Now it is real

This week I FINALLY got a surgery date- it is now November 3rd….and suddenly it feels real. Suddenly I am nervous. Only three weeks away.

I had two options on the date….Nov 3rd and Nov 23rd. I decided to go with the earlier date for a couple of reasons.

1. Why shouldn’t I get this surgery over with as soon as possible? If I waited until the 23rd that would be the absolute last day I could have the surgery without having to get another Lupron shot. Just in case we get a freak snow storm in late November, I am NOT going to pay another $1000 for a shot.

2. The sooner I have it, the more Lupron I have left in my body (even though I think that it is supposed to be a time release-type shot over the three months). The more medication I have left in my body= less bleeding during the surgery.

3. Thanksgiving will be three weeks after the surgery which means I should have no problems walking around, hanging out with CP’s family, etc.

4. The surgery will now be a full five weeks and a day before CP and I leave for the Bahamas for a quick December vacation. I’m hoping to get cleared for some scuba diving!

5. The earlier in the month I had the surgery, the greater the possibility my mom could fly out and help CP out.

6. Last but certainly not least, the sooner I have the surgery, the sooner my uterus can heal and the sooner CP and I can start the first IUI treatment!

I recently found out my genetic test results. No cystic fibrosis or other genetic problems with me (YAY!). The only thing that I do have is something a bit weird…. Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency (huh?). From the website:

Pseudocholinesterase deficiency is a condition in which a person's body is abnormally slow at breaking down a certain class of drugs used for surgical anesthesia. Known as choline esters, the most commonly used of these drugs is called succinylcholine (suxamethonium). This drug is used by doctors to induce muscle relaxation and temporary paralysis, often for the purpose of inserting a breathing tube. After receiving a normal dose of succinylcholine, people with pseudocholinesterase deficiency will experience a longer than normal period of breathing paralysis. Typically medical teams who administer these drugs would be equipped to handle such an event.

People who are carriers of pseudocholinesterase deficiency - that is, people who have one copy of the gene with a mutation and one normal copy - show a slightly prolonged period of breathing paralysis after receiving choline ester drugs. This period lasts longer than 5 minutes but less than an hour. For people with two mutated copies of the gene, this episode lasts more than an hour and can last as long as three hours.

Less than 1 in 1000 people have pseudocholinesterase deficiency. It is more common among the some Alaskan Eskimos, where it may affect as many as 10%. In the Persian Jewish community, 1 in 10 individuals is a carrier of the mutation. Among white Americans, the mutation is thought to affect 1 in 3,000.

Who knew? I have never heard of this and as far as I know, I am only a carrier. This is only a big deal if CP also has this mutation….so we will have to talk to my doctor to find out if it is worth CP getting tested for this mutation too.

Book reviews

I have continued to read a bunch of books on my Nook. All ratings out of a possible 5 stars.

County Line by Bill Cameron
4 stars
When a good friend (who he secretly loves) disappears, Skin, an ex-cop, sets out to find her. His journey leads him across the country and into her desperate past. I guess this is the fourth book about the ex-cop’s character and although I was a little behind (he kept talking about a scar on his neck that was obviously obtained in an earlier book), this was a fast-paced and easy to follow. I enjoyed the writing style and will probably purchase the first three books!

Stealing Faces by Michael Prescott
4 stars
John Cray has a secret. For twelve years he has stalked and kidnapped women, setting them loose in the mountains of eastern Arizona, hunting them like animals, and taking their lives. He has left no clues and is suspected by no one. But now he has a problem. Somebody -- a woman whose name he doesn't know -- is stalking him. Cray plans to turn the tables on his mysterious pursuer. He will become the predator, and she -- the prey. Once she's in his power, she will tell him who she is and what she's after and then she will die. But even Cray isn't prepared to confront the truth when he discovers it -- or to deal with the shattering implications of a past he had thought long buried and an obsessive madness he cannot control ... This was a fast-paced thriller that I kept me interested throughout the book.

Lucy by Laurence Gonzales
5 stars
A young girl rescued from the Congo turns out to be a human/bonobo hybrid. The stunning revelation of who—and what—she is sets in motion her fight for survival and for her very right to exist. This book was fascinating, including the author’s ideas of how various groups in our society would view a human/ape hybrid. I actually wish that it was a little longer because I enjoyed it so much! One of the reviews on the back likens this author to Michael Crichton- and I would agree with that. I will probably check out some of his other books.

Untouchable by Scott O’Connor
4 stars
This book is a character study on a father and son. The father, David Darby is a heavily-tattooed technician for a trauma-site clean-up crew. His son, nicknamed The Kid, is an artist and bullied at school. The mother/wife mysteriously died about a year ago- because of this David can’t sleep in the house and The Kid won’t speak. At times it was hard to read because The Kid blames himself, his bad breath, etc. as the reason his mother is no longer with him. But I thought it probably was a fairly good portrayal of the father and how hard it is to pick up the pieces when you are suddenly a single parent.

The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
4 stars
I never had to read this book in high school, but have obviously heard about it for years. In case you don’t know, this is the book that exposed not only the atrocities at meat packing plants in the last century, but also the plight of poor immigrants working in those plants. I think that I wasn’t as shocked about what went on at meat packing plants because I have read Fast Food Nation and know what goes on NOW. I wasn’t a huge fan of the socialist propaganda ending, but thought that this book was well worth the read.

A Wicked Snow by Gregg Olsen
3 stars
Hannah was a young girl when she became the sole survivor of a horrible fire. She has been haunted by that night since then and even suspects that her mother not only played a part, but is still alive. As more details emerge from the night of the fire, she gets closer to finding out the truth about her mother. This book was good enough to continue reading, but the end came quickly and there were definitely some part where I started to skim because it became boring.

State of Wonder by Ann Patchett
4 stars
I really enjoyed Bel Canto, Ann Patchett’s last book so I was looking forward to her latest. After her colleague dies in the Amazon rain forest, Marina Singh is sent out by her company to discover the cause of the death and oversee the progress of a mysterious researcher, Dr. Annick Swenson. The story was bogged down a bit when Marina first arrives in Brazil but can’t find Dr. Swenson….but then the ending felt a bit rushed.

In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan
5 stars
To be honest, Michael Pollan could write 500 pages about taking a poop and I would still love it. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Ever heard that? Those lines are from this book. In this book, Pollan goes into why the science of nutrition is flawed and outlines “eating rules” to live by. If you read The Omnivore’s Dilemma, I would definitely continue your education by reading this book.

Tomatoland: How Modern Industrial Agriculture Destroyed Our Most Alluring Fruit by Barry Estabrook
5 stars
I first heard about this book when the author did an interview on NPR. Tomato fields are sprayed with 100+ herbicides and pesticides because Florida, our biggest producer of tomatoes, is the worst possible place (climate, soil, etc) to grow these crops. The tomatoes are picked when they are still hard and green, then artificially gassed until red. Despite it being against the law, tomato pickers are regularly gassed with pesticides as they work in the fields and treated as if they were modern day slaves. This was an EXCELLENT book and I’m glad that I finally know why tomatoes from the grocery store taste like sh*t while my garden tomatoes taste so good.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

CP and I have been very busy this last couple of weekends. This past weekend we decided to tackle the 20 or so hemlock bushes that line the side of our yard. The previous owners clearly did nothing to the bushes except cut them back a bunch. Unfortunately there was a ton of dead wood inside the bushes- so despite the 80+ degree temps, CP and I donned long pants, long-sleeved shirts and gloves to cut and pull all of the dead wood out. The branches were killers- I ripped up my forearms and now have holes in the gloves and the shirt I wore! I ended up running three full loads of dead branches in our Ford Escape to the town recycling center.

My scratched up forearm. Ah the joys of homeownership!

I finally broke down and installed Instagram on my iPhone. Had I known that it was a FREE APP I would have done it a long time ago. It's really fun to play with!

Thankfully we didn't pull out the huge brussel sprouts you see in the back...because they have just started to sprout! And finally our leeks are growing thicker so we can start using them.

Lemongrass planted from seed. That is going to make some great lemongrass ice cream! :-)

Yummy eggplants! This plant will be pulled this weekend because eggplants need hot weather.

CP made this last night for dinner. It was a a delicious mix of beef, fresh sage from our garden, onions and spices.

With the colder weather approaching, the dogs were fighting over the one dog bed that we have, so I went out and found the biggest one available. As soon as I dropped it into our bedroom and left for two seconds, Buster peed on it to mark his territory. Arrrgh. I steam cleaned it, but Buster seems to be the one to lie down on it at night.

The dogs getting along on their new dog bed. This only lasted 10 minutes. (The crazy eyes are due to the flash- in people it causes red eyes, in dogs, yellow.)

Our town has a decent farmers market so CP and I decided to can a bunch of veggies/herbs from our garden and fruit from the farmers market.

A full weekend of canning while it rained outside! From left to right: Curried apple chutney, Cranberry Pear Jam, Apple Pie in a Jar, Green Tomato chutney and Herb Jelly. Not pictured: Apple butter.

Halloween Ideas

Every year I enjoy the candy from Halloween, but not the actual holiday. This is due to the fact that I never have a good costume. CP and I haven’t celebrated Halloween in a few years now- mainly because he hates getting dressed up for the holiday. This year CP and I have two parties to attend where we have to wear costumes.

Here is where you come in- help me find a costume.

I DON'T use the holiday to dress like a slut, I DO use the holiday to be funny.

For a couple years in a row in college (because I didn’t have any money) I would wear a brown t-shirt and pants, a halo, and a pair of wings. My costume? Holy sh*t. It was, in fact, hilarious because as soon as people got drunk, they would scream across the room “Holy sh*t!” all night long. But I have used that costume too many times.

One year in college I dressed in green and taped fake leaves to my body and wore a fake green leave crown. I was Jolly Green Giant and my best friend J (dressed the same way but 6 inches shorter) was Sprout.

I have been looking online for DIY funny Halloween costumes but thought that all of you creative types out there have some good ideas. I’m looking for something that I can put together myself….not too expensively. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Don't settle

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”

That quote from Steve Jobs truly makes me want to cry. Early on in this blog I talked about not settling for a job simply because of the money. And how much I hated one of my jobs before law school because I basically took it in order to make more money.

While I certainly didn’t take my current job for the money, you all know that I am not happy. And I HATE people that complain about their unhappiness but then don’t do anything about it. However, I am stuck. I am not happy, but I can’t leave my job. Yesterday I received my approval from my insurance company for my jaw surgery. That’s great news that I don’t have to fight my insurance company….however, it also means that I can’t leave my company until I have the surgery.*

Trying to get pregnant complicates my jaw surgery too. If we weren’t trying to get pregnant then I could slap the braces on next week and have the surgery 8-12 months from now.

However, CP and I discussed the insurance approval and we easily came to the decision to put off getting braces while we try to get pregnant this spring. We aren’t getting any younger and we clearly need assistance in getting pregnant.

Here is the timeline that we are hoping for:

November- fibroid surgery
December, January, February- uterus recovers from surgery
March- first IUI. Hopefully pregnant within the first couple of tries (only 3 are covered by insurance).
Once I get pregnant, get braces put on after first trimester.
Have baby.
Have jaw surgery.

So yeah, for now I am stuck. But the sad thing is that even if I wasn’t stuck I am still confused as to what I want to do with my life. Should I still be feeling this way at age 32? Why can’t I find something that I enjoy? I don’t want to jump to another job without really, truly figuring out what I want as a career. Otherwise I fear that I will just jump from job to job with no end game in mind. At this age shouldn’t I be an expert in something? Or at least on my way to becoming an expert? *sigh*

How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life?

*The insurance coordinator at my jaw surgeon’s office basically told me not to leave my job because getting an approval is very difficult. She said that I wouldn’t want to have to get an approval from two different companies as getting ONE approval can take up to two years.

The State of NSC- September 2011

A monthly take on my world…..a few days late this month.

Weight: 205. My goal is to get below 200 before my birthday in December. Totally doable….depending on how much the surgery messes me up.

Current Feeling: Sick. For our anniversary CP gave me his cold. Boooo. I have had tons of sinus pressure, headaches, achy joints and a runny nose since Tuesday. I’m hopped up on Dayquil and can’t stop sneezing!

Running Stats (taking a break until probably the new year from running to rest my heels)
Total Miles Run: 0
Time Spent Running: 0:00
Longest Single Run: 0

Current aches and pains: Hot flashes and headaches are my main complaint these days. The hot flashes happen at the weirdest times. Last weekend it got down to the 40s outside. At 2am I had a hot flash and HAD to turn on the all-house fan and open up the window a bit more. For about 30 minutes I had trouble falling asleep because I WAS SO HOT. Meanwhile CP is barely warm enough under our duvet cover.

Current Favorite Song: “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People

Looking forward to: The long weekend. Even CP has the day off on Monday so we will get some extra time to get the winter garden set up!

Annoyed about: My passive-aggressive coworker. She was reassigned to another office, but now something is going on behind the scenes that my boss won’t talk to me about. There is a distinct possibility that she may not leave now and I won’t get her work. Meanwhile, I thought that we were friends….but now I am finding out various things like her efforts to keep me off projects. At one point last week I was ready to send her a seriously b*tchy email but had to calm myself down. She has been with the company for 30 years and has a lot of friends here. Even though she really does need to get put in her place, I fear as soon as I say something she will get all of her long-term friends (with whom I have good working relationships with and often need something from) to not help me when I ask them for information. So if she stays it is going to suck even more because I will not get her work AND I will have to see her/deal with her on a daily basis and know that she is trying to sabotage me!

Proud about: Making it through Jillian Michael’s new DVD- Killer Buns and Thighs (Level 1). It is set up like the 30 Day Shred with three levels, going through a circuit two times before moving on to the next one. My legs were SCREAMING after finishing the workout.

How are you feeling with the start of this new month?

Two years

Today is our two year anniversary! Looking back on our wedding pictures this past weekend made it seem as if we have been married 10 years and not two years. I attribute part of that to the fact that we were together four years and one day before we got married. To read up on our story, go here.

This past year has been....interesting. In last year's post I talked about all of the big decisions we had made since getting married. Buying a house. Trying to get pregnant. Deciding to get a second dog. A lot of those things have spilled into this year.

This year was making the house more "us". We still need to paint various rooms, but creating our raised beds in our backyard this past spring brought us a lot of joy (and fresh veggies!). We have other, more ambitious things that we want to do to the house (redo the sunroom, clean up the basement, organize the garage, etc) but my medical bills may keep those projects at bay for another couple years.

We obviously have continued to try to get pregnant...until I found out about my fibroid. While that "project" is on hold and my hope of getting pregnant before our second anniversary didn't happen, I (and we) still have hope that we will be able to get pregnant before our third anniversary. We have even talked about me putting off braces/my jaw surgery for a few months so that we can try IUI once my uterus has healed from the surgery. My jaw problem doesn't have an expiration date like my eggs do. Ha! Our hope is tempered, but we still have hope.

And then there is Buster. I am so happy we made the decision to bring him into our family. He has been a good distraction so that we don't have to be sad every month when I get my period. He was a HANDFUL for the first month and we had to do a lot of extra work with him to make sure that he was going to be a normal Berner in terms of personality with people and dogs. He still jumps. He still eats anything and everything on the ground. But he is a smart dog, learning tricks quickly because he is food motivated. I have to keep reminding myself that he is only 7 months and therefore still a puppy (sometimes his 70 lb body tricks me into thinking that he is older).

What do I see for us in the coming year of marriage? One, possibly two surgeries for me. A trip to the Bahamas in December. A possible trip to the Dominican Republic for a wedding. Hopefully a successful fall/winter garden (more on that later). Going to the fertility clinic for an IUI this spring (hopefully we only need one)! But what I hope for most in the coming year is just that we are happy, no matter what life throws at us.

Love you CP.