You suck Biff

(You may not want to be eating when you read this)

I am very sad to report that Harry the Hemorrhoid has a new and unwelcome friend. Since I last talked about Harry, he has been a quiet tenant, really the best kind of hemorrhoid tenant you can have if you are unfortunate enough to get one.  He hasn't tried to make his presence felt for the most part and I was crossing my fingers that he would be the only surprise visitor during this pregnancy.  He really seemed like a loner and quite content to spend his days quietly hanging out to himself  (ha ha hanging).

Unfortunately, there is a new hemorrhoid in town and I have decided to name him Biff.  Biff is quite the bully and the worst tenant imaginable.  He is bigger than Harry and wants to make sure that I know that he has moved in for the long haul.  I fear that Biff may be a partier and may try to get others to crash this pregnancy as well.  :-(

I continue to not push when going to the bathroom.  I continue to not be constipated.  I continue to use the wipes with witch hazel that were helping until this weekend.  I even bought Preparation H cream to put on Biff which seemed to help a little bit, but made me feel like I was leaking something out of my butt (which I actually think is a worse feeling than the leaking from the Crinone).  I have been on numerous websites about what to do for hemorrhoids during pregnancy and the only thing that I haven't tried is a sitz bath, which can be as simple as sitting in your bathtub with warm water- I may try that tonight if I don't start to feel better.  People who go through vaginal births may talk about having to get through the "ring of fire", but I have a ring of fire going on 24/7!  Sometimes it hurts to sit.  I have now started to either hover or only put one cheek on the toilet seat because sitting down while peeing hurts too much.  And for someone that is going to the bathroom every hour while awake, the hovering is working my thigh muscles (which haven't seen a squat for exercise purposes in over 8.5 months)!

All joking aside, this really stinks.  I keep telling myself that some people have it much worse and that I should stop complaining.  That it is a very common pregnancy problem.  But it's just not a comfortable feeling and my ability to just run with whatever is going on in my body is lessening as the days tick on.  I wouldn't say that I am uncomfortable just yet (currently only in the Harry/Biff region), but my uterus has definitely been hurting more than usual these days.  And while I have been sleeping, I randomly woke up an hour before the alarm today and couldn't go back to sleep.  So I'm a bit cranky.

So yeah.....Biff you suck!!