I head back to work on Monday and I'm trying to soak up the rest of my time with Izzy before I start my new job as a working mom. Before I was pregnant and even while I was pregnant I could never have fathomed that after three months I would be dreading going back to work. I still don't picture myself as a stay-at-home mom, but I wish I had a few more months with Izzy. She is growing and changing every day and it's really fun to be around to see everything. Once I put her in day care I'm not gonna see those things. I've already steeled myself to the fact that some of her biggest milestones may happen at daycare. And what I'm trying to tell myself is that they don't happen unless I see them.
I'm sure that we picked a great daycare a couple months ago. But right now she just seems so small and tiny and so dependent on me that I don't know how a daycare worker is going to take my place. The daycare workers don't know what makes her smile. They don't know what makes her laugh. They don't know the fun games that we play.I also worry that because she is such a good and mellow baby that she's going to get lost at daycare. All the other babies will get more attention because they are constantly crying while Izzy is left to herself. Maybe she will pick up bad habits just to get attention? She is used to constant attention from me with lots of snuggling and I'm sure she is simply not going to get that at daycare.
I wish that I had the option of staying home for a few more months. But our mortgage and our bills simply won't allow for any time off without pay. I've already exhausted all of my vacation and all of my sick time so it's time to head back to work.
On the other hand it will be nice to have a lunch without rushing through it because of Izzy's crying. It will be nice to have two days a week working from home where I can spend some quality time with Buster during my lunch. We could go for a walk or a run or just have a nice long petting session. He's been feeling a bit neglected these days even though I'm doing my best to make sure that he gets attention....but it's certainly not as much as he used to get. My teleworking days might also be great days to get a few errands done like grocery shopping. Running errands without a kid is 10 million times faster. However, I would trade all of that on the list for a few more months with Izzy. Once she gets on more of a sleeping schedule I fear that I will briefly see her in the morning to nurse her and then at night to nurse her....and then not see her again until the next morning. So really any awake time with her will be on the weekends- we all know how those fly by.
So next Monday as I head back to work Izzy has a transition week where she is home for the week with CP. My FIL and his wife are coming in on Saturday to meet Izzy and will be staying until Wednesday so he'll at least have some help- not that I'm worried about him because he is a fantastic dad. And then on March 3rd after her lip tie lasering appointment, as long as she is not crying and/or really upset from the procedure, I will have to drop her off at daycare. And look forward to the weekend.
4 comments:
Thinking of you! I know how hard it is to have to go back to work and leave your hard won little one at daycare. You're doing it much earlier than I did and I can only imagine how much harder it is! Enjoy your time with Izzy as much as you can. :)
Would working part time (not exactly 50%, but something less than full) work?
I am dealing with all this same stuff. I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom but I would love more time at home. I don't want to miss anything! I ended up going back to work this week and it's a mixed bag of emotions. I miss the girls terribly, I feel guilty for leaving my husband to manage them alone, but I sort of enjoy being able to have lunch with coworkers and sit at the computer for more than5 minutes without having to stop and comfort someone. The great thing is they are home with my husband for now so even if I don't see the milestones for the first time, he will. Good luck! I know you'll figure out how to make it all work.
I think all the emotions that you are feeling are totally normal. I remember feeling everything that you describe both times I went back to work. For me, at least, the first day was hard, but then we all adjusted and adapted to the new routine.
Good luck! I know Monday will be hard, but you can do it!
Before you have a baby, 3 months seems like a long time. Once you have that baby, it seems waayyyyy to soon to go back to work. Our babies are just so young and little still! I hope you all made it through the first week. It's nice that CP had the chance to stay home to help with the transition.
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