The answer is who the heck knows. As much as I knew while going through treatments last time that I wanted a baby, I was terrified of what it might actually mean and just how much it would change my life. At times I was worried that it was more about me getting pregnant than actually having a child. Thankfully as soon as Izzy was here my fears were for naught and I loved being a mother.
Now that I know how awesome it is to have a kid, I am not so scared that trying to get pregnant again is all about the pregnancy. However, I have been told by many, many people that just because you had an easy first kid, doesn't mean that you will have an easy second kid. Yesterday, the toddler room teacher at Izzy's daycare said that Izzy did a fantastic job over in her room. She said that it may be the easiest transition she has ever seen. I certainly can't expect another easy-going baby but boy is it going to be a shock if we don't have one!!
With two weeks to go before the transfer, I am excited about the prospect of getting pregnant and having another kid. I am terrified of something going wrong if I am able to get pregnant. I am also terrified if it doesn't work. I know that I have it better than most other infertiles because insurance pays for a lot of my treatment- but we only get two fresh cycles if this frozen cycle doesn't work. My body didn't respond last time with lots of follicles, so if I had to go through a fresh cycle again, I can't imagine that would change. If we go through our fresh cycles (and any corresponding frozen cycles) without a second child, do we stop then?
It's times when my mind starts to wander into these questions that I start to remind myself of my motto from last time (also underneath the picture on my blog). If I start to go down the rabbit hole of "what if" scenarios then I will just make myself miserable. Let's take it just one day at a time. Currently I am on my medications and the frozen transfer is on. There is nothing else that I can be doing right now to ensure that this transfer works.
Maybe it's time to break out the Circle & Bloom IVF meditation series....they helped me a lot last time.
4 comments:
I think doubting and second guessing are only natural. I might check out that circle and bloom myself, I've only heard good things!
I think doubting and second guessing are only natural. I might check out that circle and bloom myself, I've only heard good things!
Circle and bloom sounds like a great plan. Just a few thoughts...1) you have 40 weeks or so to get used to the idea of everything and figure stuff out. It all works out, trust me! 2) izzy is going to grow and mature soooo much during this time, you will be astounded and so proud of her and so ready to give her a sib! And then the timing and everything will seem perfect!
Good luck! I hope this frozen transfer is it!!
That's a great motto, but not always easy to follow. I know I find it hard not to let my brain run away on its own. Hopefully the Circle and Bloom will do the trick...I've never tried it but heard great things.
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