Birth story

If there is one thing that I would have changed I would have gone to bed earlier than I did Thanksgiving night. Our guests had left after dessert so the rest of us just hung out watching Modern Family reruns. At one point I went to the bathroom and thought that I was maybe leaking amniotic fluid because my underwear was wet (it didn't seem to be the normal discharge)...but decided that I would wait a little bit see if it continued or not (spoiler alert- it did not). Finally around 11:30 I decided to head to bed after having some Turkey Day leftovers. It still wasn't hitting me that I would meet my son or daughter the next day. Right before I got into bed I'm fairly certain that I had a REAL contraction as it lasted about five minutes and was painful.  

It took a while for me to fall asleep and when I finally did, I had the weirdest dream that I gave birth vaginally to a Butterball turkey.  The hospital was like a library with other people trying to check out books while I walked around with the turkey, trying to figure out how to get it into my uterus to turn it into a child.  I was very aware that I only had so much time to attach blood vessels.  After a while of trying to get someone behind the circulation desk and not getting anyone's attention, I started to realize that this is not how it works and WTF why did I not have a child at the end of these past 9 months??  What can I say- it was quite an odd dream!

After waking up, CP and I took showers, said goodbye to the humans and dogs in our house and headed off for the hospital to be there by 9am. We were a little annoyed after checking Facebook and seeing that CP's sister posted something that tagged the two of us and proclaimed that she was very excited we were having the baby today.  We weren't putting anything on Facebook until the baby had been delivered....it's just like both of our sisters to steal the thunder from us!

On the drive over, the mood was still very relaxed. After parking the car and heading to Labor & Delivery, I was led into a room where I changed into the L&D tube top and gown. The baby's heart rate looked great on the monitor and it went up whenever she squirmed.  I think getting into the room, having the anesthesiologist come to talk to me about what would happen/the potential risks of a spinal tap, and then having my doctor and her resident come into the room to talk about what would happen/potential complications, etc completely got to me. My legs started shaking uncontrollably and my blood pressure was all over the place. CP even seemed to be a little anxious, especially once they told him to suit up in the OR scrubs.  

I was wheeled into the OR and immediately scared everyone in the room by stepping over my IV line while on the stairs leading up to the bed instead of waiting for them to fix it for me. The anesthesiologist resident gave me the spinal tap which consisted of a smaller needle to dull the pain, then the bigger needle full of the serious medication. Neither one was that painful, although I was worried that my legs shaking uncontrollably would cause him to miss and puncture something else!  Part of the way through the procedure he was called and told about lunch that day- I was thinking to myself...ummm he's a little busy not paralyzing me!!!

The medicine started working pretty quickly as I lay down on the narrow bed as doctors prepared around me. Not being able to feel from my chest down was odd. I could feel the doctor's touch as he checked my legs, thighs, and stomach but had no pain from the pinching.  As soon as everyone was ready, I started to feel a little odd from the medicine so they quickly gave me anti- nausea medicine which made me feel better. CP was brought into the room and the doctors got started.  I had no idea what was going on behind the curtain, but the nice anesthesiologist kept a conversation going which was a nice distraction. Every once in a while he would lean over the curtain and tell me where they were in the procedure. 

Pretty soon I heard " okay you are going to feel pressure" and really that was the worst part of the surgery (but still not that bad). Basically they had to press down right below my breasts which made it hard to breathe when they were trying to pull Izzy out.

Izzy immediately started with a gargled scream as soon as she hit the cold air and my doctor said "it's a girl!" I immediately started to cry in relief and happiness. CP said he got a little misty eyed as well. They brought her over to the table to clean her up a bit, weigh her, get the gunk out of her throat, etc all while we watched. Her apagar scores were 8 then 9. She was a perfect shade of pink with a ridinkulous head of dark brown, almost black hair.

After only a few minutes Izzy was in CP's arms and right next to me. The rest of the procedure is a bit of a blur as I was watching my new daughter, first off amazed that she was a girl (75% of people guessed boy because I was all belly) and secondly, shaking like a leaf. Anesthesia tends to do it to me but my arms couldn't stop shaking and my teeth couldn't stop chattering. CP held onto Izzy with one arm, taking pictures while also holding onto my arm. The nice anesthesiologist also took a few family pictures as well.

My OB found one of the fibroids- it is located behind the uterus and isn't too big right now.  We will have to keep an eye on it as it is located in a crappy area to remove it and just hope that it doesn't get too big.  The rest of the procedure seemed to take forever compared to how quickly Izzy came out, but finally I was stitched up and ready to head to the recovery area.  

Third trimester bump pictures

The final bump pictures of my pregnancy!!  It's crazy how big my bump ended up getting!

28 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks

31 weeks
What an awful maternity shirt!  It looks like a tent.

32 weeks

33 weeks

35 weeks
(Sadly I missed taking a picture for 34 weeks)

36 weeks

37 weeks

38 weeks

39 weeks

Third trimester recap

With just two days left until my C-section, I am going to assume that I can talk about the third trimester without missing out on anything exciting.  Of course I say that and I am totally going to jinx myself!!

First off, this trimester went by SO QUICKLY.  

Various pregnancy symptoms that occurred throughout the trimester included needing Tums after almost every single meal- often more than just two Tums to fully calm my stomach down.  Stairs often leave me out of breath, so I have just tried to walk up them a bit slower than usual.  I have been able to keep taking long walks with Buster, but about halfway through the trimester I started having to walk slower and would get Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the walk.  Constantly feeling hot this trimester, even if it was only 60 degrees in the house, was insane.  

During my first trimester I had a few black hairs on my chin that seemed to grow back just days after plucking them.  Thanks long-term Lupron shots!  The hair on my head grew really quickly as well.  During the second trimester the rest of my hair on my body and head grew quickly, but not the unwanted hairs on my face.  For the third trimester it was like I was back in the first trimester- legs, bikini area and underarms grew slowly, but the chin hairs were back in business.  :-/

As you guys know, I have been rather busty for a while now.  This is something that only got worse with pregnancy.  When we were little, my mom used tell me and my sister to "Check the deck" when we dropped food on our chest.  I swear I am not a gross eater but I often had to check the deck during this pregnancy (a couple of times I had to check the belly!) as soup or whatever I was eating had dropped onto my body.  Can't take me anywhere!!

At the beginning of the third trimester I had an awful six-day bout with a migraine.  Thank goodness there were baby-friendly drugs that I could take to finally relieve the pain.  I only had to take them twice again the rest of the trimester.

Starting at 30 weeks I spotted my first stretch marks on the bottom of my belly.  As of today there are more of them and they are reaching higher up my stomach, but they are still only on my belly.

At 33 weeks I found two black dots on my right nipple.  A quick check by my OB and it was determined they were normal.

At 34 weeks my engagement ring had to come off.  I'm looking forward to putting BOTH of my rings back on.

Biff decided to join Harry's party at 35 weeks. He still sucks on occasion, but didn't end up inviting any more friends.  I look forward to his and Harry's demise soon.   

At 35 1/2 weeks CP finally got to see the squirming belly.  He was transfixed as my belly moved up, around, and all over the place.  (He had felt the baby move before but hadn't paid too much attention to actually seeing it.)

That same weekend CP and I decided to tackle our last home improvement project before the baby arrived. 

Every single OB visit I have had to give a urine sample.  Every single visit I have somehow managed to get some on my clothes or hands.  Until 36 weeks.  I think that I finally have it down!  Maybe I should have taken more OPK and pregnancy tests- I would have been better at this!

Around 37 weeks- HOLY SORENESS.  Sore in thighs, hips, and lady bits area.  Waddling some days, not waddling other days.  I am the most sore when I first get out of bed in the morning or when I have been sitting for a while and first get up.  This has continued for the past two weeks and isn't super comfortable.  But to be honest, I just try to roll with it as much as possible.  It is what it is.  I shouldn't be sailing through the last few weeks of a pregnancy because that wouldn't be normal.

I'm pretty excited to be having this baby soon because I was too cheap to buy a winter jacket.  I didn't really think that Chicago would not only have snow twice already this fall, but also to have highs in only the 20s!  I have been walking around with my dad's fleece that completely zips up with the outer layer of my ski jacket that only buttons halfway down.  Yep, this is how I have been rolling this month.  It's okay, you can laugh- my sister certainly did!!

Finally, don't tell my doctor but I have been trying not to drink too much water towards the end of the night so that I don't have to get up every hour to pee.  I still get up every 2-3 hours so I am not completely dehydrated, but it is still ridiculous.  I'm looking forward to not having a little person pressing on my bladder 24/7.

All of this being said, pregnancy has been an amazing and wonderful experience.  To see my body go through a huge transformation has been crazy and I feel SO, SO lucky that it has gone so well.  To this day, I am still amazed that our first IVF worked.  As I now transfer into becoming a mother in two short days, I will continue to cheer those of you still in the trenches. Thanks for sticking with me!!

I'm READY

After we finished up a lot of our last minute preparations this past weekend, I got a weird feeling that I was actually READY to have this baby.  I was actually getting EXCITED to finally meet our child.  I mean, I have been excited about being pregnant, but throughout this pregnancy I have also been terrified of what actually comes after the baby is born.  That terror has now changed over to excitement and I have to say it comes just in time!

We have taken the necessary classes- Infant Care, Infant CPR and Choking, and the Hospital Tour.  Our Breastfeeding course is this coming weekend.  The house is in order and clean.  The nursery is put together, despite the fact that the baby won't sleep in there for a few months.  All of the baby clothes, blankets, sheets, etc. have been washed and put away.  The cloth diapers are here and ready to use.  The car seats are in and have been inspected.

I wonder if this is just a natural thing that happens as you get close to the end of a pregnancy?  Is it because I am feeling rather uncomfortable these days and not sleeping very well?  As of recently, I have been thinking how nice it will be to have my body back.  To not have swollen everything.  To be able to put on my socks without taking a breath in and holding it.  To not have crazy heartburn after simply eating a bagel.  To have a glass of wine.  To go for a run (even though that is going to be so, so, painful trying to get back into running).  To eat blue cheese and sushi again.  To maybe get rid of Harry and Biff.  To not feel as if my lady parts are bruised and beaten.  To wear something other than maternity pants (although they are so, so comfortable).

That's not to say that I am complaining at all about this pregnancy.  This has been what I would consider an easy pregnancy.  I don't have an outie, I can still shave my legs, and I have been able to exercise (lots and lots of walking) almost the whole time.  Every time the baby moves in my belly I cherish that feeling.

Maybe part of my feeling of being ready is that with a week and two days left, I worry when the baby has a slower-movement day.  I am SO CLOSE to the finish line and I can't even imagine how devastating it would be to lose my baby at this point.  I do sort of want to hurry up time and make sure that the baby is out of me and safe.

I am looking forward to finally being able to say if I have a son or daughter. I am looking forward to finally telling people the baby's name.  I am looking forward to seeing the baby's face and trying to figure out what parts of the baby are me and what parts are CP.  I am looking forward to learning about the baby's personality, likes and dislikes, and how I function as a mother.  I know that it is going to be a ROUGH and TOUGH road ahead, but I think that I am ready for it.  I am definitely more ready than I have ever been in my life.

Last minute preparations

Whoops!  I didn't mean to disappear like that, but we have been quite busy with last minute preparations before the baby arrives!

*I found our pediatrician!  I was getting nervous because it's really getting down to the wire, but every other ped that came recommended didn't take my insurance.  This dr seems like he is going to be great.  He seems like he will be easy to work with, his office is close to our house, and he has night and weekend hours.

*I took our SUV in to get the base and the car seat inspected at our local police department.  Thank goodness I did because we had it in the middle of the back seat and it shouldn't have been there!  Tomorrow I will be taking the Prius in to do the same check.

*Work held a cute baby shower for me last week.  It is going to be so weird to be out for three months.  Especially now that my boss and one of my coworkers have announced that they are retiring in January.  Our department is only 10 people so if the two of them are gone and another person is 99% getting a transfer, it's going to be a whole different office upon my return.

*This past weekend CP and I cleaned out the second bedroom.  It had been basically a junk room with a queen bed for guests, but now that we have my mom and my MIL staying with us after the baby arrives (at separate times), we needed to clean it up for their stays.  Now that it is basically clean, our house is as ready is as it going to be for the baby!!  

*This week is pretty hectic trying to fit in various social obligations before the baby arrives and makes it more difficult.  Our friends braved the awful weather on Sunday and came over to our place to hang out and watch football.  Well, they have two year old twins so not a ton of football was watched as we ran around keeping them out of various things in our house, but it was nice to see them!  Last night was my RESOLVE dinner with the currently-pregnant and currently parenting fellow infertiles.  They were all so excited that I came to the dinner at almost 38 weeks pregnant.  Tonight we are going out to dinner in the city to celebrate my dad's birthday.  Then tomorrow night I am meeting a former college track teammate for dinner in the suburbs whom I haven't seen in years (she just moved to Chicago).  After all of this I hope to sleep for an entire day.  HA!

*My hospital-grade breast pump arrived yesterday in the mail (three cheers for Obamacare!).  I opened the box and checked everything out, but will wait to fully inspect it until after the breastfeeding class this Sunday.

*I took a few minutes out of my work day yesterday to check out where I am supposed to pump after coming back to work.  They actually have a Medalla pump here and if I want to, I can bring my own tubing and supplies.  Not sure what I am going to do at this point, but doing that would save me a bunch of hassle having to drag the pump and supplies back and forth three times a week.  Then I could just keep my regular pump at home.

*The underwire on my current bras has been killing me so I thought buying a nursing bra without underwire would help these last few weeks.  I went to Nordstroms where I was told they have a large selection for women with huge melons.  They only had one style that was underwire-free (I read on one of your blogs that underwire can sometimes cause mastitis) which I ended up buying, but I think that once my milk comes in, it's not going to fit anymore.  The saleswoman said that "it will stretch", but it is currently fitting NOW.  So, uh...we'll see.

*I also bought a few nursing shirts for easy access while I am on maternity leave.  I'm not going to look sexy, but at least I will be comfortable and provide easy access.

*Koda hasn't been doing well.  The bone near her eye is jutting out more and more and now the extra eye flap (not sure what it is called) is usually covering most of her eye.  We took her into the vet this past weekend and got some ointment that is helping with the irritation, but I get more worried every day.  It doesn't seem to bother her, but I can't imagine she can see through the flap.  Twice this week she hasn't been that interested in eating or only finishes half her bowl of food which is completely unlike her.  We are not sure if it is because it hurts her to eat or if it is something else.

Poor Koda.  Check out her left eye.

*I had a dream last night that I fell off a cliff.  I woke up startled at 4am and was so freaked out, I had to putz around on my phone for a few minutes before trying to go back to sleep.  I quickly googled what that meant and it basically means that I am feeling out of control about something in my life.  Hmmm....could it be that I am having a baby in less than two weeks???

So many thoughts....

Two nights ago I headed over to a neighbor's house. She just gave birth on Halloween so I was meeting her new baby for the first time. It was pretty amazing because I have not been in the presence of a newborn since right after college (crazy huh? That's what happens when you move so much!).  My neighbor asked if I wanted to hold her baby. As I held the baby I realized that I would soon have one of my own in less than a month- WHOA.

Then last night, CP and I finally took the tour of our hospital (turns out we really didn't need it after our two trips to L & D earlier this pregnancy- oh well).  But they did show us the nursery floor and we saw a few just-born babies. Oddly enough, I almost teared up thinking of how OUR BABY is going to be in that room in a few short weeks.

I know that all first time moms are nervous about giving birth and becoming a mom. I guess I am not so nervous about the giving birth part. My fibroid/endo surgery gave me a taste of how much the c-section is going to suck- especially when I can't just lay on the couch and have CP and my mom help me- I will have a baby to take care of and I won't be able to just sleep away the pain.

But no, I worry about how I am going to react as a mother. As I have mentioned before, I didn't always think that I wanted to be a mother. I knew that I was too selfish at the time and that my relationships were not stable enough (or the men worthy enough). But after meeting CP I knew that eventually, I would like kids.

As I held my neighbor's newborn, it felt not so scary.  But then again, the newborn slept the entire time, making a few funny faces during her nap.  I thought, "I can handle this."  But this was not a screaming baby at 2am when I haven't slept in weeks.  This was not the probable pain of breastfeeding, no mommy guilt over something I likely can't control, no worrying about why the baby hasn't pooped in a few days, etc. 

Having kids means changing our life and lifestyle completely. Because we are older and more set in our ways, is that going to be harder for us?  I know we are better off because partying at bars and hanging out until the wee hours of the night is long behind us, but gone will be the days when we can come home from work and veg on the couch.  Gone will be the days when we just have to worry about the two of us and the dogs.  I know that it is going to be extremely hard, but everyone says that it is totally worth it. I wonder when I will feel that it is worth it? Is it when I hold MY child for the first time? Is it not until my kid first smiles at me?  Or is it even later?

Some people, as soon as they get pregnant, love the child inside them. I wonder if keeping the gender a surprise is keeping me from really bonding with the baby? I don't think that I am trying to protect myself in case something happens in the last few weeks.  Yes, the thought does go through my head, but for the most part I am optimistic that things will go well and in a few short weeks I will have a baby in my arms.  I have definitely felt protective of my belly and the baby throughout this pregnancy, but I can't say that I love the baby yet. I don't know anything about the baby- what it looks like, its personality, etc. For me it's hard to love something that is still not a reality.  But then I also feel bad that I don't already love the baby that has been inside me since March.

*sigh* I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head about becoming a mother. I guess I will find out some of the answers to my questions and thoughts soon enough.

You suck Biff

(You may not want to be eating when you read this)

I am very sad to report that Harry the Hemorrhoid has a new and unwelcome friend. Since I last talked about Harry, he has been a quiet tenant, really the best kind of hemorrhoid tenant you can have if you are unfortunate enough to get one.  He hasn't tried to make his presence felt for the most part and I was crossing my fingers that he would be the only surprise visitor during this pregnancy.  He really seemed like a loner and quite content to spend his days quietly hanging out to himself  (ha ha hanging).

Unfortunately, there is a new hemorrhoid in town and I have decided to name him Biff.  Biff is quite the bully and the worst tenant imaginable.  He is bigger than Harry and wants to make sure that I know that he has moved in for the long haul.  I fear that Biff may be a partier and may try to get others to crash this pregnancy as well.  :-(

I continue to not push when going to the bathroom.  I continue to not be constipated.  I continue to use the wipes with witch hazel that were helping until this weekend.  I even bought Preparation H cream to put on Biff which seemed to help a little bit, but made me feel like I was leaking something out of my butt (which I actually think is a worse feeling than the leaking from the Crinone).  I have been on numerous websites about what to do for hemorrhoids during pregnancy and the only thing that I haven't tried is a sitz bath, which can be as simple as sitting in your bathtub with warm water- I may try that tonight if I don't start to feel better.  People who go through vaginal births may talk about having to get through the "ring of fire", but I have a ring of fire going on 24/7!  Sometimes it hurts to sit.  I have now started to either hover or only put one cheek on the toilet seat because sitting down while peeing hurts too much.  And for someone that is going to the bathroom every hour while awake, the hovering is working my thigh muscles (which haven't seen a squat for exercise purposes in over 8.5 months)!

All joking aside, this really stinks.  I keep telling myself that some people have it much worse and that I should stop complaining.  That it is a very common pregnancy problem.  But it's just not a comfortable feeling and my ability to just run with whatever is going on in my body is lessening as the days tick on.  I wouldn't say that I am uncomfortable just yet (currently only in the Harry/Biff region), but my uterus has definitely been hurting more than usual these days.  And while I have been sleeping, I randomly woke up an hour before the alarm today and couldn't go back to sleep.  So I'm a bit cranky.

So yeah.....Biff you suck!!

Maternity Leave

It's no secret that the US in general has an awful policy on maternity leave.  Sure you can't lose your job through FMLA, but a lot of places don't have much (if any) benefits for women that want to spend a little time with their baby after birth.  And whadda know....my company is one of those places with no benefits.

So far I haven't complained too much about my company.  I was able to find an insurance policy that covered most of my IVF costs (the most expensive part for us was the drugs).  My insurance has also covered almost 100% of my prenatal care.  I have had no problems getting out of work to attend doctor appointments and it wasn't a problem when I had to leave work to rush to Labor and Delivery because I was bleeding.

However, when it comes to maternity leave, my company makes me sad and frustrated.  Unless I use vacation time and sick time, I will get paid exactly $0 during my maternity leave.  The ironic thing is that because we have been trying for almost three years, I have not been blowing vacation time or sick time so I have lucky saved up a bunch in case I did finally get pregnant.  Chalk up the one good thing about being infertile!

I will be taking the entire months of December, January, and February off to spend time with the baby.  As long as the baby does not decide to join the outside world early, my first day back at work will be Monday, March 3rd. I will basically use up almost all of my sick time and vacation time because we can't afford for me to not get a paycheck.

I have discussed with my boss the possibility of trying to have at least a few half days mixed into the maternity leave where I am working from home, basically just checking emails to make sure that all is well with my projects.  Some mothers that I have talked to think that this sounds crazy.  My own mother thinks that it is totally doable because two weeks after having me, she had a trial (she is a lawyer).  The day took longer than expected and she was breastfeeding so she started to leak through her suit.  But my mom is supermom and I am certainly NOT so I don't know if I will even be coherent enough to do this.  I guess I will just have to assess after about a month or so?

What do you think?  I would like to save at least a little time in case I get sick or the baby gets sick....not to mention that a vacation next year would be nice (if we can afford it of course)....

Surprises

Now that I am 34 weeks, I am quite surprised about a number of things.

*I still have an innie.  My belly button has been working on getting outie status for a long time now- recently four marks from my fibroid surgery popped up on the sides (generally I can't see them because they are inside the hole)- so I think its status may change soon.

*I can still shave my legs.  I have a friend that is two months behind me that is having problems shaving her legs, so I'm surprised.  Of course shaving does require a bit of maneuvering around the belly, but it's not too bad (and I'm NOT flexible).

*I have yet to see anything leaking from my boobs.  I asked the doctor about it at my last appointment and she said that it is okay that I haven't leaked anything yet.  

*My urge to pee increases if I stand up and/or walk.  I'll be sitting down with no urge to pee but as soon as I stand up it actually hurts and suddenly I MUST USE THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW.

*My engagement ring lasted until this weekend on my finger.  I'm hoping that I can put it back on, but considering that my hands are swollen and it's only 45 degrees out today?  Not likely.

*Due to my fair skin I think that I am not going to get a linea nigra if I haven't gotten it by now, but around 30 weeks I did have some stretch marks pop up on the bottom of my belly.  My mom had them as well when she was pregnant and said that hers went away so fingers crossed I get her genetics!  Then again, if they decide to stick around, I won't be too sad- between a C-section scar and the fact that I wasn't rocking two pieces prior to pregnancy, I can't imagine I'll be wearing anything belly-baring post-pregnancy anyway.

*This weekend family and friends were trying to guess at the gender.  My dad guessed boy because "I haven't complained much about my pregnancy."  Ummm okay.  Yes, I have had a relatively easy pregnancy, but I also may not be complaining because it took me almost three years just to get pregnant!  It's hard to complain when you finally get your wish.....

*The past two nights CP has been in major nesting mode (isn't that supposed to be my thing?).  He put together the exersaucer, the high chair, the mama roo, and some other small items.  He wanted to get things in their place before the baby came even though we won't be using some of these things for months.  It's really weird to see a high chair at the dining room table!!  Meanwhile I washed, organized, and put away all of the baby's clothes and I'm pretty sure that the baby has more clothes than me.  I know that they grow out of them quickly, but wow!  We have yet to buy a single piece of clothing for the baby- but I'm guessing we may have to buy some newborn items?  We currently only have 6 onesies and which potentially means a lot of laundry.

*In the 8.5 months that I have been pregnant, I still haven't learned that I can't rest boxes or other things that I am carrying against my belly.  I keep thinking that the belly will act like my regular stomach, but when I am carrying something, my belly doesn't like to be touched.  Weird.

What are you surprised about?

Non sequitur post

I'm not sure if the phrase "exactly 6 weeks until the C-section!" is similar to a magical kick in the butt, but uttering it on Friday seemed to spur something in CP.  Our weekend was mainly filled with friends and family as it was my mom's birthday on Friday (we had a delicious dinner in Chicago to celebrate) and then my second baby shower on Saturday.  I didn't get to bed until after midnight both nights so I was dragging on Sunday- even after going out for a delicious dim sum brunch in Chicago's Chinatown.  But as soon as I got back to the house from dropping my friend who flew out for the shower at the airport, CP was in baby mode.  He first wanted to head to Buy Buy Baby to get the rest of the essential items on our registry.  A ridiculous amount of money later (THANK GOODNESS FOR BABY SHOWERS), we dragged our new purchases back to the house and started to put things together.

Actually, I first voiced my uneasiness over putting all of the baby stuff together when we don't have a baby in our arms yet, but CP poo-poo'ed my worries.  I still feel a bit uneasy that we have things other than just the crib and the glider put together, but since we have the time now, I guess it makes sense.  Plus it removes a large number of boxes from our living room and we can start to figure out where things are going to fit in the house.  Koda and Buster were both very interested in all of the new purchases and seemed kind of bummed that they were not new dog toys.  CP and I were joking that this kid better not be allergic to dogs because there is no way we could keep the dog hair off of...well....everything in the house!

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On a completely different topic, when people tell you that pregnant women are like furnaces, it is seriously not a joke.  The past couple of days have been a bit cooler here in the Chicago area and with our windows closed, the house has been staying at a pretty consistent 61 or 62 degrees, even if the temperature outside is only 42.  I am perfectly happy with this temperature, but Sunday morning CP came downstairs and noticed that we could actually see our breath while we were in the sunroom.  The sunroom has always been a bit cooler than the rest of the house- it was an addition to the original house and we are guessing that it is not well insulated.....and it doesn't have a basement beneath it.  So the fact that the thermostat in the dining room said that the house was 61 degrees didn't mean that the sunroom was that temperature.  Normally (aka pre-pregnancy) I would be FREEZING and surreptitiously adding a few degrees to the thermostat, but I have rejoicing in the cooler house temperature.  However, tonight is supposed to get down to 33 and I think that we may finally need to turn the heat on.....boo.

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Hmm this may be the start of a number of disjointed and non sequitur posts if I don't go to bed earlier....

Growing baby

So I'm not dead.  These past two and a half weeks have been stressful, but I have tried to stay productive and use my furlough days to get stuff done.  I'll try to tell you all about it tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I am up to bi-weekly OB appointments and things are going well.  In fact, the appointments are kind of boring, but I would much rather boring than the alternative.....

Today's appointment I had a growth ultrasound which will likely be the last time I see the baby before delivery.  The baby has moved since the last ultrasound (at 29 weeks)- it is now head down.  Everything is measuring right on track- femur length, amniotic fluid, belly and head size, etc. and all major organs looked good.  At 29 weeks the baby was estimated to be 3 pounds, 2 oz.....the estimated weight today jumped to 5 pounds, 9 oz!!  The baby is now in the 72nd percentile for estimated weight.  I was hoping to have a smaller baby, but it doesn't look like that will be the case come November 29th.  Honestly, just as long as he/she is healthy I don't care as no matter the size- he/she will be entering the world through a C-section anyway!

Tonight is also our first hospital class- the first of two Taking Care of Newborns classes.  This week we will learn all about bathing, diaper-changing, cord care, circumcision care, temperature-taking and signs of illness.  I hope it's informative!!

Anniversary

Yesterday was our fourth wedding anniversary (fun fact: we share the same wedding date as the Obamas!). Unfortunately CP had a work trip so he was out of state. I was busy most of the day doing stuff, but this shutdown crap has made me realize that I could never be a stay-at-home wife (especially without kids). I'm sure that I would meet other women that didn't work but it is simply not enough for me.

This year will be a very boring anniversary year. The whole not getting paid thing puts a damper on wanting to spend money on gifts and a fancy dinner, so we are headed out to a nice, but not too expensive restaurant tomorrow night to celebrate. And no gifts. Or maybe the new freezer that we have to buy will be the gift to ourselves. *groan*

Yesterday I also had a doctor's appointment. At this point in my pregnancy I am now going every two weeks. I was listening to an NPR story about the shutdown on my way over to the appointment which made my blood boil so I was certain that my blood pressure would be high. Amazingly enough, it was normal. My belly growth is also normal and the baby's heartbeat sounded good. I did lose a pound in the last two weeks (why can't it be this easy when I am not pregnant? I'm not even trying to lose weight?!?) which the doctor said wasn't a big deal. But she did say to try not to stress too much about my job- this may be a good time to take some extra naps and relax.

But it is hard for me to relax when I know that I have this extra time to get stuff done around the house. Call it nesting, but if I lay around sleeping and watching tv all day I wouldn't feel very good about myself or very accomplished. This is a definite change from a few years ago. Maybe I am finally an adult......

Dreams

A lot of women tend to have very vivid dreams when they are pregnant.  I have heard quite often they are scary, like having a dream that you lost your baby in a store or something similar.

But for me, I went a full 29 weeks before having a pregnancy dream.  Or at least one that I could remember (and I remember a lot of my dreams).  So far the most prevalent theme in my dreams is CP either going off to be with another woman, or oogling another woman right in front of me.  And of course when I wake up I am furious at him.  My pregnancy book says that these dreams are basically my subconscious telling me that I am not feeling good about myself and my body.

Which honestly? Is sort of surprising and then sort of not surprising.  I mean, in NO WAY do I feel sexy while pregnant.  Especially recently because I had to ask CP to go to the store to get hemorrhoid wipes with witch hazel. There is NOTHING sexy about that request.  Even though I have only gained 14 pounds so far, I do feel big.  Most if not all of the weight is in my baby belly, but I still hate my upper arms and the cottage cheese on the back of my thighs and my butt.  The only thing that I don't miss is having to suck in my stomach-  no way to do that these days!!

Hopefully because I haven't gone crazy with eating crappy food and because I haven't gained a ton of weight it will be a bit easier to get the baby weight, IVF drug weight, and the weight that I put on because I wasn't working out/being good to myself last winter off my body, but then again I am going to be so tired from not sleeping that I know that it is going to be difficult.

I have known from the beginning of my pregnancy that CP wouldn't find my baby belly sexy (we had a discussion about it early on).  I'm okay with that.  He said that a baby belly wouldn't turn him on, but it doesn't disgust him or anything.  I'm not sure if anything has changed now that *I* have a pregnant belly, but I also know that we haven't had any *ahem* issues in the bedroom since I got pregnant.

I haven't had one of these dreams recently, so maybe they had a lot do with the fact that people weren't recognizing that I was pregnant and I was worried that people just thought that I was fat??   

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I'm happy to report that last week I did in fact have my first dream about the baby.  In my dream it was a he and he was still in my belly.  However, I had some sort of amazing body because while still pregnant, I could flip up my skin and check in on the baby.  He was a beautiful baby with dark hair and blue eyes, about the size of my hand.  I took him out of my belly and marveled in how adorable he was.  Then suddenly there was a play gym for the baby next to me and he started crawling towards it and playing on it- I was shocked that even in utero my baby could crawl!  LOL.  Eventually I put him back in my belly because I was sitting in some sort of loft and I didn't want him to fall off.

So ummm I'm not sure what this dream means, but at least it was a happy dream!

Pain pain and more pain

Sorry for the radio silence over here folks.  I have plenty of blog topics and things to tell you, but things have been hectic and very frustrating.

Right now I am trying to work through a migraine that has lasted for FIVE DAYS.*  Yes FIVE DAYS.  It is torture.  I have tried Tylenol, cold washcloths on my forehead, caffeine, dark rooms, exercise (this one in particular did not go well), etc.  I had a tough week last week both traveling for a speaking engagement (which went well- yay!) and then two big events on Friday (they also went well despite my migraine- yay!).  I spent most of the weekend trying to rest and yesterday I decided that I had enough.  I called the on-call doctor and explained what was going on.  She didn't think that I had anything to worry about but wanted to make sure that I didn't have pre-eclampsia, so I was once again off to Labor & Delivery.  Once I was checked to make sure that I didn't have pre-eclampsia she said that the hospital could give me something for the pain.

CP is still in LA and won't be back until next weekend so I headed out to L & D by myself.  I wasn't really too worried but was looking forward to any drugs the hospital could give me that I could take to ease the pain.  I am not a fan of taking drugs, but four days of pain was quite enough for me.  Once I got in my room I gave a urine sample, had blood taken and was hooked up to the contraction monitor (no contractions as expected) and the baby heartbeat monitor (normal heartbeat).  The nurse turned off the lights for me and closed the blinds.  My blood pressure was taken every 10 minutes and stayed consistent around 116/62.  My labs came back just fine.

I wasn't dehydrated, but the resident OB decided to put me on a saline drip while I was there anyway.  About an hour later the nurse put a drug into my IV (not sure what it was called but it started with an F or PH).  I lay down and tried to rest while I waited for the other medicine.  The pharmacy took a while, so it was almost an hour before someone came in to check on me.  I did feel a bit better and my headache had subsided somewhat, but I was pretty sure that it was only because I had laid down and closed my eyes (which always seems to help but then when I wake up the pain ratchets up again).

The resident OB decided to write it off as a tension headache and not really listen to what I was telling her (she chalked it up to me grinding my teeth even though I told her that I have a mouth guard).

Long story short, because I was feeling a bit better and I didn't have anyone to drive me home in case the other medicine made me sleepy/loopy, the resident OB sent me home with a Benadryl and another medicine that has a mix of acetaminophen and caffeine.  I took them when I got home but they didn't help much.  I'm feeling very frustrated that this is going on five days so I have called my doctor today to see if there is anything else I can take while pregnant.

I seriously hope that this is not my new normal for the next 9 weeks.....or (shuddering) even longer!!!

*I have never been officially diagnosed with migraines, but I have a lot of the classic symptoms of migraines.  They only happen once every couple of months and I can usually get rid of them by staying in a dark room with no noise for a few hours/half a day so I have never seen anyone for them.

Second trimester recap

Second trimester was a great trimester.  I started to get some of my energy back and my anxiety over the pregnancy started to lessen once I started to feel the baby around 19-20 weeks.  I was also fairly lucky to not have some of the common pregnancy issues that people have in this trimester (leg cramps, back pain, etc). However, that's not to say that I didn't have ANY pregnancy symptoms....

*Hot weather (or even semi-hot weather) led to swelling in my hands, especially on walks with Buster and my commutes to/from the train to the office.  I did my best to keep my fingers moving after they became fluid-filled, but it usually didn't make much of a difference.  I don't eat a lot of salt and I drink a ton of water but that also didn't seem to make a difference.

*At 17 weeks, I went to the doctor because my right foot/leg was swollen while my left one was fine.  Although I was worried about DVT, the pattern does seem like my right foot/leg swells more than my left.  Like my hands, my feet swell with the heat.  If it continues through the next few months I will likely wear compression running socks, but only when cooler weather comes to Chicago.  The swelling makes my ankles feel tight and overall, edema doesn't feel great, but I can deal with it.

*Early on in the second trimester I had nasal congestion for about three weeks.  I wasn't sick, but just congested every day.  During one of the weeks I even had a bloody nose three times that week.  Annoying, but totally manageable. 

*This trimester I also started to feel a hard belly after eating food or drinking water.  It was towards the top of my belly which my doctor explained was most likely my intestines and because they are getting pushed up from the baby, they will get hard because they have less room to process the food and water.  Thankfully it's not uncomfortable, it just feels kind of funny.

*I'm not sure how to explain this, but at times my uterus felt "heavy."  For those of you that have gone through fertility treatments, it feels like your heavy ovaries before retrieval, but instead the feeling is lower, towards your pelvis.  Dr. Google thinks that it is likely the growing/stretching pains.  Again, not painful just an odd feeling.

*This next one is a bit funny.  Pre-pregnancy I didn't really get hard nipples- it would have to be FREEZING COLD.  However, in the second trimester my nipples are hard and sticking out CONSTANTLY.  It will be 90 degrees and they come out to play.  Again, not painful or uncomfortable but it's a bit awkward because my left breast is slightly bigger than my right one....so in a shirt, one nipple looks lazy and falls a little lower than the other one.  CP *loves* this pregnancy symptom (seriously, he thinks it is great).  LOL.

*For about a week, my left knee started clicking.  It was a bit painful to walk when this happened, but it went away and my knee seems to be back to normal.  Is this from stretching ligaments due to pregnancy hormones?  Who knows.

*My moods have been pretty stable.  I might be a bit more cranky, but I keep waiting for the weird, laughing then suddenly I'm crying episodes.  It has only happened once so far while watching a You Tube video called "Sad Dog Diary"- one of CP's family members posted it on Facebook.  I was laughing hysterically and then suddenly I started bawling.  CP thought that I was nuts. I was psyched to finally have a pregnancy crying episode.  Just waiting on a few more....

*As you all know, I also had the bleeding episode right before Labor Day weekend.  Thankfully it seems as if it was a one-time random occurrence.  I'm sure I will talk to my OB about it next week.

*While I started to feel something different in my belly around 19 weeks, I wasn't completely certain that it was the baby kicking until closer to 20 weeks.  For a couple of weeks the baby would kick, but would suddenly become shy once CP put his hand on my belly.  He was able to see the baby kick my belly a couple of times, but didn't feel an actual kick until 27 weeks.

*The past couple of days I have felt the baby squirming around in my belly more so than kicking.  It's an odd feeling and I really would rather the kicks.  Generally I don't worry as the baby is a bit more active in the early afternoon than the morning but I did freak out last week and started poking and bouncing my belly.  I hope I didn't anger the baby too much, but whatever I did woke him/her up and I felt better.  

*Harry the Hemorrhoid is still around.  My OB advised me that he wasn't going anywhere any time soon (boooo).  I have only had one day where he has made me super uncomfortable, but so far, he hasn't invited any more friends to the party.  I have been using wipes with witch hazel on them which I would recommend if you also have a Harry in your life.  

*I seem to have sprouted a ton of light-colored hairs all over my belly.  No dark line below my belly button (yet), but the extra belly hair was surprising.

*I also have hundreds of small red dots all over my belly.  They are flat and don't itch but it looks like they are here to stay for a while.  Along with the dots I have a few things on my belly that look like blood blisters.  They are raised, but again, no idea what they are.  Something else to ask my doctor next week I guess....

Overall, it was a really great trimester. I finally look pregnant instead of fat and so far, it seems to be all in my belly.  I'm not watching what I eat, but I am definitely craving a lot of fruit and vegetables so that helps.  I'm not super interested in meat these days.  Bending over is getting much harder to do and I'm starting to get out of breath when climbing the stairs.  I continue to walk a ton, but I haven't been able to make prenatal yoga in a while.  I know these things are just going to get harder as the days tick on, but I'm ready for the third trimester.

Second trimester belly pictures

I know that people are not always a fan of belly pictures, so here is your chance to click away if you don't want to see them.  I started at 20 weeks this time because my previous post of pictures from the first half of the pregnancy went up to week 19 (see that post here).  Of course now I'm realizing that it makes more sense to do these posts in trimesters, but oh well.  :-)

20 weeks

21 weeks
(Buster tried to get into this picture)
This is the first week that I noticed that my belly was sticking out farther than my chest!

22 weeks

23 weeks

24 weeks

25 weeks

(Sadly I forgot to take a 26 week picture- especially because it looks like I made quite a jump in belly size from 25 to 27 weeks!)

27 weeks

28 weeks

Final stretch

Today I am officially 28 weeks or 7 months along which means that I am in the THIRD TRIMESTER!   WOO HOO!  So far so good, although I did have a few hours of Braxton Hicks contractions yesterday due to the 100 degree weather, having to walk farther than usual for my commute back to the train, not drinking quite enough water (although I was peeing like crazy all day), and then helping CP bring doors that I had painted from outside to the second floor after work.  They finally subsided by the time I went to bed.  Hopefully they don't return this afternoon.

Post in the works with belly pictures from the 2nd trimester AND all of the weird pregnancy symptoms that I had this trimester.

In the meantime, here are some cute pictures of the dogs.

Buster and one of his favorite toys.  I vacuumed the floor just the day before, but these dogs are shedding like crazy right now!

Buster (left) and Koda (right) playing tug of war.  It's basically the only game Koda has ever played with Buster but it's nice to see that they still play it together.  They both have a low growl while they are tugging with Buster usually giving up the toy to Koda because despite having almost 20 pounds on her, he knows who is boss!

Yesterday

Yesterday was certainly a day that I would not like to repeat ever again.

CP and I had marital relations in the morning and I had two spots of bright red blood on the toilet paper afterwards.  I didn't think that it was too big of a deal so I went to work and everything was fine every time I went to the bathroom.  Around 1:30 I headed to the bathroom again and when I checked, there was a bright red streak of blood.  I wiped again to make sure and sure enough, there was more.  F*ck.  I decided that it was time to call my doctor.  

My doctor was in the middle of a surgical consult and couldn't get on the phone, so I was trying to figure out the next train out of the city so that I could head over to the office (at that point they only leave once an hour and make all stops).  The nurse advised me that no, I shouldn't come into the office, I should go to Labor & Delivery at the hospital because they will want to monitor me.  My mind immediately went to needing to get on the next train (not for another 45 minutes), heading home to grab the car, and then driving the 25 minutes to the hospital.  When I called CP to tell him my plan he said that I should head straight to the hospital and he would meet me there.  I started to look up El trains that go directly to the hospital and CP thought I was crazy to even think about taking public transportation.  "This is not the time to be frugal, just take a damn cab."  LOL.

My boss was still at lunch so I told the Executive Secretary that I needed to leave and I headed out the door to catch a cab.  The cabbie was nice and quiet the entire ride (thankfully there was no traffic), but there was some beeping noise in the cab that went off, two beeps, every three seconds.  I wanted to yell "turn that f*cking thing off" but instead just stewed in the back of the cab and texted my mom.

*Good to know fact for if there is a next time (please don't let there be a next time)- the cab ride from my office to the hospital without traffic is about 30 minutes.

When we got close to the hospital, the cabbie asked where Labor & Delivery was.  Dude, I have no clue!  So I had him drop me off where I saw the "Emergency" sign, but when he pulled in it was for ambulances.  Whoops.  I walked in the sliding doors and thankfully found a cop who walked me down to L & D.

*Good to know fact-  Verizon cell phones don't work in the hospital unless you are near a window.  So when I tried to call CP (who was already at the hospital), my call wouldn't go through.

When I got to L & D, they knew I was coming so I was immediately given a wristband and taken back to a room to undress.  I called CP's work cell phone (thankfully on AT&T's network) from the hospital phone to let him know that I was in L & D.  He was in the lobby and asked the lady working where L & D was.  She didn't want to tell him because when she looked up my information in the computer, it wasn't in the system yet (the staff had to input everything because I had not pre-registered for delivery yet- of course there was a note in my calendar to do it next week).  He ended up getting frustrated and decided to find the place himself. 

First nurse came into the room with CP and I was happy to see him.  She asked a few questions such as what number pregnancy this was and if I could feel the baby move.  I felt the baby move a few times in the cab ride, but hadn't felt anything since getting to the hospital.  She had CP walk my paperwork back to the nurse's station and as soon as the door closed, she asked if I felt safe at home and if I would be safe bringing a baby back home.  (My answers were obviously yes.)  Finally, she asked whether I had any alcohol, cigarettes or drugs so far this pregnancy (no).

I went to the bathroom again and saw more blood.

CP came back in as the nurse put a toco (at least that is what it was named on the screen) on  my stomach- it measures contractions. They also put a monitor on for the babies' heartbeat. Thankfully the baby was doing great- between 133 and 145, steady and strong (although I was a little freaked out b/c it sounded different than the Doppler at the doctor's office).

Then we waited.

A med student came in to ask a bunch of questions on my history. She seemed nervous and unsure of herself....we think she just started this job. She left with her answers and came back a while later with a resident. After asking some questions, the resident put a speculum in and boy was that painful. It usually isn't too bad when I go to the GYN but possibly because of the extra blood flow to the area during pregnancy (?) it was painful.  She took a few swabs to determine if there was any amniotic fluid for pre-term labor, for strep B, and also looked around for the cause of the blood flow (couldn't find anything).

Then we waited.

Shift change!  Another nurse came in to ask more questions.  Told us that the baby was doing great with a strong heartbeat and no contractions.  She stayed in the room with us for a while; at one point the baby started to hiccup which she identified via the doppler.  The nurse claimed that the hiccuping is a sign of good lung development.

Then we waited.

Then an OB came in to check my cervix. Again, very painful. But good news was that my cervix was closed.

Then we waited.

Finally, the doctor came in and said everything looks good. That they can't find the cause of the bleeding but sometimes it just happens and that I might have some more bleeding in next 24 hours, but unless it picks up, I'm okay. My only annoyance with him?  He called it spotting.  IF IT WAS ONLY SPOTTING I WOULDN'T HAVE COME INTO THE HOSPITAL!! I grumbled to CP about that later and he said "who cares?"  Well I do because I don't want that doctor thinking that I am a hypochondriac (he is the same doctor that saw me when I had the one swollen leg).

Five hours later, we left the hospital and rushed home because CP had his own doctor appointment for his still-lingering pneumonia. More drugs for CP, but hopefully he can finally kick this stupid thing!

All I can say is thank goodness CP wasn't traveling this week. I am still a bit sore from the poking and prodding from yesterday, but I'm glad we got checked out and the baby is doing okay.  

We now have this message to our baby in our kitchen:

(at least not until November 29th)

(baby drawing credit to my mom and my sister a few weeks ago)