Liebster blog award

How are all of the bloggers out on the East Coast?  I hope that you guys are doing okay today.  One of my friends that lives on the Jersey Shore coast had to be evacuated from her house today- yikes.

The Barren Librarian bestowed a Liebster blog award on me yesterday. Awwww how nice of her!  What is a Liebster Blog Award? The Liebster Blog Award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, and nominated by fellow bloggers. Liebster is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. I now have the honor of answering her 11 questions, and then nominating 11 awesome bloggers to answer MY 11 questions! So...here are my answers to the questions! 

1.       What’s your favorite pizza?

Being that I am from Chicago my favorite pizza is Edwardo’s deep dish pizza with sausage and green peppers. Thankfully there is no Edwardo’s around me or else I would weigh 100 pounds more than I do.  If you are not in Chicago you can order and have it shipped to you!

2.       What movie could you watch every day for the rest of your life and still not hate it?

Probably something from my childhood like The Goonies or The Princess Bride.  Timeless movies that I hope to share with my kids someday.

3.       If you had to choose between working a job you loved for your whole life or not working at all for your whole life, which would it be?

I would rather work a job that I loved.  I’m the type of person that wants to make an impact on the world and if I just farted around all day, I wouldn’t accomplish anything.  Work gives me structure and makes me feel like I am making a difference.  Even though I am not a fan of my job, I would rather work and help CP pay the bills than watch daytime tv and be bored on the couch. 

4.       Favorite place to buy clothes?

For work clothes I like to shop at New York & Company because they sell pants for tall women and the clothes are not too expensive.  For lounging around clothes I have been buying a whole lot of Columbia stuff at outlets.  Their clothes are seriously comfortable.

5.       Mac or PC?

I’m absolutely a PC girl.  My parents have a Mac and I hate trying to use it.  That being said, I do like our iPad and my iPhone.

6.       Would you live anywhere but where you are living right now?

I’m enjoying living in Chicago again, but I still miss the mountains of Denver.  I would move back there in a heartbeat.

7.       Favorite musical artist?

I’m not really good at these favorite questions because it really depends on my mood and the day.  But there are a few artists that I can ALWAYS listen to:  Michael Franti & Spearhead, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Rodrigo y Gabriela, and Widespread Panic.  More recently I can’t get enough of Mumford & Sons, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, and Of Monsters and Men.

8.       What cause would you champion (not necessarily IF related) if you were a rich and famous celebrity?

The problems with our food these days.  The problems with GMO foods, the ridiculousness behind not labeling GMO foods, and the crap that we as Americans are putting into our bodies every single day.  That also extends to the chemicals that are in so many of our beauty products.  

9.       What number one celebrity would you marry if your significant other wasn’t in the picture?

Honestly?  I wouldn’t marry any celebrity.  Being married to a celebrity means that I would be thrust into the limelight- something that I am NOT interested in doing.  Plus celebrities have all kinds of self-esteem issues and are surrounded by “yes” people.  No thanks.  Not interested.

10.   What words do you hate to say?  

Panties.  I refuse to use that word. 

11.   Biggest pet peeve?

People who are late and don’t call.  We all have cell phones these days….if you are running late just shoot a text or quickly call me to let me know.

My 11 awesome bloggers (I did my best to not award a blogger that had already been awarded):

musings, graces and fate 

Bebe Suisse

Tried and trying

My Hormonacoaster

Growing Griswolds

Breathe Gently

Just Jess in TX

The Future Fords

Eat, Blog and Be Married

Amy Jo....On the Go

Navigating the Mothership

These bloggers must answer the following questions:

1.  If you could do any job in the world (money being no object), what would you do?

2.  What is your favorite Halloween candy?

3.  If the possibility ever arose, would you live abroad?  If so, in what country?

4.  Where is the most romantic place (LOCATION LADIES NOT A BODY PART- get your mind out of the gutter!) you have ever been kissed?

5.  Red or blue?

6.  What movie makes you cry every time you watch it?

7.  Do you watch the Real Housewives on Bravo?  If so, which cast is your favorite?

8.  What would you eat for your last meal if you were on death row?

9.  If you could trade places with someone for a day who would it be and why?

10.  Sunrise or sunset?

11.  How many states and/or countries have you lived in?

Have fun!  Can't wait to read your answers!  

Blah Monday

It’s Monday and all I’m feeling are bullets today.

•           I keep checking CNN for updates on Hurricane Sandy.  I hope family, friends, and bloggers out east are doing okay!  As some of you remember, we were without power for 13 days last year in CT due to HurricaneIrene and the freak October snowstorm (also no power after major surgery?  FUN!) so unfortunately, I know what everyone is going to deal with in the coming days.  Stay safe!!

•         Today is my second day back on birth control.  Is that why I have a headache?  I’m on what I think is a generic for Ortho Tricyclen- it looks exactly like the pills I took for 14 years.  I’m just hoping that the pills don’t make me crazy like a different generic did back in law school for two months.  My head was seriously on a swivel, complete with crazy eyes and ridonkulous mood swings (example: I yelled at Fuzzy Britches for not peeing fast enough).  And let’s not get into the conversation of how ridonkulous it is to have an infertile on birth control.  In my case, my next period is scheduled to show up right around the time of my latest surgery and the surgery can’t happen if I am bleeding.  So two months of birth control and no periods is what is in store for me.  CP and I can FINALLY not worry about me getting pregnant from unprotected sex.  HA!
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•        Speaking of birth control, I thought that birth control was now covered under the Health Care Law...but yet I went to the pharmacy and had to pay $47 for two months of the pill?  Maybe our current insurance is one of the ones that renews January 1st and will be covering the pill starting in 2013.  Just my luck.  I asked the pharmacist about it and SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT BIRTH CONTROL WAS COVERED UNDER HCA.  SERIOUSLY?  This is is huge law that effects your JOB.  Read a newspaper once in a while.
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•          I forgot to mention the other thing that happened at my appointment last Friday.  The tv in the waiting room was turned on to some show called “The Chew.”  They were having a segment on which costume was cuter, showing a baby and a puppy alongside each other.  With five other couples in the room, I swear I could feel everyone in the room tense up because they were showing adorable babies in costumes and the room was filled with infertiles.  Talk about a poor choice of programming at an RE’s office…..

•          I’m ready for Halloween to be over.  First it gets Halloween candy out of our house.  I had to buy a bunch of bags because according to our neighbors, we are going to have A TON of kids stop by on Wednesday.  CP opened the Twix bag for a treat last night and I’m hoping to have the willpower to not eat anything….  Second, Buster is frightened of all of the Halloween decorations in people’s yards.  Poor buddy. 
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•             This week we have a tile person coming to the house to start on a couple of projects: re-do the downstairs bathroom, tile the backsplash in the kitchen, and tile a small entry-way area.  Originally CP and I thought that we would do it, but it all comes down to time and money.  CP is going to be traveling a whole lot in the next two months and I certainly have no idea how to do tile on my own.  The person that we have hired has done work for my parents and gave us quite a discount so we are getting all of the projects done (labor + materials) for the same price as I was quoted for the labor and materials for just the kitchen backsplash by someone else!!  It’s going to be well worth it (and don’t worry- I will be sure to post before and after pictures!).  I CAN’T WAIT.
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•      I saved the best bullet for last.  I just checked with our HR person and the one plan that offers IVF coverage IS on the list of health plans that is available in 2013 and I am eligible for it.  WOO HOO!  I will probably have co-pays and some other expenses but IVF AND fertility drugs are COVERED under the plan.  I'm sure that you guys can only imagine how relieved I am.  Happy day, happy day.  :-)
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                      (sorry about all of the weird bullets- WTF is going on with the formatting Blogger??)

Update

Ladies you clearly didn't think enough good thoughts for me like you said you would (just kidding).  Well, as expected, the two fibroids were still in my uterus.  F*ckers.  I wasn't a huge fan of the technician actually.  She was rough when moving around the ultrasound wand and I even told her that it was hurting (I have never had it hurt like that before).  The pain worries me because I have read a couple blogs of people that have endometriosis and the dildos wands are painful for them- maybe my endo is coming back?  That would be JUST what I need right now.  :-/

So the technician got the pictures of my two ovaries and was about to pull the wand out when I asked her if the fibroids were still there.  She replied, "Oh they usually don't go away."  Okay well thanks for telling me that, but can you at least look to see if they are still there?  And of course they were.  Blah.

Surgery scheduled for November 27th.  Blah.

At least it was a quick appointment- afterwards I got to vote early.  Now I don't have to wait in line on November 6th.  Thanks IL!

Next cycle

In a few minutes I'll be leaving for my ultrasound and bloodwork.  This appointment could go one of three ways:

Awful- more fibroids than just the two found last month are found and/or other bad things.  Lots of crying ensues.

Expected- the two fibroids are sitting in my uterus, just begging to be removed.  F*ckers.

Amazing- the awful cycle I just had flushed out the two fibroids and my uterus is clean.  This is obviously what I would LOVE to have happen as it means that I wouldn't need surgery late next month.

Earlier today expecting to be expecting posted a hilarious post on shaving her hoo-ha for her RE appointment.  I have never been worried about the hair down there (or lack there of in my case with my monthly Brazilians) during doctor appointments.  REs see 1000s of hoo-has every year and I'm sure the amount of public hair no longer surprises them.  But I do make sure to shave my legs prior to any waxing appointment, RE appointment, and even pedicures!

Cross your fingers for a good appointment with the dildo ultrasound!

Loss of words

This morning I found out that an acquaintance from college (a good friend of a good friend) just suffered a terrible loss.  Her husband just got back from an overseas trip last week, started a new business on Monday, and then decided to kill himself last night.  She found him hanging in the garage.  I'm speechless and she is shell shocked.  She had no idea that anything was wrong.  I'm sure in the coming months that she will be confused, angry, and wondering if she could have done something.  Oh and right before she found him, she also found out that her mother has cancer.  October 23rd will never be a good day for her.  A widow at the age of 33.

I can't even imagine what she is going through.  The whole situation reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister about a month ago.  We got on the topic of how lucky we are to not have anyone really close to us die so far in our 30+ years of life.  We were really too young when my dad's parents died (plus they lived out of state) and although I was in high school when maternal grandmother died, she also lived in a different state and we only saw her 2-3 times a year.  Honestly, I have been very lucky.  No friends, family, or anyone else that has been really close to me has died.

The conversation with my sister turned to how crappy we are at trying to comfort someone that has had a recent death of someone close to them.  Because I have no basis on what people need or want when they are grieving, I am often at a loss for words and have sometimes pulled away because I wasn't sure I could be of much help.*  I know, it is awful.  Pulling away when a friend is at a time of great need.  But I don't want to upset them more with something that I say and frankly, I don't know WHAT to say.  Nothing I say will make the grieving process go faster.  But I want them to be better.  I don't want to see them sad.

Thinking of that conversation reminded me of how often people pull away because they aren't sure how to handle a situation and what to say.  I have read a lot of blogs complaining about friends pulling away from an infertile blogger.  Well, maybe this situation is quite similar to how I handle a grieving friend.  The person hasn't been through infertility and doesn't know what to say.  Maybe they have said something like "just relax" or "keep practicing- at least you are having a lot of sex" in the past and have been chided for saying something insensitive.  Maybe they haven't had a miscarriage- either because they were able to go through pregnancy without a problem or they are not in a place where they want kids yet.  Either way, they may just not know how to handle what you are going through.  

I have friends that ask questions and are good about keeping up with what is going on with my infertility.  But my best friend- MY BEST FRIEND- never asks.  EVER.  Sometimes I volunteer information, but she never asks questions or follows up.  Because you know what?  She is not thinking about pregnancy at this time.  She is getting ready to move in with her boyfriend (first time moving in with a guy she is dating) and it's a big deal for her.  Marriage is probably on the horizon fairly soon, but moving in and the worries about whether the two of them will survive living together after living alone for many, many years are at the top of her list.  Not infertility.  I have a couple of fertile college friends (literally the month after they threw away their birth control they were pregnant) that know that we have been trying for a while.  Ever since I told them about our problems earlier this year, I haven't heard one peep from them asking what is going on.

While some infertile bloggers out there deal with too much meddling into their reproductive (or lack there of) life, I suffer from lack of meddling from people in my life.  But I try to remember that just as I don't know what questions to ask, what a person needs, and what to say or not say to a grieving friend, some of my friends may feel the same way about my infertility.  So I discuss other things that are going on in my life with them and keep the infertility talk for other friends that ask or are also having problems.  So to sum up, I think that people who are inexperienced in a subject may feel uncomfortable with what to say or do in a situation.  It's not that they don't care, but they don't want to make the situation worse or the person even more upset. 

As far as my acquaintance, I did end up sending a message via Facebook (I don't have her email and she lives on the East coast) expressing my condolences.  I also sent her the URL of a blog that I used to read of a woman in Australia who had a very similar thing happen to her.  I said that I wasn't sure if reading the blog would help, but that I was sending it along just in case.  Did I say the right thing?  Was it right to send her the URL of that blog?  I don't know.  But I hope that she knows that I am thinking about her during this awful time in her life.

*I find this is true even in the infertility world.  I am always at a loss of what to say to a blogger that has had a miscarriage.

Mindful Remembrance Walk

A couple of day ago, Belle from Scrambled Eggs suggested a Virtual Walk to Remember for readers to reflect on women who have suffered losses (including their own) and women who have lost hope through many failed cycles.  I obviously fall into the latter category as I have never seen a positive pregnancy test in the 2.5 years of trying.

For my walk, I decided to do a slow, mindful walk through the neighborhood.  The author of the "Conquering Infertility" book that I am reading suggests lots of different relaxation and meditation techniques- one of them is to take a mindful walk.  

During my walk I felt the hard sidewalk beneath my feet.  I listened to the engines of the cars driving by me.  I heard the rustle of leaves gliding across the street in the wind.  I felt the sun radiate warmth onto my body and with my back to the rising sun, the heat on my calves.  I looked at the bright colors of the turning trees.  Everything was clear and crisp due to the cold air morning.  I saw squirrels frolicking in the trees.  Deep breathes in and out.

I tried to focus on the sensations from the walk instead of the red blood that I saw that morning on only Day 22.*

Towards the end of the walk, I thought about everyone in the world that has lost a baby.  I thought about IRL friends that have lost a baby.  I thought about online friends that have lost a baby.  And finally, I thought about myself and all of the other IF people that are still waiting to get pregnant.

The walk was powerful and later as I sat on the train into Chicago, I still felt affected by it.  I'm not usually someone who can stop their life to truly THINK about all of my emotions- I'm more someone who tries to laugh off emotions with a deflecting joke or a sarcastic remark.  But this was a great idea and I hope to do more mindful walks in the future.



*No more red blood since then, but the brown stuff has continued.  ???

A brand new living room

I'm excited to show you guys another finished room in our house!  CP and I can't take all of the credit for the painting- my parents spent last weekend with us helping us do everything except roll the walls.  With all of the trim, CP and I would have taken AT LEAST two weekends to do all of this.

Now on to the before shots:

What fantastic Miami Vice/mint chocolate chip green on the walls!
(I still love the color I picked to stain the floors.  It's so pretty and it makes me happy.)

Oh yes seller, painting the mantle and the windows in a darker nasty green was a great idea!  Blech.

At first we thought about painting the room a similar color as we did back in our CT house because it went so well with the furniture and our rug.  But then we decided that would be too boring.

Just painting the trim a white already makes a difference in the room.

Making the mantle stand out.

The room looks so fresh and clean!

Success!  Benjamin Moore Oxford Gray on the walls/mantle, Benjamin Moore Lily White on the ceiling, mantle and bookshelves.

Next up?  Most likely the living room- which means starting to tackle our first room full of WALLPAPER (even in the hutches- who does that?).  Ugh.

Out of whack

I wish I could say that I had a better day today. Nothing specifically went wrong. I woke up with my usual routine, took Buster to doggie daycare, and worked from home. I guess I didn't start feeling odd until late afternoon. I finished my work day, did a few things outside, and then came inside to paint the living room.

Instead of feeling happy that I was going to finish painting the room, I felt depressed and emotional.  While inexplicably angry at CP I rolled the paint onto the wall.

 I finished the first coat and went to pick Buster up. On the car ride over, all I could think about was wanting to cry. I couldn't figure out the reason for my sadness and tried to hold back the tears.  By the time I got home, the hormonal episode was over and I settled down to eat dinner.

By the time I started painting the second coat, I was wondering if I am more depressed than I think. I impressed my boss' boss yesterday and today, but I am basically feeling like I could give two craps about my job right now. I am generally unmotivated at night (tonight's painting notwithstanding), but then again, on the days that I head into the city, I am away from the house almost 12 hours. I am not feeling very social either.

 I actually had the thought that I may want to see a therapist for the first time soon- maybe someone that specializes in infertility? Of course, that's only if insurance will cover it since we really can't afford that right now. And most likely, I would not tell CP about going because he would probably scoff at the idea. I do love my manly man, but sometimes I wish he was a bit more sensitive.

Of course all of what I am feeling may stem with what is going on with this cycle. (This may get to be TMI for some people.) On Saturday I hit Day 15 and took a bathroom break while painting. I ended up passing a reddish/brown clot about the size of my pinky fingernail. Not sure what that was about. Every day since then every time I have gone to the bathroom I have seen brown and have had mild cramping. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I'm wondering if I may have passed one of my fibroids- which would be great news (but really only if I passed both of them). The nurse didn't seem too worried about it, but said if I start to see red too early for my period, I would need to come in for an ultrasound because my body may be trying to pass something and not getting all of it out. Whatever it is, it's really weird that this is mid-cycle AND that I don't think that I ovulated.

So I am hormonal from whatever is going on with my body? Or depressed? That is the question.

Helpful book?

You guys, I am so glad that I met up with the RESOLVE meeting facilitator last night.  Without knowing one single thing about the woman, other than her name, we talked for over two hours (finally realizing that it was 10:15 and we both had to get home!).  We both described our infertility journeys, what I could expect out of a group meeting, and just learning about each other.  It was REALLY NICE to talk to someone face to face that could understand what I was going through.  I am definitely looking forward to my first meeting (hopefully I can go next month).

She even recommended a book that was really helpful to her around her 2^nd year of infertility:

Photo from Amazon

I downloaded it onto my Nook this morning and started reading it on the train ride into work today.  I’m hoping that the book doesn’t make me want to cry because that might be embarrassing in public, but I’m only 50 pages in and already I’m nodding my head along. 

A big section of the book is devoted to depression because Dr. Domar is convinced that depression plays a part in infertility.  She even cites a study that women with female-factor infertility who had increased depressive symptoms on day three of their IVF cycle experienced significantly lower pregnancy rates then the women who were not depressed.  She advocates for infertile women to practice some form of relaxation for 20 minutes a day through mind/body exercises, yoga, meditation, relaxation tapes, etc.

I don’t think that I am depressed (maybe just minor depression?) because I don’t have many of the factors, but my stress levels have definitely been higher due to infertility.  So I could see how some sort of relaxation tape or maybe even an App on my iPhone could help.  Does anyone have one that they would recommend?

I'll let you guys know my review of the book when I am done with it, but I can imagine that I am going to like it a lot.  Are there any other books you think that I should be reading (they can be about infertility or whatever fiction/non-fiction book you are currently reading and enjoying)?

Annoyed

I have a couple of things on my mind today....

• Last week I spoke to the nurse at my RE's office about the new fibroids.  CP and I thought that it might be best to just schedule the surgery now so that I have time to heal before starting IVF in January.  The doctor pushed back on rushing into surgery because if the fibroids are still there at my next ultrasound and she has to remove them, I would only be sidelined for 2-3 weeks, thus not affecting the January start date. (woo hoo!) Right now I will have another ultrasound in Nov after my next period, a saline ultrasound on Nov 19th, and the nurse added me to the surgery list on Nov 27th.  I will  have to take the day off of work, but can work the next day.  I'm happy to hear that the surgery won't sideline me for a long time and that the new fibroids won't affect our plan for January.
• I'm a little annoyed at CP today for two reasons- both of them infertility related.  First, CP and I were driving in the car last night and I told him that I would be meeting someone from an infertility support group tonight for drinks.  He immediately started to laugh (as I expected).  (The RESOLVE meeting was cancelled last week because the facilitator was sick, but I think that she felt bad so she offered to go for drinks or coffee with me this week.  I thought, why not? So I agreed to meet her tonight.)  CP asked what mental anguish I was going through from infertility as to need a support group.  I explained that it would be nice to have someone that I could talk to in person about issues/emotions/etc surrounding infertility.  He thought that I should be able to talk to our doctor or nurse about it; I told him that they may not have been infertile themselves so how would they be helpful?  I told him that I didn't see any harm in meeting this woman or possibly attending a group.  If I don't like it I never have to go back again.  But what is an hour or two of my time once a month?  I think that he still thinks that it is silly, but frankly I don't care.
• The second story also happened last night.  When we went to see our RE, she put CP on a bunch of vitamins that should help his sperm for IVF.  He has to take three pills two times a day and then a multivitamin once a day.  I guess the pills give him some heartburn at night so he started complaining about them last night.  I got him some water and was shocked to hear him say "if this keeps happening I'm not taking them anymore."  Really???!?  A little heartburn?  After I went through an invasive surgery, invasive tests, a dildo probe every time I head to the doctor, AND I will probably have to have another surgery??  And you are complaining about HEARTBURN?!??!  Give me a break.  Men are such pansies sometimes.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Thank goodness I work from home on Fridays now- I came home from grocery shopping at lunch to find water all over the floor in our kitchen and water dripping down to the basement.  Luckily CP knew where the valve to shut off the water to the fridge was located and I got everything cleaned up.  The plumber comes today to hopefully fix the broken fitting!

Anyone else going through a box elder infestation?  Yuck.  Thankfully these guys are crowded around our garage and not the house, but they are still nasty.  I hate using chemicals anywhere near our house, but I don't mind spraying for yellow jackets and now these guys.

Haven't featured the puppies lately, so here is Buster trying to snuggle with CP as much as possible while CP is laying on the couch.  Love the tongue!

Here is Koda getting ready for bed.  I love the way that she has completely curled up on the dog bed.  Her fur is  starting to grow back on her belly from her surgery!

So here's a funny story.  I went to my first appointment with my new hairstylist in IL.  I did a whole lot of research on Yelp, trying to find a place that had ammonia-free hair dye, wasn't super expensive, and also had good reviews.  The hairstylist fit all of those qualities.  However, she ended up dying the peach fuzz on my face- making me look like I had sideburns.  Yikes.  I realized it when I got home, tried to rub it off, to no avail.  Then I drove back to the salon where another stylist (mine was busy with a new client) tried to use some solution to get it off, again to no avail.  Finally she used little scissors to cut the hair as close to the skin as possible, but when I got home I could still see it.  So because I was meeting friends soon afterwards, I decided to take Nair to the darkened peach fuzz, and I'm pretty sure I gave myself a chemical burn.  FAIL.  I think that I am still going back to the hairstylist though- but making sure to warn her to not dye the peach fuzz again!!!

Last weekend CP and I worked some more on the kitchen.  I did a whole LOT of painting on Saturday.  Here is the major difference between ONE COAT of white paint on the door and frame versus the old, dirty, nasty baseboard.  EWWW.  (And no, I have no idea what is on the wall- that was beneath the wallpaper.)

Same thing with the door- the top half has one fresh coat, the bottom half, even after wiping off the dirt and nastiness, is still gross.  Fresh coats of paint make Non Sequitur Chica happy.

CP's major project was the small pantry in our kitchen.  These shelves weren't going to be very useful in storing items.

Neither will these hooks.  Or the dirty walls.

The pantry after CP took down the shelves and spackled the holes.

Ta da!  It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint and new shelving (on sale at the Container Store!) can do for a small pantry.  

Double trouble

Thanks for all of your kind comments yesterday- I'm not going to lie.  It was a rough day. I'm not a huge crier, but I had spurts of tears throughout the day.  After getting my hopes up on Monday about the start of IVF treatment soon, I felt so frustrated that we have another obstacle in our way.  

Actually, it turns out that there are TWO obstacles.  F*CKING fibroidS.

The good news is that they are smaller than the baseball-sized fibroid I had last year.  My bloodwork came back completely normal, the doctor said that my ovaries look great, and my lining thickness also looks good (yay for some good news!).

I have nothing to do this month other than wait for my period to come.  On Day 1 I will call the doctor's office and I'll go in for bloodwork and another ultrasound.  If the fibroids are still in my uterus, then I will have to have them removed.  The good news (or at least better than expected news) on that front is that I won't have to have the extensive surgery like last time.  The doctor can remove these guys (assuming they don't get huge in the next month) transvaginally, which means I will only be out of work for a day instead of the week like last time.  At this point I'm not sure if it will affect timing of IVF or push it back.

My nurse is out today, but I will be calling her tomorrow to see if we can schedule the surgery now.  I understand if they want to do another ultrasound next month before getting me into surgery because there is a slight possibility that the fibroids could pass naturally, but I'm not holding out hope for that.  I can't imagine that right after surgery the doctor is going to allow me to jump into IVF treatments, so I want to have the surgery as soon as possible so that we are cleared for IVF come January. 

CP posted a cute anniversary note to me yesterday morning on Facebook.  He's not one for public declarations of love on FB, but he must have known after my text to him about finding a new fibroid that I needed something to make me smile.  Because this isn't stuff he does all the time it meant the world to me (and made me cry happy, loving tears).

Last night I was supposed to go to my first RESOLVE meeting.  No doubt I would have ended up in tears if I started talking about what was going on with me.  It was probably for the best that the meeting was cancelled because of poor attendance and the facilitator had the flu.  Hopefully it meets next month.

I'm trying to stay positive despite the obstacles....and also think fibroid-passing thoughts.

It's back

I had a bad feeling going into my ultrasound this morning...turns out I was right.  I have a new fibroid in my uterus....just 11 months (to the day) of my surgery last year to remove the first fibroid.

I basically want to give a big F*CK YOU to my new fibroid.  You weren't around when CP and I were doing the stupid IUIs earlier this year, but you decide to show up right before we can start IVF treatments?!  

This is not the news that I wanted or needed today. Not on our third wedding anniversary which should be a happy day (even if CP is away on business).  Instead I am crying at the possibility of having to go through another surgery and recovery.  Of having to wait even longer to start IVF.  (Thank goodness I am working from home today.)

F*CK YOU.

A plan!

Yesterday was our consult with our new RE.  We had a couple of hiccups- the doctor ran an hour late because of a patient emergency (the nurse called us ahead of time so that we didn’t sit in the waiting room the whole time), the office never received my new patient forms so we had to fill out all 10 pages again, and my previous office in CT never sent over my records, despite the fact that I contacted them months ago about doing so.

Despite the hiccups, the visit went well.  I did some homework prior to the appointment and found out that I may be eligible for a health insurance through my job that would cover IVF and fertility drugs.  I probably don’t need to tell you that THIS WOULD BE HUGE.  Like SAVING SH*T TONS OF MONEY huge.  I am crossing EVERYTHING right now that I will be eligible (I should know in about a month).  If I am able to sign up for this insurance, it wouldn’t kick in until January 1^st.

With that January 1^st date in mind, we discussed an IVF timeline.  I know that CP is chomping at the bit to get going on IVF treatments, but we have three months left in the year and that’s it.  

My current insurance is diagnostic only.  Tomorrow I will go in for baseline bloodwork and the oh-so fun dildo vaginal ultrasound to make sure that my fibroid hasn’t come back (it has been almost a year since my surgery).  Next month I will have a saline ultrasound to make sure that everything is good to go with the first round of IVF.  I will also start birth control pills.  Ahhh the irony of taking birth control pills while infertile…..but they do have a purpose- to shut down my ovaries.  I guess the reason for this is so that all of the follicles (when stimulated with drugs) will ripen at approximately the same time.

Meanwhile, I have to run to the drug store today to grab CP some vitamins that the clinic suggests:  200 mg of Coenzyme Q10, 500 mg of L-Carnitine, and 500 mg of Acetyl-L-Carnitine.  He’s not great about taking his multivitamin so I’m going to have to keep on him to take all of these too!

A plan!  Hope!  Moving forward!  Yay!

No more soda

I have known for a very long time that soda is no good for my body.  I used to drink about three cans of Diet Pepsi (after college), then cut it down to one for the past couple of years.  I figured that it was Diet so at least it didn’t add any calories to my day.  When Coke Zero came out I switched to it because the Diet Pepsi became too sugary-tasting (image that).  In law school Coke Zero and caffeine pills were the only way for me to make sure I got everything done because I don’t drink coffee.

For a while though, there has been a nagging voice in my head that kept telling me that one Coke Zero a day was still doing bad things to my body.  I mean, something that can clean chrome, clean your toilet, and get grease stains out of clothes isn’t really something that a person should be ingesting, right?  I also kept seeing studies that linked drinking diet soda with obesity.  But it was my only source of caffeine and it was 0 calories, so I continued to drink it.

As soon as I tasted the Very Berry Starbucks Refresher, I knew that it was time to stop drinking soda.  I told CP and my family about my decision so that they could help keep me accountable, and have only slipped up a few times in the almost two months of no soda (they were bad days).  I have to admit that going to lunch and not having a soda was odd for a while, but in addition to being healthier by drinking tap water instead we are saving money!  It’s also really nice to not have to lug the 12 packs of soda out of the grocery store.

Last week my sister posted an article on Facebook of the 7 side effects of drinking soda and I knew that I made the right choice.  If you don’t feel like clicking over, here are the side effects:

1.       Kidney Problems

2.       Messed-up Metabolism

3.       Obesity

4.       Terrible Hangovers

5.       Cell Damage

6.       Rotting Teeth

7.       Reproductive issues

The last reason is (as you know) especially important to me.  Sometimes I do miss the taste of Coke Zero, but I know that it’s simply not worth it.  I think that the longer I go without drinking it the more I won’t miss it.  Now if I could just get CP to stop drinking the stuff too….

Do you drink soda?