Resigned

I feel like I should feel more disappointed or pissed that this IVF cycle is converting to an IUI cycle. Instead, I am really busy at work and a lot of my energy is focused on planning a big event so I think that I currently just don't have the capacity to get riled up about it right now.

CP and I think that there is no chance of the IUI working and we are just doing it just to do it. We have the possibility of using frozen sperm from 2013 but will keep it frozen and just use fresh samples both days (my RE likes to inseminate two days in a row). Gotta keep the frozen sperm for something that may work. Good attitude right? But I can't muster up much enthusiasm for a procedure that I have already done three times with zero success.

So we look ahead to the next cycle. I am trying to get an appointment in with the doctor at the end of the month so we can talk about what happened and what to do with the next cycle. Would using the same protocol but with Lupron suppression (what I used for my first IVF cycle) instead of birth control pills be the answer? This protocol was supposedly very good for women my age. Who knows. CP and I should have put away more money from our tax return for a second cycle; it was very arrogant of us to only put away enough for one cycle of drugs.

A friend suggested that maybe because I have been pregnant and my body knows what to do the IUI will work. I guess that is possible but I still am not holding out any hope. We'll find out soon enough.

Oct 9 & 10- IUI insemination
Oct 15- progesterone level check
Oct 22- beta

Inconclusive

I made it through Saturday's ultrasound and bloodwork appointment. I only had two measurable follicles (one around 7, another around 8) but some smaller ones popped up...so I was told to continue my higher dose of meds and come back today.

This morning I still only had two measurable follicles- one at 12.7, the other at 12.9. I have now been on stims for 10 days (day 11 would be tonight) with only two follicles to show for it. At this point during IVF cycle #1 I had already triggered.

So...only two measurable follicles and some quick research yesterday online that talked about diminished egg quality if stims are used 12 or more days. Two more issues come up as well- I am all out of Menopur and would need to rush around today to find some for tonight (as well as a little more Gonal f) AND having to think about insurance. Is this cycle worth it if best case scenario I only have two mature follicles for retrieval? I only have two fresh IVF cycles left that would be covered under my insurance plan. Who knows what my fertilization and drop off rate would be- would I even make it to transfer?

I guess I am thinking that it would be best to cut our losses right now and just transfer this to an IUI. *sigh*

I will update when I hear from my clinic.

********UPDATE***********

Just talked to the nurse. Apparently the ultrasound lady gave me incorrect follicle sizes this morning and there are two right under 13 right now. Two measurable follicles at this point is still not great so we are likely going to do an IUI for this cycle (I have to go home and talk to CP first). It is likely that the follicles will stall on their own so continuing the meds is the best chance of ovulating.

Tonight I don't have any Menopur but we will be ordering more for tomorrow. I will take the rest of my Gonal f and also get more tomorrow. I will go in for monitoring on Wednesday morning with a likely trigger on Friday, IUI on Saturday. I asked if an IUI is even worth it at this point since all three back in 2012 didn't work, but frankly, it would at least give us a shot. You know that $900 I was so excited about saving when I bought all of the drugs? Well that is likely going to go towards these extra drugs for the next few days. :-/

After the IUI doesn't work we'll have to meet with the doctor to figure out the next protocol. Maybe one WITHOUT birth control pills.

A whole lotta nothing

Yesterday I had my first monitoring appointment for IVF cycle #2 and sadly, there isn't much going on in my body. The old follicle is still there on my right ovary, doing a whole lot of nothing. I have a few small follicles on my left but no noticeable change from Friday. Bummer. Yesterday afternoon the nurse called to let me know that my hormones looked about the same as well and that I might just need some extra time to wake up my system after a few months of birth control.

I haven't had a chance to look back on my Jan/Feb 2013 posts to see what my mood was back then, but I am pretty sure that I was positive. Maybe it's the knowledge that my eggs and body are 2.5 years older, but I'm already getting anxious about this cycle.

This cycle, especially the fact that this will hopefully be a fresh cycle transfer, was one that was supposed to invoke confidence because it worked for us last time. A fresh cycle transfer resulted in Izzy. However, with a new protocol and with CP forgetting how IVF works (he wants me to give him a retrieval date so he can schedule work travel WHICH I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T GIVE HIM), I am already anxious. I'm not injecting small doses of drugs into my system right now so why isn't my body responding?

Sounds like it's time to fire up some Circle & Bloom mediation tracks.....next appointment is Thursday. Wake up ovaries!!

Commence IVF cycle #2

This has been quite a hectic two weeks after flying to NH for CP's grandmother's funeral, flying home on Monday, turning around and flying to LA for work on Tuesday, then taking the red eye on Thursday night in order to make my blood work and ultrasound appointment on Friday morning! It didn't give me a lot of time to worry about the cycle, but I was nervous when I went into my appointment. Had my fibroid grown too much? How was my lining? What about my hormones?

My nurse called yesterday afternoon with the good news. Everything looked good with most of my hormones (my FSH was 10- my clinic likes to see anything less than 10 so I just may have to push a higher amount of drugs later on in the cycle) and I still have a leftover follicle but my clinic isn't worried about that.

Last night on Day 4 of my cycle I started 300 units of Gonal f, 225 of Menopur, 100mg of doxycycline (2x a day)- an antibiotic, and 1 tablet of dexamethasone (steroid). I was very rusty at mixing everything together and my insurance company's pharmacy forgot to include antibiotic wipes (!)- luckily I had about 10 leftover from my frozen cycle earlier this year that I was able to use last night (I bought more today).

So we are off! My next appointment is on Monday and hopefully things continue to go well.

Also last night Izzy decided to tell me "Loves you" while I was putting her to bed. It was prior to me saying it to her before I left the room so she did it on her own! Best words out of her mouth yesterday. :-)

Izzy is not excited

Izzy may not be as excited and hopeful about this upcoming cycle as we are. On Labor Day we hosted a BBQ with friends and their kids (thankfully the rain held off because there were A LOT of kids). Towards the end of the party I was holding one of our friend's babies who is about 8 months old (he's a chunker but man he felt so light compared to Izzy!). Izzy saw me holding him, ran over crying saying "Up! Up!" She was NOT a happy camper.

In addition, the other day we were in the grocery store and Izzy pointed out a baby. I said, "That is a baby. Do you want Mommy to have a baby?" Her answer? An unequivocal no. Ha ha.

Well kiddo I hate to break it to you but this cycle is happening. Day 1 is coming in just two short weeks. My meds are all here and we will FINALLY be working towards creating a brother or sister for you- whether you like it right now or not. :-)

Looking forward to next month

Things finally seem to be falling into place for an upcoming cycle. We didn't end up having to meet with the infectious disease doctor about the CMV. He consulted with colleagues and did some research, concluding that about four months after an active CMV infection both partners would be good to go. Our infections were back in April so that was 5 months ago. I was able to get "okay to start cycle" letters from the doctor which were good enough for my RE.

We are shooting for a mid-Oct retrieval and transfer which if it works, has me about 8 months pregnant at my sister's wedding but that's fine. To me it's better to be very pregnant than to be with a newborn.

I called my insurance company yesterday to discuss how long it would take for them to process the specialty medications and cost. The woman that I spoke to must have recognized what the medications were for because she told me that she tried to get pregnant with her first husband for 15 years (didn't work) and it took another 5 years with her current husband to get pregnant with her now 14 mo old son. Wow. It made me so thankful that insurance pays for the IVF procedure/ultrasounds/bloodwork/etc and for some of the medication as I'm guessing she didn't go through any infertility treatment.

So medications may start coming in soon and Day 1 should be in 15 days (birth control makes this so much easier to predict). I'm looking forward to getting my schedule from my RE and finally getting this show on the road!!

Insanity

Welp, I can't get a appointment with the infectious disease doctor until September 3rd so it looks like there will be no cycling until at least some time in September. That gives both of us more time to hopefully decrease the CMV levels in our body and stay away from my sister's wedding next Memorial Day weekend. Ideally the transfer would be around mid-October so that I would be heavily pregnant, but not cutting it too close. 

Meanwhile I decided that I am somewhat sick of running (or my lack of running) so I should try something else. My abs (or lack there of) have been rather sad since Izzy's birth....they got a little better when I was running last year but since I haven't really worked on them in a number of years, I find myself really annoyed that my stomach is so weak these days.

I am also bored with 30 Day Shred. It's bad when you can quote Jillian throughout the entire video. So why not try something more difficult and work out my frustration on having to wait even longer to cycle? That's where Insanity comes in. A used copy of the program popped up on a local Facebook garage sale group and I jumped on it. I did the Fit Test today and I think that this program is going to be difficult, but doable. And it's definitely going to have me work on my core so it should be stronger by the time I start cycling.

My hope is to do the program at least 5 days a week. I know that you are supposed to do it 6 days a week with one rest day but I want to give myself more leeway, even if it stretches the program out a little longer. Wish me luck!

Have you ever done P90X or Insanity?

Hormone update

Monday I went in for another round of bloodwork and an ultrasound. My lining was still pretty thick and I had a easy period this month so it looks like that isn't going down any time soon. Not sure what my uterus thinks is so valuable and thus worth hanging onto....

My estrogen level increased to 265 (it should be under 60). Again, instead of dropping it is increasing. Grrrr. I also have a clear cyst on my left ovary measuring 30mm. 

The rest of my hormones were normal. I'll be back in the office on Monday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound to see what's going on. Here's hoping the birth control brings my estrogen level back down to normal and that the clear cyst has resolved itself! Also on Monday CP and I will be getting re-tested for our CMV levels- we are crossing our fingers we will get authorized to start a cycle later this month!

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In other news, I played softball for the first time last night. My office has a team and I agreed to be a substitute, knowing that with CP's travel schedule I couldn't be a full-fledged member. I haven't played since freshman year of high school but was still fairly effective last night. I mostly played at third base and was effective in my fielding AND had a spot-on throw to first for an out. However, in the second inning I moved laterally and pulled my groin muscle for the first time in my life! I tried to stretch it as much as possible while teammates were batting but I was in PAIN. I made contact and had three solid hits for my three times at bat (however I was thrown out at first each time- I'd like to think because my groin slowed me down), but running to first also hurt. 

I have been icing a lot and took a slow walk with Buster today at lunch (I'm working from home today). Anything else I should be doing? I fear that groins take a long time to heal...

Dr consult

This morning I had my saline sonogram. I was nervous that I was going to get bad news from my RE, but she was happy with my uterine lining and my lining doesn't need to get scraped. The only hiccup is that although my fibroid hasn't grown (it's still about 25mm) it has started to calcify (harden). This isn't a big deal and most of the time fibroids are not cancerous, but they are going to have to keep an eye on it. For now, it's small enough and outside my uterine cavity that it doesn't need to be removed. Yay for no surgery!

In terms of the frozen transfer and the miscarriage, the RE said that 65% of embryos miscarry because there is a genetic abnormality. The miscarriage could have occurred because of that, or it could have occurred because the progesterone I was taking was not enough. My RE explained that during a fresh cycle your body produces lots of estrogen and progesterone on its own and RE's supplement with progesterone because although only 20% of patients need it, it is hard to figure out who needs it and who doesn't need it and it is easy thing to do. During a frozen transfer you are just trying to prime your uterus and RE's need to heavily supplement both estrogen and progesterone. That is why, even with pumping more progesterone into my body, my levels were lower with the frozen transfer and also why I probably should have used progesterone in oil (PIO) shots. I wish that the nurse had explained this to me when I was saying no to the PIO shots, but it's too late now.

My protocol for the fresh cycle may not change very much....but it may change a bit when we re-check my hormone levels (like AMH). We are shooting for a late July retrieval in hopes that active CMV is out of my body AND CP's body (we are going to get re-tested around July 6th or so). At CP's infectious disease checkup yesterday his doctor advised us to wait 3-4 months as CP's infection numbers were sky high so we are hoping by July we will be in the clear. Otherwise August may be a tough month because of our week long vacation with friends.....but then to wait until September wouldn't be ideal either.

So a lot still up in the air but hopefully we can get moving on the fresh cycle soon......