Maybe because the heat index makes it feel like 109 degrees out today. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Whatever it is I am a bit annoyed.
It’s invasive and somewhat weird to have to talk to people about wanting to have kids. They get all excited for you but it’s because they don’t know that you have been unsuccessful in the venture for a year. They think that you and your husband just started to have discussions about the idea. But you don’t want to make them feel bad about getting excited so you don’t say anything.
When I went to the orthodontist we had the conversation about when I could get pregnant and still have the oral surgery. When CP and I went to get long term disability and life insurance we had to tell our representative that we wanted kids in the future. When my dentist wanted to prescribe me special toothpaste to combat the possible cavity growing between my teeth, he asked about pregnancy and I had to tell him that we were trying (and therefore couldn’t use the special toothpaste).
I can’t match these random people’s excitement over the prospect of having kids. It’s hard to get my hopes up these days. I wonder if they think that I am weird because I don’t get excited when talking about it?
Either way I am slightly b*tchy and/or cranky about the subject these days. One of my coworkers ran into me in the hallway and said, “how’s it going mommy?” She meant how was it going with the puppy, but I told her that she needed to say “puppy mommy” next time. I don’t need rumors floating around the office. I can’t imagine getting questions about that while not even being pregnant.
The other annoying thing lately is all of the mothers in the office that say things to me like, “don’t have kids for a while” or how I “will find out soon enough about kids.” I get that kids aren’t sunshine and rainbows. But no, I may never find out what is like to have a kid. And I do want a kid right now- I am going to be 33 in December.
None of these people have any idea what is going on with me- I haven’t told anyone at the office that we are even trying. So I certainly don’t snap at them or say anything. But it is still frustrating……
TGIF.
9 comments:
If people minded their own business, what would we ever have to talk about. I don't want to say the ever popular "hang in there," yet it seems to work for all occasions.
I am almost ten years younger than you, so I do want to wait a bit before we start having kids, but I can relate to you in the sense that people just can't mind their own business. I can't imagine what it feels like to struggle to conceive - I give you so much credit for writing about it. I do know how annoying it is when people bring up having children constantly. It is such an intensely personal decision and it just shocks me how comfortable people are with bringing it up. I get that certain professionals (like your dentist) have to bring it up, and that most people mean no harm by talking about it, but still.
I have 3 close friends who have gone through what you are going through and each one of them has experienced this "stage" of what you are feeling. It is normal and I don't want you to feel bad about all the emotions that are attached to this whole experience.
You WILL get through this and you have a wonderful husband at your side to help pull each other through.
And I whole-heartedly believe with the previous commenters that if people just minded their own business the world would be a better place.
People are so weird it comes to pregnancy stuff. I feel like people think the state of a uterus is everyone's business, but it's not. I'm thankful for blogs like yours who have provided me insight into the difficultly some women face in getting pregnant and I hope that it's given me the tact to not make others feel like these people have made you feel. Like the others said, people really just need to mind their own business.
Here from La Creme....
Oh I hope you get to know what kids are like. And I so hear you on the weird questions. I've gotten some weird ones myself and experienced rumors flying that I was pregnant -- but never someone calling someone a mom because they had a new puppy!
Hang in there. It is so hard to get people to understand the uncertainties and the different time lines when things aren't coming easily.
And rarely does one stay excited when the path is uncertain. The emotions are understandably mixed and more complex.
Oh yeah, I completely hear you on how colleagues roll their eyes and talk about when 'you have children.'
I couldn't hide my fertility struggles much in my office, because everyone knew I had been married a while, and generally was aware of my intent to have kids. The only thing I chose to do was to not talk of my 'cycling' or what was up with it....
I am a December girl too! Belated Happy Birthday.
Here from CDLC.
Visiting from the Creme de la Creme. Great post! I've felt that way many times.
Yes, it's so invasive to have every HCP ask about your family-building plans. My dental hygienist always ends up needing to know--she's doing x-rays or whatever--and doesn't remember that I said that we were trying at our last appt 6 months ago, or the one before that, and that...And the comments about enjoying your life before kids get very old very quickly.
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