Neck surgery

(pictures included in this post- you have been warned)

Today is Tuesday, 4 days after my neck surgery to remove a thyroglossal duct cyst and I am starting to feel a bit better. 

Friday morning I woke up to shower early since I knew that it would be a few days before I could get clean again. I drove out to the hospital by myself and arrived at 6am while CP stayed behind to get the kids to daycare (he took an Uber to the hospital). I had 1.5 hours of talking to nurses/doctors, getting prepped for surgery, and crying (and feeling stupid) because I was nervous that something was going to go wrong. I even started to write CP a "just in case I die" email but got interrupted by a nurse and never finished.) Before CP arrived I was given a sedative and I don't even remember being wheeled out of my room and into the operating room (7:30am).

Surgery went well (~two hours) and I woke up in recovery, crying a bit after I woke up because I was so happy that I was alive. I totally get that I was being over dramatic and there was a very small chance that something was going to go wrong, but I was emotional from my period and worried that I am pushing my luck with surgeries. That morning I realized that since CP and I have gotten engaged, I have had FIVE surgeries- three where I have had to go under general anesthesia (cyst removal in my back, fibroid/endo surgery, and now neck surgery) and two spinal/epidurals (c-sections). That is ridiculous!!! I consider myself a healthy person and yet FIVE surgeries since 2009??

Anyway, I slowly came out of anesthesia and started to suck on some ice chips, moving to dissolving a graham cracker in my mouth before I was moved to my own room. CP was able to join me and tell me how drop off had gone with the kids (Wes cried). We learned how to take care of the drain in my neck as I shook off the anesthesia, took a pain pill and I was headed home by 1:30. 

Home

CP dropped me at home as he grabbed lunch and pick up my medications from a pharmacy, I went upstairs to take a nap. Unfortunately when I woke up, despite elevating my head/neck, a bunch of blood had pooled. 

I called my doctor and sent some pictures because I was worried about what was going on. She let me know that there was a slight hole where the drain was coming out of my neck (see the tubing that ran into my shirt) and it likely was leaking blood onto the gauze. She had me take off the gauze and tape as she didn't want the steri strips and the stitches to be wet for the next week.

Here is what it looked like underneath:

CP picked up the kids from school as I rested on the couch. As soon as Wes got home he wanted me to pick him up (I'm not supposed to) and "play trains." Dinner that night was rough as it hurt to swallow. CP made chicken pho which was delicious, but I basically could only suck down some broth. Sleeping that night was rough because I slept elevated in the bed but a couple times during the night felt some blood dripping down my neck. I was also told to every once in a while squeeze the tubing down to the bulb to make sure that the blood/liquid was draining properly.

Saturday was more of the same- pain pills, resting, and having trouble eating while CP took the kids to the farmers market. I tried to nap but Izzy was making too much noise during her quiet time so I gave up after an hour. Pho went down slightly better than Friday night, but I still was having trouble with the noodles. Sleeping went a little better and CP was nice enough to sleep on the couch for a second night so that I could have the bed to myself, propped up.

Sunday I took a pain pill in the morning but decided that I was done with them. I just don't like the way that they make me feel. My mom picked up Izzy for a day in the city and a play (Peter Pan) and CP took Wes to see animals at a local attraction while I tried to rest, but really cleaned the kitchen and floors because they were really bothering me. I was able to get in touch with my doctor and because I was draining less than 30ml, she took the drain out that afternoon! She said that everything is looking good and that the fact that my neck is starting to itch is a really good sign. CP made chili and I was able to eat it. I am going to be so sick of soft foods and chili by the end of this!

Drain out and hole closed

Yesterday I had trouble getting up after helping CP get the kids out of bed and dressed so I slept until 9am and then dragged myself out of bed. I had a few conference calls and worked for 7 hours. 

Today I am a bit more swollen because I didn't elevate my head as much as I probably should have last night. The good news is that the lab results have come back from my cyst and it was benign! (It is rare for a thyroglossal duct cyst to be cancerous.) I will work from home all week, seeing the doctor for my post-op appointment on Friday. Hopefully my throat will start to feel normal soon!

Today

Freaking out

It's 10:20pm...the night before my neck surgery and I am freaking out. This surgery is certainly somewhat elective in that it is not an emergency (at least right now) and I am picking the date/time to get it done. I would rather have control over that instead of having to rush in for emergency surgery where I am possibly having trouble breathing because my cyst became infected. That being said, I am feeling super guilty that I am having the surgery because what if something happens to me? Wes, just turning two, wouldn't even remember his mother. Izzy probably would but how much would I screw up the kids if their mother went in for an elective surgery, said goodnight to them the night before, and then died on the operating table?

I know, this is all doom and gloom but I had similar worries when I was going in for my c-section with Wes. I mean, you never know if something is going to go wrong during surgery. (CP noted last night when I was talking to him about this that something could happen to me any day so why freak out about this? I agree to an extent...) This shouldn't be a scary surgery, but I am going under general anesthesia and there are always risks. 

However, there is nothing that I can do about it now. The surgery is tomorrow whether I like it or not. Please send good thoughts my way starting around 7:30am tomorrow for about two hours or so. I hope to be updating the blog at some point this weekend with my new large neck scar. If I never update this blog again, well, then you know that something went very wrong. I'm hoping that I am just freaking out for no reason whatsoever. Fingers crossed.

Keeping our doctors busy

I thought that over the summer the doctor's visits would slow down but the kids (and me with my physical therapy appointments for the plantar facsiitis) have been keeping our insurance company busy!

Two weeks ago at daycare I got a call in the morning that Wes had done something to his finger while outside. They weren't quite sure what and they weren't requiring us to pick him up, but he was bleeding through band-aids and wouldn't stop crying. I won't post the picture but he somehow managed to shave skin off of the top of his left ring finger and lose part of his fingernail in the nail bed. I picked him up early and decided not to take him to the doctor, instead cleaning the wound myself and putting a band-aid on it, but of course between Wes putting his fingers in his mouth constantly from what is likely teething  and taking the band-aid off constantly, the finger became infected and necessitated a trip to the doctor. No biggie, he is put on antibiotics, we continue to put neosporin and band-aids on, and the finger starts to get better.

A week later, Izzy is acting like a maniac. I mean, she's 4.5 so she is not the best listener right now, but this was BAD. Actively doing the exact opposite of what we were telling her to do, refusing to do certain things, etc. Then also having pee accidents after being trained for two years now. CP finally takes her to the doctor and it turns out that she has strep or similar infection. Last time she got hives, this time it was a swollen lymph node (which we didn't see until it was pointed out to us), pee accidents, and defiance. I'm not sure what it will be next time! Now that she is on antibiotics she is doing much better.

Fast forward to Saturday night when we went over to a friend's house for a BBQ. I put bug spray on Wes, but could see that he was getting bitten so I stayed inside with him for half the night. However, the damage was already done. Poor guy had bites on his neck and face and looks like he has some exotic disease. 

He woke up yesterday from a nap with a slightly swollen eye....

.....then this morning he woke up with an eye that was completely swollen shut! 

Of course CP is in Italy for work so I called the doctor and they wanted to see him to make sure all was okay. For now he has some topical antibiotic to put on the bites because despite giving him a bunch of Benadryl, he is still itching and has opened up the bites. :-(

I'm ready for all of the doctor's visits to stop!



FYI- For anyone that uses Blogger comments are NOT getting emailed to your inbox (if you have turned that setting on). Hopefully the fix happens soon!

Catching up

I feel like I have no time to blog anymore! This will have to be a short one, mostly with updates.

*I had to push back my neck surgery from June to July because my doctor doesn’t want me traveling for at least two weeks after the surgery. We are scheduled to go camping in Door County, WI for a week less than two weeks after the surgery, so now the surgery will be July 20. 

*CP decided to join Weight Watchers! I was surprised that he was interested but he lost about 15 pounds after he started running a few times a week last year and has since stayed steady. He was getting frustrated that he wasn’t losing any more so this week he joined. He hung out with a work friend on Tuesday night and was shocked to blow through most of his points for the week after three beers, a Reuben sandwich, and fries.  I suspect he will also have an awakening after he starts to seriously track his food intake.

*I was selected to be part of a prestigious leadership program that would have had a few weeks of travel over the next year. A few days before I was scheduled to go, my division’s participation was cancelled by higher ups (no reason given but my boss seems to think it was money-related). To say that I was frustrated would be an understatement. It underscored how unhappy I am at my current job and how, although I have said this before and obviously not followed through, I think that it is time to leave after 10 years here.

*Leaving is not super easy though because I want to leave my industry and move to a new one. So I reached out to friends and contacted two different career counselors to see how they can help and how much money it would cost. I don't just want to jump to any job but I would like to plan out my career a little more. Fingers crossed I can do that with one of these counselors and that it is within our budget.

*Speaking of lots of money, our new patio goes in next week while I am out of town for work. I'm excited to have not only a nice patio but new patio furniture as well! It's actually been warm enough recently where we could eat outside if we had a patio so hopefully we can do that soon.

*Getting older sucks. I have been having trouble with my contacts for a while- blurry vision, dry eyes by the end of the day, etc. so my doctor prescribed some eyelid wipes and a different contact solution. Neither worked so my next step is daily contacts which are more expensive.....and of course the only ones that my eyes will tolerate are the most expensive ones. I also updated my glasses as it has been about 10 years but I wore them all day today and like usual, my nose hurts from not being used to glasses. :-( I should seriously look into LASIK so that I don't have to deal with this anymore.

*My plantar fasciitis has not gone away despite wearing my oh-so-sexy night splint and orthodics every day. This week I made it worse by playing softball with colleagues- running to first base after a hit was painful! The day after was spent working from home, alternating icing my foot and stretching. My next step is to start physical therapy at the end of the month. I've got races to run later this year and I need to start running!

*CP and I were going to spend the weekend mulching but now it is supposed to be cold and rainy all weekend. Then on Mother’s Day I have to drive down to St Louis for a work meeting that starts Monday morning. Booooo. At least I will be out of the office for most of next week.

What is new with you?

Neck surgery

Despite being a fairly healthy person, it looks like I am headed towards a surgery under general anesthesia in June. Remember when I was going to the doctor about the new Adam’s apple that suddenly showed up in my neck? Well after the ultrasound and visit with my pcp, it was determined that it was a cyst that could be removed.

So I made an appointment with a general surgeon to discuss its removal. He spent only a few minutes with me but concluded that he would want me to see an ENT first because it may not be a normal cyst but a thyroglossal duct cyst.  Last week the ENT said she was 95% sure that the special cyst is what I have. :-(

A thyroglossal duct cyst is congenital, so it was something I was born with. Most of the cysts are found while the child is young but in my case, I got sick in January and mine decided to pop out at age 39. :-/ The problem is that now that we know that there is fluid in there, if it gets infected I would need to have quick surgery to remove it.

The surgery itself is a bit more involved than just removing the cyst because if it is not done correctly then the cyst can reoccur. The doctor not only has to remove the cyst but also a part of my neck bone (she assured me that I didn’t need it- HA!). They cut at a crease in your neck as to minimize scarring but I will still have a fairly prominent scar on the front of my neck which sucks. I will probably be out of work for a week or so but could work from home if I feel up to it. Depending on how much they have to move around other parts of my neck I could be in pain and only eating soft foods for a week or so.

I thought about waiting until the fall to get it done but I would rather plan out the surgery, make sure CP is in town (he had a last minute trip to Ireland last week) and that I won’t miss major events at work. So, the surgery is scheduled for Monday, June 18th which is the earliest I could have the surgery...and really the only week that I didn't have major things going on at work until mid July...and that wasn't necessarily ideal because it will be Wes' 2nd birthday on July 15th.

So...getting cut open once again is happening in a month and a half. In the meantime I have an MRI on Thursday and a pre-op appointment at the end of the month. I will need to invest in a large hat for this summer, a lot of suntan lotion to lather up the incision site, and probably some scarves for work so that I don't freak people out. Does anyone have any recommendations on scar-reducing creams? 

Nighttime potty training

Izzy has been potty trained for basically two years now but we are nowhere close to potty training her at night. Every morning she wakes up with a full pullup and has maybe woken up dry two times ever?

This past week I talked to a neighbor who let me know a while back and she used a sensor on her oldest to wake her up when she was urinating. On Friday night we put the sensor on Izzy and were a bit confused when the sensor never went off during the night and Izzy slept in until 8am (not normal). Izzy peed at least once during the night in her bed and woke up wet but apparently slept right through it. The sensor obviously didn't work but apparently getting wet throughout the night also didn't wake Izzy up, so we needed to try something else.

Our neighbor had given us a second sensor that she said she didn't like as much because it wasn't quite as loud, but it had the ability to not only sound a loud alarm, but also vibrate when clipped to the kid's shirt so we tried that Saturday night. Izzy drank less than 8oz of milk at dinner (finishing by 6:45 or so). Izzy tried to go potty before bed but didn't have to pee and was in bed around 8pm (she peed in between dinner and heading upstairs). CP and I settled in to watch a movie in the basement (The Big Sick- which btw was really good) and at 9pm we hear a loud alarm on the monitor. I race up the two flights of stairs and try to wake Izzy up but she is practically dead to the world. I manage to get her into the bathroom but she is so out of it and has already emptied her bladder. I change Izzy and change her sheets, putting on a second set and she goes right back to bed.

CP and I continue watching the movie and watch a little Saturday Night Live before heading up to bed around 10:45. We are just settling into sleep when at 11pm, the sensor goes off again. We rush into Izzy's room and CP has an even harder time getting her up and on the toilet while I strip the bed once again and put on new sheets. She had fully emptied her bladder again before getting to the toilet so back to bed she went.

2:30am rolls around and CP and I are dead asleep ourselves when the sensor goes off again! Damn girl! Once again we have to try to wake her up and essentially carry her to the bathroom where she doesn't do anything on the toilet because she has already emptied her bladder. At this point I have run out of sheets for her so we put her back into bed with a pullup on.

The next morning she wakes up and has NO IDEA that we had to wake her up three times throughout the night. She doesn't remember any of it. But she is pretty excited because her pullup is dry (*shakes head*). I know that I have bragged about Izzy sleeping through a fire alarm going off in our house, but this is somewhat scary.

We decide that we will put another pullup on Sunday night and on Monday I emailed her pediatrician to find out if we should be worried. He replies that for a heavy sleeper, this is normal and that she is simply not ready to use a pullup. If she is still not nighttime trained by age 7 then we need to start talking about what is going on, but otherwise she is just fine. He did add that if she is constipated then she will have a problem nighttime training but I don't think that is a problem for Izzy.

So....we wait and hope that her body figures out the nighttime thing sometime in the next 2.5 years.... Since Wes is a fantastic sleeper and has put himself to sleep while a fire alarm has GONE OFF in his room and throughout the house, I feel like we are going to have the same problem with him. However, I would much rather take a good sleeper that takes longer to nighttime potty train than one that wakes me up all of the time or has trouble sleeping in general. 

BTW, thank goodness for Good Nites bed pads. We put them between the sheets and Izzy's mattress cover and they helped to keep the mattress cover dry!

PF again

Yesterday I was able to get in to see a podiatrist about my heel issue that has plagued me since November. I have been trying to listen to my body more so that I could give the doctor more information about what was happening and when.

The heel cups that were supposed to provide more cushioning in my shoes didn’t seem to do anything so I clearly didn’t have a bone contusion. Based on his exam and then my more detailed description of what is going on, the doctor thinks that I have Plantar Fasciitis again. However it has presented itself in a different way than last time so that’s why I was convinced that it was something different. At least I am not trying to train for a half marathon right now like last time! (Sadly, I had to drop out of the Ragnar team race in May.)

The plan is to wear a night boot until the pain goes away. 

My new sexy night boot

It was tough to sleep with last night but it was also REALLY nice to not hobble out of bed this morning at 5am when Wes woke up crying from crusted snot all down his nose and an ear infection. The doctor also gave me stretching instructions and a pair of orthotic insoles for my high arches. Now that I have had this for a second time, I am going to be more prone to it so the doctor recommended that I continue to wear the orthotics even after I get better. Reading back on the last time that I had PF, I also had gained a bunch of weight right beforehand....sort of like last year so I bet that there is some correlation. Even more incentive to continue with Weight Watchers!

I am not allowed to run or do any high impact stuff until the pain is gone for a week so I will have to stick to the low impact T25 stuff and not run despite the nicer weather in the forecast. Fingers crossed I can get rid of the pain in the next couple of weeks so that I can be back to normal!

The looming big 4-0

In a little more than 8 months from now I will turn 40. The nice thing about being the youngest person in my class all through growing up and even through college is that I see everyone turn the big 4-0 before me- although being the last one to drive and the last one to turn 21 was a little difficult. Often times women and mothers do not prioritize themselves or their health. I was going down that road this year before I decided that dammit, I'm going to be 40 and I don't want these things to bother me for years down the road when I can fix them now.

Weight

Part of that thinking is why I joined Weight Watchers. So far I am down 6 pounds which is a start. I hope that is a much bigger number by the time my birthday hits in December.

Working Out

I have also prioritized working out. It took me a bit because I was waiting for my heel to get better, but I decided that I was done with that excuse and started the Beachbody T25 workout. At first I was freaking out because I knew that I wouldn't be able to commit to doing the workout 6 days a week....normally that would have kept me from even starting the workout. However, as long as I am consistent and okay with the fact that I may not see results quite as quickly, I'm still doing the workout, just over a longer period of time. Currently I am doing the videos 4 times a week and trying my best to get 10K steps a day otherwise. I am definitely quite sore after the workouts which is a great sign. This month I also joined a 30 day pushup challenge and I've done the pushup workout every day so far this month (today is 2 sets of 20 pushups!). 

Smile

For the past few years now I have been self conscious of my smile because my teeth moved after wearing a night guard in law school. I almost had braces put back on my teeth back when we lived in CT, but then held off because we were trying to get pregnant (to no avail) and it would have required surgery. My teeth moved back for the most part, but I still have a gap between the bottom and top sets of teeth that bothers me. At my last dentist appointment, my dentist mentioned that whenever I wanted to fix the bond on my front tooth (from hitting my tooth on a tile floor when I was 5 or 6 and had just gotten my adult tooth) because it was stained, he could help me with that. I thought about it for a few weeks and decided yes, I am going to put a new bond on and have the bond length match my other front tooth. It won't completely cover the gap but it will cover some of it.

Hair

The grays in my hair have been around for a while, but more recently I have needed to dye them more often because they seem to be noticeable after only a few weeks. I will continue to prioritize that and making the time because I am not quite ready for a full head of gray hair yet. I have also found a few gray hairs in my eyebrows and pluck them immediately!

Lump

Finally, earlier this year I freaked myself out because I found a lump in my neck, sort of where an Adam's apple would be on a man. I got it checked out because after consulting WebMD it could have been something wrong with my thyroid, but thankfully it is a cyst. I'm not sure WHY my body produces all of these random cysts and for about a week or two I was adamant about not doing anything about it because I was afraid of a scar on my neck (I have a big scar on my back from removal of another, larger cyst). However, the cyst isn't going away and I'm starting to see it in pictures. It is only going to get bigger so it's time to get it removed and hopefully the scar won't be too big.

So there you have it. I'm doing my best to start my 40s with my best foot forward!

Staying busy since Christmas

We have certainly stayed busy since Christmas.

Working on the house

I did have to go into work the day after Christmas, but the rest of that week I took off so that CP and I could do some work around the house while the kids were at daycare. The first day was spent organizing the unfinished part of our basement- figuring out what could be taken to Goodwill, what needed a new home somewhere else in the house, what could be organized on the shelves, and what just needed to go into the garbage.

The mess that was the unfinished section of the basement

The pile of stuff to donate or throw out

Organized!

Organized stuff!

The second day we were a bit lazier as we took the kids out to breakfast and spent some time at Home Depot, but we still got a few things done. On the final day we painted parts of the basement (mostly concrete) that were untouched during our house rehab, hung out some wires for the kids to put their artwork on, and hung up two picture compilations of the kids from birth to 11 months old.

The new hallway after the house remodel....the new wall on the left got painted but other parts did not

The part that didn't get redone

New paint! Can't wait to get rid of the stairs, but that's a project to be done after we do a patio outside

Kids artwork on the wall!

Racks to organize Izzy's art supplies in the basement

Buster

One of the places I dropped off some stuff was some of Koda and Buster's stuff to the local animal shelter. CP and I decided that we aren't quite ready for another animal just yet and even then, we would like to start over with new stuff. So the shelter got dog beds, leashes, bowls, a soft cone, etc. As I was dropping the stuff off at the shelter I SO wanted to go into the back to see what kind of dogs and cats were back there to take one home, but thankfully the office was closed off from the adoptable pets so I didn't have a chance to check any out. CP and I agree that we should wait until we at least come back from our trip to CA later this month....afterwards, we'll see. We still have pictures up in a few places in the house of Buster and Koda and every so often, I just start to cry (last time was yesterday when walking upstairs to put Wes to bed....he pointed at a picture of Buster when he was just a puppy and said "arf arf.") :-(

Izzy's speech

Before Christmas and probably only one week after I wrote up Izzy's 4 year old update, she started to say the letter "s" before consonants! Her teachers in Pre-K have been working on it with her but it literally was like a light switch went off in her head one day and she came home and would slow down to say the word or correct herself. Chris and I were pretty excited because it is much easier to understand her, but we were also a little sad because it means that she is growing up so fast!

Mama!

Speaking of words, guess who is now walking around saying "mama" all the time? That's right- Wes! This is doubly exciting because he is NOT saying "dada" so I win! I kid of course but I did have three months of Izzy saying "dada" before she started to say "mama" so this is payback CP! Lol.

New Years Eve

New Years Eve was spent with friends who have an 8 year old daughter. Izzy totally looks up to her and surprisingly, they have a lot of fun together so it was a fun night. CP made Cajun food- duck gumbo, shrimp & grits, corn/tomato side dish, and a collard greens side dish. It was delicious! Our friends left around 10:30 to get their kid to bed; Izzy then went to bed (which means she was cranky the next day). I went to bed before midnight but CP came up at 11:59 to go to bed so technically we were up at midnight? :-)

Stitch Fix

I got my latest Stitch Fix this weekend and decided to cancel the service because the only thing that I kept was a necklace (mostly because it was only going to cost me $5). The clothes just don't fit right and one pair of pants the stylist sent because it is "on trend" right now. I am not an "on trend" kind of girl and could care less about that. I would rather go to Loft and buy clothes there since I seem to really like the patterns/styles and they fit me well. 

Ice skating lessons for Izzy

Izzy took beginning ice skating lessons right after Christmas and by the second night started to get the hang out getting up onto her skates after falling and gliding a little bit. She enjoyed herself so hopefully we can find some time to take her again this winter to practice her new skills.

Izzy is in the black coat

Wes in the ER

Finally, Wes decided on New Years Day, after I didn't get quite enough sleep the night before, to get sick enough to necessitate a trip to the ER. I could tell that he was having trouble breathing and he was constantly coughing so we broke out the nebulizer....which made him better for about an hour, hour and a half before he would start to take a turn for the worse again. His ped was concerned that the treatments weren't helping him for the whole four hours inbetween so off to the ER we went at 8pm where he promptly spiked a 102.3 fever and started wheezing. He tested positive for RSV and they finally got his fever down, but we ended up getting admitted for the night. Wes refused to sleep in the baby cage like last time, so around 1:45am he finally fell asleep on the twin bed with me. I didn't sleep well because throughout the night I would have to give him a breathing treatment, or the nurse would come in and need to check his breathing, etc. Thankfully he were released the next day and he only needed the nebulizer for another day before he started to get better. I most likely caught RSV from Wes and have been battling a terrible cold since then. 

Waiting in the ER with a fever

Feeling better the next day and trying to hide from me

Okay, that's probably enough for now. How has 2018 treated you so far?

Pre-Christmas Bullets

Let's post about something other than a birthday, shall we? But because Christmas is only in a few days, I only have time for bullets.

• While TX was a fantastic experience and I'm really glad that I went, it totally screwed up my workout routine. I had been running 3 times a week and the weekend before I left ran 9.3 miles. I only had the opportunity to run twice while in TX and when I got back, I felt out of shape. I have run a couple of times, but have started up T25, a Beachbody workout that I forgot I bought the DVDs secondhand about a year ago. So far so good as the workouts are only 25 minutes long so I can do it in the morning, but with the dark mornings it sure is hard to get up. Plus....I have been having heel pain in my left foot for the past couple of months. I pushed through it but I definitely hobble when I get up in the morning, so I finally went to see a doctor about it. No break, but I likely have a deep tissue contusion, probably from the pounding from running (which has not been helped by the jumping/ high impact workouts from T25), so I have been ordered by the doctor to do low impact stuff for the next few weeks and wear heel cups to lessen the impact of walking. Fingers crossed my heel gets better soon!

• In the meantime, CP got some scary results of some bloodwork (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.) so he has been running three times a week on the treadmill at night after the kids are asleep. I am PSYCHED about this because he is doing great. He watches Narcos on tv and works out for 45 minutes. Hopefully this will help get his body in better shape.

• We also have changed our diet to eat more vegetarian meals. Here is what we put together:

1. Goals
   1. Eat healthy
   2. Lower food bills
   3. Faster prep during week
   4. Lose weight
2. Weekly Dinner Structure
   1. 3 day x vegetarian
   2. 1 day x egg or fish as protein
   3. 1 day x pasta
   4. 1 day x  eat out
   5. 1 day x no-rules day
3. Rules of the House
   1. Dinner should include:
      1.        Main
      2.        Veggie Side
      3.         Grain/ carb
      4.      Fruit dessert during the week
   2. No sugary sweets to be purchased
   3. No ice-cream purchased at grocery store
   4. Reduce cheese to < 8 oz/ week for house
   5. Use whole grains where practical
   6. Use  lean meats where practical

• So far I think that it is going well. I don't miss meat and usually end up having it on the day that we eat out and on Saturday, which is usually our "no rules" day. During the week for breakfast I have something with eggs and for lunch, I have been bringing veggies with usually some kind of soup from our freezer. CP has lost some weight between running and our new diet, I haven't seen a change so far...which leads me to the next bullet....

• I'm contemplating getting rid of my IUD. Sure it's nice to not have a period as often, but I have little to no interest in being with CP throughout most of the month and I have gained weight. Plus I keep seeing reports on birth control causing cancer. Why is it always on the woman to prevent pregnancy? After the New Year I am seriously considering sitting down CP and having a talk that he needs to get a vasectomy done. We know we don't want anymore kids and I want to feel normal again. I am not going through any more surgery, so it's time for him to step up. I don't think that the talk is going to go well, so wish me luck!

• Finally, with Christmas upon us I think that I am a little bit depressed to be in a dog-less home. We have ornaments on the tree with pictures of both Buster and Koda, a magnet of both dogs up in the house, and a picture we bring out every Christmas of the two dogs and my sister's first dog (still alive, but it is an amazing picture of all three dogs in front of the Christmas tree). I see dogs in our neighborhood, on tv, etc. and they just make me sad. Buster's death, most likely because he was so young, feels so....unfinished. :-(

• I think that I have said this before, but I do think that it is important to have a pet around when kids are young because they learn valuable skills like taking care of something other than themselves and for infants, learning "gentle" is key. CP and I have discussed possibly getting a cat because although I am not a huge fan of them (maybe I could be?), they are easier and less expensive to take care of (meaning they don't eat $100 worth of food a month and need to go to doggie daycare while we are at work). We'll see. I think that I am more ready to have another pet in our lives than CP right now because our house feels so empty. Maybe sometime this spring we can visit a shelter to see if there is a cat to bring into our family.

• Next week CP and I took off the week to work on some projects around the house while the kids are at daycare. Hopefully we are able to get a lot done!

I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate it). This can often be a hard time of year for people, but hopefully it is full of fun, laughter, and great memories with people that you love. 

My poor two boys

It's Friday and I'm exhausted after this week.

Buster

All week CP has been running errands and buying needed items for the house while he waits to start his new job on Monday. One of those errands was an appointment for Buster at the surgeon's office. Back in February I noticed that he was doing some weird walking and that he was having trouble going up stairs and jumping into our cars to go to daycare. We had xrays done and found out that he had partial tears of his ACLs in his hind legs.  Since then we have tried to keep him fairly quiet with no long walks and definitely no running with me. The rental house has been good though because it is a ranch so he hasn't needed to go up and down stairs and we ended up putting a lot of rugs down so that he had an easier time walking around and getting up from laying down.

About a month ago, I started to have to make him walk on the grass during our walks because he was dragging mainly his back right paw while walking. Sometimes he would come home from a walk bleeding from his nail because he had dragged it too much. He also started having a lot more trouble getting up from laying down (one or both of his back legs would slip on the floor and splay out to the side), he changed his stance for peeing, and one of his back legs often would get caught on the other leg like he didn't have control of it. We decided that this was not fair to Buster and even though he hadn't completely torn his ACL, he was likely in pain and needed to start the surgery.

We were all set to get Buster into the $4400 surgery (gah) Tuesday afternoon, when the surgeon called and said that Buster's liver test came back a little elevated. It could just be because he didn't eat that morning as it wasn't too off, but it could mean that he has some sort of kidney disease. But the surgeon also said that based on his appointment with Buster, he felt like we should see a neurologist to get Buster checked out for some sort of nerve disease or cancer of the spine. He said that it is improbable that two partially torn ACLs would cause all of the problems above and that he may not need the ACL surgery if he has a growth on his spine. After some debate because seeing a neurologist (especially if he has to have an MRI) is going to be expensive, we made the appointment for next week. 

Right now I am trying not to think about it too much because we don't have any answers. But everytime Buster scrapes his paw on the floor while walking or has trouble getting up from laying down, I wonder if it is because he is in pain from something on his spine. Or if he has cancer. We will hopefully have more answers next Friday, until then Buster is getting extra attention from me.

Wesley

Meanwhile, poor Wesley's first birthday is tomorrow. He came home from camping with a bunch of mosquito bites which at least one other parent at daycare was worried about (and remarked to a teacher). We kept joking about Wesley's chicken pox with the teachers during pickup/dropoff this week. Then CP got a call yesterday afternoon that his teacher noticed that he had a few more red bumps on his stomach that he didn't have earlier in the week. CP ran Wes over to the doctor (note: we currently are insurance-less until Monday) and it turns out that he has Hand Foot & Mouth disease. *face palm* I didn't put Wes to bed Wednesday night (CP did) and didn't see him in the morning as I had left for work at that point so I had no opportunity to see extra spots and CP doesn't remember seeing any either. I just feel so terrible that he has mouth sores and isn't going to be feeling great for his birthday. (Fingers crossed Izzy doesn't get it!)

Wes as I was putting him to bed last night

My poor two boys....

Friday bullets

I have been pretty lazy recently, but here I go with bullets again!

• This weekend CP and I are going to be KID-FREE for the first time since our 5 year anniversary trip to Santa Fe back in October of 2014. We aren't going far- just downtown Chicago- but I have been looking forward to this weekend for MONTHS as a way for us to slow down and reconnect. Tonight we will be checking out Little Goat Diner (one of Stephanie Izard's restaurants- she is from Top Chef) for dinner. Tomorrow we have Hamilton matinee tickets and dinner at Mercat a la Planxa, a tapas restaurant that CP picked out. We will probably try to fit in an arts festival at some point as well. Sunday we will meet up with my parents (my mom will have been with the kids all weekend), my sister and her husband for brunch and will have to resume parenting duties at that time. But we are looking forward to some kid-free time!!
• Wes had a successful ear tube surgery on Tuesday morning. We got up super early and he was a bit cranky until after his afternoon nap, but overall was a trooper. I am crossing my fingers that this means he won't have very many ear infections going forward.

Prior to surgery. I sent this picture to CP and titled it "living up to his Chunk nickname"

• Yesterday morning on the car ride into school Izzy started talking about death. Ummm she is only 3.5 years old?!? It was sort of an awkward conversation because I think that the entire concept is over her head and I also didn't want to scare her. After a few minutes I was able to distract her when we drove by a water fountain. Man, these long car rides to/from our rental house and daycare make for interesting conversations to say the least.
• I made my first cup of coffee EVER yesterday while I was working from home. Luckily there were still some espresso coffee grinds from the last time CP made his coffee so I was able to use those to make a single shot cappuccino with milk froth and some hot chocolate mix for a homemade cafe mocha (I got CP an espresso/cappuccino maker for his birthday earlier this month). HA! I was pretty proud of myself and it wasn't half bad.

After drinking most of my concoction 

• A little more than one more month in our rental place and I am ready to be OUT. Insulation in the new rooms is complete and drywall is up, along with the siding on the new sections. Hopefully now things will start to speed up!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Birth Story/Hospital Stay Part II

Part I can be found here.

Day 2- Saturday 7/16

CP goes down at 6am to check on Wes who is on 4 liters of oxygen at 35%. For me, pumping is not going well. But I was finally able to eat real food for breakfast which was nice. At 8am I head down to the NICU with CP wheeling me in a wheelchair and hold him for an hour of kangaroo care. We also meet with his doctors who explain that they are seeing something in his lungs on the x-rays. They equate lungs to many many balloons and how during a vaginal birth, the amniotic fluid gets squeezed out of the baby's lungs. During a c-section, that doesn't always happen so because Wes still had some fluid in his lungs after birth, they "popped." So the cannula that he was currently using was helping, but it was also hurting his lungs because it was forcing oxygen into his lungs. To get away from pressurized oxygen the doctors thought that he should instead be a bubble in 100% oxygen so Wes turns into a bubble boy.

Inside the bubble

Later that day Izzy visits with my parents, pulls up my gown and asks "what's that Mommy?" when checking out my staples and incision. I'm sure it looked pretty gross. 

Because Wes is in the bubble we can't take him out to cuddle so I do my best to nap and recover while CP spends some time talking to Wes. That night I had a really rough night crying because Wes is not in the room with us and because I can't hold him. I was worried about not bonding with him and about my lack of milk production. So basically I was hormonal. 

I also felt terrible because I knew that we were fake-NICUers. Wes was born at 38 weeks and was larger than any other baby in the NICU room. The doctors were never worried about him not making it out of the NICU, but didn't know if it would take days or a few weeks. The baby behind Wes in the NICU room was born at just two pounds two months ago and still didn't weigh as much as Wes. There is really no comparison. So I felt terrible crying in the NICU and in my room about Wes being in the NICU because I know that what we were going through was peanuts compared to most other NICU babies. However, I figured at 38 weeks he wouldn't have any issues and we could have a "normal" time in the hospital so I had to acknowledge that while this was not what I thought would happen.

An Admin person in the NICU makes Wesley a sign (adorable!) and the nurses start to track his weight on it.

This day I start to get annoyed with the nurses and people parading into my room that keep congratulating us when there is clearly no baby in the room with us. You would think that they would tell the next nurse during the shift change that Wes is down in the NICU. It was also really hard to hear the other babies crying in their rooms with their parents. :-(

That night my parents Facetimed us because Izzy was complaining about her belly hurting her and of needing medicine for it (we have no medicine for it). We told her that she probably just needed to poop, however, the next day we found out that my parents took her in the car to pick up dinner and she threw up all over the car seat and car. Greeaaaat.

That night my two pumps yielded no milk to bring down to Wes. :-(

Day 3- Sunday 7/17
This morning when CP heads down to the NICU at 6am he received good news. The 100% oxygen level in the plastic bubble environment has been lowered to 48% which means Wes is tolerating less oxygen! When I head down to join CP during doctor rounds, I start crying again. Damn these hormones. Surprisingly there is not a lot of Kleenex hanging around in the NICU. I also notice just how many plugs are in the room for all of the various machines.

Sometime during the day Wes is moved from the plastic bubble back to a cannula again and afterwards I got to hold him for a blissful hour and a half (his x-rays at this point showed no more spots so the fluid was gone).

Holding my sweet baby

Unfortunately after we left he started to distress so the nurses moved him to a bigger cannula.

Back to the bigger cannula

During Izzy's visit with my parents she asked to see my owie. I showed her and the staples obviously didn't scare her because immediately she wanted to see my owie again.

This day I finally started to make some milk starting with 10ml in the morning. When we brought it down for the nurses to put in Wes' feeding tube, one of the other mothers said "way to go momma!" Made me feel good, but as a fake NICUer, I also felt terrible taking the praise. On the last pump of the day I was able to pump 20ml or more than half of Wes' feed that night so I was starting to feel a bit better about my milk production.

CP went down for the rounds that night but didn't tell me until the next day how much Wes was struggling on the bigger cannula.

Day 4- Monday 7/18
At 1am a phone call woke us up. It was the NICU calling to tell us that Wes was struggling too much with the cannula so they were moving him to a CPAP machine to force more air into his lungs. He was only needing between 30-40% oxygen (our regular air has about 21% oxygen in it) but needed the pressure into his lungs.

On the CPAP machine

That morning we went down to see him and talk to the doctors during rounds.
At this point we finally get a confident diagnosis from the foctors- respiratory distress syndrome. Basically, Wes' lungs were not ready for primetime despite the fact that he was born at 38 weeks. (Fact that I learned later on- boy lungs take longer to develop than girls.) This is usually a problem in premies but we were lucky enough to have it happen to Wes. Doctors were confident that Wes would be home by his due date.

While I am happy that we had a diagnosis and that it was treatable with no long term effects, I started bawling in the NICU because I felt responsible. Even though I pished back on delivering at 37 weeks and got the c-section moved to 38 weeks, I thought that was safe. I could have waited another week. I could have pushed harder for a steroid injection to help develop his lungs faster before 34 weeks (my doctor said it wouldn't be necessary).

Poor Wes looked terrible on the CPAP machine. Every hour or so the nurses had to clear water that had collected from condensation from the machine. He just looked uncomfortable and I felt responsible. As the doctors were leaving rounds, a younger one came up to me as I was crying and said "he's going to be just fine." I know she was trying to comfort me but it was obvious that she didn't have any kids and had no idea what a post-birth hormone crash felt like. I told her that I knew that and that I was very hormonal.

After rounds CP did some kangaroo care with Wes for over an hour while we talked and I took pictures. My boobs started to get harder as the day wore on- I knew what that meant- my milk was coming in! I finally started to pump more than what Wes was eating (35 ml).

That afternoon we decided to have Chris take Izzy swimming for some special one-on-one time while my mom and I hung out with Wes.

That night CP admitted that he saw how much Wes was struggling the night before but didn't want to tell me. He said that he didn't want to worry me while I was trying to recover from my surgery. My job was to get better; his job was to take care of me and worry about Wes (awww).

Day 5- Tues 7/19
That night, I was super uncomfortable all night long. I was really bloated and seriously needed to poop but I really only saw blood.

The good news this morning was that Wes was able to get off the CPAP and was back on the big cannula. At that point he was still needing oxygen but it was at 21%. Because of this, we were allowed to see how a feeding went (breastmilk from a bottle). He sucked it down quickly and had no respiratory distress- great job buddy!

For Wes' next feeding I was allowed to try breastfeeding. I was so worried that we would have issues because Izzy had so many but he had a nice open mouth and a good latch. Yay Wes!!

Sadly later that day I am discharged without Wes. Walking out of the hospital without my baby was seriously tough. Quite a different car ride than the one where we came home from the hospital with Izzy.

Later that night CP headed back to the hospital for the 9pm feeding and found out that to the surprise of the doctors and nurses, Wes could handle being off the cannula. Now instead of a vague going home date of "soon", there is talk of possible discharge on Thursday!



Day 6- Weds 7/20
Most of the day is spent at the hospital nursing and holding Wes. He isn't requiring any oxygen at this point but the hospital needs to see that he is gaining weight before he can be discharged. The NICU nurse goes through discharge training which for Wes is just normal baby stuff. Today Wes also gets his first vaccine and is circumcised so it was a slightly traumatic day for him.

I can finally see both of his eyes!

CP goes to the 9pm feeding while I stay home with Izzy. The doctors are still talking discharge tomorrow but I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up.

Day 7- Thur 7/21
CP and I arrive at the hospital this morning cautiously hopeful for Wes to be discharged. He gained a few ounces since yesterday so the doctors make it official- he can come home! The process takes a few hours so CP and I grab lunch in the cafeteria. There is a crazy storm happening outside and just as we are heading back into the NICU the power goes out! One of Wes' doctors jokes that we should get out while we can. It's a bit chaotic because alarms are going off but as we walk out of the NICU everyone- nurses and other parents applaud. It was a great feeling. I can only imagine how big the applause must be for babies that spend much more time in the NICU!

Heading home!

The rest of the day we cuddle Wes on the couch. :-)

Wesley is also officially entered into the family with a kiss from Buster