Just F*cking Doing It Club

Two nights ago I was up until 1am crying and anxious because how was I going to deal with having two kids? How was I going to juggle work, kids, Buster, etc. especially when CP is traveling? I should be cherishing the time that we have left as a family of three, instead I am feeling guilty because I am tired and annoyed. 

Yesterday I went to see my primary care physician about my foot. 10 days later I'm still limping and in pain so it was time to make sure that I didn't do something silly to it. After an appointment and X-rays, it was deemed by a student doctor that I didn't have a break that they could see in my foot but maybe I have a tiny stress fracture? And that the slight bit of extra fluid in my feet and the extra weight due to pregnancy are not helping. Their answer? Ice and Rest. Okay, so I will continue to suck it up as I have been and continue to get sh*t done.

Later in the day I had an appointment with my OB and talked to her about the possibility of getting postpartum depression if I didn't have it the first time. I have been more emotional this pregnancy and my google searching while up crying the other night didn't yield any answers. My OB's response was that it would be highly unlikely to get PPD if you didn't have it the first time, however, with a second baby there will likely be more anxiety and guilt. For instance, I could get anxious if both kids are crying so it was important to use my support network to help with Izzy while I am busy with the baby- especially before Baby Boy has a schedule. 

That didn't really make me feel any better, but reading this article- The Just F*cking Doing It Club- helped me a bit because it is so true. Once I had Izzy I was asked numerous times how I fit everything in. You just do. You figure out what works for you and you just do it because you have to. And that is what I will do once I have two kids.  I'll figure out what works for me and just f*cking do it.

Current mood: annoyed

At 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, I would say that my current mood about almost everything is annoyed.

-Last week CP traveled to New Orleans. This week he is in Puerto Rico. Next week he is in North Carolina. I keep trying to tell myself that it is probably best that he is traveling while I am still pregnant and hopefully it cuts down on the travel that he has after the baby is born (at least in the beginning), but there is no guarantee. 

-For over a week now I have been limping around. I have some unexplained pain on the top of my left foot. It's not red or swollen so after emailing my OB, she wasn't concerned about it being pregnancy-related, but despite me icing it every day, sometimes multiple times a day, the pain is still there. Google searching hasn't come up with anything specific so maybe I will try to get to my primary care physician tomorrow to see if it is anything important? I'm sure the extra weight of being pregnant is not helping matters, but I am wearing sneakers every day at work (switching to appropriate shoes when I have an important meeting) and walking slowly from the train to my office. I also often have an extra 35 pounds on me as Izzy is asking to be picked up so much these days....

-This past weekend we had a crawfish boil party, mainly to celebrate CP's 40th birthday two weeks before. It was 93 degrees out so I basically sweat the entire day. While we were getting ready for the party I was outside squatting down to pick something up (quite a chore these days) and heard a "riiiiiiiiippp." Sure enough I split my maternity capri pants. That was quite the ego booster.

-After today is over I only have 11 days left of work. I hate to say it but between my problem employee (who is quite a problem these days), and things not going so well (but out of my control) on a project, I am looking forward to the three months away. 

-Izzy has hit the "why" stage in that every.single.question. out of her mouth is "why?" I know that it is a specific stage of development and that it is good that she is so curious but I run out of answers pretty quickly.

-I feel terrible that during the week, my interaction with Izzy is more rushed and trying to hurry her- whether it is to get dressed, to go to the bathroom, to get in the car, to sit down to dinner, to brush her teeth, etc. I wish that there was more time in general to relax with her during the week- I just feel like we are not having any "fun" during the week (especially with CP gone). I know that I should be savoring these last few weeks with her as only one kid but solo parenting makes it 10 times more difficult and I have less patience these days.

Mostly I just feel rushed and not ready to have two kids yet. On the other hand, I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. July 15th is going to come very quickly....

Things left to do

Completed tasks for Baby #2:

-Infant car seat installed in the minivan

-Ergo purchased (the one I used with Izzy was a loaner)

-Childcare for Izzy and Buster procured (my parents)

Tasks in process:

-Sort hand-me-downs from friends into various sizes and wash

During Izzy's long nap on Sunday (we had a good pool workout that morning so she slept for almost three hours!), I opened up all of the bags and boxes of clothes we have received from two different friends. I was amazed at how many pieces of clothing we received- I really am not going to have to buy much of anything for Baby boy which is awesome! If he grows as fast as Izzy has been we don't spend that much time in each clothing size anyway.

Piles from L to R- newborn (0-3 mo), 3-6 mo, 6-9mo, 9-12mo, 12mo

Yet to do:
-Purchase diapers
-Bring down Izzy's old clothes from the attic and wash gender neutral clothes
-Bring down infant toys and contraptions from the attic (MamaRoo, playspace, bathtub, etc.)
-Purchase standing board for stroller for Izzy
-Set up Pack n Play with bassinet in our bedroom
-Pack hospital bag
-Book newborn photographer
-Finish all tasks at work and prepare the person who will fill in for me as much as possible

I feel like we should have more tasks to do to get ready for Baby Boy. What am I forgetting?

Microblog Mondays: Owned by Izzy

On Saturday, Izzy and I were playing with various shapes. I picked up a shape and asked Izzy what it was. "Octahedron" she stated. "No it's a diamond" I replied, but amazed that she even knew the word. I want to say that I knew exactly what an octahedron was, but all I knew is that it would have 8 sides. I asked my resident engineer, CP, what an octahedron looked like. "It's basically a 3D version of a diamond" he replied.

So technically I was right because I held up a 2D diamond, not a 3D version. However, the fact that my 2.5 year old knew the word octahedron and used it somewhat correctly? Boy I'm in for trouble. I guess the Leap Frog Letter Factory videos on Netflix we allow her to sometimes watch on the weekends are teaching her some things?

Of course, this is coming from the same 2.5 year old that sometimes can't tell the difference between a square and a rectangle so maybe she just got lucky....


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Almost Wordless Friday

Oh man. Izzy's daycare pictures came back this week and they are so adorable! Okay I am a bit biased, but thankfully she is smiling and not giving the camera a death stare like her winter pictures (I guess the kids were a little scared of the photographer).

Sassy

I'm not sure if she knows why she is holding an I but it's still cute

In other big news, today I am 34 weeks so I need to start to get things ready for Baby boy's arrival. What have we done so far? Uhhhh nothing. So this week I made an appointment with our local police department and had them install the infant car seat (they usually want you to do this around 36 weeks) and reinstall Izzy's car seat so that she is facing forward. CP had been pushing for her to face forward for a while now, but I had been resisting because it's simply safer to have her face backwards. However, with her height and weight, the passenger seat was pushed fairly far forward to make sure that there was the inch distance between the back of her seat and the passenger seat....which also meant that the passenger usually had their knees scrunched up against the dashboard. Not ideal.

So while I wish that we could have kept her rear facing for a longer period of time because she was doing just fine, Izzy is excited to view the world from her forward-facing seat and truthfully, it is easier to get her in the car. So far every time she gets in she notices "baby brother's car seat" next to her. She is definitely growing up.

Almost 34 week doctor appointment

It's been three weeks since my last appointment with my doctor and thankfully nothing exciting has been happening so it was a semi-boring visit (I'm just fine with it staying that way). Baby boy has been performing some big movements recently which surprised me because I guess I thought he didn't have a lot of room in there. Today it looks like he is breech because a strong heartbeat could be found for the first time towards the top of my belly. Breech doesn't cause an issue with a scheduled c-section but it does mean that a pediatrician will be in the delivery room if he stays that way (hospital policy).

Otherwise, I am feeling better than I was last time at 34 weeks. Biff and Harry the hemorrhoids are still hanging around, but aren't causing any issues so that's helpful. I am sleeping better- I remember getting up to pee every hour and needing to change positions every hour last time- again, still having to pee once or twice a night, but it's not an every hour sort of thing (not yet at least). Baby boy doesn't feel like he is pushing up on my lungs and making it hard to breathe (doctor attributed that to the fact that my ligaments have already stretched so baby is sitting a little lower this time around). I'm not taking Tums three or four times a day, so I'm guessing that this baby is not coming out with a lot of hair (if the old wives tale is true)? And while I would love a nap most days, I am not struggling without one- although I am likely drinking more caffeine than I did with Izzy (I tried not to drink any with her). No caffeine this time around would NOT be possible.

That being said, I am super emotional. The last two nights I have been crying. The first night was towards the end of CP's 40th birthday and I felt bad that I didn't make it more special (it was a Tuesday night)...but I was exhausted and sometime exhaustion makes me cry. I went to bed over an hour earlier than usual which was very necessary. Yesterday I had a rough day at work where my problem employee was causing me lots of stress, then I came home to a manical Izzy who was overtired and upset about everything (example: she was mad that I wouldn't give her a popsicle before dinner). She was hitting and kicking me and generally melting down while CP was asking me to bring plates and stuff outside for dinner, then CP made a snarky comment about not helping and I just dissolved into tears because I was doing my best to handle Izzy and couldn't do two things at once. He apologized, but I just felt like I couldn't do anything right. Argh.

But back to the doctor appointment- I did talk to her about tying my tubes during my c-section. She said that recovery is a bit tougher, but that it wouldn't affect my hormones at all. I would still get the same period as usual and the procedure would lengthen the amount of time I am in surgery (of course). If I had a lot of scar tissue then they wouldn't make a huge effort to tie the tubes. I then asked whether birth control would be a the better option for me because of my previous history of endo and my ongoing issue with fibroids. She did say that birth control or the Mirena IUD could be good options because they could keep some hormones in check and could slow/stop the growth of both conditions. Many women go on birth control between ages 45-50 anyway as odd issues with periods like heavy flows, sporadic bleeding and hot flashes tend to happen. I have to talk to CP, but I really am leaning towards the birth control or possibly the IUD. I really don't want a longer recovery than need be. I'm already going through a major surgery- why complicate things even more? And while I am adamant that this is my last baby, what if something happened to my kids? Would I want to have another one? I hate to shut the door just in case.

Needless to say, Baby boy is growing well and had a strong heartbeat. My next appointment is in two weeks where I will finally get another ultrasound to see how he is doing.

Microblog Mondays: Over or Under

I never believed that there was a right or wrong way to load the toilet paper until I had a toddler. In fact I thought that it was seriously stupid that people actually spent time thinking about it. Then came Izzy. Izzy likes to slap the toilet paper roll at times and if it is not loaded the correct way (aka "under"), the entire roll could spill to the floor.

So despite what the original inventor of perforated toilet paper said in his patent application, the correct way to load toilet paper is under. (The inventor clearly didn't have kids.)

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