Three more recent ones:
1. Now that my belly is becoming more prominent, more people can tell that I am pregnant. I am just waiting for the day that someone comes up to me and judges something that I am doing. For instance, I had a TOUGH morning last Tuesday. I had an intense meeting with people very high up in my company and frankly, I haven't had pit stains that large in a while! :-) So for lunch, despite the high salt content, I thought that I would treat myself to a cheeseburger and french fries. I didn't go to McDonalds and instead picked a place that I thought would have better meat quality (sadly not the grass-fed variety but better than McD's high fructose corn syrup/antibiotic/hormone-laden burger). As I stood in line I felt really guilty. Are people checking out my belly and judging me for getting something that wasn't so healthy? I almost felt the need to justify my lunch with the healthy stuff I ate for breakfast, the vegetables, fruit, and healthy grains that I am constantly eating, etc. I fear that my fear of someone saying something is only going to get worse as the pregnancy continues.
2. I have a completely irrational fear that a crazy person, for no logical reason, is going to punch my belly and then run away. Instead of worrying of something more logical like getting hit by a car (a much more likely occurrence), I am worried about this. I am weird.
3. I also feel a bit more exposed and vulnerable with a pregnant belly. Generally, I am in and out of the city within daylight hours with tons of people around me at all times. So, you know, I should be completely safe. Since moving back to the Chicago area, I have never felt uncomfortable or nervous or scared while in the city. But realizing that I do have this belly and that people probably see me as more vulnerable is unnerving. Based on the couple times I have had to run for the train lately if someone was chasing me I wouldn't be moving very fast and I wouldn't make it very far! I've always liked being tall (5'9") and didn't have a problem with my strong muscles. So feeling vulnerable is new for me. It's like the belly is a target for people to be nice to me OR a target for attackers/robbers/etc.
I KNOW that these last two are illogical. I KNOW these make me sound crazy. Perhaps this is why I only share these thoughts on my blog instead of sharing them with CP. I mean, I do want to stay married. :-)
Do you have any crazy thoughts or worries about your body?
18 comments:
I'm not sure if I had the same exact crazy thoughts as you during pregnancy, but I did have concerns about traffic and possibly being hit, only because you can never tell what other people will do.
As for getting a burger and fries, they are probably just looking at you thinking "pregnant woman with cravings" and ignoring the unhealthy part of it..Which, if you are only having it once in a while, don't stress over it!
I have found a way to comment on blogger now my blog is private! Whooop!
I totally don't think you're irrational for having those fears. I think it's probably a mix of motherly protectiveness kicking in and maybe something akin to IF ptsd, as in when you were struggling with TTC seeing bellies made u want to punch things...maybe even the belly if the woman was nasty and smug...maybe that's just me and I am evil! argh!
Totally don't worry about the burger, I'm with Heather, people will think it's cravings and only an IFer (or a really smug fertile) would judge ;)
When I was expecting I went through this period of craving cheeseburgers, i needed the iron apparently. I did not care what people thought. Cravings are what the body needs.
My fears were that I would trip and fall on the stairs. Or that someone would come and hit me in the belly too.
I was only ever worried about getting hit in the belly with a door. And seriously, I don't think anyone would judge for eating cheeseburgers. I'm pretty sure there's scientific evidence that pregnant women love Taco Bell.
I think your fears are normal. I remember my cousin telling me some of the thoughts running through her head during her pregnancy and with a newborn.
In relation to the first point about bad food: I told my colleagues at work I was doing IVF and then they judged EVERYTHING I ate and did. One went so far as to say the reason I didn't get pregnant was because I was too active and wore high heels... Sometimes it's better to be discrete. I guess the thing with a baby bump is it's impossible to hide it!
Omgosh, I cannot believe someone would have the nerve to tell you that's why you couldn't get pregnant! I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people in this world that get pregnant even though they are active and wear high heels. Wow! The nerve of some people! I'm indignant on your behalf.
I totally understand your fears. Although I haven't feared some crazy person punching me in the belly (I'm sorry, I laughed a little when I read that!), I have totally feared my niece or nephews accidentally kicking me in the stomach while just playing around. It's a strange and bizarre thing to be responsible for another human being INSIDE of you!
Ha ha, I don't think you're crazy, but I never considered a crazy person punching me and running away! I suppose it could happen though, so maybe I'll start worrying about that one now ;)
I have already started worrying about being pregnant in the winter and falling in the ice/snow. I wore heels today after it rained, which got me to thinking about that.
I think it's a normal protective thing. And while it's not that productive to worry, it's helpful to be aware of your surroundings.
And have a cheeseburger if you want one! Besides, people also in line for a cheeseburger are much less likely to judge than someone in line for a wheat grass shot or something.
Haha! I hear you. I have totally worried about some random person punching me or stabbing me in the stomach too. Don't know where that one comes from... but it's been there. You are not alone!
Oh, my gosh. I had forgotten that, but I too was afraid someone would attack my belly, and other morbid thoughts. I was really uncomfortable walking in crowds that someone would bump into my belly too.
I had someone tell me at the store that I needed to stop eating so much ice cream, that I was getting fat. And I was in line to buy shoes, not ice cream. W. T. F. ?
People are going to judge no matter what (boooo) so just enjoy the burger - you're pregnant, you're being healthy for the majority of the time. Let 'em judge babe! x
I hope people didn't judge me while pregnant. I had A LOT of McDonalds ;) I really didn't worry about it. I just figured they would assume it was a craving.
I understand the fear of being hit, I have similar (and similarly irrational) worries.
The food though, I think pregnancy makes it easier to get away with lots of cravings or "cravings" ;)
I am not and have never been pregnant, and *I* worry irrationally about pregnant women I see out and about getting hit in the belly!! So I imagine I will definitely, DEFINITELY worry about that myself should I ever get knocked up :)
Don't worry about what other people think in terms of your food intake. They are standing in line with you to eat just as unhealthily. Now, if it's your own conscience tsking you for eating poorly, that's another story. =)
When I was pregnant and now when I'm out with Gavin, I actually feel less vulnerable ... like the bad people tend to take a pass on hurting or robbing or doing harm to (pregnant) women and children.
None of those thoughts sound crazy. I totally get it. I was cutting fruit this morning and put the knife down and it spun until it was pointing at my belly. I got irrationally freaked out even though it was six inches away from me. There you go. Irrational fear.
Oh and the cheeseburger. No one was judging you. Everyone was thinking, "I wish I was pregnant so I didn't have to feel so guilty about the cheeseburger I'm about to eat." Ha. I think most people just see pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever they want. It's only us crazy-types who obsess so much over it.
Oh, and I had McDonalds not once but TWICE on our road trip last weekend. Shit. Shit. Shit. (And it was delicious!!)
Omg I totally know how you feel about feeling weird in a McDonalds (or wherever you ended up). I actually went to a bar last night with some friends -- I ordered a fizzy water with some juice first; then we had a big meal; I drank about three more glasses of water, and then I ordered this blueberry liqueur with soda. I felt like the waiter was giving me this awkward look, like, "Should I really be serving alcohol to this pregnant woman?" and then I felt really bad. But seriously, it was SUCH a tiny amount of alcohol and there was so much food and water in my belly anyway... argh. I don't think I can do that again, though...
I don't think you are crazy. Just normal protective mama stuff, I'm sure. I totally get feeling vulnerable and exposed. I haven't really had any fears of anything bad happening to me, but my husband is doing enough worrying for both of us. He is so worried I will fall and that I need to hold on to hand railings more and be careful walking because I am only wearing flip flops now (thanks to swollen feet, closed toe shoes don't really fit anymore). He opens all doors for me, lifts everything...it's a bit overkill if you ask me.
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