More delays

I'm beginning to think this frozen transfer won't happen for a while. On Friday I went in for a quick ultrasound and unfortunately, my lining didn't shed as much as my doctor wanted so I was back in the office yesterday for another check. I'm not sure what's going on as Lupron is supposed to help shed lining, not retain it.

Yesterday my lining was still too thick, but in addition I have fluid in my uterus and possibly a polyp near my c-section scar. Fan-f'ing-tastic. I also have gained 5 pounds, have a low-lying headache at all times, and got a nosebleed (the last one may just be due to the weather- who knows).

The new plan? Head in tomorrow for yet another ultrasound. If there is no fluid and the lining looks good then I will be starting my medications. If there is still fluid then it looks like I have a date with the doctor on Friday where she will aspirate the fluid out with a fun needle in my vagina. Awesome. I guess the fluid is an embryo killer so as long as it is hanging out in my uterus, I won't be transferring anything.

Let's get with the plan ute!

Crazy hormones

As expected by my bloodwork and ultrasound last week, my period came this week.  I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound on Weds and everything looks good and calm hormone-wise. My doctor wants to make sure that my lining isn't too thick before we start the meds so I had another appointment this morning. Hopefully it looks good and this afternoon I get my revised schedule. Hopefully I will start meds this weekend with a possible transfer date of Feb 10th.

To be honest, I was flying high earlier this month, completely convinced that nothing was going to go wrong and that the frozen transfer would work. I had a relatively easy time with my last transfer and pregnancy so my body is fixed, right? (Fixed in the sense that medical intervention is still necessary, but it would always work.) When my body didn't follow the plan, I started to doubt the success of the transfer. I now vacillate between thinking "Of course it is going to work! Your fresh cycle worked on the first try- why wouldn't this one?" And thinking "Why am I being so naive? I know that there are so many variables to getting and staying pregnant. Why do you think you are going to go 2 for 2?" So that's my fun mental state. 

In other news, I'm not handling CP's 3 week trip to Thailand very well with all of the Lupron and PMS hormones racing through my body. Last Saturday I went to the baby shower and there, one of CP's coworkers mentioned that CP had volunteered to take on a lot of the work on this Thailand trip which is why he has been gone so much.* So with that in my head, yesterday I was convinced that he is taking all of these business trips to get away from me and our marriage and that I should ask him if he is happy in our marriage before we have a second child. Yes, a totally insane thought that I have so far kept to myself. 

And then of course there is the ever-present thought that he has no idea how difficult it is when he is gone and that he doesn't appreciate all that I do. With the 13 hour time difference we basically get to talk for 10 minutes a day (some days not at all) and then I don't hear from him the rest of the day. Last night I told him that not hearing from him, even if it's just a check in email or to tell me a funny story about something that happened to him during the day, made me sad. That didn't go over too well even though I acknowledged that some of my sadness was likely due to hormones. 

Being lonely and sad, with a bunch of hormones coursing through your veins, lack of emotional support from your husband, and tons of stress from work is not a recipe for a happy NSC.

*I won't bore you with other details but in the end, I don't think that CP volunteered to travel this much.

2014 Running Recap

Due to the trip to Barcelona (hopefully a recap is coming soon), I didn't get to do any end of the year recaps. 13 days into 2015 I am not likely to write anything substantial, but I did want to record my running for the year. I am not a consistent runner, so anytime that I have a fairly good year of running, I want to make sure that I celebrate that. 2014 was a pretty good year for me, especially after coming off of just having a baby at the end of 2013.

I have had a Nike+ sensor since 2008 and here are my running stats:

2008

19 runs

43.2 miles

Bolder Boulder 10K

Highest mileage month was December when I ran 15.4 miles.

2009

41 runs

116.7 miles

Thanksgiving 5K

Highest mileage month was June when I ran 24.2 miles followed closely by March at 23.1 miles I was running a lot to try to lose weight for my wedding so this is not a surprise.

2010

49 runs

115.6 miles

No races?

Highest mileage month was December- 24.7 miles.Towards the end of the year I decided that I wanted to run a half marathon so I ran a lot more.

2011

60 runs

256.6 miles

St. Patrick's Day 5K, Greater Hartford Quarter Marathon, Amica Half Marathon

Highest mileage month was April- 65.7 miles! Lots of training runs for the half marathon that month. Then towards the end of the year I found out about my fibroids, went on Lupron, and lost interest in running/working out.

2012

18 runs

50.2 miles

June 10K

Highest mileage month was April 16.4 miles. Part of the reason for lack of running this year was due to the move to IL and the constant work on our house!

2013

HA HA HA HA. 1 run

2.1 miles in January

Obviously, no races run this year.

I will cut myself some slack though- basically the entire year I was on IVF meds, pregnant, or recovering from my c-section and unable to run.

Which brings us to last year.....

2014 

51 runs

170.6 miles

Shamrock Shuffle 8K, Arbor Day 10K, Race Judicata 5K, Hot Chocolate 15K, 

Santa Hustle 5K

Highest month was October when I ran 34.2 miles. Not too shabby of a year for someone trying to get back into shape while also juggling a baby and a traveling husband. I made it a priority to do as many races as possible and that definitely made me more accountable. I will have to remember this for coming years!

Of course, if I get pregnant soon 2015 is going to be a bust as well....but my first run was last Wednesday and I will keep it up for at least a few more weeks.....

Microblog Mondays

About a week ago I was talking with a woman from an outside company who I work with very closely. During our conversation she revealed that she was 22 weeks pregnant which was a pleasant shock (I hadn't seen her in about a month). I always thought that she could also be an infertile. I just got this feeling that she was trying and having trouble, mostly based on her silence when others asked about my daughter. To wait to tell people until you are 22 weeks is also telling.....

During our conversation, I don't know why, but I shared that it took us a while to have my daughter...and she shared that it also took them awhile. We didn't go into specifics, but my suspicions were confirmed! I love when I hear infertile success stories!


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Delay

I should have known that things were going too well- I am dealing with infertility of course. 

On Wednesday I had an ultrasound and blood draw to make sure that all was quiet in my uterus and with my hormones. Much of my day after the appointment was spent on the phone trying to figure out how to get my meds to me in time to start on Friday. My insurance company's pharmacy has been a bear to work with as once they get things squared away with my doctor (aka asking lots of questions becuase they don't deal with a lot of infertility patients) it still takes them 7-10 days to prepare and ship the drugs. I don't have that kind of time to wait....or so I thought.

My ultrasound showed that despite being on birth control AND Lupron, I still ovulated on my left ovary. *sigh* I don't want this 36 yr old egg when I have a frozen 34 yr old one just waiting to be transferred! My progesterone and estrogen levels were also too high and my doctor believes that I will get my period in 1-2 weeks.

Meaning, the January 28th transfer is off while we wait for my period to arrive. Whenever it does happen I'm to call my doctor; if it doesn't happen before the 20th I'm to call as well. The new transfer date is now up in the air but likely sometime in February (likely in the one week I have after a big, big event I am planning on the 6th for work but before possible work travel to a conference on the 18th). I don't want to tell my boss that I am doing IVF (I didn't tell my retired boss either) so hopefully we can figure out the new date sometime soon so that I can tell him that my "outpatient procedure" has been rescheduled.

Moving the transfer to February isn't that big of a deal but I was looking forward to finding out whether the embryo was going to thaw/whether I was going to get pregnant/or whether I was going to have to gear up for a fresh cycle. One or two more weeks of stabbing myself with Lupron isn't going to kill me but it's not exactly pleasant. I guess I will have to be a little more patient and wait for my body to do its thing. 

13 months

Height: not sure

Weight: 24 pounds?

Milestones: Most of Izzy's milestones this month came in the language department and walking on her own more. Izzy loves holding one of our fingers and walking around everywhere- more so than walking on her own but she does that as well. She loves to copy silly things that I do and often starts to dance (basically by swinging her arms and rotating her torso) when music comes on. She is also showing off more facial expressions like a sneer and a crumpled-up happy face. Since late September Izzy has been able to go up and down the stairs with relative ease (after a few steps going down she usually asks us to help her finish the job) but this month she started to dismount couches and beds that are much higher with ease. Thankfully, she does it the correct way- on her stomach slowly easing herself down to the floor but it's pretty impressive.

Izzy "dancing" in her high chair, signing more and then loving on a pear in Spain

Language: This month Izzy consistently signed milk, all done, eat (pointer finger inside her mouth), help (two hands pumping up), water (pointer finger to her lips) and more (pointer finger jabbing into the palm of her other hand).  (Due to what I assume is a lack of dexterity/ hand-eye coordination in kids this young they will often not do exactly the correct sign.) She understands the words Izzy, milk, Buster, Daddy, water, eat, hungry, Mommy, up, banana, cat, bunny, fish, train, and dog when we say them. Izzy says "uh oh" when she drops something on the floor, "na na" or "ma ma" for milk, and "whoa" when she is bouncing around. Last month she also started saying "da da" for Daddy which is such a crock since Daddy travels so much (just kidding).  She also says "doe" for dog and seems to say "yeah" for yes.

Video of Izzy signing "more"

Personality: I assume that it was because we were in a different place but while we were in Barcelona she wanted to be picked up constantly- and only by me. Poor CP got the shaft (or crying) most of the time when he tried to pick her up. She was initially shy with meeting her cousins and aunt and uncle but started babbling on and playing games with them after a few days. She definitely knows when she is not supposed to do something- will look at us to see our reaction and do it anyway.

Pick me up mommy!

Teeth: While we were in Barcelona we noticed that she was a little more cranky than usual and waking up in the middle of the night. Well, she was not only working on one of her bottom front left teeth but a molar on both sides. Poor girl. So she jumped from 7 teeth to 10 this month!

Fascinated with the trains at the Winter Wonderland.

Favorite Toy: Unfortunately Izzy got a lot of toys for her birthday so it's hard to narrow it down to one. When we are home she loves this truck that makes noises and has three balls that whirl around and spill out the back. While we were in Spain we brought only a few toys but a big hit was the magnetic Magnaformers that we got her for Christmas. They come in squares and triangles and you can make all kinds of shapes with them. Izzy (and CP) love them.

Izzy playing with her truck toy

Sleeping Habits: Izzy slept well this month but we did have two bad nights in Barcelona, probably due to her teeth coming in. Both nights we brought her into bed with us in the hopes that she would sleep a little better. I have no idea how people sleep with their kids on a regular basis- I got kicked in the face and stomach all night long and we were in a king bed! We were worried that she would want to sleep in our bed all the time, but so far she has done just fine once we got home (although waking up a little earlier than normal- more like 6:30am).

Playing with the Santa hat and beard mommy got for her Santa Hustle 5K race

Eating:  Izzy's favorite foods are bananas and avocados. She also loves pears and kiwis. While we were in Spain she enjoyed sausage quite a bit as well. We easily made the transition from formula to whole milk, although our attempts in getting her to drink milk out of a sippy cup and not a bottle are not going so well so far. Currently she has 4 6oz bottles of whole milk a day and three meals a day plus an afternoon snack.

Izzy enjoying CP's homemade korv (a Swedish sausage). CP decided that she needed to wear the hat. :-)

Diapers: Seventh Generation Size 4 diapers during the day and Pampers Overnight Size 4 before she goes to sleep.

Clothes:  Some 12 month clothing, some 18 month clothing!

Illness: Just more daycare colds. 

Other highlights: Her second Christmas- this one she didn't sleep through! 

Opening up presents with family

Her first international trip! Her first time flying in business class and in a car seat. 

Baller at age 13 months

Her first time riding a train. Also, I ran out of time to get Izzy to see Santa this year but instead got a picture with one of the Three Kings in Barcelona! LOL. (He was at a local mall and we happened to walk by.)

I'm not so sure about this guy mommy....

 

Life is sure fun with a 13 month old! Can't wait to see what the next month has in store for us!

Microblog Mondays

On our flight from Barcelona to Newark on Saturday we had some strong headwinds and had to refuel in Bangor, ME. We let Izzy out of her car seat and put out some of her stacking cups that I bought at a consignment sale for the trip. Across the aisle was a mother with three kids; the older two entertained themselves with tablets and the plane tvs but the youngest one who was likely around Izzy's age was quite a handful. We invited the youngest daughter over to our aisle play with the cups with Izzy and it was adorable. 

This. This is the reason that we want a second kid. I know it will be different because Izzy's sibling won't be her same age like this little girl but watching them together was adorable. Izzy tried to give the girl a hug and would hand her stacking cups to play with. Then yesterday Izzy was trying to hand books and squeaky toys to Buster to "play."

As much as I am nervous about trying to handle two kids with CP's crazy travel schedule and my work schedule, it's moments like this that make me think that while it will be hard, it will also be totally worth it.

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