Thanks for all of the nice comments yesterday. You know when you just have a crappy day and need to vent your crazy feelings? That was me yesterday. I did end up going to the gym and running/ walking for 60 minutes, along with eating healthy things so I felt much better by the end of the day.
I originally wrote this post a couple of days ago, but writing about my feelings yesterday and then having such nice comments makes it so hard to think about not writing anymore. Does CP want to hear about my crazy thoughts? Probably not.
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If CP ever found out I wrote a blog, here is how I imagine the conversation will go:
CP: Umm so I found out that you are writing a blog. Why would you want to do that?
NSC: It’s kind of like having a diary, except online. It’s been fun to chronicle planning for our wedding and other life events.
CP: Why not just keep a private diary instead of putting our lives out there on the internet for all to see?
NSC: Well, I am very careful to not give away too much information about our lives. So far I think that I have done a good job of protecting our identities. I tell specific stories, but when identifying information comes into play, I generalize it.
CP: I just don’t understand why you feel the need to do that.
NSC: Well, you know that I have been reading blogs for a while. You have even made fun of me for doing it in the past. Then last summer, when I needed a break from studying for the bar, I started my own. I enjoy it.
CP: grumble, grumble, grumble, etc.
I hope that I never have to have this conversation with CP. I’m not sure what I would do if he found out about the blog. I know that he would be mad. He already thinks that I put too much information on Facebook. (In my defense, I don’t put pictures up of us drunk or other embarrassing photos. I try to I stick to the “grandmother” rule- I would be okay with my grandmother (if either of them were alive of course) checking out my Facebook site.)
I hate keeping something like this from him, but wouldn’t be able to write about our relationship if I knew he was reading. I’m not even sure he WOULD read if he knew about it. All I know is that he would be mad that I was putting stuff about us on the internet for people to read (even if these people are strangers). Would it make it better in his mind if I started to meet other people that blogged? Who knows.
I’m not sure how to reconcile this. I hate him not knowing, but worry that someday he is going to find out and be really pissed. I mean, putting our stories out there does affect him too. I don’t want to stop blogging as I think that it is a good outlet for my thoughts and feelings. Plus, I have an awful memory and now I can go back through my archives to find the stories that I forget! :-) Oh decisions, decisions.
6 comments:
Ask yourself, if he had a blog would you want to know?
This is a tough one. I wish I had an answer. Keeping secrets can be dangerous but at the same time it's fine for you to have things that are just for you, you know?
I didn't tell Miguel about my blog until he broke up with me. He seemed surprised (maybe hurt) that I had been doing it for over 3 months without telling him .. so I guess that because you and CP are getting married, he should know about it because it's something you love.
Maybe tell him about it but don't give the address or hints on how to find it because it's your personal espace.
Just like telling him you write a journal but not giving him the key, perfectly normal and understandable in my opinion.
On the off chance he'll be a little upset by it (not something I really think will happen) I would say it's better he knew sooner rather than later. The difference between "I've been blogging for a year" and "I've had a secret blog for 3 years" is pretty big. I think it'll be fine! Don't stress, and just be honest, it's personal and for you...that's the whole point, no weird agenda, and I think he'll realize that.
I just recently had my first anniversary, and I have to say the #1 most important thing in a relationship is honesty. I can't imagine keeping a secret from your SO. I also can't imagine having an SO who wouldn't support the things I enjoy (and as harmless as an anon blog). I say tell him.
Don't worry about your weight either :) CP loves you for YOU. I agree with others who said we all feel like that sometimes. I feel like that tonight. I hate to exercise, but I hate being 20lbs overweight even more.
It's interesting. I eventually spill the beans to the men I'm dating that I have a blog. Some want to read it, but most don't really care.
I write for the same reasons you do, and I enjoy the comments, good or bad.
Try not to feel badly about it. I say keep it to yourself. It's your time here.
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