Although I should have started off this pregnancy at a healthier weight, I stress-ate my way through the beginning of the year. I meant to eat healthy, great things to get my body fully prepared for a pregnancy, but instead I ate too much, sometimes with unhealthy food. I kept thinking to myself, the first IVF is a diagnostic cycle, no one gets pregnant from cycle #1. As soon as I get my negative beta result, I'll start running and really prepare myself for the next cycle. But for now, I don't know what IVF is going to be like so it makes me feel better to stay away from the gym and eat.
Then came the doctor-mandated "be careful doing anything" while I was on the stimulation medications because of risk of ovarian torsion. Then two days of laying on the couch after the retrieval. Then two days of laying on the couch after the transfer.
I have been walking a lot since the transfer- at least a mile a day. But I still feel fat. I know that walking is good, but I would really feel better doing MORE. The problem is, I don't want to push it too much and miscarry. So running during the pregnancy is totally out of the question. Not to mention I am TIRED and the Crinone (progesterone) is not helping matters. Plus my ovaries are still huge from the IVF drugs (that is normal, but the RE's office is still watching them).
My gym is starting a prenatal yoga class on Saturday. I wouldn't be able to go this weekend but could start going the following weekend. At that point I will only be 9w3d and I worry that I would get laughed out of class because I wasn't pregnant enough. Or because I dared to show up before I was even out of the first trimester. Are these even rational thoughts?
I was already a bit overweight prior to IVF. The Lupron and other drugs certainly didn't help me lose weight. But being bigger to start off with doesn't help with self-confidence and self-esteem. Right now I look like I have a FUPA; I don't look like I am pregnant.
At this point, it's too late for me to lose weight since that is, you know, frowned upon during pregnancy. I really didn't think that I would feel this bad about myself while pregnant, but then again, why would it go away? At 7w5d my pants are already getting tighter. And my boobs keep growing which only means that if all goes well on Wednesday's ultrasound, I may need to go shopping for stretchy pants and some new bras this weekend.... It did make me feel a bit better this morning when I googled when people started to shop for maternity clothes and responses varied from 7 weeks to about 16 weeks. I don't need maternity clothes, but stretchy pants would make me much more comfortable at work.
On a related note, CP finally comes home from his two week work trip tonight. He wasn't supposed to be gone this long so I'm excited to finally have him home. But I worry that he is going to think that I look gross.
*sigh*
9 comments:
1) Feel free to start prenatal yoga now! There were all shapes and sizes when I did it. My particular class was too "hippy" for me (half of the class was spent talking about your aching body and your feelings about your baby), but the exercise felt SO good. You'll thank yourself later if you start now.
2) You don't need to lose weight, but you can set a goal to not gain weight. Someone working about 5 feet from my desk is currently in the final follow up phase of a study encouraging overweight moms to not gain weight during pregnancy. The moms are doing awesome, and their babies are super healthy!
3) Although I didn't do IVF, I still had the early pregnancy bloat. It will go away shortly.
4) Congrats again :)
Maybe not rational (what of this whole experience is?!), but perfectly understandable thoughts. When we've spent so much of our time, energy and wishes trying to get to a pregnant state, it's hard to adjust to the reality of it once it finally happens: it feels so real, so easy for everyone else, and I think those feelings of being 'outside' the norm just come with the territory. I hope they will abate for you as this pregnancy progresses!
I, too, started to show really early in my pregnancies. A big adjustment, but it's *real* Mama! As long as you are getting gentle exercize and eating well now (which you are), that's the main thing.
I have a FUPA too! It's hard to feel this way. I've just tried to eat healthy. So far, I did lose 5 pounds. But I'm also not hungry at all. Losing weight isn't my goal, but I'll take it. Kudos to you for walking. I have ZERO energy.
I took a prenatal water aerobics class and a prenatal yoga class. Women of all shapes and sizes and gestational ages showed up to our class and as far as I could tell, there was no judging that took place. You do what you feel comfortable doing ... but, just remember that if you run into someone you know, then your secret is no longer yours. =)
I was feeling pretty pudgy and gross for awhile. I couldn't button any of my pants but I wasn't really big enough for maternity clothes and I didn't look pregnant, just like I was eating too many donuts. Now I am actually looking like I am pregnant and less like I am fat and it helps. It's still disconcerting to have your body grow out of control but I bet you feel better about it once you start looking pregnant to the rest of the world.
Also, you should most definitely go to that prenatal yoga class. It doesn't matter how pregnant you are. Now that I am finally starting to feel better I am going to start going to one, as well. The only exercise I have had in the last 12 weeks is walking my dog and I can feel it. I am excited to get back to yoga!
I haven't commented before (though I've been meaning to!) but I wanted to say I totally understand the body image struggle. I started my FET about 10 pounds over my happy weight and though that doesn't sound like much, I'm not a tall person. 10 pounds show. I'm a day behind you (last ultrasound on Thursday for us) and what I've found to help the most is low impact type exercise. I've been doing Suzzane Bowen's Slim & Toned Prenatal Barre DVD and I can't recommend it enough. The segments are short enough that you can do just one on a tired day or a full workout if you feel up to it. Anyway! Thought I'd share. :) And congratulations!
I think you should totally go to that Yoga class if you want to!
It is nobody elses business.
People can be judgemental but that is their problem and not yours.
Do whatever makes YOU happy and whatever makes you feel good!
Do the yoga class!! They will not laugh at you. I promise. And you will feel so much better. Good job for getting a walk in so regularly! That is awesome. I totally understand wanting to take it easy and not wanting to push very hard. I would feel the same way. All you can do is focus on eating healthy now for you and that babe. Hugs!
Oh my god I had the same thoughts about prenatal yoga. Like "who is this girl hanging out with us pregnant ladies?" I wish I had a friend to do it with me. Not to mention, I have NEVER done yoga in my life, so I am sure to make a grand fool of myself.
*sigh* But I am more cellulite on my legs than I've had in years, due to my sickness-induced lethargy and sitting on my ass just makes it continue to expand in size.
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