Feeling more normal

I wish that my last post, as a very sad one, was not post number 1000 for this blog, but I wasn't paying attention. Thank you so much for your kind comments on Koda. We miss her a lot, but it definitely helps to have Izzy and Buster as distractions. The vet made a clay print of her paw that we received late last week. I'm not sure where we are going to put it, but it's a nice reminder of her.

I can't believe that I have been posting since the summer of 2008! Frankly, I still can't believe that people read and comment on my blog! For that, I thank you as even though I have never met you, every single one of you has been helpful in the past 5.5 years. I know that I technically missed International De-Lurking Week, but pretty please leave a comment on this post? Even if it is just "here." And if you have a blog and I'm not reading it, leave it in the comments section!

On to bigger and better things. Now that I am six weeks out from giving birth and suddenly having a tiny infant needing me and my boobs all day and night, I am starting to feel more like myself. Saturday was a great example of this. My doctor gave me the go-ahead to start exercising and running again, so I was chomping at the bit to get back into my running shoes. CP agreed to watch Izzy while I took Buster for my first run in over a year. Getting ready for the run took more time than usual- Izzy was sleeping and didn't want to wake up so I pumped to relieve some of the weight from my boobs before going.

As I was getting Buster on his leash, my iPhone flew out of my hands and fell into his water bowl. I wouldn't be able to run without tunes so thankfully I was able to quickly wipe off the phone and it immediately started to work. Phew! After I finally got out the door, I had not even walked .2 of a mile (to warm-up) before I slipped and fell on ice. Boo. (I now sport a nice shin bruise from the fall.)

The run went well. I walked when the sidewalk got too icy but really did run for most of my time outside, which surprised me. I was glad that I did all of that walking during my pregnancy- maybe it helped keep up with some of my fitness? Despite a second fall on ice towards the end of our run, I ended up run/walking 2.4 miles! When I ran I was in the 11 minute mile range which also surprised me but I'll take it. :-) it was just so nice to get outside and exercise, and Buster quite enjoyed the run as well. As long as CP is not traveling I foresee more runs with Buster in my future as it kills two birds with one stone- we both get exercise!

After a quick shower I was then off to the hair salon to finally get my roots dyed! Between that and getting waxed the day before (Izzy was in tow for this appointment), I felt much better and more put together. It's amazing what a little pampering can do for someone who is getting spit up on and craving a full night's sleep.

Next weekend I am really looking forward to my birthday present from CP- a 4+ hour day at a local spa where I will enjoy a massage, a facial, a pedicure and a manicure. My boobs will be rock hard and hurting by the end, but it will be so worth it! Thank goodness for breast pumps so that I can pump out a bottle or two for CP to give Izzy while I am out. Plus it will be really nice to get out of the house without Izzy as I really won't have a chance to do that this week. CP left for his first work trip since Izzy's birth and I'm by myself all week long. I can do this!

Goodbye Koda

Thursday was a sad day for the NSC household. CP and I had to make the very difficult decision to put Koda, aka Fuzzy Britches, to sleep right before her 10th birthday.

While my MIL was in town the week before Christmas Koda suddenly fell as she was trying to get up. She lost control of her hind legs for a few hours. Thankfully CP slept downstairs with her and we waited to see how she was doing in the morning- amazingly, she bounced back. Koda tended to do that. She was a tough girl- she had powered through bloat surgery AND ACL surgery all in one year- but once in a while would look like there was something really wrong with her only to have her be okay a few hours later.

I had a sinking feeling that her losing control of her legs was the beginning of the end though. The right side of her head had really started to bulge out from the bone tumor. We are not sure if she could see through her right eye anymore because the third flap dogs have at the bottom of their eyes was sticking out and covering most of her eye. She was still wagging her tail and enjoying the snow, but right after we brought Izzy home CP had to start making Koda's meals as she couldn't open up her mouth very wide and couldn't chew hard food. She was pretty excited about the ground meat, sweet potato and rice concoction that CP made though; even Buster was jealous of her new food. For a while now it had been hard to get her outside- we would have to use a treat most of the time. But, we figured that it was okay to spoil her.  Not mention that even though it was wintertime, Koda randomly left large clumps of fur all over the place. 

From the moment I got downstairs Thursday morning though, she seemed different. CP takes the dogs out in the morning and before he left for work he informed me that Koda only ate a small portion of her breakfast. This was not a good sign as both dogs are very food motivated. Every hour or so throughout the day I would offer her the food simply to have her refuse.  Normally, she would sleep most of the day away, getting up to go outside, change position, eat, etc but this day she looked like she wanted to sleep but was too uncomfortable. It was hard to watch. I took the dogs out midday and instead of enjoying the snow by laying down in it or sticking her face in it, Koda peed then walked back towards the house.

I put the dogs' dinners down before CP got home. Buster gobbled his up as usual, Koda turned her head away. A few minutes later when she heard CP walk in the door she ate some of her food; I think she was really trying to please CP more than anything else. But after a few bites, she lay her head down and refused to eat. She walked over to CP and sat at his feet.

At that point, we both knew that she was not okay.  While both of us started crying, we started to discuss the night. Now that Izzy was here, she would complicate matters, but I wanted to be there. I couldn't imagine *not* going. Most of the car ride to the vet's office was in silence, but tears were streaming down my face the entire time. It was a good thing I had stuffed a bunch of Kleenex in my purse before leaving the house.

We both knew it had to be done but saying goodbye to her was so, so difficult. We elected to be in the room with her even though I debated on whether I could handle it. I remember watching a Celebrity Rehab where one of the "celebrities" had to put their dog down and just watching that had me bawling- and I didn't even know the dog.  The vet led us into a room with a big soft bed for Koda and told us to take as long as we wanted with her.  Once the vet came in, he administered the shot and within seconds her heart had stopped.  I had no idea it would happen so quickly.  I also don't think that I will ever get that last image of her out of my mind- her resting peacefully on that big dog bed.  She just looked like she was sleeping.  The rest of the night we were in shock that we were now a one-dog household.  When we got back to the house we put Koda's leash and collar in the regular bin and Buster came over to sniff it.  He seems a bit confused as to where she went....every time we put down food he waits for her to start eating first, even though she isn't there.  

Koda, you were a great dog and we will miss you very much.

Last minute preparations

Whoops!  I didn't mean to disappear like that, but we have been quite busy with last minute preparations before the baby arrives!

*I found our pediatrician!  I was getting nervous because it's really getting down to the wire, but every other ped that came recommended didn't take my insurance.  This dr seems like he is going to be great.  He seems like he will be easy to work with, his office is close to our house, and he has night and weekend hours.

*I took our SUV in to get the base and the car seat inspected at our local police department.  Thank goodness I did because we had it in the middle of the back seat and it shouldn't have been there!  Tomorrow I will be taking the Prius in to do the same check.

*Work held a cute baby shower for me last week.  It is going to be so weird to be out for three months.  Especially now that my boss and one of my coworkers have announced that they are retiring in January.  Our department is only 10 people so if the two of them are gone and another person is 99% getting a transfer, it's going to be a whole different office upon my return.

*This past weekend CP and I cleaned out the second bedroom.  It had been basically a junk room with a queen bed for guests, but now that we have my mom and my MIL staying with us after the baby arrives (at separate times), we needed to clean it up for their stays.  Now that it is basically clean, our house is as ready is as it going to be for the baby!!  

*This week is pretty hectic trying to fit in various social obligations before the baby arrives and makes it more difficult.  Our friends braved the awful weather on Sunday and came over to our place to hang out and watch football.  Well, they have two year old twins so not a ton of football was watched as we ran around keeping them out of various things in our house, but it was nice to see them!  Last night was my RESOLVE dinner with the currently-pregnant and currently parenting fellow infertiles.  They were all so excited that I came to the dinner at almost 38 weeks pregnant.  Tonight we are going out to dinner in the city to celebrate my dad's birthday.  Then tomorrow night I am meeting a former college track teammate for dinner in the suburbs whom I haven't seen in years (she just moved to Chicago).  After all of this I hope to sleep for an entire day.  HA!

*My hospital-grade breast pump arrived yesterday in the mail (three cheers for Obamacare!).  I opened the box and checked everything out, but will wait to fully inspect it until after the breastfeeding class this Sunday.

*I took a few minutes out of my work day yesterday to check out where I am supposed to pump after coming back to work.  They actually have a Medalla pump here and if I want to, I can bring my own tubing and supplies.  Not sure what I am going to do at this point, but doing that would save me a bunch of hassle having to drag the pump and supplies back and forth three times a week.  Then I could just keep my regular pump at home.

*The underwire on my current bras has been killing me so I thought buying a nursing bra without underwire would help these last few weeks.  I went to Nordstroms where I was told they have a large selection for women with huge melons.  They only had one style that was underwire-free (I read on one of your blogs that underwire can sometimes cause mastitis) which I ended up buying, but I think that once my milk comes in, it's not going to fit anymore.  The saleswoman said that "it will stretch", but it is currently fitting NOW.  So, uh...we'll see.

*I also bought a few nursing shirts for easy access while I am on maternity leave.  I'm not going to look sexy, but at least I will be comfortable and provide easy access.

*Koda hasn't been doing well.  The bone near her eye is jutting out more and more and now the extra eye flap (not sure what it is called) is usually covering most of her eye.  We took her into the vet this past weekend and got some ointment that is helping with the irritation, but I get more worried every day.  It doesn't seem to bother her, but I can't imagine she can see through the flap.  Twice this week she hasn't been that interested in eating or only finishes half her bowl of food which is completely unlike her.  We are not sure if it is because it hurts her to eat or if it is something else.

Poor Koda.  Check out her left eye.

*I had a dream last night that I fell off a cliff.  I woke up startled at 4am and was so freaked out, I had to putz around on my phone for a few minutes before trying to go back to sleep.  I quickly googled what that meant and it basically means that I am feeling out of control about something in my life.  Hmmm....could it be that I am having a baby in less than two weeks???

Final stretch

Today I am officially 28 weeks or 7 months along which means that I am in the THIRD TRIMESTER!   WOO HOO!  So far so good, although I did have a few hours of Braxton Hicks contractions yesterday due to the 100 degree weather, having to walk farther than usual for my commute back to the train, not drinking quite enough water (although I was peeing like crazy all day), and then helping CP bring doors that I had painted from outside to the second floor after work.  They finally subsided by the time I went to bed.  Hopefully they don't return this afternoon.

Post in the works with belly pictures from the 2nd trimester AND all of the weird pregnancy symptoms that I had this trimester.

In the meantime, here are some cute pictures of the dogs.

Buster and one of his favorite toys.  I vacuumed the floor just the day before, but these dogs are shedding like crazy right now!

Buster (left) and Koda (right) playing tug of war.  It's basically the only game Koda has ever played with Buster but it's nice to see that they still play it together.  They both have a low growl while they are tugging with Buster usually giving up the toy to Koda because despite having almost 20 pounds on her, he knows who is boss!

A tale of two doctor appointments

Today I went to two doctor appointments, one for myself and one for Koda.  

My doctor appointment this morning was my monthly visit with my OB.  I first asked about my larger fibroid found during the 20 week ultrasound.  For now, she is not worried about the size or where it is located.  It may continue to get bigger but its location won't affect the c-section.  It may start to hurt if it gets too big and the blood supply is cut off, but hopefully that won't happen.  My doctor won't remove it during the C-section because it could trigger even more blood loss.  After pregnancy it should decrease in size, but when I start to get my period again, if the fibroid I had removed was the reason for heavy periods a few years ago (and not the endo), those heavy periods could come back again.  That would suck.

Otherwise, everything else looks good.  My doctor measured my belly and it's right on track.  I have gained 10 pounds so far this pregnancy which she is happy with.  The heartbeat sounded good and I have my 1 hour glucose test tomorrow.  I'm crossing my fingers I PASS!!!

Oh and we picked a C-section date!  My due date is December 4th and my doctor would like to let the baby cook as long as possible so she told us to pick anything inbetween November 27th and December 3rd (39th week).  We are not allowed to schedule a C-section over the weekend so the day after Thanksgiving, November 29th will be the big day!  CP and my parents already have the day off and I will hopefully get to enjoy a big meal on Thanksgiving before the surgery.  99 days left- WHOA.

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Koda's vet appointment with a local oncologist was more frustrating.  We decided to get a second opinion on her possible bone tumor, without getting the $1200 CT scan and $1500 biopsy.  We knew that the vet wouldn't be able to tell us with a certainty what was going on with her, but we were hoping for a few more answers.  

Basically the guy just wanted to sell us on more tests.  I explained that she had a hard year with two surgeries and finding out exactly what was going on wasn't our priority because we had decided not to do chemo with her even if it was a bone tumor.  We realize that she is getting up there in years and that 9.5 years old for a Berner is elderly.  We just wanted to know what we could expect if it was a bone tumor/cancer and if it could be anything else other than a bone tumor/cancer.

He then tried to sell us on less expensive tests.  He just didn't get it and I was getting very frustrated.  Not to mention I don't even know how much he checked Koda out because instead of examining her in front of me, the vet tech took her to a back room.  So he could have looked at her for two seconds and just tried to get us to spend lots of money on tests.  

He went away to get an estimate on how much the less expensive tests THAT WE DIDN'T WANT would cost and I complained to CP over text message.  Thank goodness his assistant came back and I was able to talk to her and get some answers.  Or at least more information.  If it is a tumor, she said that Koda's eye may start to bulge out if the bone continues to expand.  We should also look for if she starts to have trouble opening her jaw.  Depending on the type of cancer, it could either stay localized, or move to some of her other organs such as her lungs or kidney.  We won't be able to see if it has moved to other parts of her body, just that she generally will be more lethargic, not wanting to eat, etc.

So, not a lot of answers on Koda, but maybe the best we are going to get if we are not willing to put her through more tests??

Ups and Downs

It was a tough weekend full of ups and downs.

Up- After work on Friday I braved Chicago traffic and headed up to MI for the night to see a good friend from college.  Her parents live only 20 minutes away from my parent's house in MI so it was great to see her- even if it was only for the night.  

Down- Right before I got to my parent's house in MI a deer with a death wish jumped in front of my car.  I looked in my rearview mirror for one second and it just appeared!  I didn't even have time to hit the brakes.  Luckily it was running fast enough across the road (and I was only going 34 mph) that I think that I just clipped the back of it and it did no damage to the car.  I was totally stunned for a few minutes, but happy that both of us came out of that encounter okay (especially because I was driving the Prius and not the Escape).

Up- Buster came with me up to MI because his cousin, my sister's dog, was going to be up with my parents.  They always have a great time together and completely tire each other out so it was an easy decision.

Down- Just that we had to leave Saturday morning and couldn't stay the whole weekend!!

Up- Saturday night we had two birthday parties in the city- one for a friend that I haven't seen in a few years, the other for my sister.  It was nice to see old friends at both parties- and get some birthday cake!  Mmmmmm birthday cake.  :-)

Down- I stood too much at both parties in flip flops.  My ankles were huge by the end of the night- my feet were KILLING me and it made driving home hard (I was the designated driver of course).

Up- CP and I finally took the plunge and headed out to check out our first baby store on Sunday.  We picked Buy Buy Baby because even though it is not close as Babies R Us to our house, I have heard that they are better with returns and we knew that we needed help shopping (they have associates take you around the store to help you figure out what you need/want and why).  We didn't really intend to do too much- just to go over the items we needed to touch/see/feel/etc. and figure out the rest later.  Well....over three hours later we were mentally exhausted and my ankles/feet were killing me again!  The good news is that my next door neighbors gave us an awesome/expensive stroller (Peg Perego) AND a more durable stroller for gravel/hiking/etc. so we just have to buy the car seat and two car seat bases, thus saving us a pretty penny.  :-)

Down- All of that time spent at the store meant that we rushed through the rest of the day. Making and canning curry zucchini relish, planting beet and carrot seeds for (crossing fingers) a fall harvest, loads of laundry, house cleaning, picking veggies, etc.  

Up- Our garden is producing ridiculous amounts of veggies these days.  Between zucchini, summer squash, cucumbers, yellow wax beans, swiss chard, kale, mizuna, jalapenos, eggplant, and cayenne peppers our kitchen counter and the fridge is chock full of fresh veggies.  The baby is getting lots of tastes of different veggies these days through the amniotic fluid- hopefully it means that he/she will like veggies!!  Last night we had a salad with fresh veggies on top and also made swiss chard lasagna.  YUM!

Down- Our tomato plants are doing just okay.  They aren't very full and just aren't producing like normal.  I wonder if it is because it hasn't been hot enough this summer?  Tomatoes tend to thrive in the heat.....

THE WORST

Then to top things off, before I went to bed last night I was saying good night to the dogs (they both now sleep on the first floor).  I quickly laid down next to Koda and heard some labored breathing.  (I don't think that it anything bad, but it just got me thinking bad thoughts.)  I started bawling as I lay next to her because unfortunately she didn't get any better with the antibiotics and the Benadryl this weekend.  I talked to the vet this morning and he recommends a CT scan to see if she does have a bone tumor.  I called over to find out prices on the CT scan- the estimate is $1200-1300 and if they have to biopsy anything, that's another $1500.  *sigh*  There is a possibility that we could have a consult with the oncologist without a CT scan to figure out our options (if we have any), but that is something that CP and I have to discuss tonight.  Work has been hard so far today as I didn't sleep well last night and I can't stop thinking about her.....

By the way, thank you all for your supportive comments on my post from Friday.  It was nice to know that so many people were thinking about Koda!

Heavy heart

I was thinking about writing a post on how I feel about hitting viability, but instead the only thing that I have on my mind is Fuzzy Britches.

Tuesday night I got home from work and realized that she looked a little "off."  Her right eye looked weird and part of her face was swollen.  I felt around and she didn't complain, but didn't feel soft tissue....it just felt bony.  Thinking that she had been to the vet too much lately, we thought maybe she got a bug bite...so we decided to wait until morning.  The next morning it was still there, so I called the vet.  I first wanted to try Benadryl to see if we could bring the swelling down, so we did that Wednesday.  It did nothing.

Thursday afternoon CP was able to get off from work a bit early to take FB to yet another vet visit.  In short, the vet is concerned that it is bony and not swollen soft tissue.  It doesn't seem to be a tooth problem and is a bit higher up on her face.  He did give us an antibiotic and told us to continue with the Benadryl until Monday.  If there is no change (which he is doubtful there will be), then the most likely scenario is that FB has a bone tumor, or basically, cancer.  It is the type of cancer that grows very slowly so we wouldn't have noticed the change in her face- the eye was the only reason I got tipped off.  

I still haven't had time to process everything.  What this means for our family.  What, if anything, will we do for our 9.5 year old large breed dog.  I head into the weekend hoping that the antibiotics and the Benadryl work....but knowing that CP and I most likely have some tough decisions ahead (and possibly much sooner than we thought).  

*sigh*

Fuzzy britches

On Sunday CP and I were really worried about Fuzzy Britches.  She was fine in the morning when CP took her out, but then a few hours later she got up to drink some water and hobbled over on only three legs, holding her ACL-repaired leg up high, refusing to put any weight on it.  CP and I were confused because she hasn't done that at all recently.  We decided to wait a few hours to see if maybe she just had a cramp or if there was truly something wrong.

Throughout the day she started to put more weight on the leg so we relaxed a bit, but we did have a frank discussion about FB.  And to be honest, it was a hard one.  She is 9.5 years old which is getting up there for a big breed dog.  She has had two surgeries in six months (one for bloat, one for her ACL).  I am 23 weeks pregnant as of yesterday.  If there is something wrong with her ACL, we would choose not to do the surgery again.  

It has been a tough three months.  She has spent the entire time in our sunroom, which is the only fully carpeted room in our house.  We figured that it would be the safest place for her because the worst thing for her to do would be to slip on the hardwood floor and tear the replaced ACL again. Every time we (or the dog walker) took her out to the backyard, we had to put a towel underneath her belly near her back legs and help her up and down three stairs.  This was getting to be more of a problem for me the more pregnant I became because while I wasn't carrying all 75 pounds of her, I was carrying a lot....something that I really shouldn't be doing.  

We had a few scares where she pushed the chairs that were keeping her in the sunroom away because she got nervous at a thunderstorm and/or lightning and tried to tear around the house looking for a safe place (in her mind).  Overall, it's been a big change for both CP and I and the dogs.  We are used to having the dogs sleep in the room with us every night and to have them downstairs instead depresses all of us.

Thankfully, we got good news at her three month post-surgery appointment on Wednesday.  The repaired ACL looks like it is doing well, but we have to work on building her muscles back up.  We may need to help her a little with the stairs going outside still (she is okay at going up the stairs- albeit slowly, but going down is still a mess), but we can finally let her roam the first floor free to do whatever she wants.  (We have decided that she will be a first floor-only dog for the rest of her life and for now, Buster will be as well to keep her company.)  She will also never be a dog that runs after balls in the backyard, which she still isn't comprehending.

She still seems like a happy dog but the past three months have been hard on her.  She doesn't understand why she can't come upstairs to sleep with us at night.  She doesn't understand why she can't run after balls in the backyard.  She doesn't understand why Buster gets to go on long walks and she doesn't.  She doesn't understand why we are constantly giving her the command "slowly" as she walks on the hardwood floor. *sigh*  

It's just really hard to think of her mortality.

Random tidbits

*I finally heard from my doctor after asking them if it was a problem that CP had pneumonia.  They asked what kind he had (viral or bacterial) and I wasn't sure the doctor at the outpatient clinic even told him.  But once I told the nurse that he was taking antibiotics, she said that he had the "good kind" of pneumonia- aka the non-contagious one (bacterial).  However, she was concerned that I had a sore throat and that I was producing some yellow phlegm so she put me on an antibiotic.  I didn't think that it was totally necessary as I basically feel fine, but the Z-pack is safe during pregnancy so I decided to get rid of whatever is in me.

*CP and I went to our local farmer's market on Saturday.  We were getting fresh veggies and fruits to can and freeze.  We ended up making Raspberry Preserves, Caribbean Peach Chutney, tons of pesto from basil in our garden, and tons of chicken stock.  Oh, and I was able to get 12 ears of fresh corn for $4 so I was in heaven!!

Raspberry preserves on the left, Caribbean Peach Chutney on the right

*CP started reading his Expectant Father book.  I randomly picked it up to see if it said anything about being extra nice to your wife (ha ha ha) and noticed that the author had a small section on infertility.  The author was explaining how the embryo is implanted into the uterus during IVF.  Thankfully in the front of the book the author included his email address for any comments or questions.  I decided to email the author to let him know that he should change the terminology from "implanted" to "transferred."  If all embryos were implanted during IVF then everyone would get pregnant!  To my shock the author wrote back a few minutes later thanking me for my email and saying that he was going to be doing an update of the book and that sort of information is helpful.  

*We have one more week of helping lift Fuzzy Britches up and down the stairs to take her out.  I'm crossing my fingers that next Wednesday the vet gives her the all clear to take the stairs herself because it is getting harder to lift most of her 76 pound body up and down a few stairs the bigger I get.

*The past two days my ankles have been swollen despite it not being that hot out outside.  After helping to make dinner, I sat my butt on the couch and put my feet above my heart the rest of the night to try to get the swelling to go down.  It didn't really do anything so I ended up sleeping on my back last night with my feet on the Snoogle plus two more pillows.  Of course when I woke up this morning I was convinced that I had killed the baby because I slept on my back.  I was relieved to feel movement after drinking some orange juice this morning, but I simply don't know what to do with this stupid swelling.  I keep telling myself that although it is annoying, swelling is SO MUCH BETTER than morning sickness and/or not being pregnant.

*I finally was able to sit down and watch MTV's True Life episode about infertility.  I think that the ladies did a great job and I'm proud of them for putting themselves out there.  The random thing about it was that the Chicago couple not only had the same RE doctor as me but also went to the same clinic for both appointments and for the retrieval/transfer (they were in two different locations).  Crazy!!

*On Friday CP and I have three daycare tours lined up.  I have no idea what to ask- any suggestions on things that we should be thinking about?

20 week checkup

Yesterday I had my 20 week check-up with my doctor.  I should have, but didn't realize, that this appointment would have been more beneficial AFTER my 20 week ultrasound.  Oh well.  Now I know.

• We discussed the swelling incident because it happened again on Wednesday night!  I didn't eat anything particularly salty, but there it was, a ridiculously swollen ankle/leg at only 20 weeks.  I could even leave indents in my skin from just pressing on the area. My doctor was also able to leave indents on both legs during my appointment, despite the fact that I slept with my foot up most of the night (which made the swelling subside) and I had only been up for 1.5 hours.  She suggested lots of water, lots of watermelon and asparagus (natural diuretics), and that walking would help.  

Scary swollen foot and leg!!!  Check out the indents!

• I asked about a weird ridge I feel sometimes running down the top of my belly.  It is my ab muscles pulling apart, which is normal.  Nothing I can do about it, and no more ab exercises for me (I wasn't doing them anyway).
• So far I have gained 10 pounds which was quite a shock to suddenly jump up that much.  The doctor said some of the weight was probably the swelling in my legs and that my weight gain is totally normal.  I may continue putting on weight at a faster pace in the second trimester, but it will slow down in the third trimester.
• Baby's heartbeat sounded normal and strong on the doppler- I can't wait to actually see the baby on Monday though (also worried about that appointment but that's another story).
• I told the doctor that I thought I was feeling movement in the past week or so.  Generally about 20 minutes after I eat something (especially when I eat fruit), I start to feel weird sensations in my uterus.  People usually say that they feel like gas bubbles, but I guess fluttering is what it feels like to me.  It certainly is unlike anything that I have felt before and I can't wait to feel real kicks!!
• For my crazy question of the appointment (there is always one!), I asked if there was any way for a doctor to know that you have an incompetent cervix.  I'm sure most regular pregnant women out there have no idea what IC is, but I have read enough infertility blogs that I am seriously scared of having it.  According to my doctor, that is one thing that they are going to check out on my 20 week ultrasound on Monday.  If I had ever had surgery on my cervix, an abnormal pap smear, or if I was experiencing lots of discharge then those would be two warning signs.  None of those apply to me so I am most likely fine and we will find out more on Monday.

For those of you that made it through this post on a Friday, here are two cute pictures of the dogs from last night.  :-)  Have a great weekend!

Buster thinks this heat is for the birds

Koda snuggling with her favorite toy

Severe weather

Today started out not so great as we had a horrendous severe weather system come through Chicago starting early this morning.  I woke up at 4am to lightning flashing so frequently (literally every second or two), I thought that there was a white emergency light from a vehicle somewhere on our street.

The thunder and lightning were completely freaking the dogs out and I couldn't really sleep anyway, so I went downstairs to try to calm the dogs with my presence.  Fuzzy Britches is still stuck in the sunroom all the time because it is the only room in the house fully carpeted and the only room we trust her in (if she slips on the hardwood floor she could tear her new ACL).  She already got out from the barrier made out of chairs once and tore across the hardwood floor trying to find us; might as well not have it happen again.

I put on some soothing music, lay down on the couch, and hoped the dogs would settle down.  Two hours later, I didn't really get to sleep at all and I was dreading my work day.  At least I would be working from home. CP and I checked downstairs to see if we had major water- we had seepage from three different places but nothing earth-shattering.  The garden beds out back were flooded which is probably not going to help everything grow. Ehhh, could have been worse.

I have a coworker that gives her dog some drugs (vet-approved and prescribed) to calm her down during a storm and I'm thinking that Fuzzy Britches might benefit from that.  Does anyone else out there do that?  We make sure never to comfort her during the storm, but as she ages, I'm worried she is going to hurt herself as she runs around in a panic.

The rest of the day has been trying to stay out of the way of the window installers. Yes, today is the day that we get all new windows throughout the house!  Bye bye 1937 drafty windows!  Only a quarter of them actually opened so I am super excited about windows that actually WORK.  I promise before and after pictures.  :-)

We also received good news from our siding installers- instead of coming in late July they are thinking they will be able to start the week of July 8th!  I can't wait!  Our house is going to look completely different after that makeover!!  Not to mention finally having working gutters is going to really help when we get these large rain storms.

Randoms

Wishing and hoping this week goes by quickly.  My next doctor's appointment is Thursday and I just want to see/hear the baby already!  It's been three weeks and although my body has definitely grown in the belly area, I still need some reassurance.  In the meantime, I hope the week flies by because I am so busy at work and am looking forward to the weekend- time with CP, the dogs, and my parents at their house in Michigan!

*Friday was CP's 37th birthday.  Wow I am married to an old man!  (Just kidding....I'll be 35 in December so I'm not too far behind him!)  He doesn't make a big deal out of his birthday, but I thought it would be funny to give him some joke gifts before his big present (a bike).  He is the complete opposite of me who calls my birthday my "Pretty Princess Day" simply to annoy him.  :-)

I stumbled across this shirt a few months ago and luckily remembered to pin it to a secret "gift" board on Pinterest.  He loves bacon and he is a chemical engineer.  A PERFECT shirt for him.

Found here  

He was a little confused when he opened up the package for this item because he didn't see the Sriracha bottle on the right side, but he loves that damn hot sauce!

Found here

*This weekend I bought my first pair of maternity pants and WHAT THE HELL WAS I WAITING FOR??  They are the most comfortable things in the entire world!  I went to both Motherhood Maternity and Pea in the Pod and laughed at the prices at Pea.  $99 for a pair of pants that I will only wear until late November?  I don't spend that much on non-maternity pants!  I have also tried Old Navy, but my local store doesn't have much of a selection.  I know that I can try online, but I like to try things on before I buy them.

*Tomorrow I am officially four months pregnant!  Wow.  It's like it's actually real or something.

*Fuzzy Britches had her ACL surgery 4.5 weeks ago and she is finally starting to look and act more like herself.  Her nickname is currently "Hobbles" but is putting more weight on her leg when she walks.  She has a follow up appointment next week and I hope that the vet tells us that she is doing well.

I was NOT paid NOR asked to review either product in this post.  I just thought they were funny and wanted to share them with my readers.  

Good and bad news

First off, I am WAY BEHIND in my blog reading.  I have been in training for what seems like the past three weeks and once I get home all I want to do is collapse on the couch.  I'll try to catch up soon!

I'll start with the bad news. Last weekend we headed up to MI to hang out with my parents and my sister/her boyfriend.  For the past few weeks we have been careful to limit Fuzzy Britches' activity as after running she tends to limp. Not wanting something bad to happen, I took both her and Buster out to play and gave her one of the squeaky toys so that she would just lay down and relax in the shade while I threw around a different ball for Buster.  Well, that worked out well for a while, but suddenly she got up and started running.  Halfway there she pulled up and wouldn't put any weight on her back right leg.

I called CP out of the house and we watched her hobble around on three legs and thought "sh*t.  This can't be good."  We decided to get her inside and have her rest a bit before making a decision on whether to take her to an emergency vet or not.  A few hours later, she was still putting no weight on her leg and we took her in.  The poor girl yelped through the examination of her leg and hip and the vet thought that she likely partially tore her right knee ligament and could have something wrong with her hips (arthritis?).

Sometime between the emergency vet visit on Saturday and a visit with our regular vet at home on Monday morning, she completely tore her ACL.  This morning I took her in to the specialist for ACL surgery.  She won't be able to come home until tomorrow and she now has to look forward to three months of very limited activities.  At least she is an older and therefore lazier dog.....

This is Fuzzy Britches passed out from the prodding and the pain meds....usually she wouldn't be able to stand being so close let along sleeping on CP's smelly shoes

Her X-rays this morning show little arthritis, but her muscle mass on both hind legs is lacking.  The surgeon thinks that she may tear the left hind knee in about 6-12 months.  *sigh*


So to end this email on a better note, now for the good news.  I went in for an ultrasound on Monday and my SCH is finally getting smaller!  WOO HOO!  Heartbeat looks great and the baby is measuring two days ahead.  This was the first time that I had an abdominal scan- man that is much better than the dildo cam!  The ultrasound tech did have to press down pretty hard on my stomach which made the baby bounce around.  That was super cool to see that- and CP was able to come and see it as well!

Think good surgery thoughts for Fuzzy Britches today!!

Rain, rain go away bullets

*We had a bad batch of thunderstorms come through last night.  I woke up at 3am to pee and didn't fall back asleep for at least another hour because every time Fuzzy Britches would hear a clap of thunder or see lightening, she would rush to get up and run to another corner of the room.  Poor girl.

 

*Thankfully our sump pump is working well despite the torrential rain (well, as of when I left for work this morning) so we only have a few trickles of water in two different parts of our basement.  But I have two neighbors on my block that had 6" of water in their basement when they woke up this morning- YIKES!  I've asked our dog walker to check the basement when she walks Fuzzy Britches this afternoon- hopefully everything is still pumping out and away from our house!

 

It's a really good thing that our sump pump is working because CP is stuck in Puerto Rico until Monday for work and I'm not sure exactly what I would be able to do if we did have a problem!

 

*It's questionable whether I will be able to pick up Buster this evening from doggie daycare.  One of the roads to the daycare was closed because of flooding so I took another way.  About 30 minutes after I dropped him off the daycare posted a message on FB that because they aren't sure whether people will be able to pick up their dogs tonight, they are closing the daycare.  I definitely had to drive through high standing water and only 100 feet away from the left turn that I made a car was halfway submerged under water.  Me thinks Buster will get a night away from us tonight.....which will make Fuzzy Britches really happy!

 

*Today as I walked from the train I became very annoyed at everyone that brought their large golf umbrella downtown.  Listen, no one likes to get wet but I am cognizent of other people and the fact that there is only so much room on Chicago sidewalks as people walk to work.  So instead of bringing a golf umbrella and hitting every third person with it because it is 10 feet wide, I bring in a smaller umbrella.  You golf umbrella people SUCK.

 

*Have I mentioned that I am sick of the rain yet?  It's been raining almost all week and is supposed to continue into tomorrow.  I clearly don't want another drought this year, but 5 inches of rain is too much in one day and won't soak into the ground.  I mean, just look at some of the pictures already posted today around the Chicago area.

 

/End rain rant.  Hopefully you guys are having better weather wherever you are located!

FB's new look

Fuzzy Britches somehow has a sore on her elbow.  I took her to the vet this morning and what did he recommend?  A long sleeve tshirt so that she can't lick at the sore anymore and antibiotics.  So far she is tolerating the tshirt well, but I have a feeling CP is not going to be happy with FB wearing a tshirt, even if it was vet-recommended.  I personally think that it's hilarious.

She looks so dignified in this picture, yes?

2012 Recap

This year I started off my posting with a recap of all of the running I did in 2011 (ahem- a lot).  I guess I should recap my running just to show how far I have fallen off the running wagon!  I would say that posting about it may push me to remedy the situation, but with IVF and doctor-mandated no running/jumping/bouncing/etc. for two weeks every cycle, I can't imagine I am going to want to start/stop/start/stop/start/stop etc. through the cycles.  Maybe I should just focus on getting my butt to the gym and doing things other than running....

In February I finally got my period after fibroid/endo surgery the previous November.  After over half a year lost to Lupron, my surgery, and then waiting for my period, we were cleared for IUIs. The first half of the year was spent doing three IUIs (spoiler alert- none of them worked).  I went into my first IUI with a lot of hope and excitement thinking THIS COULD BE IT.  I COULD FINALLY BE PREGNANT AFTER THIS PROCEDURE.  I wish that my CT doctor had let me know of my FSH and AMH levels ahead of time because I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up so much.  I’m not sure that we would have moved quicker to IVF because of the whole financial aspect, but still.  My hope diminished drastically for the second and third IUIs.  

Our only major travel of the year (at least together) was to the Dominican Republic for a wedding.  We had a great time and drank way too much.  

Sunset in the DR

We did a whole lot of work outside in CT on our front lawn, our back yard, and our garden.  I can't wait to install garden beds in our new house this spring!

CP drastically changed our lives by getting a random call from a headhunter in April for a fantastic job in Chicago.  After he got the job offer we were able to quickly sell our house and CP and I spent two months apart from each other while he started his new job and I stayed behind in CT to work and get the house ready for the closing.  All of the pieces fell into place for the move when I received word that my transfer to the Chicago office had been approved!  However, we were bummed when we learned that despite the fact that IL has a state mandate for infertility treatment, CP's new health insurance for the two of us wouldn't cover any treatments.  But HOORAY I found an insurance plan through my work that does cover IVF!  Coverage starts the second week in January!

The first full day of CP being in the Chicago area he went to an open house and ended up going back the next day to put an offer on the house with my dad.  I didn’t even get to see the house until after the inspection.  As soon as we moved in after our August closing, we started A WHOLE LOT OF WORK on the house.  We have fixed up the sunroom, the living room, the dining room (post coming after I get back from NY), most of the downstairs bathroom, and most of the kitchen (CP may have finished everything prior to me getting back from NY too).  Oh and we have a whole new yard after hiring an awesome landscaper!  

Meanwhile, we our older dog went in for emergency surgery for bloat.  Thankfully we caught it in time, but unfortunately the money that went towards her surgery we had hoped was going to go towards the house.

This year I learned NOT to schedule doctor appointments on the same day as birthdays and anniversaries.  Finding out that I had started growing fibroids again ruined our three-year anniversary.    Luckily, my doctor determined that I didn’t need to have surgery on the fibroids.  

This year was also my year of reaching out for more support with our infertility.  Despite CP making fun of going to a support group for infertility, the monthly meetings are informative and really helpful.  I will definitely continue going to them.  In addition, I have had some one-on-one meetings with other infertiles that have also been helpful.  In addition YOU GUYS have been supportive every step of the way.  I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH AS I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KEEP ME SANE.

This past month I turned 34, CP and I spent a night going over IVF paperwork and making decisions, and I unfortunately learned that my FSH and AMH levels were not normal.   (I should have known better than to write this post calling myself “lucky”- I totally jinxed myself.)    I’m finishing out 2012 and starting off 2013 by working in New York helping out Sandy victims.  Hopefully that alone gives me some good karma going into 2013.

Overall it was a year of change that hopefully was for the best.  We enjoyed our two years of living in CT, but to be only 30 minutes from my family is amazing.  Plus, we have an awesome neighborhood and a house that will be awesome someday (hopefully in 2013).  CP is enjoying his job while getting to travel around the world via business class, while I am finally enjoying my job (most days).  Hopefully IVF is the way to finally conceive and the big hole I have in my life will be plugged up.

You should never fast-forward into the future.  Because every time you do, you rob yourself of the journey, the present moment, which, in the end, is all there really is.

-Alyson Noel

What was your high point this year?  What was your low point this year?  What are you looking forward to in 2013?

Christmas recap

In the end, my worry about what would happen on Christmas Day at my aunt’s house turned out to be nothing.  Two of my cousins ended up not being able to show up so I only had to deal with one infant (5 months old) and an almost 3 year old.  They were adorable and very well behaved and although I engaged in some wistful thinking while hanging out with them, everything went fine.  Thank goodness I wasn’t on any IVF drugs at the time!!

My aunt was also on good behavior.  I actually made a point to stay away from her unless there was a big group (although, she has asked about our plans for kids in big groups too) so that I wouldn’t get the dreaded question which ended up working out well.  No kid questions from anyone that day so CP and I survived the day!

I did find out that my step second cousin is infertile though.  Remember how she helped CP get his new job?   Well he now sits in the cubicle next to her and she does seem to give out a lot of personal information (and others do to her as well).  He has overheard that she and her husband can’t have kids but doesn’t know the specifics.  I watched her hang out with the little kids at Christmas and I swear I saw the same wistful look in her eye that was also in mine.  I doubt that we will ever get a chance to talk about our infertility as we all know how close CP holds the infertile cards to his chest, but I do feel for her.  :-(

What's a holiday recap without adorable pictures of the dogs??

Buster loves his new toy!

My sister and her boyfriend got Buster a bowtie collar so that he could look dapper for the holidays.  I love it!

Buster enjoying the Christmas snow at the dog park.

Koda laying with all of the dog toys.  I'm pretty sure the dogs received more presents on Christmas than the humans did!

Christmas Day picture with Buster, my sister's dog Fletcher, and Koda.  I have no idea how I was able to snap such a good photo, but I think I may have to frame this!!

Here is a preview of our new dining room ready for Christmas dinner!  I can't wait to show you the before pictures!  :-)

Yet another dream

Is having upsetting dreams one of the side effects of birth control?  I don't remember these dreams being par for the course for the 12+ years I took them....but yet here they are!  I guess I shouldn't complain because otherwise I am not having any other symptoms....

Last night I had yet another dream about others being pregnant. This time the dream was not about my sister but of three different friends from law school.  The first are close friends here in Chicago that have twins and have had discussions about having a third child, but are most likely not going to take the plunge.  The second friends also have two kids (the second kid was an oops) and have discussed having a third.  The final friends M & R don't have any kids yet but told us last year when we saw them that they were going to start trying in a year or so- they were planning to start trying at the same time as yet another law school couple.  The wife in M & R has already started a Pinterest board and has pinned stuff like "baby on a budget" and how to do the monthly stickers for pictures.

In my dream all three of my friends were pregnant and one by one, they told me their good news.  As I had to congratulate them face to face, I choked back my tears.  I realized that all three of them would have babies the same age, while I would be left behind.

The kicker of the dream was that I found out that I had not been invited to something- a kid's birthday party or something like that because I was not pregnant or already a mom.  It wasn't them sparing my feelings or thinking that I wouldn't want to go....it was simply because I was not a mom or soon-to-be mom.  So of course I felt horribly left out.

I woke up from the dream smelling sh*t. Literally sh*t.  Fuzzy Britches decided that despite taking her out before we went to bed and instead of waking us up to go out, she would just poop in the hallway at 3am. Awesome.

First I am still upset about the dream. Why do I keep having these dreams?  

Second, I hope this is not a sign for Fuzzy Britches. She is coming up on her 9th birthday next month...which is getting up there in years for Bernese Mountain Dogs.  I don't even want to think about this.....not now.....

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Thank goodness I work from home on Fridays now- I came home from grocery shopping at lunch to find water all over the floor in our kitchen and water dripping down to the basement.  Luckily CP knew where the valve to shut off the water to the fridge was located and I got everything cleaned up.  The plumber comes today to hopefully fix the broken fitting!

Anyone else going through a box elder infestation?  Yuck.  Thankfully these guys are crowded around our garage and not the house, but they are still nasty.  I hate using chemicals anywhere near our house, but I don't mind spraying for yellow jackets and now these guys.

Haven't featured the puppies lately, so here is Buster trying to snuggle with CP as much as possible while CP is laying on the couch.  Love the tongue!

Here is Koda getting ready for bed.  I love the way that she has completely curled up on the dog bed.  Her fur is  starting to grow back on her belly from her surgery!

So here's a funny story.  I went to my first appointment with my new hairstylist in IL.  I did a whole lot of research on Yelp, trying to find a place that had ammonia-free hair dye, wasn't super expensive, and also had good reviews.  The hairstylist fit all of those qualities.  However, she ended up dying the peach fuzz on my face- making me look like I had sideburns.  Yikes.  I realized it when I got home, tried to rub it off, to no avail.  Then I drove back to the salon where another stylist (mine was busy with a new client) tried to use some solution to get it off, again to no avail.  Finally she used little scissors to cut the hair as close to the skin as possible, but when I got home I could still see it.  So because I was meeting friends soon afterwards, I decided to take Nair to the darkened peach fuzz, and I'm pretty sure I gave myself a chemical burn.  FAIL.  I think that I am still going back to the hairstylist though- but making sure to warn her to not dye the peach fuzz again!!!

Last weekend CP and I worked some more on the kitchen.  I did a whole LOT of painting on Saturday.  Here is the major difference between ONE COAT of white paint on the door and frame versus the old, dirty, nasty baseboard.  EWWW.  (And no, I have no idea what is on the wall- that was beneath the wallpaper.)

Same thing with the door- the top half has one fresh coat, the bottom half, even after wiping off the dirt and nastiness, is still gross.  Fresh coats of paint make Non Sequitur Chica happy.

CP's major project was the small pantry in our kitchen.  These shelves weren't going to be very useful in storing items.

Neither will these hooks.  Or the dirty walls.

The pantry after CP took down the shelves and spackled the holes.

Ta da!  It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint and new shelving (on sale at the Container Store!) can do for a small pantry.