Big fat negative

Well, to no one's shock or surprise, my beta came back as less than 1. I still had a tiny bit of hope this morning but this afternoon when I went to the bathroom I saw blood on the toilet paper and knew it was over.

My appointment with my doctor is not until next Friday but there is a possibility that I could still cycle anyway even with my period starting full flow tomorrow. I'm going to head home tonight and take inventory of all of the medication that I have at home and email the nurse. She is going to try to talk to my doctor tomorrow to discuss the protocol. I mentioned that I didn't want to do birth control again because I believe I was over-suppressed but mentioned that I have Lupron at home (leftover from the FET this spring).

So hopefully I don't have to wait an entire month to start cycling again. We'll see.

Symptom spotting

With only one day left I am beginning to symptom spot. I am trying my best not to think about it but it is simply not working. Of course all of this could be over if I went out and bought a pregnancy test, but I refuse to spend the money. I'll find out via phone call in a little over 24 hours anyway.

Today I woke up and am feeling very crampy. I KNOW that this could be because of the Endometrin but it hasn't gone away yet. Period-like cramps were what I felt about two days before the beta with IVF #1/Izzy....but I also had sore boobs. So far no sore boobs. Other than a headache last night and some constipation (both of which could be blamed on the progesterone), that's all I got. A little cramping does not make a pregnancy- especially from an IUI.

I really shouldn't be getting my hopes up with just one day left to go. It will only lead to disaster tomorrow while I am at work.

Waiting for Thursday

So far I have been in a fairly good headspace during this TWW. I'm just looking forward to Thursday and to moving past what will be another negative beta test after an IUI. 

On Friday I started to google when an HCG shot would be out of my system. Most websites said that the amount of HCG decreases in half every day (I took a 10,000 unit trigger on Thursday the 8th). The general consensus of women who tested out their HCG shot online was 7-10 days. You see on Saturday night our neighbors and friends were having a big party and I wanted to test, get a negative, and feel okay about drinking. Clearly it was too early though so I went to the party and sipped a half glass of wine the entire time (CP wasn't happy about me drinking at all but I figured half a glass wouldn't do any harm).

Last Thursday I donated more blood to the clinic to determine my progesterone level. Not surprisingly my level was too low so I had to start supplementing. Endometrin hasn't been so bad. There is the same need for a panty liner as Crinone, but somehow less stuff to scoop out in the shower (TMI!). However, the cramping that happens every.single.time. I stick the pill up me is no fun.

CP is out of town for work until Friday and we have our follow-up meeting with the Dr. next week to figure out the next IVF cycle.

Less than three days. I'm too cheap to buy any pregnancy tests this time around because I am 100% sure that I am not pregnant so I'm just waiting for the inevitable.

(I feel like the way this is written makes me seem very depressed about this, but I'm really doing just fine. Just ready to move on.)

Infertility can make things awkward

The IUI is complete for today. I couldn't even muster up the interest to wear funny socks. Oh how things have changed from my first IUI and the hope that I had of IUI being the answer for us. The good news is that CP gave a good sample- 11 million after the wash (they like to see anything over 9 million) and 86% motile (they like to see over 45%). I'm cramping a little bit but it's not too bad and it will likely go away soon.

The funniest part of today? Prior to the IUI, CP and I both dropped Izzy off at school today. Her teachers noticed how proud she was to walk hand in hand with both of us and asked what was going on today. We just laughed and said that it was because we were both working from home but as soon as we got in the car we burst out laughing because wouldn't that have been a shock to them if we told them the truth. "Oh yeah, we are just heading out to jizz in a cup and then get inseminated. No big deal." LOL.