All about sperm

Last night I was rolling on the ground laughing. Why you ask? Because of this National Geographic special- “Sizing up Sperm.” Yes, you read that right. I was randomly flipping through the channels last night and the title caught my eye. Since CP is in OH for work, I have full control over the tv. So I decided to check it out. And boy am I glad that I did.

First, a little factoid that I learned in the beginning of the program- did you know that with every heartbeat the average male produces 1000 sperm? Just a little knowledge you can drop on people at your next dinner party. Ha!

Instead of showing sperm under the microscope, this program decided to use real people (dressed in white of course) in order to recreate the quest to reach a woman’s egg. So in order to show what sperm goes through when a man ejaculates, they showed people going through a water slide. LOL.

Later in the program, a sperm came on to talk about her theory that it is more likely for a couple to get pregnant when they have “gourmet sex.” What is gourmet sex you might ask? Well, it is when the sex is GREAT for both partners. She theorizes that when a couple has gourmet sex, the man gets even more excited and therefore sperm from lower in the testicles is ejaculated.

But then a party-pooper evolutionary psychologist came on to dispute the gourmet sex theory. You see, he has done lots of research. Yes he and his crack team of researchers went to a strip club and had to sit through 300 shifts. I’m sure it was absolutely TERRIBLE work for them. The result of their research? That strippers made more money while ovulating than while menstruating.

WELL DUH!!!

First off, if it is a all-naked club, a woman on her period would probably not take off her thong. Therefore not making as many tips as other women that will take off all of their clothes. And secondly, if he was a woman he would know how crappy and bloated you feel when you are on your period. What woman feels great when she is bleeding for five days? If you are not feeling particularly sexy, that is probably going to come off in your dancing that week. So his “conclusions” didn’t really move me.

Overall, the program was perfect for my 12-year sense of humor. Every time they said that words “long” and “hard” I giggled. The sperm people (as they were called by the narrator) were hilarious to watch. First, going down a water slide. Then running up a mountain to signify the uphill battle that is trying to get to the woman’s egg. I could not make this up if I tried.

Friends of mine were a bit weirded out by my funny texts regarding the program, but I think that I convinced at least one of my friends to DVR the show. CP didn’t quite understand my giggling either….maybe I just needed some sleep?

Have you seen anything funny on tv lately?