The first time was a conversation between CP and me as we were driving to our night dive this past weekend. I’m not sure how the conversation came about, but we started talking about having kids. Ever since I had the conversation with my friend back in DC, it had been in the back of my mind, but I was too focused on the wedding to really talk about it too much with CP (and basically tell him that I was probably going to be ready fairly soon). To my surprise, CP immediately came out and said that he wants to have kids sooner than later as he doesn’t want to be too old. And I agree with him- my friends have sufficiently scared me enough regarding the warnings that come when you have babies at 35 years old or older. Come December I will be 31. Having babies soon simply because we don’t want to be old is NOT the only reason though. We both have stable jobs. Hopefully in a year we will be moving back to our west coast city where we will NEVER move from.
CP and I will have been together for four years the day before our wedding. :-) So while I had said in the past that I would want to be a newlywed for a couple of years before jumping on the baby train, I’m not sure I feel that way anymore. Since CP and I live together and share a joint credit card/joint checking account (we both have separate cards & checking accounts too) we already have figured out that aspect of our relationship. We aren’t the romantic, lovey-dovey couple so the “newlywed” title might not mean anything to us??
I personally would like to wait to start trying until AFTER our move out west. To me, trying to move a baby across the country with all of our stuff would be a nightmare.
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The second conversation happened last night when my aunt stopped by on the way back down to NYC. While we were out to dinner, we somehow got on the topic of babies.* Randomly we started talking about IVF and what we would do as a couple if we couldn’t have kids “the normal way.” I personally don’t think that there is a problem with IVF. I don’t know much on the topic and haven’t done any research (hopefully I never have to), but CP thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be the right way to go. My aunt agreed, saying that she has a friend writing a book about the side effects of IVF on the mother (I’m guessing there are issues because they have to inject you with hormones for a couple months).
CP and I did have a casual conversation about whether we would adopt or not if we weren’t able to have kids. The gist was that we probably wouldn’t adopt….and would just have a bunch of Fuzzy Britches and be able to take trips all over the world every year! :-)
What would you do if you couldn’t have kids “the normal way”? Would you go through IVF? Would you adopt?
*Unlike some people, she didn’t jump to the next relationship question (aka “when are you guys going to start having kids?”).
The second conversation happened last night when my aunt stopped by on the way back down to NYC. While we were out to dinner, we somehow got on the topic of babies.* Randomly we started talking about IVF and what we would do as a couple if we couldn’t have kids “the normal way.” I personally don’t think that there is a problem with IVF. I don’t know much on the topic and haven’t done any research (hopefully I never have to), but CP thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be the right way to go. My aunt agreed, saying that she has a friend writing a book about the side effects of IVF on the mother (I’m guessing there are issues because they have to inject you with hormones for a couple months).
CP and I did have a casual conversation about whether we would adopt or not if we weren’t able to have kids. The gist was that we probably wouldn’t adopt….and would just have a bunch of Fuzzy Britches and be able to take trips all over the world every year! :-)
What would you do if you couldn’t have kids “the normal way”? Would you go through IVF? Would you adopt?
*Unlike some people, she didn’t jump to the next relationship question (aka “when are you guys going to start having kids?”).
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On a side note, I can’t believe that I am talking about babies. Seriously. I mean, lately I have been feeling more comfortable around kids (i.e. not running away from them as soon as I see them), but to contemplate going off the pill??? (I have been on since 1997- holy crap!) To contemplate wanting to gain weight?? Sigh. I AM getting old!
On a side note, I can’t believe that I am talking about babies. Seriously. I mean, lately I have been feeling more comfortable around kids (i.e. not running away from them as soon as I see them), but to contemplate going off the pill??? (I have been on since 1997- holy crap!) To contemplate wanting to gain weight?? Sigh. I AM getting old!
6 comments:
For me, I think I may try IVF if things did nto work out the way nature meant it to be. but it is costly and I am not sure if I can handle the disappointment if it does not work.
I don't know yet. How that will all play out fore me, I am closer to 35 then I want to be and have some medical issues that will be challenging to work with.
I think we would try IVF and some other fertility treatments, but we wouldn't want the process to drag on too long. If it didn't work after a certain period of time, we'd adopt. We might adopt one kid anyway, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch.
I don't know if you are aware, but most insurances do not cover IVF, and costs total to $16,000. IVF is usually 'last hope' for couples who can't have kids naturally, and the process is long, painful, and tiring for both partners-- and no guarantees either.
Wow, so this idea is really sinking in, uh ?! I think it's a great thing that you and CP have been having these conversations .. before the wedding especially. It's an exciting time in your lives !
As for myself, although I am nowhere near having children right now (because of the lack of a commited relationship, lol.) I think I would go with adoption. Actually, I've always wanted to adopt. IVF is extremely painful and it would have to be discussed in great lengths with my partner.
You know what the most important thing is in all of this? That you and CP are on the same page. That's all that really matters.
For me, I'm 35 and far from scared to have my own kids. In fact, I still feel no rush to do so. Partly because my OBGYN told me 50% of his mothers are over 35. And partly because I don't have that strong urge to have my own babies. If nature isn't working on our side, we will definitely look into adoption.
Anon- actually my current insurance pays for 3 IVF treatments (amazingly enough).
If we had to look into that route, I would have to do a lot of research!
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