Motto

“If you get caught up in the worst case scenario and it doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted your time. And if you are caught up in the worst case scenario and it does happen, you’ve lived it twice.” -Michael J. Fox

3.04.2015

Anxious Day

In the shower this morning I convinced myself that when I get to the ultrasound on Friday, we will see nothing. Not just nothing because it is too early but because this pregnancy wasn't sustainable. I don't have any actual basis for this other than I am having no symptoms of this pregnancy. Sure I was crying a lot last week but my tears over random things have stopped. I had some cramping last week, but that also has gone away. I'm very tired but that could just be the progesterone. My boobs aren't even sore. I didn't have a lot of symptoms with Izzy in the first trimester either- but my boobs were DEFINITELY sore. 

Today I am 5 weeks, 4 days. With Izzy at 5 weeks, 5 days we saw the fetal pole, gestational sac, yolk sac, and even the heartbeat.  With my lower beta numbers I don't expect to see all of that on Friday (at 5 weeks, 6 days), but am truly worried that we will see nothing at all. I am on what feels like 10 different kinds of progesterone so if there is something wrong the drugs are likely just delaying the inevitable. A thought I had when walking from the train this morning is thinking about who I will contact to ask about miscarriage options. WTF.

I truly sound morbid today. I have no reason to freak out but I am doing it anyway. I guess I blame the not as stellar beta numbers this time around, even though there are potentially valid reasons as to why they started out lower and didn't quite double. Can 11:30 on Friday get here faster please?????

17 comments:

Cristy said...

Sending hugs. Hang in there.

Just T said...

Hoping for great news in Friday

RiverOwl said...

Thinking of you and sending positive vibes!!

Aramis said...

The second two week wait is just as hard (harder?) than the first. I'll be thinking of you.

JenS said...

The wait for that first ultrasound is so hard. I know it's probably hard not to compare, but remember that every pregnancy is different so just because you had sore boobs last time doesn't mean you will this time. fingers crossed you get nothing but good news on friday.

Gypsy Mama said...

sending you lots of positive vibes!

Gypsy Mama said...

sending you lots of positive vibes!

JustMe said...

I'll be thinking of you!!! All will be good.

Anonymous said...

Oh I feel for you. It must be tough to compare the two pregnancies.... We sometimes freak ourselves out. I hope that these two days go by very fast for you. Sending positive thoughts for you and your baby.

Marianne said...

Sending you virtual hugs....good luck Friday!!

Anonymous said...

After IF I think it's really hard to be all sunshine and butterflies. I braced myself for bad news for weeks and weeks (and I still breathe a sigh of relief every time I hear the HB--even at 20 weeks). Waiting for the first ultrasound is by far the worst of the TWW. Hang in there and thinking positive thoughts.

Kate said...

oh the wait for that ultrasound is so tough... hope tomorrow comes quickly and you have a great u/s!

Jess said...

I have everything crossed for you. Hoping tomorrow comes quickly and you get good news.

Conceptionally Challenged said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Conceptionally Challenged said...

Hang in there. Waiting for that first ultrasound is so hard, and I'm sure the lack of symptoms doesn't make it any easier. Fingers crossed!!

ADSchill said...

Ugh, this is so hard. I think the preparing for the worst is just what we end up doing. It's understandable. I find that I am usually fine the first week of the TWW and then freak out in the second week. Don't even mention waiting for the ultrasound. Hang in there...you will have your answer soon and with all the luck, it will be a good one.

Amy Jo said...

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.