Mindful Remembrance Walk

A couple of day ago, Belle from Scrambled Eggs suggested a Virtual Walk to Remember for readers to reflect on women who have suffered losses (including their own) and women who have lost hope through many failed cycles.  I obviously fall into the latter category as I have never seen a positive pregnancy test in the 2.5 years of trying.

For my walk, I decided to do a slow, mindful walk through the neighborhood.  The author of the "Conquering Infertility" book that I am reading suggests lots of different relaxation and meditation techniques- one of them is to take a mindful walk.  

During my walk I felt the hard sidewalk beneath my feet.  I listened to the engines of the cars driving by me.  I heard the rustle of leaves gliding across the street in the wind.  I felt the sun radiate warmth onto my body and with my back to the rising sun, the heat on my calves.  I looked at the bright colors of the turning trees.  Everything was clear and crisp due to the cold air morning.  I saw squirrels frolicking in the trees.  Deep breathes in and out.

I tried to focus on the sensations from the walk instead of the red blood that I saw that morning on only Day 22.*

Towards the end of the walk, I thought about everyone in the world that has lost a baby.  I thought about IRL friends that have lost a baby.  I thought about online friends that have lost a baby.  And finally, I thought about myself and all of the other IF people that are still waiting to get pregnant.

The walk was powerful and later as I sat on the train into Chicago, I still felt affected by it.  I'm not usually someone who can stop their life to truly THINK about all of my emotions- I'm more someone who tries to laugh off emotions with a deflecting joke or a sarcastic remark.  But this was a great idea and I hope to do more mindful walks in the future.



*No more red blood since then, but the brown stuff has continued.  ???