Dating disasters #1

An occasional series of some of the worst dates in my life and/or general disasters with the opposite sex. I am what you would call a “serial monogamist” so I didn’t go on tons of dates, instead choosing the people that I wanted to date carefully and generally dating them for a while. It’s the guys that didn’t last very long that provide the best material (or the ones that I drunkenly kissed).

Dating Disaster #1

Case in point: one summer when I was living in Philadelphia I went to a downtown bar with two of my friends. For those of you not on the east coast, most people flee for the Jersey shore almost every weekend. So, the bar was pretty dead. We had a great time at the bar that night- the bartender gave us tons of free shots and we basically hung out with him all night.

I had a BRILLIANT idea to invite the cute bartender and the bouncer back to my place in order to continue the party. After they got off their shift, they came by and we played some drinking games. Sooner or later, the bouncer ended up in my bed (we just kissed and then passed out) and the bartender ended up hooking up with my friend on the couch in the living room.

Although I was pretty drunk, I woke up to the sound of someone peeing….but it sounded a lot closer than the bathroom. Why? BECAUSE THE BOUNCER WAS PEEING INTO AN OPEN DRESSER DRAWER ALL OVER MY BRAS. Oh yes, I bring the classy ones home!!! I asked what he was doing and in a clearly put-out voice, he replied that he was peeing. I then yelled, “but you are not in the bathroom!!”

The guy had the nerve to finish up what he started in the bathroom and then get back in bed with me to try to continue to sleep. WHAT???? THE???? HELL????

For some reason, I couldn’t handle kicking him out myself, so I walked into the other room and woke up my friends and the bartender.

“CS, the bouncer just peed in my dresser drawer instead of the toilet.”

“WHAT?? Do you want me to kick him out?”

“Uh huh.”

CS then went into the bedroom, threw off the sheets and said, “Alright piss boy! Time to get out of here!”

The bartender kept apologizing profusely for his coworker, while the bouncer just seemed dazed and unapologetic. We think that the bouncer might not have been 21 at the time and maybe didn’t know how to handle his liquor??

Regardless, I had to wash everything in my dresser drawer and try to clean the wood as much as possible. At the time, I was in a really low-paying job and could barely afford rent and expenses so I wasn’t able to buy a new dresser. Ewwwwwwwwwww.