The blogger wants to make sure that she captures her (hopefully joyous) journey, whether it is by using weekly standard questions on various aches/pains/size of the baby/etc or by random pregnancy updates. Readers on the other hand, don't always want to see belly pictures and hear about someone else's pregnancy while they are still in the trenches.
Personally, I have never had a problem following a blogger through pregnancy- whether they are infertile or not. If I'm being honest I have judged a few fertile bloggers on some things they said or did during pregnancy because they truly didn't know how lucky they were- but if this happened more than once I would just stop following the blogger. I always thought that it was such an amazing transformation for a woman's body...after a few months how a little pillow and then later a basketball suddenly showed up in their belly! I can't tell you why but I LOVE belly pictures! I liked to read about various pregnancy symptoms and funny stories because I hoped that I too might have some of my own stories as well someday. With CP and I moving all around the country every few years, I haven't been close (location-wise) to a lot of friends when they were pregnant or after giving birth so I have missed out on a lot of key advice and stories from close friends. In addition, most of my college friends had kids early so anything they might have told me years ago went in one ear and out the other!!
I am an infertile that has amazingly become pregnant after only one IVF transfer. I realize just how lucky I am. I also realize that although it was really difficult to not get pregnant even once in the past almost three years, I am extremely lucky that I do not have first-hand experience with miscarriage.
All of this is to say that I hope that you continue reading this blog. I hope that I am both sensitive to people still hoping to get pregnant, while also being able to document my (hopefully) changing body. I won't be participating in a weekly standard post discussing what is going on and what fruit compares to the size of the baby, but I will be posting on this pregnancy. But I hope that I mix up pregnancy posts with other things- life events, the dogs, our house, etc.
Here's the thing- I know that this is super early in my pregnancy. And I might cringe a few weeks or months down the line at my naivete, but because this is my first pregnancy, I want to stay positive about it. My two beta results were good numbers and my first two ultrasounds have gone well. I know that miscarriages happen for no reason all the time and I absolutely have so many of your heartbreaking stories in the back of my mind. I still have a loooooooooong way to go before I can relax, but my goal is to believe in this pregnancy. Once again, I head back to my 2013 motto:
“If you get caught up in the worst case scenario and it doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted your time. And if you are caught up in the worst case scenario and it does happen, you’ve lived it twice.” -Michael J. Fox
I can either believe that this pregnancy is going to continue, or I can give myself an ulcer thinking about what could happen. This doesn't mean that I'm going out and buying baby clothes or a stroller tomorrow, but for now, I am pregnant and have no indication that it's going anywhere.
16 comments:
YES! BELIEVE in this pregnancy, and don't let sad stories haunt you. If you go back to my first posts when I first got my BFP, you can see that I felt EXACTLY as you do right now. My midwife urged me to stay away from boards or blogs that might make me anxious or sad, and to trust in my body. (She also urged to stay away from the news, because it would stress me out and stress is bad for baby. But I think it's based on personality).
Today you are pregnant. Trust in your body. Eat the right things, follow the guidelines, and if you have ANY QUESTIONS no matter how silly (Is it OK to eat pineapple?) feel free to email me !! I've relied on my pregnant friends' opinions and stories! (olgalily78@yahoo.com)
I love belly bump pictures, too. Pregnancy is each of our end goals, isn't it? For me, reading pregnancy posts written by infertile bloggers is incredibly encouraging. I read them and think, "This is what I will have one day. Not today. Maybe not a year from now. But one day."
Of course, everyone is different and there is no wrong way to respond, right? So, I get how followers drop off when an infertile blogger gets pregnant. Those women choose to do what is best for their emotional well-being. I'm all for whatever works for each.
I will definitely keep reading! And I agree -- I'm not a fan of those memes, but I do love a good belly shot and ultrasound photo because they're exciting. My mantra very much ties into yours ("Don't borrow problems from the future") and I keep repeating it over and over -- yes, even as I'm in the 2nd trimester, because the fears never really subside. Positive attitude is a must!
Like Lentil, I really think I can have understanding for a whole host of reactions. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do (within reason) for your mental health. And as for myself, I'll be honest: I can't tell you why, but some pregnancy announcements/updates hit me much harder than others, some I want to follow, and some I can't stomach.
I think the fact that you're already approaching it with not only sensitivity but an awareness of the blessing you have is not only admirable, but makes it so much easier for those of us still 'in the trenches'. Being positive and hopeful about your pregnancy is not the same thing as being arrogant or oblivious. You're celebrating the possibilities that lie before you, as this new life grows, and that's beautiful and inspiring :)I just hope I can join you one day soon!
I've been hanging around this blog for years now and don't have any plans of moving on :)
Even if I can't relate (as I don't have children of my own ~ based on choice not infertility issues), I will still be around to see you through this next chapter.
You are my bloggy friend and I will support you always!
You have the luxury of perspective, having dealt with infertility for a number of years and now experiencing what pregnancy is all about. And I think it's darn incredible that you're sensitive to the fact that some of your readers are still trying to get pregnant. But, this is also your space. Your journal. And you should be able to enjoy your pregnancy in this space, just like you are in other places in your life. Also, if you wound up choosing a city hospital, I can probably provide you a recommendation for a doctor. If you've chosen a suburban location, I will be of no help. =)
I know this is a hotly contested issue, but, at its core, a blog is a personal space a person creates and shares with others. I strongly believe that the onus is on the reader to gauge and assess their ability to handle the messages coming from a pregnant blogger, not vice versa. Also, please do not discontinue the house updates. LOVE!
I agree 100% that you shouldn't be worrying about your pregnancy. If you don't have anything to worry about, then don't create it! That said, if it seems like I comment a little less, it's simply because I don't really have anything to contribute by way of experience or knowledge when pregnancy is being discussed. Plus I'd be lying if I didn't say that I personally find it a bit hard to jump into baby discussions. I feel out of place. But I'm still following along and will pitch in when I can!
As you know I am struggling with this right now. I hope it subsides. Great advice.
You have always been such a faithful follower, even during my pregnancy excitement. So first, thank you!! Xoxo second, do what you want when you want to. :) just be you, your faithful a will follow, trust me! I know I'll be following!
Yes preggo on your first transfer, but you have certainly been through it and I am so happy to finally see you pregnant and sit back and enjoy your journey!!
I agree with Aramis, I love to read PAIL blogs but I don't often know what to say to and seem to comment less. I will still be following :)
I will be here and I look forward to hearing all about it; even if I have no clue what you are going through! ;-)
I ultimately think your blog is your space and you should fill it however you want and shouldn't have to censor or filter in any way. Like Gypsy Mama and Aramis, I sometimes skip reading a blogger's post when there's a bumpdate or a pregnancy focused post, but just seeing the headline and knowing things are going well makes me feel happy for her. I started my blog as a way to express my thoughts and feelings, I never expected I would have any followers or connect with other bloggers the way that i have, and I'm struck by how many things I have in common with my bloggy friends beyond infertility. I can't wait to see how your DIY skills are put to test on your nursery!
If I've been following someone's blog for a long time, through all their struggles to get pregnant, I don't want to be left in the dust! I want to keep following along and know what happens next! Even though I might end up with no children of my own, I still enjoy reading about others. I will keep following. Besides that, this is your space. People can either read it, or they don't have to. I love your positive attitude toward your pregnancy. Everything is going so well, enjoy it and take it in. You don't want to look back and regret time you spent worrying instead of rejoicing and celebrating this experience.
I think it's such a good thing to believe in this pregnancy and trust in it. I have always really liked that Michael J Fox quote.
I hope I didn't say anything offensive in the past on my blog, although I'm sure I was saying and doing things at least during my first pregnancy (if not both) due to being naive and immature. I hadn't yet had multiple friends and many blog friends struggle with infertility. I regret facebook posts especially from my pregnancy with Bella. But I hope I am smarter and more respectful now. I am far more mindful at least.
As a blogger I sometimes struggle with what to say. There are so many people from all sorts of perspectives and trying not to offend anyone can be hard. For one example, I don't know if I should post about house stuff or decorating the house or all sort of "good" things because I don't want to be a d-bag who comes across as being braggy about spending money. And that's just one area - There are so many areas in which I could offend. But at the same time my fear of offending censors me to the point where I don't blog a lot any more and I'm losing the record of my life. It's a tricky balance but I think having self-awareness (like you have in spades!) is key. At least that's what I tell myself :)
Catching up...finally! I'll be sticking with you, cheering you along! Share what you want, say what you feel, and don't feel bad for being happy and excited, or any other emotion that you might encounter. So glad things are on target!
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