Not quite bed rest...

Yesterday afternoon I spoke to the nurse  about my ultrasound and blood work. She said that everything looks great, other then the hemorrhage. Basically I have been told that I'm not quite on bed rest, but I have been doing too much. I explained that I have only been walking and doing regular life activities (laundry, walking the dogs, cleaning the house, etc) and that I had been hoping to add in light weights and yoga soon.

Her response was, "I'm not going to lie, but this is a large hemmorrhage. If you don't drastically reduce your activities then you could lose this baby. We see SCH a lot in IVF patients because you start ultrasounds so much earlier than regular women. Most get resolved without a problem or bleed with no harm to the baby. But you have worked too hard and waited too long to get pregnant to screw this up now. Stop exercising, don't clean, don't do laundry, etc. Just take it easy and hopefully the hemmorrhage will resolve itself with no bleeding in a few weeks."

I am lucky in that I haven't had any bleeding so far and I'm determined to keep it that way, even if house work doesn't get done while CP is away for work next week and even if Buster goes nuts because I can't take him on a long walk.

Yesterday my FIL and his wife, his brother and wife all came in from a visit from the East Coast. They are here until Sunday and have never been to Chicago. They had suggested that we spend three days in the city walking around museums, seeing the sights, etc. Well, I'm not going to be able to do that now. So they are all currently in the city while I am napping and resting at home before meeting them for dinner and a Second City show. I would think this is how we are going to handle the rest of the weekend- we will find things that I can do that involve sitting or not a lot of walking and when I can join them for those things, I will. Otherwise, I'll be at home with the dogs or somewhere with less activity.

If I unfortunately suffer any bleeding anytime prior to next Thursday (when I meet with my new OB), I am to call the clinic to get in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound will most likely show that there are no problems with the baby and it will just be to calm my mind. But my feeling is, I don't want to even to go there.

SCH

There is good news, and there is bad news.

The good news is that the baby is measuring great- 8w2d- which is two days ahead.  The heartbeat is at 159 which is also perfect.  My ovaries are still large, but the ultrasound tech said that they may stay that way for another month or so.

The bad news is that I have a subchorionic hemmorhage (SCH).  The ultrasound tech asked if I had any bleeding, which I have not, and said that I might have some.  She made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal.

Of course as soon as we get home, I do a google search for SCH to see if it is a big deal.  According to one website three things could happen: 1. I could start bleeding, 2. it could cause a miscarriage, or 3. best case scenario, it just resolves itself with no bleeding.  One of the first things I see on a message board about SCH- "My SCH was found when I was 8 weeks (i.e. the same as me), baby's heartbeat was at 161 (again, very similar).  Three days later I passed a large clot, no heartbeat."  After reading that I freaked out and banned myself from Google (we'll see if I am able to stay away).  Right now I'm just waiting for my RE to check out my results today and have the nurse give me a call.

Just last night I was starting to feel more confident and believe that I was actually pregnant.  We even saw the baby move a little during the ultrasound.  It's starting to get leg buds and arm buds (CP thinks it looks like a beluga whale right now).  

*sigh*

Thoughtful gift

Last weekend one of our only friends outside our parents to know about our pregnancy (we told them because they knew all about the IVF cycle and we see them so often that me not drinking every time we see them would have tipped them off anyway) gave me the sweetest present.

She said that she wore it throughout her pregnancy with twins and gave it to another friend for her successful pregnancy.  She wanted to have me wear it throughout my pregnancy for good luck.

The four "charms" on the necklace symbolize the following (according to a piece of paper tucked into the pouch with the necklace):

Rose Quartz- said to help promote and support a new pregnancy and protect the tender new life from miscarriage.  They are also a gently stone, providing us with love and compassion, balancing our emotions through our often turbulent journey to conceive a much wanted baby.

Moonstone- aids receptivity, and will help to prepare the mother-to-be to welcome a new life into her body, and the new phase of life that comes with conception.  It is an overall promoter of female reproductive health.

Fresh water pearl- enhances your personal power, pearls aid self-confidence and represent the power of giving life.

Turtle- a powerful symbol of both fertility and protection.  A sea turle lays anywhere from 50-150 eggs at a time, our hope is that she may bestow her fruitfulness on the wearer!  In Native American culture the turtle represents strength, patience, and the power to endure and persevere.

What a thoughtful gift.  I truly hope that with the necklace in my possession, everything will go well with this pregnancy (including my final ultrasound with my RE tomorrow).

Fat

Although I know that there is a reason for it, today I feel fat.  Not bloated or pregnant, but fat.

Although I should have started off this pregnancy at a healthier weight, I stress-ate my way through the beginning of the year.  I meant to eat healthy, great things to get my body fully prepared for a pregnancy, but instead I ate too much, sometimes with unhealthy food.  I kept thinking to myself, the first IVF is a diagnostic cycle, no one gets pregnant from cycle #1.  As soon as I get my negative beta result, I'll start running and really prepare myself for the next cycle.  But for now, I don't know what IVF is going to be like so it makes me feel better to stay away from the gym and eat.

Then came the doctor-mandated "be careful doing anything" while I was on the stimulation medications because of risk of ovarian torsion.  Then two days of laying on the couch after the retrieval.  Then two days of laying on the couch after the transfer.

I have been walking a lot since the transfer- at least a mile a day.  But I still feel fat.  I know that walking is good, but I would really feel better doing MORE.  The problem is, I don't want to push it too much and miscarry.  So running during the pregnancy is totally out of the question.  Not to mention I am TIRED and the Crinone (progesterone) is not helping matters.  Plus my ovaries are still huge from the IVF drugs (that is normal, but the RE's office is still watching them).

My gym is starting a prenatal yoga class on Saturday.  I wouldn't be able to go this weekend but could start going the following weekend.  At that point I will only be 9w3d and I worry that I would get laughed out of class because I wasn't pregnant enough.  Or because I dared to show up before I was even out of the first trimester.  Are these even rational thoughts?

I was already a bit overweight prior to IVF.  The Lupron and other drugs certainly didn't help me lose weight.  But being bigger to start off with doesn't help with self-confidence and self-esteem.  Right now I look like I have a FUPA; I don't look like I am pregnant.

At this point, it's too late for me to lose weight since that is, you know, frowned upon during pregnancy.  I really didn't think that I would feel this bad about myself while pregnant, but then again, why would it go away?  At 7w5d my pants are already getting tighter.  And my boobs keep growing which only means that if all goes well on Wednesday's ultrasound, I may need to go shopping for stretchy pants and some new bras this weekend....  It did make me feel a bit better this morning when I googled when people started to shop for maternity clothes and responses varied from 7 weeks to about 16 weeks.  I don't need maternity clothes, but stretchy pants would make me much more comfortable at work.

On a related note, CP finally comes home from his two week work trip tonight.  He wasn't supposed to be gone this long so I'm excited to finally have him home.  But I worry that he is going to think that I look gross.

*sigh*

Rain, rain go away bullets

*We had a bad batch of thunderstorms come through last night.  I woke up at 3am to pee and didn't fall back asleep for at least another hour because every time Fuzzy Britches would hear a clap of thunder or see lightening, she would rush to get up and run to another corner of the room.  Poor girl.

 

*Thankfully our sump pump is working well despite the torrential rain (well, as of when I left for work this morning) so we only have a few trickles of water in two different parts of our basement.  But I have two neighbors on my block that had 6" of water in their basement when they woke up this morning- YIKES!  I've asked our dog walker to check the basement when she walks Fuzzy Britches this afternoon- hopefully everything is still pumping out and away from our house!

 

It's a really good thing that our sump pump is working because CP is stuck in Puerto Rico until Monday for work and I'm not sure exactly what I would be able to do if we did have a problem!

 

*It's questionable whether I will be able to pick up Buster this evening from doggie daycare.  One of the roads to the daycare was closed because of flooding so I took another way.  About 30 minutes after I dropped him off the daycare posted a message on FB that because they aren't sure whether people will be able to pick up their dogs tonight, they are closing the daycare.  I definitely had to drive through high standing water and only 100 feet away from the left turn that I made a car was halfway submerged under water.  Me thinks Buster will get a night away from us tonight.....which will make Fuzzy Britches really happy!

 

*Today as I walked from the train I became very annoyed at everyone that brought their large golf umbrella downtown.  Listen, no one likes to get wet but I am cognizent of other people and the fact that there is only so much room on Chicago sidewalks as people walk to work.  So instead of bringing a golf umbrella and hitting every third person with it because it is 10 feet wide, I bring in a smaller umbrella.  You golf umbrella people SUCK.

 

*Have I mentioned that I am sick of the rain yet?  It's been raining almost all week and is supposed to continue into tomorrow.  I clearly don't want another drought this year, but 5 inches of rain is too much in one day and won't soak into the ground.  I mean, just look at some of the pictures already posted today around the Chicago area.

 

/End rain rant.  Hopefully you guys are having better weather wherever you are located!

Sensitive topic

Before I get too far in this pregnancy, I do want to talk about a sensitive topic around these parts.  Once an infertile blogger gets pregnant, there is a struggle for both the blogger and the reader.  

The blogger wants to make sure that she captures her (hopefully joyous) journey, whether it is by using weekly standard questions on various aches/pains/size of the baby/etc or by random pregnancy updates.  Readers on the other hand, don't always want to see belly pictures and hear about someone else's pregnancy while they are still in the trenches.

Personally, I have never had a problem following a blogger through pregnancy- whether they are infertile or not.  If I'm being honest I have judged a few fertile bloggers on some things they said or did during pregnancy because they truly didn't know how lucky they were- but if this happened more than once I would just stop following the blogger.  I always thought that it was such an amazing transformation for a woman's body...after a few months how a little pillow and then later a basketball suddenly showed up in their belly!  I can't tell you why but I LOVE belly pictures!  I liked to read about various pregnancy symptoms and funny stories because I hoped that I too might have some of my own stories as well someday.  With CP and I moving all around the country every few years, I haven't been close (location-wise) to a lot of friends when they were pregnant or after giving birth so I have missed out on a lot of key advice and stories from close friends.  In addition, most of my college friends had kids early so anything they might have told me years ago went in one ear and out the other!!

I am an infertile that has amazingly become pregnant after only one IVF transfer.  I realize just how lucky I am.  I also realize that although it was really difficult to not get pregnant even once in the past almost three years, I am extremely lucky that I do not have first-hand experience with miscarriage.

All of this is to say that I hope that you continue reading this blog.  I hope that I am both sensitive to people still hoping to get pregnant, while also being able to document my (hopefully) changing body.  I won't be participating in a weekly standard post discussing what is going on and what fruit compares to the size of the baby, but I will be posting on this pregnancy.  But I hope that I mix up pregnancy posts with other things- life events, the dogs, our house, etc.

Here's the thing- I know that this is super early in my pregnancy.  And I might cringe a few weeks or months down the line at my naivete, but because this is my first pregnancy, I want to stay positive about it.  My two beta results were good numbers and my first two ultrasounds have gone well.  I know that miscarriages happen for no reason all the time and I absolutely have so many of your heartbreaking stories in the back of my mind.  I still have a loooooooooong way to go before I can relax, but my goal is to believe in this pregnancy.  Once again, I head back to my 2013 motto:

“If you get caught up in the worst case scenario and it doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted your time. And if you are caught up in the worst case scenario and it does happen, you’ve lived it twice.” -Michael J. Fox

I can either believe that this pregnancy is going to continue, or I can give myself an ulcer thinking about what could happen.  This doesn't mean that I'm going out and buying baby clothes or a stroller tomorrow, but for now, I am pregnant and have no indication that it's going anywhere.

Still good

Yesterday was my second ultrasound of the pregnancy.  Everything is still looking great.  Heartbeat is now up to 133 and the alien in my belly is measuring right on time for 6w5d.  CP is currently in Puerto Rico so he couldn't be there, but after I sent him a picture of the ultrasound, he proclaimed that it looked like a blob.  Nice.  (of course I did just call it an alien so I guess I'm not much better)  :-)

Thank you for all of your suggestions and advice on finding a doctor.  Because it is so early, only our parents know so I don't want to give away our secret by asking around to friends or extended family members.  But I think that I have a possible hospital selected and I'm waiting for a suggestion from both my RE and a fellow infertile.  :-)

My next scan is on Wednesday the 24th when I will be 8 weeks along.  After that, I'm released to my OB (whomever that will be).

This morning I woke up and my boobs grew overnight.  Seriously.  I went to button the top button of my rain jacket this morning and I couldn't.  Yikes.  I'm already a 36DDD and already own over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders but maybe I need to find a few bigger bras soon?

The tragedy in Boston yesterday made me sick to my stomach.  I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing and my heart breaks for all of the injured and killed and their families.  I had quite a few friends either running or watching the marathon yesterday- thankfully I think that everyone is accounted for.  As someone who will hopefully be bringing a child into the world come December, a thought did cross my mind on whether I want to bring an innocent child up in a world such as ours.  I guess this probably happens every generation...you think that there is more violence and depravity then in a more innocent time only 20 years ago.  And really, you can't parent out of fear all of the time.  You just have to do the best that you can.

How to pick a doctor

At my ultrasound on Monday, the nurse asked me if I have an OB picked out yet.  Uhhh no.  I did see a primary care physician in January, but she is not an OBGYN so I currently don’t have anyone.  I guess I don’t have much time to find one though- I have another ultrasound this Monday with my RE’s office, and then one the following week.  After that if everything is still good I’m released to an regular OB.

How the heck do I go about finding an OB?

I emailed my nurse asking if the doctor had any suggestions, and she said that I need to figure out where I want to deliver and then I can pick an OB based on the hospital.  Really?  It feels way too early to pick where I want to deliver when I am still coming to terms that the IVF actually worked.

Honestly?  I just want a doctor that is well-versed in C-sections.  Due to my fibroid surgery, my uterus has been weakened and I sadly will only be allowed to have a C-section in case my uterus ruptures in the middle of giving birth.  Even before I was pregnant, I had to come to terms that I won’t have a natural birth.  But all I want in the end is a healthy baby and for me to be alive to take care of it, so a C-section it is.

Is there a hospital rating website?  How do I figure out who is the C-section guru in the Chicago area?  And how many times do I have to go to the hospital prior to a C-section?  I ask because if we pick a hospital that is downtown and we live in the suburbs, it could be hard for CP to come to the appointment.  Most if not all appointments are at the doctor’s office, right?  And if you have an emergency, you don’t just have to go to the hospital where you are going to deliver, right?

These sounds like stupid questions in my head, but I am clueless.  Help me!!

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Another week, another room finally finished.  We are slowly but surely getting there!  We would like to fully finish the house prior to having this baby (if we are lucky enough to have it stick around for the long haul)....we'll see if we have enough money to do everything though.

But for now, our first floor bathroom is finally complete!  This is a bathroom that I didn't use for the first few months that we lived in the house because it smelled like pee.  According to our inspector, the toilet had overflowed too many times and even the subfloor would have to be replaced.  EWWWWW.  So I refused to use the toilet until the room was fixed up.

Clearly this is a BEFORE. Check out the ugliest light imaginable, the pastel wallpaper, and the blue PLASTIC tile, and the old corner sink.

But don't forget the nasty, nasty laminate floor that doesn't match the rest of the room..

Midway through construction.  The new subway tile is on the walls and we were in the process of fixing up the ceiling.

Finally, the AFTER!  New subfloor, new floor tile, new subway tiles on the wall, new toilet, and paint on the walls!

New mirror, new vanity, new faucet, etc.  The new light above is not shown.

While I wish I could say that CP and I did most or all of this ourselves, we did not.  We have never tiled before and we got a ridiculously low quote (probably because the bathroom is so small), so we had a professional do it.  Maybe one day we will try tiling....but I doubt it's as easy as it looks on DIY or HGTV.  :-)

Either way, it's DONE and we can worry more about the upstairs now!!

Happy day

BIG SIGH OF RELIEF.

Today was my first ultrasound.  I'm only 5 weeks 5 days along so there was a high chance that the ultrasound would be a bit early to see much- not seeing much would have freaked me out until the next ultrasound.

I'm happy to report that I won't have to freak out for the next week.  It took a while (and some digging on the ultrasound tech's part- ouch!), but the ultrasound tech found the gestational sac, the yolk sac, the fetal pole, and finally the HEARTBEAT!  She was able to measure it at 93 beats a minute- which is normal for this early.  She thought there may be a second gestational sac, but it was smaller and once we told her that we only transferred one she dismissed the idea.  For a second there CP and I were freaking out!!

My next appointment is next Monday so hopefully the little one grows a bunch in the next week.  CP was able to come to the appointment and see everything- I'm so happy that he wasn't traveling!

Happy day!  Happy day!

Now if you excuse me I have to pee yet again and then take my Metamucil.  And yes, I acknowledge that I sound like I am 70 years old with both of those statements in the same sentence. :-)


*I wore my lucky socks again.  Needless to say, I think that I am going to have to continue to wear them throughout this pregnancy!!

Almost wordless Wednesday

CP has been really busy plastering, priming and painting lately.  Last night we finally got a chance to install our custom closet in our master bedroom.  We do not have a large closet by any means, but what we did install will at least help with space, since CP and I share the closet.

This is obviously the before.  The paint color was awful, the walls and ceiling were in pretty bad shape, and we just had two hanging racks on either end of the closet.

Another before picture

Another before.  As I mentioned, the walls were in bad shape, so CP had to fix the plaster.

Obviously an after picture.  It's hard to see, but there is now a shelf running the length of the top of the closet, with hanging racks below, another shelf that runs the length of the closet halfway down, and another hanging rack on the left side.

Here's another after picture.  We installed two slide-out pant racks on the right side of the unit for CP's pants (and probably some of mine).

I can't wait to fill up the closet!!

Thankful

Today of all days is a day that I am very thankful for my health and my life. CP and I have had our infertility struggle, but otherwise we are healthy and happy.

Meanwhile I have two friends that can't say the same thing. 

One friend is s friend from college. He played on the football team with my ex-boyfriend and was the nicest guy in the world. Fairly soon after college he started to get sick and thought that he may have Lyme disease. Unfortunately, it turned out that he has ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's Disease). He has gone from a strong, muscular athlete to a gaunt man in a wheelchair. I'm not sure how he keeps his spirits up, but despite his recent hospitalizations, surgeries, etc he still has a smile on his face. I fear that he is not long for this world....when he does pass it will be a shame that someone so nice and thoughtful will no longer be around to brighten everyone's day.

My other friend is a law school friend that is right now in brain surgery. He had a seizure in court a few weeks ago and after undergoing tests, doctors found a brain tumor in his frontal lobe. My friend has kept his spirits up- making fun of himself and his recent forgetfulness, calling his tumor "Joffrey" (the name of an evil king from Game of Thrones), and asking friends what his doctor should tweak in his brain while he is in there. He has no idea what he is going to be like when he gets out of surgery. Can he work? Will he have a different personality? Will he lose some major brain function?  Will the tumor be benign?  It's insane.

So today I will be busy sending all kinds of good thoughts to my friends. Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you just have to look around to see how good you have it.

Good and the Bad- Easter weekend edition

Good and the Bad

All of the Good from Easter weekend:

*CP worked really hard Friday and Saturday to finish painting both our bedroom and the first floor bathroom (even though we use low VOC paint we decided that I should stay out of the room).  We now need to clean up the floors, hang our new blinds, put up the custom shelves for our closet, and move our furniture back into the room.  I can't wait!!  (Hopefully I can post some before & after pictures soon.)

*Saturday night I finally met my good high school friend's wife and he finally met CP.  We had a fun night out- I wish that he still lived in the Chicago area.

*CP made a delicious Easter dinner of ham, spring pea soup, an asparagus/lima bean dish, and a spinach/potato souffle.  I made rolls (but forgot to add salt- whoops!) while my mom made a limoncello trifle and my sister made a yellow cake shaped like a bunny.  It was all delicious (I couldn't eat the trifle because it had raw eggs in it).

*Fuzzy Britches and Busters' "cousin" came with  my sister and her boyfriend so Buster had some much-needed play time/rough housing last night.   

*Beautiful weather this weekend.  In the high 50s both days and sunny.  I took Buster on a 2.3 mile walk on Saturday and it was glorious.  I can't wait until it continues to get nicer out!

*My daffodils, tulips, crocuses, and hyacinths bulbs that I planted last fall are finally starting to pop up through the mulch.  I can't wait to see them- that's when spring is really in full swing!

All of the Bad from Easter weekend:

*Right before CP and I were about to put up the new mirror in the downstairs bathroom, I dropped it and it broke.  Now we have to go buy a new one because we have already drilled the holes for the mirror and don't want to ruin the nice new walls!

*My parents have a timeshare and often can't use the points so CP and I get to take fabulous trips.  It's how we have been able to travel to Hawaii, Cancun, the Bahamas, and ski in Colorado.  I truly thought that our IVF cycle wasn't going to work so before we started it we put in a request to go to Ecuador.  As you guys know, CP has been traveling around the world for work and because his company flies him on business class, we already have two free flights to go anywhere in the world except for Australia/New Zealand.  So between the free hotel and free flights we were looking at a really inexpensive vacation.  Unfortunately, we were still on the waiting list, then found out about the pregnancy, so we decided to withdraw the request.  Hopefully we get to head down there soon....for now it just won't work.

*We have been trying to sell our condo out west for 2.5 months now.  It's extremely frustrating that we haven't had any offers yet.  I really am loathe to rent it out again but it may come to that.  *sigh*  We were hoping to use the proceeds on our house here- like for windows or siding.  :-(

*Speaking of our house, we are fairly certain that we have a dead animal in one of our air ducts.  The smell started on Friday while I was working from home and I thought it was burnt hair or something.  We opened doors and windows and asked my parents what they thought it was....yep, dead animal.  Unfortunately the duct cleaner company can't come to our house until Weds and the temperature has dropped back down to 40 so no open windows.  :-(  I guess I'm going to have to burn a scented candle!

How was your weekend?