Looking back...

It's so funny to think that just three years ago I was freaking out about my life and what I was going to do. In 2008, I flew out to DC for a job fair and had high hopes. At the end of two days I had two job offers- but both of them were located in parts of the country where I wasn't willing to move. Prior to the job fair, CP and I had picked a couple of states where we were willing to move, but the best one for him and his job was going to be MA. Because he was the one with the job and I was still searching, that became the state we were planning on moving to after I graduated law school.

The night before the third day of the job fair, with two job offers in my hand but no intention of taking either of them unless they were moved to MA, I freaked out while having dinner with two of my friends from college. CP and I were not engaged so was I making a mistake moving for him? I didn't want to be "that girl" that moved for her boyfriend thinking and hoping that he was going to propose and then have something happen to our relationship. Was I going to miss out on this fantastic job opportunity because of love? A logical girl like me doesn't do something like that. But I couldn't imagine NOT moving with him.

The weekend after the job fair I flew out to Puerto Rico where CP was working. He hadn't been home to our place on the west coast in two weeks because by the time he flew home, he would basically have to get on another flight back to the island. I was still plagued with worry over missing out on a great job because I was moving with him. We went out to a nice dinner...and fought about our future. I wanted him to propose or at least give me some indication that we would be married at some point, he argued that he doesn't plan his life like that and that he hadn't gone anywhere in two and half years- what made me think that he would end the relationship just because we moved? Reassuring words from your boyfriend when you are completely freaking out. (ha)

While sometimes I am excited about change, other uncertainties make me very anxious. Moving across the country for my boyfriend made me very anxious.

Going back to the scene of the job fair this past Wednesday brought back all of those anxious memories. It's funny to think of it now because I ended up finding a job. We ended up moving to NH for me to study for the bar, and then to MA once I was done. CP did end up proposing (and has said that the night that we fought in the restaurant was the first night that he really started to think about proposing) and we obviously got married.

So while things in my personal life have stabilized (other than the 4% thing obviously), my job situation is right back to causing me anxiety. It has been for a while but I just didn't want to acknowledge it. Now I just have to figure out what to do about it.....