2015 was a doozy

2015. What a doozy of a year.

We started off the year in Barcelona. It was a fun trip and despite some long flights, Izzy did great. While in Spain I started Lupron shots for a February frozen transfer, which unfortunately ended in miscarriage in March. 

Fairly soon after I recovered from the miscarriage, CP fell ill and was out of work for three weeks while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with him. Turns out he had CMV, which I also contracted as well.

Because of the CMV, infertility treatments were put on hold while the virus made its way out of our systems. Meanwhile in May we flew to Cleveland for a family party and were able to introduce Izzy to more of my extended family, and I also finished a Mudderella after not really training for the race.

The following month we bought a new car (a minivan- something I never thought I would get!) and Izzy finally started saying Mama consistently. It was music to my ears. In July we flew to NH for a long weekend with CP's parents and got to introduce Izzy to more of CP's extended family. After we got back I started Insanity workouts, but stopped after three weeks because I read that you shouldn't do extreme workouts before a treatment cycle. Too bad because it was a tough workout and I was noticing a difference.

In August I was interviewed for the Beat Infertility podcast and we flew out to NH again for CP's grandmother's funeral. We started treatment for IVF fresh cycle #2 but I didn't respond well, the cycle turned into an IUI, resulting in a negative pregnancy test in September.

Halloween went great with Izzy looking adorable in her cow costume, but not really understanding the candy aspect of the holiday. The following month after Day 20 of my cycle I started the flare protocol and was convinced that it didn't work. We had a nice Thanksgiving weekend with my family in MI, also celebrating Izzy's second birthday.

The next Monday I went into my RE's office to figure out what had happened and got the surprise of my life when I found out that CP and I actually got pregnant naturally. I was shocked to spend my birthday pregnant and had a great time with Izzy as CP was traveling. 

Overall, it has been a busy year watching Izzy grow into quite the talkative toddler. It's crazy to think that she started off the year mostly signing and only saying a few words. Work has been fulfilling as I have led a few major events that have really made a difference. CP and I do need to have more one-on-one time but it's hard to justify too much time away from Izzy when we both work.

As far as resolutions and/or hopes for 2016? Well I won't be making a weight loss resolution as I obviously hope to stay pregnant through the next 7 months. I kept my resolution from last year to send paper cards to my friends for their birthdays. I know that a lot of them liked to receive a paper card instead of just getting a message via Facebook so I will continue that. In general I would like to spend less time on Facebook because it really just is a time suck.

Best wishes to all of you in 2016!

First OB appt

This morning I had my first OB appointment of this pregnancy. Unfortunately the woman had to use the dildo cam but the office now has 3D images which is pretty cool. The tech checked my ovaries before checking on the baby.

Everything looks good. Heartbeat was 163, arm and leg buds starting to form, and the baby is measuring about 9 weeks 4 days so right on target. I told the tech that I don't ovulate until Day 16 or 17 so she moved my due date back two days to August 2nd.

Not sure why I can't get this 3D picture to turn, but the baby's head is facing down with the arm and leg buds coming off the body to the right. 

When my doctor came in I asked her about the shortness of breath that I am having after going upstairs and doing certain activities. She said that most of that is progesterone and it should go away soon. I know that I wasn't in running shape prior to this pregnancy but I am not THAT out of shape as to be huffing and puffing after going up stairs!

I also asked if the drugs from the flare protocol would have done any harm to the baby. She said that no, they shouldn't have done any harm because it was between ovulation and implantation AND at that point I am not feeding the baby any blood. 

She asked if I had any breast tenderness and I said that I was surprised to find that I didn't really have much. She said that is normal with second pregnancies- especially after breastfeeding because your breasts are less sensitive. Ahhhh good to know. I wish that I had known that a few weeks ago when I was freaking out because my breasts weren't tender!

Finally, I asked about my risk for miscarriage at this point. My doctor wouldn't give me a percentage, but said that it is very low because the baby is measuring on schedule with a strong heartbeat. My SIL and her family already know (CP told them yesterday), but now that my SIL knows we probably have to tell my MIL and FIL soon because my SIL isn't known for keeping secrets....

I had to give a whole lot of blood and a clean urine sample and then I was on my way. Last time with Izzy we did the first trimester screening (otherwise known as the BUN test which involves an ultrasound), but this time we are electing to do the blood test, which tends to be more accurate and checks the fetal blood mixed in with my blood for specific chromosomal abnormalities. Because I am of "advanced maternal age" insurance would cover the blood test and not just the BUN test. So I head back in two weeks for another doctor appointment and the blood test.

What a great late Christmas present!

Microblog Mondays: Exhaustion

The past few days I have been dead tired. A combination of holiday excitement + getting sick (two days before Christmas Izzy sneezed in my mouth and I caught whatever was going around the 2-year- old room at her daycare) + first trimester pregnancy fatigue + houseguests= complete exhaustion.

How do SAHM take care of their toddlers while pregnant? I try to remind myself that there are women that have been doing this for centuries and that I'm sure compared to most people I have it easy. But wow. If we didn't have houseguests (CP's sister and family) I would be able to take my early afternoon nap and be fine but so far it hasn't happened.

I was actually looking forward to coming to work today because maybe I could nap on the train ride home so that I am not so cranky tonight. Last night was simply bad and I felt like an awful mother. I had Izzy most of the day (everyone went to see Star Wars and then later a brew pub) and didn't get a chance to nap so I was exhausted. It was my night to put Izzy to bed, despite telling CP that I was exhausted, and she just wouldn't behave (knocking things off the bathroom counter, running away from me when I tried to put pajamas on her, etc.). I was not the patient mother I usually can be with her, recognizing that those things are not a big deal and instead snapped at her a few times. When I am that tired I simply can't remember to just take a deep breath. Thankfully Izzy didn't even realize that I was snapping at her, but I need to do better, despite being tired.

I don't remember being this bone tired during my pregnancy with Izzy but I think that the main factor is I could literally sit my butt on the couch and do nothing if I was tired; I didn't have a toddler to run after. Hopefully the fatigue lifts soon as CP is starting to travel again next month and I won't have his help for at least two weeks out of the month.



Want to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Soccer!

This winter CP and I decided that Izzy would need some sort of indoor activity to burn off some energy in case it was too cold to go outside. So far this winter has been very mild, but you never know. After conferring with friends and neighbors, everyone suggested soccer because the kids get to run around a lot. We briefly considered swimming but I hate swimming in the winter time, coming out of the facility with wet hair is never fun. Soccer it is!

Izzy's first day in her new uniform

So far she seems to really enjoy herself. Most of the class is not totally related to soccer as they play red light/green light and use the parachute at the end, but she ends up working on her kicking skills a bunch. She is doing a great job dribbling the ball but needs to learn to not touch the ball with her hands so much. Ha ha.

Practicing kicking skills after building a tower of cones

At this point I'm just happy that Izzy is getting some exercise every week!

Do you have your kid in any classes over the winter?

Trying to keep a secret

Despite having made it through the first and very important ultrasound, I am still wary of celebrating this pregnancy quite yet. I mean, I'm still blown away by the fact that this miracle, magical pregnancy happened to us. I literally thought that we would never have this happen and we would only get pregnant via IVF. 

However, we still have a ways to go until we are out of the first trimester and not being able to go in for an ultrasound until next Tuesday is so tough. Currently only my parents know about the pregnancy, but the I want to keep it a secret for a little while longer....something that may not be possible.

This weekend CP and I were out and about doing Christmas-y things with Izzy when my neighbor texted and asked if she could use our freezer as they needed to flash-freeze dumplings and they ran out of room in their freezer. I told her how to get into our house but didn't think about the fact that my ultrasound pictures were hanging up in the kitchen, hard to miss. She hasn't said anything and hopefully she was too distracted to see them, but the next day I brought over a baby item (she is currently pregnant) that we never used with Izzy and she said, "well, I'll make sure to keep it if you ever need it....." I assume she is not saying anything because she looked at the date of the ultrasound and saw that it was still early....  I have since moved the ultrasound pictures upstairs in a drawer where no one can see them.

This week my parents and my sister and her fiance are coming over for Christmas. The weekend before my birthday we all went out to dinner to a Peruvian restaurant and while everyone else indulged in ceviche and alcohol, I demurred saying that I wasn't feeling well from the night before. My sister and fiance seemed clueless that night, but we skipped their holiday party this past weekend because I have been so exhausted (and knew that it wouldn't be much fun without alcohol)....then if I don't drink again on Christmas maybe her radar will go off? Then again, because she doesn't seem too interested in having kids, she may not notice at all. In general, I don't want her to find out until I am into the second trimester as I'm not even sure she responded at all to the fact that I had a miscarriage this spring (seriously, after telling her the news I don't even think that she said anything).

Finally, CP's sister and her family are flying out for almost a week the day after Christmas. CP is taking next week off to hang out with them, but I checked my vacation time/sick time balances and figured out that if I do give birth in late July I am not going to have enough time saved up for a 3 month maternity leave, so I shouldn't take any time off. I think that they are going to be a bit confused with me going into work while they are here, which means we probably need to tell them what is going on (not to mention that we both will be going to a doctor appointment next week). However, I would love to wait until at least Tuesday AFTER the next ultrasound because I am either going to be happy or crying and I would rather not have them get all excited if this is just going to end in disaster.

So, my plans to keep the pregnancy news a secret for a while longer will likely be ruined later this week. Fingers crossed I won't have to re-tell the same people bad news just a few days later.

Microblog Mondays: Christmas activities

This year with Izzy being a bit older we had a lot of fun doing various Christmas activities with her.

Two weeks ago we met up with friends at the local Botanic Gardens where they have a cool train exhibit. She loved it last year and enjoyed it once again.

While we didn't make a big production about getting a tree (*cough*cough* local nursery), we did have a fun time decorating it. We didn't have a tree last year because we left for Spain on Christmas Day so every time we opened a box of ornaments, Izzy would say "whoa" or "wow." She certainly enjoyed the new moose ornament CP and I got at the Chriskindlemarket downtown this year.

A couple weeks in and I am AMAZED that Izzy isn't pulling on ornaments or the tree and hasn't tried to open any presents yet. When we get home from work/daycare every day she does request that we turn the lights on the tree and has picked up a couple of presents and said "hold it?" I ask her to put it down and then tell her "not yet. We have to wait for Christmas." She then tells herself, "not yet." LOL.

This year was also the first year that Izzy has met Santa. I didn't want to take her out in public too much her first year since she was less than a month old and last year we didn't have time (instead she took a picture with one of the Three Kings while we were in Spain).

She was a little unsure (Mommy why are you putting me on this strange man's lap?), but no tears and a cute picture despite the worried look on her face.

Afterwards Izzy got to write a letter to Santa to put in his mailbox. Since she is only two she wasn't asking for anything specific so we just put down "toys please" and she scribbled on the paper.

Very proud of her letter (and her first hair cut earlier in the day!).

Mailing the letter.

Finally we made Christmas cookies! I used the allrecipes.com sugar cookie recipe and made the dough Saturday night. It cooled in the fridge overnight and yesterday morning we were ready to make the cookies. (Izzy didn't quite understand that we needed to cook the cookies first as she kept saying "eat it?")

I did most of the rolling and Izzy helped me press the molds into the dough. After baking the cookies we let them cool before putting some icing on them. Izzy would press the cookie into a bowl of sprinkles to decorate them. The kitchen got messy but she had a great time!

Cookie decorating by Izzy.

Excited to eat the final product!

Otherwise, since Izzy doesn't get the concept of the Elf on the Shelf quite yet, CP has enjoyed moving the Elf around when we get home and having Izzy find it. We don't exactly follow the rules on touching the Elf....maybe next year.

Speaking of Elf, we watched the movie on Saturday night. I was amazed that Izzy sat through basically the entire movie. She loved it! It's definitely my favorite Christmas movie so I'm excited to watch it with her every year.

Want to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Invisibilia

Last night on my train ride home I was listening to the NPR Podcast Invisibilia. I have recently become obsessed with this podcast and I'm sad that it only has 6 episodes. Hopefully season 2 comes out soon as I have one episode left to go.

Anyway, this podcast was about the power of categories. People want and need to be placed in categories- are you a dog person or a cat person? Are you male or female? We are very uncomfortable with people who don't neatly fit into one category or another, and the person that doesn't fit into a category feels uncomfortable as well.

Towards the end of the podcast, the hosts were talking about an Indian retirement community in FL. The founder of the community decided that he didn't want to go back to India to live out the rest of his life because his family was here in the US (amongst other reasons), so he thought that he would create a mini-India retirement community in FL, complete with yoga classes, mediation, palm trees, Indian decor, etc. He started to sell the units right as the recession hit but instead of having issues selling the condos when bigger condos were being sold for less right across the street due to foreclosure, he quickly sold out and had to build more units (which then sold out quickly as well). Turns out that when people fear death or see death coming sooner rather than later, they become racist and want to be with people like themselves.

The host spoke to a psychology professor that has researched what happens when people are facing death. Experiments like asking what happens to you when you are physically dead or asking questions outside a funeral home tend to make people more negative towards other cultures and become more nationalistic. The professor seems to think that it is something about the threat of disappearing. But if you are surrounded by people like you, either in culture, religion, or something else, then you still matter, you are still here.

This is fascinating and most likely why Donald Trump's racist thoughts are resonating with the older white group here in the US. I would argue that all of the Republicans are running on a platform of fear. Fear of terrorism, fear of people taking our jobs, etc. makes his supporters want to surround themselves with people just like them. Thus they all believe that our country needs to ban Muslims and curb immigration from other countries (especially those south of us because they don't look like us either).

This isn't to give an excuse to all of the people supporting these insane proposals, but it does give me some insight into why they might be doing so. I don't have anything to wrap up this post in a neat and tiny bow, but just thought that this was a fascinating podcast that was very relevant to the past few weeks!