6 months old!

How is Izzy already 6 months old??!??

Height: 26 inches (50%)

Weight: 16 pounds, 12 ounces (50%)

Nicknames: Still calling her Pumpkin a lot.

Milestones: Izzy has rolled over a few more times, but is usually quite content to stay on whatever side she is on.  However, she is rocking sitting up by herself these days.  It usually lasts for at least a few minutes before she topples over. 

 Also, when she is on her stomach she wants to move.  She likes to push up on her hands and is kicking her legs all over which usually results in her traveling in a circle.  Izzy is still super interested in her feet and wants to put them in her mouth but can't get them there just yet.  She does hold on to them while getting her diaper changed which is actually helpful. In early May Izzy got her first two teeth (the two bottom ones). 

Check out my first two teeth!

Hanging out with my frozen teether

They are really sharp so when she puts your finger in her mouth and bites down it hurts!  Not a good sign for my nipples.  She has bitten me a couple of times, but thankfully not too often. Lastly, Izzy had her first "stranger danger" moment at the doctor's office.  Izzy burst out crying because she had never met her before and wouldn't calm down until she was in my arms.  It was quite shocking, but I guess that we have to be mindful of it for the next 9-12 months!!

Speech: It doesn't happen very often (maybe more at daycare?) but Izzy started to babble this month and it actually sounded like she was telling us a story.  It is hilarious and adorable.

Favorite Toy: Hands down it is Sophie the giraffe.  She loves the squeaking sound and she goes straight into Izzy's mouth every time she sees her.

Buster is still a huge favorite as well.  Izzy watches whatever he does when he is in the room and thinks he is fascinating! She will whip her head around to find him as well while we are holding her.  CP is a little bummed about being moved into her third favorite thing in the world (mommy is clearly #1).

Sleeping Habits: Izzy has been getting sleepier a little earlier these days so we start her bedtime routine around 7pm and she is usually down by 7:30pm.  She then sleeps until I wake her up at 5:30am on a weekday, or 6:30am on the weekends.

Eating: She continues to eat around 120ml (4oz) four times a day when she is in daycare. Otherwise I nurse her.  Sometimes over the weekend she gets a few bottles if we are out and about. My supply dropped when I had my period, but I'm hoping it will bounce back. This month we had my parents over and CP made Lebanese food. Izzy tried lemon hummus- which she didn't like and a tomato sauce- which she did like off of our fingers.  We also tried mashed up banana with a spoon one day which she didn't seem to enjoy. We plan on starting to make purees for her this coming month.

Diapers: Still in the cloth diapers, size 2 but I think we may need to move to size 3 in a few weeks.  We are also still using disposable diapers at night and so far, zero leaks.

Clothes: Still in 6 month clothing, but she has been wearing some of her 9 month clothing because it is lighter clothing for the warmer days.

Illness: Most of this month she seemed to have FINALLY kicked the never-ending (two+ months!) cold.  She got another one about a week ago but seems to be doing better.  She had a bit of what looked like a rash on her stomach and back- turns out that it was dry skin so we have a steroid cream and we are using Aquaphor two times a day.

Other highlights:  My first Mother's Day! We had a big day- brunch with my friend from college and her husband who were in the city for a wedding, walking around the city with them, spending time with my parents, walking to the zoo, and then dinner out with the family.  The day was great other than the late dinner reservation (7:45).  CP and I will never make that mistake again.  Izzy wouldn't sleep while we were at the restaurant and by the time we got there I didn't have a lot of patience because CP and I were out drinking with friends and then my sister/her boyfriend the night before (only our second "date night" since Izzy was born!)- so I was exhausted!  

Izzy made her first trip to the Chicago Botanic Gardens.  Beautiful flowers and trees all around!

We also had our first party and Izzy was great with all of the guests.  CP smoked a bunch of meat, we made sides, and invited lots of people to come over last Sunday.

30 Day Buns, Guns, & Abs Challenge

This week I saw two different workout challenges show up on my Facebook wall over and over again (basically every time a friend joined one of the challenges).  Have you guys seen these?

Anyway, the first one was all about abs and while I do need help in the stomach area (I'm looking at you spare tire over my incision!), I thought it would be MORE helpful to do a challenge that worked more of my body.  So when the 30 Day Buns, Guns, & Abs Challenge came across my Facebook feed, I knew that I was in.

Here is the calendar:

Anyone want to join me for the month of June?  I'm going to be pretty impressed with myself if I can do 40 pushups and 100 leg lifts in one setting (girl pushups of course) by the end of the month.  I did Day 1 yesterday after my short run with Buster and I think the challenge will be good for me because after I did the squats, pushups, and leg lifts I did some other strength training exercises.  Any little bit will help!

Re-thinking birth control

If you have been around these parts for a period of time, you know that I have four different fertility issues: endometriosis, a large fibroid in my uterus, a short luteal phase, and some wonky hormones.

This past weekend Aunt Flo arrived 32 days after my last period. She was quite heavier than last month, but based on my cervical mucus, my luteal phase for the past month was 14 days, aka the normal amount of time. YAY!  I'm not sure if every cycle will now be this way but I would be pretty happy if pregnancy "righted" my menstrual cycle and I had one less fertility issue to worry about (even if it is a relatively minor one that can be helped by taking progesterone).

However, if Aunt Flo will be visiting again on a regular basis, I have a decision to make. If CP and I are thinking about a frozen transfer of our one embryo next January, do I go on birth control until we need to start getting my body ready for the frozen transfer? The way I see it, there are three different things in play right now. 

1. Endometriosis.  I had no endo when my OB opened me up for my c-section and endo shouldn't have been growing the past five months or so as I didn't have my period.  However, regular hormonal fluctuations with your menstrual cycle can trigger endo growth....so if I am going to start getting a regular period the endo could come back.

2. Fibroid.  There currently is a stupid fibroid that my OB saw when she did my c-section.  Not sure if the size of it has changed in the last six months but it is not in a good spot to get removed. Birth control can make fibroids grow....but from my brief research there are certain kinds that wouldn't promote growth. Whether they are also the same kinds that would only give me a period every quarter in lieu of every month is the question.  (I think I remember my doctor saying that birth control that resulted in fewer hormonal fluctuations aka one that "skips" your period are helpful for women with endo.)

3. Breastfeeding.  While I am currently contemplating dropping a pumping session at work once Izzy turns 6 months (tomorrow), birth control can effect your supply.  I am okay with supplementing formula if I don't make enough milk, but I still want most of what Izzy drinks to be breastmilk so I need to be careful about what birth control I take.

So.  Birth control pills could potentially stop any endo from growing, but they could also effect the fibroid and breastfeeding.  Or I could continue to not take any birth control, but know that the endo may start to grow.  Would I then need another surgery this fall or winter? I really don't want to have another surgery...especially knowing that if I am able to get pregnant again I am looking at another c-section.

Choices, choices.  I sometimes hate my stupid body and wish all of this was easier.

Any wise words from readers?

When to try for #2

Most people say that you need to get out of the thick of sleep deprivation and crying/colic-y babies to even think about trying for baby #2.  In our case though, we had a baby that took three years to conceive (after a surgery, various drugs, two REs, a retrieval and a transfer). Once Izzy arrived, even though we were tired, it didn't matter.  She was so amazing that immediately our minds jumped to when to try for a second (and final) child. It seems fast, but there are a number of reasons that we want to get back on the baby train. It didn't hurt that Izzy was such a good newborn....although we fully recognize that if we are lucky enough to have #2, he or she is probably going to be the complete opposite of Izzy! (Note: despite the fact that we have talked about #2, please know that we have fully been and continue to be "in the moment" at every stage with Izzy.)

The conversation with my OB at my six weeks postpartum visit about birth control was a joke. I know that there are tons of stories about people that are suddenly fertile after doing IVF. I hold no nope that the fertile unicorn dust will enter into my life. We have male and female factor infertility in our relationship. I still have a fibroid hanging out in my uterus (has it gotten bigger/smaller since the c-section?  Who knows) and although I should not have any endometriosis at the moment, it could return with regular menstrual cycles and if I am part of the 50% of women that get endo removed simply to see it come back again. I also am working with a short luteal phase (although maybe not any longer?  Details in my next post) and wonky hormones that are out of normal ranges.

Adding up all of those factors, we hold out no hope for natural conception and CP and I made the decision to not take any birth control. I could give my body some time off from drugs and then I also don't have to worry about birth control messing with breastfeeding. (This may change- details tomorrow.)

So what is the plan? My OB recommended waiting 18 months between births for the uterus to completely heal. Basically, once Izzy turns 9 months old (end of August) we could start trying again. After some discussion, we have decided that we would like to do a frozen transfer of the one frozen embryo we have in January. That gives my body a few extra months to heal and gets us past the craziness of Thanksgiving/Izzy's first birthday/Christmas/etc. Depending on how long I breastfeed, it also gives me at least a month or two to have my body back before (hopefully) needing to restrict myself with food/alcohol due to pregnancy.

Obviously we hope that we are as lucky as the first time and that the embryo sticks and I have an uneventful pregnancy resulting in our second and final child. But just because we were lucky the first time doesn't mean that it will happen again. So the other part of the rush to get pregnant again, if possible of course, is because if I have to do another fresh cycle then we will no longer be working with my 34-year old egg embyro, but my 36 year old eggs. With my somewhat wonky hormone levels my body is not expected to yield very many eggs (like last time) which could lead to more cycles down the road if things don't go well. CP is turning 38 next month and like me, wants to get the show on the road so that we can finish our family building as soon as possible.

The second round of IVF will be interesting. I think that I won't be so nervous about the actual process, sticking needles into my belly, etc. There also won't be as much pressure because we do have Izzy. I think the next six months or so will go by quickly....and then we will have to see what happens! For now I am hopeful....but that might just be because I can enjoy Izzy and not think about my infertility for a few more months....

Thoughts about death

While CP was in Thailand for two weeks for work, I took Izzy up to my parent's place in MI two weekends in a row.  The second weekend- at least the start of it- was a complete disaster.  Not 15 minutes into my drive I tried my best to go around a bad part of the road, but ended up hitting the bump funny.  When I heard the "clunk" I knew that it was something bad.  I pulled over in a parking lot and got out to survey the damage.

Everything looked intact near the rear right wheel.  I felt the tires- check.  Made sure the rim was still attached to the tire- check. I then decided to continue driving as I couldn't see anything wrong.

About 30 minutes later I was still hearing clunking noises as I drove when CP called from Thailand.  Even he could hear the clunking noises over the phone!  I pulled over on the highway and got out again to see if I could see anything.  I ended up pulling on a cylinder behind the tire and realizing that it was loose on the side making noise.  I sent this picture to CP and asked him to do some internet searching to figure out if driving with this loose part was dangerous. 

The loose part

I only had three options: 1. keep driving and hope that I got to MI safely; 2. call my parents and ask them to drive from MI to pick me, Izzy, and Buster up and bring me home; or 3. call a tow truck and figure out a way home while also trying to figure out how to transport Buster, a dog that does not like strangers when he first meets them (so not really a good option).

CP ended up figuring out that it was the shock and as far as he could tell from internet searches, it was okay to drive the car.  I got back on the road and called my parents to let them know what was going on and to keep their phones on them in case something happened and I needed them to pick me up.  I white-knuckled the rest of the drive, driving slower than usual and staying clear of potholes.  I told myself that I was an awful mother continuing to make this drive and that I shouldn't put Izzy or Buster at risk.  Visions of my rear right tire flying off the car went through my head.  Then once the tire flew off, I figured that I wouldn't be able to control the car so the visions became me crashing into the metal barrier between the highway and the lake that I was driving past.  I thought about how the hell I was going to save Izzy when she was in her car seat while the car slowly sank to bottom of the lake.

Horrible thoughts right?  I have always had some weird, dark thoughts....usually around big events.  It's usually worries about something happening to someone I love.  Like something happening to CP before our wedding.  I was really worried about something happening to my parents before I moved out to Chicago two years ago  I still worry about something happening to me or CP and can envision the headlines- "Parent of 5 month old baby dies (insert awful way to die)."  I have more of these thoughts of death and dying now that Izzy is here. I don't dwell on them but the quantity has increased. Oddly enough, they are never about Izzy.

Maybe this is normal?  Because I now have a child that is dependent on me maybe I have some more anxiety over the possibility that something could happen to me, CP, or both of us?

Clearly I am still here so I did end up making it to my parent's house that night.  After Izzy went to bed I relaxed after three glasses of wine.  Between getting my period that week, the car ride, single parenting for two weeks, and stress the wine was sorely needed!

We took the car to the dealership the next morning to make sure I could drive it back to Chicago without a problem and were told that would be okay.  The car went into the shop that next week and unfortunately, it wasn't just the shocks that needed repair. $2200 later I didn't  have to worry about the safety of my car anymore...just my credit card bill.

Pretty please?

Pretty please go HERE to sign a We the People Petition to require all insurance coverage to include infertility testing and treatment for men and women.  In IL I am lucky enough to have coverage but there are only a few states in the country that provide any coverage at all.

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

Require ALL insurance coverage to include infertility testing and treatment for both women and men.

As of right now, there are no federal requirements for infertility coverage. With the Affordable Care Act in place, now is the time to move forward as a country. Many other countries provide infertility care up to IVF and surrogacy, whereas in this country most of the time we have to pay out of pocket-which is often times not possible.

It is time that people stop treating infertility like it's an optional medical condition. It is a serious problem and emotionally and financially damaging to the families it effects. One in eight couples will be diagnosed with infertility in the USA. That is too many Americans having to deal with something incredibly difficult without the support of their government. Healthcare is now the law in our country-make the healthcare providers provide for ALL.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Last week The Kelamachers posted that if you have the opportunity to have infant school photos taken, you should jump on the chance (click over to this post to see the picture of their son and his adorable photo). Izzy had her own daycare photo session on Monday.  I happened to stop by Target last week to pick up some pants for her and found the most adorable dress.  It also happened to be on sale so I decided to pick it up for picture day.

We have to wait 2-3 weeks for the pictures to come back- I definitely can't wait to see them.  I heard they also tried to get a group infant shot and I can't imagine that went well trying to get 8 infants to look good all at once!  In the meantime, I held a mini photo shoot with Izzy in our front yard once I got her home from daycare.  I only got to take 5 or 6 shots before I heard thunder and figured that we should get inside, but got two cute photos.

The top one is super cute, but the picture below is my absolute favorite.  

I don't know what it is about this picture, but Izzy, at only 5.5 months looks like a little lady here! Maybe it's the hair?

I hope that the professional photographer was able to get some good shots of Izzy as well!