To continue my post from Tuesday....but first two responses to two comments (I don't have your email addresses!):
Rain before Rainbow- YES! I am not a girly-girly in any way, shape or form. Nor do I like pink or lots of frilly things. So hopefully not finding out the sex keeps people from buying that stuff for the baby. :-)
Cristy- My decision has certainly been helped by two bloggers recently finding out that the sex that the doctor told them through blood tests or ultrasounds has suddenly changed! Suddenly that almost certainty that one had once they found out the sex is not so almost certain anymore....
On to the post for the day....
While I was spending time with friends in DC two weeks ago, the friends asked whether we cared about the sex of the baby....as in, do we have a preference. CP and I hadn't talked about this yet, so I thought about it and decided that I am scared sh*tless of either sex. Seriously.
I didn't grow up with a brother, but I know that in general, boys are more physical as little kids. As boys grow up they tend to do more dangerous and thrill-seeking activities. I mean, how many times do you watch Tosh.O and see a girl trying to skateboard off a roof? Most of those videos are of boys doing stupid things- especially when they are teenagers.
As a mother I am going to be totally freaked out about any dangerous activities a boy will want to do, because I obviously want to keep them safe from broken bones and big scars. (Without being a helicopter parent.) I used to think that I would want any son that I had to play football, but after playing it myself after college (I really must tell you guys about my women's professional football experience) and hearing so much about the brain injuries these days in the NFL, I will likely be steering him towards another sport (if he is athletic).
Puberty is a mess with both sexes, but I sure as hell hope that CP is willing to help out a potential son navigate what happens when they get a boner in class because I would have no idea what to say! Then with boys you have to worry about making sure that they treat women well. That they aren't getting girls pregnant or assaulting them. That they aren't bullying other kids in school, etc.
In terms of girls, I am not a frilly, heavy makeup wearing, fashionista so I have no idea how I would handle a daughter that is a girly-girl. Growing up I was a huge tomboy so if a daughter doesn't turn out to be athletic like me, I might have some difficulty. Little girls may be a bit easier to deal with for the first few years, but man, being a girl in middle school/junior high sucked. Despite being the youngest in my class, I was one of the first girls to grow boobs in my grade which I hid as much as possible with sweatshirts. Any daughter of mine will surely have big boobs and get their period early.
Like a lot of women, I don't have the best body image. I know that I have a strong body and I love that I am tall, but the weight issue is another thing. I played so many sports when I was young that I never had an issue with my weight and my mom was very good about feeding us healthy stuff and not giving us weird body complexes. My mom is also in great shape- even at her ripe old age of 62. (Seriously, I would kill for her arms.) I worry about passing on weird eating habits and complexes to a daughter.
And then the teenage years. How do you keep your young daughter from being sexualized too early (especially with what kids are wearing these days!)? Girls are a struggle because you have to make sure they aren't sleeping around, that they don't get pregnant too early, etc.
I KNOW that a lot of this will be decided on how CP and I are as parents. So maybe it is just my fears on whether I will be a good parent or not coming out. If my terror of both sexes continues, at least I won't be disappointed with whatever comes out later this year!
What do you think- does one sex scare you more?
16 comments:
No, I'm with you! Pros and cons of both. I wouldn't be disappointed with either...but somehow think we'd have a boy.
I'm a little behind in reading your posts, so I saw your one from yesterday. I always planned on being surprised as deliveries are so much more fun when it's a surprise. Honestly, I would often forget to look at the time of delivery, as the gender was already established. I've become pre-emptively annoyed as two friends have also decided not to know the gender, so if I do get pregnant, I'll be perceived as "copying". This sounds hokie, but I think the gender will be what you're meant to have. Boys are more of a handful when they're younger, but girls can be bratty when they're older. Both Husband and I picture ourselves having a girl, and I've thought about doing gender selection if we are doing IVF, but if she's ever really bitchy, I may question that decision. I think I really prefer a girl as I think I have more control over her not getting pregnant as a teen than my son's girlfriend!
I was honestly scared of both, for a lot of the reasons you mention, but I was TERRIFIED of having a boy. I'm an only child, a girl, and not a tomboy at that. I...don't really understand boys.
But honestly, now that I've been around more people with more kids, I realize that there are girls who are as daredevilish as boys. There are boys who are as quiet and calm as girls. Their personalities will determine that along with their gender.
And, no matter which way, they both have things that are terrifying and things that are awesome. And no matter what, you'll be a great parent to whoever your kid is!
I agree with everything you said too! I am also not finding out the gender (if I ever get pregnant) because I want a surprise.
I guess you never know what your child will be like, all you can do is try your best to steer them in the right direction and to support them.
You might as well get used to all the worrying now, because you've got many years ahead of you to worry about your kids ;)
A few of my girlfriends who had success with IVF made the same decision as you. Everything else was so "planned and precise" that they wanted this one thing to be a surprise.
And no matter what....you and CP will be great parents!!!
I agree with everything you said. Both J and I were secretly hoping for a girl but are happy with knowing we should have a boy. That said I keeping saying I am really scared of having a boy! Although, I think I'd be just as nervous for a girl...just different reasons. :)
Yeah... I have to say, I was going CRAZY with anticipation wanting to know whether it was a boy or girl, and then finding out was just so... blah. It just made me realize that I seriously couldn't care less what the sex was as long as it was healthy. Sometimes, I think it's pretty insane that I have a tiny penis in my uterus at all times, but I can't say I'm bonding more with my baby now that I know it's a boy or whatever. I think if we ever get to #2, I'll just leave it as a surprise.
Hubs was totally conflicted on whether he wanted a boy or girl -- I think he was nervous about a teenage girl, for all the reasons you mention, but also worried about the father-son bond, especially because he isn't very sporty. Honestly, though, you figure these things out.
I have always wanted a girl. I'm terrified of boys (perhaps why I'm infertile? I kid, I kid). That said, when I was pregnant and before my m/c, I was one hundred percent convinced it was a boy. And I was thrilled. He was my little guy. I could picture him and couldn't have cared less that he wasn't the girl I imagined. Whatever the gender, the magic is that it's YOUR kid. Crazy and wonderful regardless of gender.
By the way, I still think boy children are super scary.
I went back and forth over what sex I preferred. There are definitely fears/ challenges with either sex. I have to say, just knowing how I was as a teenager, I am really terrified of having 2 teenage girls. I was pretty girly when I was little so I got the pink princess thing covered if they go that route. My husband was hoping for a boy. He has that manly "I want to pass down the family name" thing happening I think. Hopefully, one of the girls is a tomboy so my husband can have someone to coach in sports and all that. He really wants that. In the end, I think we are all just happy with a healthy baby and figure out all the rest of the gender stuff as it comes.
We aren't finding out the gender either. As these weeks begin to wind down, I am wondering more about what the babe looks like, rather than what gender it is. I've even been tempted to get one of those 3D ultrasounds. Shudder.
Haha, I love your logic that as long as you're terrified of both sexes, then there will be no disappointment either way. Hilarious.
But really, for me, I wasn't scared or unsure about either gender, just felt like things will be....different. You won't have the same experiences with one over another. And so, when we had our "surprise" (am I one of the bloggers you mentioned?), I had to let go of one idea to replace it with another.
Either way, you will be happy. I know everyone says it, but I think it's completely true :)
I think I want a girl, but that's mostly because a) my sister has a girl and b) I want a daughter so I can put her in stuff that I used to do like dance classes so I can buy tiny tutus and ballet shoes. The drama that comes with teen girls though...that scares the crap out of me. And I'm totally with you on body image issues. I would never want to pass that on, so if I had a girl I would want to erase words like "diet" and "I feel fat" from my vocabulary.
I know for me, having my daughter was just amazing! I wouldn't know what to do with a boy :)except love him to death.
You will be a great mom to either and I am so excited for you!
For me, I really just wanted a healthy baby at the end, but I think I sort of wanted a girl more, at first. And when I found out we were having a boy, I was sad for a little bit. I got over it. *grin* Like you, I was scared of either, truthfully.
Yes, junior high was horrible for part of it, I was bullied by girls that were once my friends. :(
As for sex and pregnancy, I was told that with a girl, you need to worry about every single boy (and their penis), but with a boy, you are just worrying about one penis. LOL.
I was very much against finding out the sex. As long as the baby was healthy, it didn't matter to me whether we were having a boy or a girl.
On the other hand, Sweets was deathly afraid of having a girl. As he likes to say, "When you have a boy, you worry about one penis; when you have a girl, you worry about thousands of penises!" ha.
We would both love to have a girl, however, we would be terrified for all the reasons you listed. When it comes down to it, we really don't care, we just want healthy babies. I always wanted to not find out the gender and be surprised, but Hubby absolutely can't wait for things like that! His mom would also totally have a fit, not that that makes the deciding factor, but it would definitely make my life a lot easier!
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