Yesterday

Yesterday was certainly a day that I would not like to repeat ever again.

CP and I had marital relations in the morning and I had two spots of bright red blood on the toilet paper afterwards.  I didn't think that it was too big of a deal so I went to work and everything was fine every time I went to the bathroom.  Around 1:30 I headed to the bathroom again and when I checked, there was a bright red streak of blood.  I wiped again to make sure and sure enough, there was more.  F*ck.  I decided that it was time to call my doctor.  

My doctor was in the middle of a surgical consult and couldn't get on the phone, so I was trying to figure out the next train out of the city so that I could head over to the office (at that point they only leave once an hour and make all stops).  The nurse advised me that no, I shouldn't come into the office, I should go to Labor & Delivery at the hospital because they will want to monitor me.  My mind immediately went to needing to get on the next train (not for another 45 minutes), heading home to grab the car, and then driving the 25 minutes to the hospital.  When I called CP to tell him my plan he said that I should head straight to the hospital and he would meet me there.  I started to look up El trains that go directly to the hospital and CP thought I was crazy to even think about taking public transportation.  "This is not the time to be frugal, just take a damn cab."  LOL.

My boss was still at lunch so I told the Executive Secretary that I needed to leave and I headed out the door to catch a cab.  The cabbie was nice and quiet the entire ride (thankfully there was no traffic), but there was some beeping noise in the cab that went off, two beeps, every three seconds.  I wanted to yell "turn that f*cking thing off" but instead just stewed in the back of the cab and texted my mom.

*Good to know fact for if there is a next time (please don't let there be a next time)- the cab ride from my office to the hospital without traffic is about 30 minutes.

When we got close to the hospital, the cabbie asked where Labor & Delivery was.  Dude, I have no clue!  So I had him drop me off where I saw the "Emergency" sign, but when he pulled in it was for ambulances.  Whoops.  I walked in the sliding doors and thankfully found a cop who walked me down to L & D.

*Good to know fact-  Verizon cell phones don't work in the hospital unless you are near a window.  So when I tried to call CP (who was already at the hospital), my call wouldn't go through.

When I got to L & D, they knew I was coming so I was immediately given a wristband and taken back to a room to undress.  I called CP's work cell phone (thankfully on AT&T's network) from the hospital phone to let him know that I was in L & D.  He was in the lobby and asked the lady working where L & D was.  She didn't want to tell him because when she looked up my information in the computer, it wasn't in the system yet (the staff had to input everything because I had not pre-registered for delivery yet- of course there was a note in my calendar to do it next week).  He ended up getting frustrated and decided to find the place himself. 

First nurse came into the room with CP and I was happy to see him.  She asked a few questions such as what number pregnancy this was and if I could feel the baby move.  I felt the baby move a few times in the cab ride, but hadn't felt anything since getting to the hospital.  She had CP walk my paperwork back to the nurse's station and as soon as the door closed, she asked if I felt safe at home and if I would be safe bringing a baby back home.  (My answers were obviously yes.)  Finally, she asked whether I had any alcohol, cigarettes or drugs so far this pregnancy (no).

I went to the bathroom again and saw more blood.

CP came back in as the nurse put a toco (at least that is what it was named on the screen) on  my stomach- it measures contractions. They also put a monitor on for the babies' heartbeat. Thankfully the baby was doing great- between 133 and 145, steady and strong (although I was a little freaked out b/c it sounded different than the Doppler at the doctor's office).

Then we waited.

A med student came in to ask a bunch of questions on my history. She seemed nervous and unsure of herself....we think she just started this job. She left with her answers and came back a while later with a resident. After asking some questions, the resident put a speculum in and boy was that painful. It usually isn't too bad when I go to the GYN but possibly because of the extra blood flow to the area during pregnancy (?) it was painful.  She took a few swabs to determine if there was any amniotic fluid for pre-term labor, for strep B, and also looked around for the cause of the blood flow (couldn't find anything).

Then we waited.

Shift change!  Another nurse came in to ask more questions.  Told us that the baby was doing great with a strong heartbeat and no contractions.  She stayed in the room with us for a while; at one point the baby started to hiccup which she identified via the doppler.  The nurse claimed that the hiccuping is a sign of good lung development.

Then we waited.

Then an OB came in to check my cervix. Again, very painful. But good news was that my cervix was closed.

Then we waited.

Finally, the doctor came in and said everything looks good. That they can't find the cause of the bleeding but sometimes it just happens and that I might have some more bleeding in next 24 hours, but unless it picks up, I'm okay. My only annoyance with him?  He called it spotting.  IF IT WAS ONLY SPOTTING I WOULDN'T HAVE COME INTO THE HOSPITAL!! I grumbled to CP about that later and he said "who cares?"  Well I do because I don't want that doctor thinking that I am a hypochondriac (he is the same doctor that saw me when I had the one swollen leg).

Five hours later, we left the hospital and rushed home because CP had his own doctor appointment for his still-lingering pneumonia. More drugs for CP, but hopefully he can finally kick this stupid thing!

All I can say is thank goodness CP wasn't traveling this week. I am still a bit sore from the poking and prodding from yesterday, but I'm glad we got checked out and the baby is doing okay.  

We now have this message to our baby in our kitchen:

(at least not until November 29th)

(baby drawing credit to my mom and my sister a few weeks ago)

Bleeding

I'm currently in what feels like the longest cab ride ever to Labor & Delivery at my hospital. I went to the bathroom while at work and saw bright red blood on my toilet paper (all I could think was "thank goodness I am still looking"). After talking to the nurse, she thought it best for me to head to L&D to get monitored. Thankfully CP is in town and meeting me at the hospital. Good news is that I have been feeling the baby move. Trying not to think of all of the bad things that could happen and just hope that everything checks out okay. Will update when I can.


 *UPDATE*

Everything is fine with the baby. I have been discharged from the hospital and will be lying low tonight. Thank goodness I am working from home tomorrow and I am going to ask my boss to work from home on Thursday as well. I'll give you guys all of the details tomorrow.

A tale of two doctor appointments

Today I went to two doctor appointments, one for myself and one for Koda.  

My doctor appointment this morning was my monthly visit with my OB.  I first asked about my larger fibroid found during the 20 week ultrasound.  For now, she is not worried about the size or where it is located.  It may continue to get bigger but its location won't affect the c-section.  It may start to hurt if it gets too big and the blood supply is cut off, but hopefully that won't happen.  My doctor won't remove it during the C-section because it could trigger even more blood loss.  After pregnancy it should decrease in size, but when I start to get my period again, if the fibroid I had removed was the reason for heavy periods a few years ago (and not the endo), those heavy periods could come back again.  That would suck.

Otherwise, everything else looks good.  My doctor measured my belly and it's right on track.  I have gained 10 pounds so far this pregnancy which she is happy with.  The heartbeat sounded good and I have my 1 hour glucose test tomorrow.  I'm crossing my fingers I PASS!!!

Oh and we picked a C-section date!  My due date is December 4th and my doctor would like to let the baby cook as long as possible so she told us to pick anything inbetween November 27th and December 3rd (39th week).  We are not allowed to schedule a C-section over the weekend so the day after Thanksgiving, November 29th will be the big day!  CP and my parents already have the day off and I will hopefully get to enjoy a big meal on Thanksgiving before the surgery.  99 days left- WHOA.

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Koda's vet appointment with a local oncologist was more frustrating.  We decided to get a second opinion on her possible bone tumor, without getting the $1200 CT scan and $1500 biopsy.  We knew that the vet wouldn't be able to tell us with a certainty what was going on with her, but we were hoping for a few more answers.  

Basically the guy just wanted to sell us on more tests.  I explained that she had a hard year with two surgeries and finding out exactly what was going on wasn't our priority because we had decided not to do chemo with her even if it was a bone tumor.  We realize that she is getting up there in years and that 9.5 years old for a Berner is elderly.  We just wanted to know what we could expect if it was a bone tumor/cancer and if it could be anything else other than a bone tumor/cancer.

He then tried to sell us on less expensive tests.  He just didn't get it and I was getting very frustrated.  Not to mention I don't even know how much he checked Koda out because instead of examining her in front of me, the vet tech took her to a back room.  So he could have looked at her for two seconds and just tried to get us to spend lots of money on tests.  

He went away to get an estimate on how much the less expensive tests THAT WE DIDN'T WANT would cost and I complained to CP over text message.  Thank goodness his assistant came back and I was able to talk to her and get some answers.  Or at least more information.  If it is a tumor, she said that Koda's eye may start to bulge out if the bone continues to expand.  We should also look for if she starts to have trouble opening her jaw.  Depending on the type of cancer, it could either stay localized, or move to some of her other organs such as her lungs or kidney.  We won't be able to see if it has moved to other parts of her body, just that she generally will be more lethargic, not wanting to eat, etc.

So, not a lot of answers on Koda, but maybe the best we are going to get if we are not willing to put her through more tests??

Ups and Downs

It was a tough weekend full of ups and downs.

Up- After work on Friday I braved Chicago traffic and headed up to MI for the night to see a good friend from college.  Her parents live only 20 minutes away from my parent's house in MI so it was great to see her- even if it was only for the night.  

Down- Right before I got to my parent's house in MI a deer with a death wish jumped in front of my car.  I looked in my rearview mirror for one second and it just appeared!  I didn't even have time to hit the brakes.  Luckily it was running fast enough across the road (and I was only going 34 mph) that I think that I just clipped the back of it and it did no damage to the car.  I was totally stunned for a few minutes, but happy that both of us came out of that encounter okay (especially because I was driving the Prius and not the Escape).

Up- Buster came with me up to MI because his cousin, my sister's dog, was going to be up with my parents.  They always have a great time together and completely tire each other out so it was an easy decision.

Down- Just that we had to leave Saturday morning and couldn't stay the whole weekend!!

Up- Saturday night we had two birthday parties in the city- one for a friend that I haven't seen in a few years, the other for my sister.  It was nice to see old friends at both parties- and get some birthday cake!  Mmmmmm birthday cake.  :-)

Down- I stood too much at both parties in flip flops.  My ankles were huge by the end of the night- my feet were KILLING me and it made driving home hard (I was the designated driver of course).

Up- CP and I finally took the plunge and headed out to check out our first baby store on Sunday.  We picked Buy Buy Baby because even though it is not close as Babies R Us to our house, I have heard that they are better with returns and we knew that we needed help shopping (they have associates take you around the store to help you figure out what you need/want and why).  We didn't really intend to do too much- just to go over the items we needed to touch/see/feel/etc. and figure out the rest later.  Well....over three hours later we were mentally exhausted and my ankles/feet were killing me again!  The good news is that my next door neighbors gave us an awesome/expensive stroller (Peg Perego) AND a more durable stroller for gravel/hiking/etc. so we just have to buy the car seat and two car seat bases, thus saving us a pretty penny.  :-)

Down- All of that time spent at the store meant that we rushed through the rest of the day. Making and canning curry zucchini relish, planting beet and carrot seeds for (crossing fingers) a fall harvest, loads of laundry, house cleaning, picking veggies, etc.  

Up- Our garden is producing ridiculous amounts of veggies these days.  Between zucchini, summer squash, cucumbers, yellow wax beans, swiss chard, kale, mizuna, jalapenos, eggplant, and cayenne peppers our kitchen counter and the fridge is chock full of fresh veggies.  The baby is getting lots of tastes of different veggies these days through the amniotic fluid- hopefully it means that he/she will like veggies!!  Last night we had a salad with fresh veggies on top and also made swiss chard lasagna.  YUM!

Down- Our tomato plants are doing just okay.  They aren't very full and just aren't producing like normal.  I wonder if it is because it hasn't been hot enough this summer?  Tomatoes tend to thrive in the heat.....

THE WORST

Then to top things off, before I went to bed last night I was saying good night to the dogs (they both now sleep on the first floor).  I quickly laid down next to Koda and heard some labored breathing.  (I don't think that it anything bad, but it just got me thinking bad thoughts.)  I started bawling as I lay next to her because unfortunately she didn't get any better with the antibiotics and the Benadryl this weekend.  I talked to the vet this morning and he recommends a CT scan to see if she does have a bone tumor.  I called over to find out prices on the CT scan- the estimate is $1200-1300 and if they have to biopsy anything, that's another $1500.  *sigh*  There is a possibility that we could have a consult with the oncologist without a CT scan to figure out our options (if we have any), but that is something that CP and I have to discuss tonight.  Work has been hard so far today as I didn't sleep well last night and I can't stop thinking about her.....

By the way, thank you all for your supportive comments on my post from Friday.  It was nice to know that so many people were thinking about Koda!

Heavy heart

I was thinking about writing a post on how I feel about hitting viability, but instead the only thing that I have on my mind is Fuzzy Britches.

Tuesday night I got home from work and realized that she looked a little "off."  Her right eye looked weird and part of her face was swollen.  I felt around and she didn't complain, but didn't feel soft tissue....it just felt bony.  Thinking that she had been to the vet too much lately, we thought maybe she got a bug bite...so we decided to wait until morning.  The next morning it was still there, so I called the vet.  I first wanted to try Benadryl to see if we could bring the swelling down, so we did that Wednesday.  It did nothing.

Thursday afternoon CP was able to get off from work a bit early to take FB to yet another vet visit.  In short, the vet is concerned that it is bony and not swollen soft tissue.  It doesn't seem to be a tooth problem and is a bit higher up on her face.  He did give us an antibiotic and told us to continue with the Benadryl until Monday.  If there is no change (which he is doubtful there will be), then the most likely scenario is that FB has a bone tumor, or basically, cancer.  It is the type of cancer that grows very slowly so we wouldn't have noticed the change in her face- the eye was the only reason I got tipped off.  

I still haven't had time to process everything.  What this means for our family.  What, if anything, will we do for our 9.5 year old large breed dog.  I head into the weekend hoping that the antibiotics and the Benadryl work....but knowing that CP and I most likely have some tough decisions ahead (and possibly much sooner than we thought).  

*sigh*

Ovulation/Pregnancy test giveaway

To celebrate me hitting viability today (woo hoo!), I'm finally ready to give away my ovulation test kits and pregnancy tests.

First up, I'm thinking that the 16 Clearblue easy ovulation test kits need to go to someone who has PCOS because they do expire later this year.  From reading a lot of your blogs, I know that it is often not easy to figure out when you are ovulating and you use a lot of these babies up.

Second, I have two different kinds of cheapie pregnancy tests.  I have 20+ of the pink kind that were generously sent to me by Kristin from Return to Go.  I of course didn't need very many of them as my IVF cycle worked.  These expire in June of 2014 so you have a while to use them up.

I also have 16 of the blue ones on the bottom.  These expire this year so I would like them to go to someone who LOVES to pee on all of the sticks and will be doing it soon.

Let me know if you are interested in any of these in the comments!  Make sure to leave your email address so that I can contact you for your address.  :-)

More belly thoughts

Isn't it ridonkulous how many thoughts I have had about my ever-expanding belly? But yet they keep coming.

Three more recent ones:

1. Now that my belly is becoming more prominent, more people can tell that I am pregnant.  I am just waiting for the day that someone comes up to me and judges something that I am doing.  For instance, I had a TOUGH morning last Tuesday.  I had an intense meeting with people very high up in my company and frankly, I haven't had pit stains that large in a while!  :-)  So for lunch, despite the high salt content, I thought that I would treat myself to a cheeseburger and french fries.  I didn't go to McDonalds and instead picked a place that I thought would have better meat quality (sadly not the grass-fed variety but better than McD's high fructose corn syrup/antibiotic/hormone-laden burger).  As I stood in line I felt really guilty.  Are people checking out my belly and judging me for getting something that wasn't so healthy?  I almost felt the need to justify my lunch with the healthy stuff I ate for breakfast, the vegetables, fruit, and healthy grains that I am constantly eating, etc.  I fear that my fear of someone saying something is only going to get worse as the pregnancy continues.

2. I have a completely irrational fear that a crazy person, for no logical reason, is going to punch my belly and then run away. Instead of worrying of something more logical like getting hit by a car (a much more likely occurrence), I am worried about this. I am weird.

3. I also feel a bit more exposed and vulnerable with a pregnant belly. Generally, I am in and out of the city within daylight hours with tons of people around me at all times. So, you know, I should be completely safe.  Since moving back to the Chicago area, I have never felt uncomfortable or nervous or scared while in the city. But realizing that I do have this belly and that people probably see me as more vulnerable is unnerving. Based on the couple times I have had to run for the train lately if someone was chasing me I wouldn't be moving very fast and I wouldn't make it very far!  I've always liked being tall (5'9") and didn't have a problem with my strong muscles. So feeling vulnerable is new for me.  It's like the belly is a target for people to be nice to me OR a target for attackers/robbers/etc.  

I KNOW that these last two are illogical.  I KNOW these make me sound crazy.  Perhaps this is why I only share these thoughts on my blog instead of sharing them with CP.  I mean, I do want to stay married.  :-)

Do you have any crazy thoughts or worries about your body?