercise. When I came back I also did some situps, pushups and arm exercises. I didn't realize how close I was to making my goal and wish that I had just walked around the house before bed to get the last 123 steps.

Tuesday- 13,060 steps

I had two meetings outside the office and decided to walk to both of them. I would have done so anyway without the Fitbit but I walked faster and tried to make it more of a workout. Between back and forth to both of those meetings and my regular commute to/from the train I had quite a day of walking!

Wednesday- 9,694 steps

I was out of the office at an all-day work meeting that didn't leave many chances for moving around. I took 15 minutes at lunch to walk around outside because it was so nice out and then as soon as I got home from work, threw Izzy in the stroller and took her and Buster for a long walk. After we got home I dropped Buster off and walked with Izzy to the park to play. It's possible that I would have done this without the Fitbit but the extra motivation kept pushing me to do more throughout the day.

Thursday- 9,313 steps

Another all-day work meeting with even fewer chances to move around. I woke up early to take Buster for a walk before leaving for work and jumped at the chance to get my very pregnant colleague some water later in the day (getting to the water fountain required stairs and walking). Then while CP put Izzy to bed I took Buster for another walk to try to get some more exercise.

I don't think that this is a fly-by-night kind of thing as I still want to hit 10,000 steps a day. I'm close and need to do just a little more each day to get there. Today I plan on taking Buster for a run during lunch which will hopefully help get me to 10K! Logically I know that I could drop down my goal to 9K and I would have made that all this week but there is something about 10K and that extra digit and leaves me wanting to hit 10K instead of just 9K.

Anyone else out there have a Fitbit and want to be friends? We can push each other!

16 months!

16 Months!

Izzy doing her best monkey impression

Height: ?

Weight: Not sure! More than 25 pounds though.

New Tricks: Cleans up her messes when she spills milk/water (uses her hand and rubs it into the floor/carpet). Gives us high fives. Likes to bring us our shoes. Likes to pretend to push us down to the floor and then we are on the ground she will walk over to our head to pick us up (while groaning- which is hilarious). At first this month she started to go down slides by herself on her belly feet first but later this month she has been bold enough to slide down on her butt all by herself. Walking up the stairs using banisters. Holding our hands and stepping down stairs instead of going on belly. This month Izzy learned to blow her nose which makes it much easier when she has a cold!

The scariest chalk tagger in our neighborhood

Language: New signs this month- duck, fish, bunny, bird, diaper. New words- bubble, ball, buh bye (bye bye). Knows different body parts and can point to them- feet, hands, belly button, mouth, nose, eyes, ears, head. Knows different clothes- jacket, shoes, socks, pants, shirt, hat, gloves, slippers.

Personality: Izzy loves being outside. As reported earlier in the month, she is fearless. Loves sitting down to read books and has a great attention span when reading books as well. She has started to get a bit whiny when something doesn't go her way but can quickly bounce back when we distract her. Wants to help us do everything including closing doors.

Helping Daddy put door stops in

Teeth: I think that she still has 12 teeth

Favorite Toy: Bubbles! Totally obsessed with bubbles.

 

Favorite Book: 100 First Words. What is it with this book? Izzy LOVES this book.

Sleeping Habits: Izzy generally falls asleep anywhere from 7:30-8 and most nights sleeps through the night. Most days she will take one two hour nap starting around 12:30 or 1.

Eating: Izzy had her first bite of a chocolate chip cookie this month and of course immediately wanted more (she didn't like the chocolate though). She tried Korean food for the first time (was not a fan, much like her mother), and a Hungarian dish that CP made (which went over better). Other than pineapple she still gobbles fruit up like it is her job and will suck down pouches if we are on the run and out of snack foods.

Diapers: Seventh Generation Size 4 diapers during the day and Pampers Overnight Size 4 before she goes to sleep.

Clothes:  18 month clothes, some 2T clothes.

Illness: Double ear infection. Threw up at daycare one day but no fever and was fine afterwards.

Other highlights: First dentist visit (was not a fan). With the snow melting, she enjoyed stomping her feet in puddles on the sidewalk. I had a grand idea to give her a bubble bath but Izzy freaked out when she only saw bubbles and we had to abort the bath. 

First Easter egg hunt. Izzy did fine but it was the other crazy parents that were taking eggs for their kids. WTF?

Izzy's one egg

First Easter bunny visit. CP and I thought that she might be scared but Izzy couldn't wait to give the big bunny a huge hug!

So cute!

Loves her car (consignment sale find). 

This month we started to let Izzy watch 30 minutes of Sesame Street on the weekends. She especially loves Cookie Monster and Elmo.

Microblog Mondays

It's Monday but I'm still excited about the day! Yesterday I bought the Fitbit Charge HR and couldn't wait to wear it. Sadly my Nike Fuelband died months ago and I have lacked motivation to exercise (other than walking) since starting the meds for the frozen transfer and especially since the miscarriage. The last time I ran was January 17th for only 2 miles- YIKES!!

I would like to lose a little weight before I start fertility meds again as I am not really fitting into my jeans right now. :-( Tonight I plan on looking for a mid-May race so that I keep myself accountable.

Today it is forecasted to get up to 59 degrees here in Chicago (!) and armed with my new Fitbit I'm ready to burn some calories with a run with Buster during lunch (I'm working from home today). Wish me luck as I'm sure I will be walking a bunch!

Interested in reading more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

My fearless little girl has started to sport some "war wounds" from all of her crazy activities. Thankfully the wounds fade quickly and don't seem to bother her. Hopefully she is learning from these incidents??

Cheek bruise

Forehead bruise and nose road rash

As long as these stay minor bumps and bruises I'm okay. I have never broken a bone in my body- it would be nice to be able to say that about Izzy as well!