The issue of exes

Staying friends with your ex after a break up is a tricky thing. The last serious boyfriend I had before BF was Herb.* Herb and I dated for a grand total of 9 hot and heavy months. Three months into the relationship we were talking about marriage. The sex was great. He was adventurous, intelligent, outgoing, and funny. I didn't care that he was in college and didn't have any money (he went into the military for four years after high school). I thought that even though he wanted to live abroad after college, that he always wanted to travel despite not having any money, etc. were exciting things, not warning signs that he wasn't ready to settle down. Things were going fine until he decided that he wanted to study abroad and didn't think that it would be right for us to stay together.

However, he didn't end up going abroad. He stayed in the same city and for another nine months, we were basically boyfriend and girlfriend again, except without the label. At the time, I hated my job. I knew that I wanted to go to law school, but wanted to make sure that it was the right choice. I ended up moving 700 miles away to work as a paralegal. I had to get away or else my heart was going to be broken again.

Herb started to date someone else right after I moved. I was devastated. I had purchased football tickets before I left, and decided to keep the "date" (as friends) anyway. The weekend was fine, but I decided that I needed to move on with other men. Then, that New Years Eve, I get a drunken message from Herb saying that he still loved me. Ahem, he was out with said girlfriend that night. I didn't think much of it, but a few weeks later, he let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend and missed me.

Fast forward to law school. I had just moved west and was still talking to Herb. He talked about possibly moving out west to be with me. I held out hope that he finally had grown up enough to figure out his life and that I was what he wanted. Fortunately, he didn't make that decision.

The reason for the background on Herb is because I was talking with him via Facebook last night and he is currently getting his masters abroad. He is thinking about staying in the country for his current girlfriend.** I don't love him that way anymore, but I wonder why he thinks she is the one to settle down with? Before he left the country Herb would call me (sometimes drunk, sometimes not) and tell me that he would never find a girl like me. That no one would ever live up to me. (These phone calls would upset BF, but that's a story for a different day.) So has grad school changed Herb that much? In the end, I am very happy that I decided to move away from Herb. He was so much fun, but our futures were never meant to be. It just took time away from the relationship to realize that I needed a more stable and grounded man. Thankfully, BF came along and we have been happy ever since.

So do you guys keep in touch with exes? Do you wonder or care why your ex becomes serious with someone after you?

*Name changed of course. Can you imagine doing sexy times and saying Herb?
**This could totally not happen too. This is the first I have heard of this new girlfriend and when asked about her he said: "she's cool." I'm sure that he wasn't worried about holding back to protect my feelings so only "she's cool"???