I am a very curious person. I’ll admit that I do like to “stalk” people on Facebook. It’s always interesting to see what people are up to these days if you haven’t seen them in a long time. Being bored at work yesterday I went looking for my ex boyfriend. I was curious if he ever finished grad school and where he was working. We are not Facebook friends anymore because at some point he couldn’t handle seeing CP in my pictures, hearing that I was happy with someone else, etc.
Not able to find him on Facebook, I googled his name and finally found him on LinkedIn. Most of his profile was private so I had to “friend” him to see what he was up to. He accepted and then sent a short email saying that he hoped that I was doing well. I ended up emailing him back and asking how he was doing, where he was working, etc. I received a LONG email about the past couple of years, his unhappiness over choices he has made, student loan debt and how he is currently trying to finish his thesis/couch surfing while job hunting.
I replied with some suggestions as he is looking for work in an industry similar to mine and told him about buying a house in CT, getting a puppy, hating my job, etc. He responded with part of the email bashing homeownership and dogs. That’s fine if it is not your cup of tea, but no reason to bash my choices in life. His response basically snapped me back into reality. Why did I contact him anyway? It’s been YEARS since I have talked to him or even thought about him. My original email was innocent in nature- bored at work and curious as to how life is turning out for him.
But if CP found out that I contacted him, that might not go over so well (CP is not controlling- this is just the ex that was trying to get me back after I started dating CP). If he is going to be all depressed over the way his life turned out and bash my life, then why do I need to talk to him anyways? So I deleted the email and won’t respond. But I feel guilty for contacting him in the first place.
Chalk it up to a life lesson that I should have learned years ago…..
Anyone else do something stupid like this with an ex?
Motto
“If you get caught up in the worst case scenario and it doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted your time. And if you are caught up in the worst case scenario and it does happen, you’ve lived it twice.” -Michael J. Fox
Showing posts with label ex issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex issues. Show all posts
5.27.2011
10.22.2010
Reunion
Off to my 10 year college reunion this weekend.
I can’t believe that it has already been 10 YEARS since I graduated.
First time CP and I will be going back to the college we both attended….despite having mutual friends, we never met in the three years we overlapped.
Can’t wait to see some people that I haven’t seen since graduation. Even though I see them on Facebook and know what is going on with their lives, it will be fun to see them in person.
Hoping I don’t see my ex boyfriend because CP likes to pretend that I am the first person that he dated ever (silly boy) and even though it has been 10+ years since we broke up, it would still be awkward.
I hope my liver survives.
I can’t believe that it has already been 10 YEARS since I graduated.
First time CP and I will be going back to the college we both attended….despite having mutual friends, we never met in the three years we overlapped.
Can’t wait to see some people that I haven’t seen since graduation. Even though I see them on Facebook and know what is going on with their lives, it will be fun to see them in person.
Hoping I don’t see my ex boyfriend because CP likes to pretend that I am the first person that he dated ever (silly boy) and even though it has been 10+ years since we broke up, it would still be awkward.
I hope my liver survives.
8.16.2010
Reading about the past
One of the funnier things I encountered while packing up was a box full of letters and cards from ex boyfriends. Specifically, the three long-term boyfriends I had before I met CP.
CP happened to be in the room when I uncovered said box and started chuckling. He was curious, but after I warned him that he probably didn’t want to see them, he didn’t pry. After a few minutes he left the room and I decided to sit down and read every single letter.
The oldest ones dated back to 1997 when my boyfriend from college (R) and I were separated the summer after our first year. We had only been dating for a few months before I went back to Chicago to work as a tennis pro at a local country club. We talked every night on the phone, wrote each other letters all the time and even made each other mix tapes. Yep, BARF. It was hilarious to read the letters from him. They detail a new relationship. A relationship so in love, naive and happy. I lot of “I miss you” and “I love you” throughout the letters.
Unfortunately, a lot of the memories that I have of that relationship now are the bad ones. Having a fight when we were both drunk, me falling down the stairs of his fraternity while he just watched. His brothers helped me get home that night. I had bruises on my back for two weeks. Taking care of him after he tore his ACL in a big game and throughout his recovery process. There was talk that he could have tried to make the NFL (like his brother did before a neck injury). After that surgery though, he was never as quick as he once was and the talk died down. I’m not sure if he was depressed after that or what….but his smiling, upbeat personality was never the same. One of the final nails of the coffin was one night when I got back from my friend’s bachelorette party and he showed up at our off campus house, raving mad, yelling about me cheating on him. I had no idea what he was talking about and had done nothing of the sort. I later found out that he had been talking to a local girl that night- so maybe he was feeling guilty and decided to take it out on me? He ended up getting engaged to her two months after that fight. She was pregnant soon after (according to Facebook they are still together).
In the end, we were both young when we got into the relationship. Despite the fact that we dated for 3.5 years, I always knew that he wouldn’t be the man that I would marry. But the letters were a nice ego boost and a good way to remember some of our good memories.
Other cards and letters were from a guy that I originally met in high school, M. He lived in Kentucky and I randomly ran into him and his friend in Hilton Head, SC. We were basically pen pals and I even kind of dated his friend for a while (M had a girlfriend at the time). M and I stayed in touch throughout the years. At some point, we started emailing and talking about meeting up again. We met in the middle of Philly (where I was living at the time) and Louisville (where he was living at the time) and had a great weekend together. I visited him in Louisville and we started a long distance relationship. The cards from him were sweet. Mainly about missing me from afar and hoping that we would get to see each other again soon. I am still friends with him on Facebook and he is doing well- a bassist down in Nashville. But again, no interest in marrying him either. Those artist-types are a little too in touch with their feelings for me. :-)
The last few cards were from my ex Herb (obviously not his real name). I have chronicled my relationship before with Herb. The cards from him were a mixture of “I miss you” and sex-related puns/discussions. These cards were the main reason I didn’t want CP to read anything from the box! Based on the fact that Herb used to call when we lived out west and tell me that he would never meet another girl like me, CP does NOT like Herb and would NOT be happy that I kept anything, even just a card, from him.
So why did I keep all of these letters for so long? Well the main reason was because I forgot about them! But I had to have seen some of the earlier ones when I put the more recent letters in the box. I guess I kept them because they are funny to look back upon. Also a great ego boost!
However, after I read all of the letters, I put them in the garbage and went into the living room to kiss CP. While the ego boost was nice, I don’t need to reflect upon past relationships. The guys that I did date in the past are in the past for a reason. I had to date them to find out what exactly I was looking for in a husband.
My most favorite card that I have ever received from a boyfriend? A card from CP, from early on in our relationship. He wrote, “I love spending every second with you- no, every millisecond.” I tease him about that line occasionally, but I love it. Only my engineer husband!
Do you keep old letters or other things from past boyfriends?
CP happened to be in the room when I uncovered said box and started chuckling. He was curious, but after I warned him that he probably didn’t want to see them, he didn’t pry. After a few minutes he left the room and I decided to sit down and read every single letter.
The oldest ones dated back to 1997 when my boyfriend from college (R) and I were separated the summer after our first year. We had only been dating for a few months before I went back to Chicago to work as a tennis pro at a local country club. We talked every night on the phone, wrote each other letters all the time and even made each other mix tapes. Yep, BARF. It was hilarious to read the letters from him. They detail a new relationship. A relationship so in love, naive and happy. I lot of “I miss you” and “I love you” throughout the letters.
Unfortunately, a lot of the memories that I have of that relationship now are the bad ones. Having a fight when we were both drunk, me falling down the stairs of his fraternity while he just watched. His brothers helped me get home that night. I had bruises on my back for two weeks. Taking care of him after he tore his ACL in a big game and throughout his recovery process. There was talk that he could have tried to make the NFL (like his brother did before a neck injury). After that surgery though, he was never as quick as he once was and the talk died down. I’m not sure if he was depressed after that or what….but his smiling, upbeat personality was never the same. One of the final nails of the coffin was one night when I got back from my friend’s bachelorette party and he showed up at our off campus house, raving mad, yelling about me cheating on him. I had no idea what he was talking about and had done nothing of the sort. I later found out that he had been talking to a local girl that night- so maybe he was feeling guilty and decided to take it out on me? He ended up getting engaged to her two months after that fight. She was pregnant soon after (according to Facebook they are still together).
In the end, we were both young when we got into the relationship. Despite the fact that we dated for 3.5 years, I always knew that he wouldn’t be the man that I would marry. But the letters were a nice ego boost and a good way to remember some of our good memories.
Other cards and letters were from a guy that I originally met in high school, M. He lived in Kentucky and I randomly ran into him and his friend in Hilton Head, SC. We were basically pen pals and I even kind of dated his friend for a while (M had a girlfriend at the time). M and I stayed in touch throughout the years. At some point, we started emailing and talking about meeting up again. We met in the middle of Philly (where I was living at the time) and Louisville (where he was living at the time) and had a great weekend together. I visited him in Louisville and we started a long distance relationship. The cards from him were sweet. Mainly about missing me from afar and hoping that we would get to see each other again soon. I am still friends with him on Facebook and he is doing well- a bassist down in Nashville. But again, no interest in marrying him either. Those artist-types are a little too in touch with their feelings for me. :-)
The last few cards were from my ex Herb (obviously not his real name). I have chronicled my relationship before with Herb. The cards from him were a mixture of “I miss you” and sex-related puns/discussions. These cards were the main reason I didn’t want CP to read anything from the box! Based on the fact that Herb used to call when we lived out west and tell me that he would never meet another girl like me, CP does NOT like Herb and would NOT be happy that I kept anything, even just a card, from him.
So why did I keep all of these letters for so long? Well the main reason was because I forgot about them! But I had to have seen some of the earlier ones when I put the more recent letters in the box. I guess I kept them because they are funny to look back upon. Also a great ego boost!
However, after I read all of the letters, I put them in the garbage and went into the living room to kiss CP. While the ego boost was nice, I don’t need to reflect upon past relationships. The guys that I did date in the past are in the past for a reason. I had to date them to find out what exactly I was looking for in a husband.
My most favorite card that I have ever received from a boyfriend? A card from CP, from early on in our relationship. He wrote, “I love spending every second with you- no, every millisecond.” I tease him about that line occasionally, but I love it. Only my engineer husband!
Do you keep old letters or other things from past boyfriends?
5.20.2009
Boys from the past
A few days ago I received a seriously random email. It was from a guy that was on one of my volleyball teams back when I lived in Chicago (4-5 years ago). When I lived in the city I was always busy. Happy hours, flag football, volleyball, running groups, different cultural events around the city, etc. A lot of the events centered around drinking, playing sports, or a combination of the two.
I randomly joined an indoor volleyball team from a Craigslist posting. I didn’t have a ton of volleyball experience, but like with most sports, I was a quick study (and it didn’t hurt that I was tall). One of the guys on my team, Rob, was pretty cute and I dug (ha ha) his quick arm that could crush the ball. He was a nice enough guy….and I could overlook the slight stutter.
We kissed on Halloween after drinking WAY too much. My friends thought that he was a nice enough guy, but thought that I could do better. Because I am the naïve and silly girl (even after all of these years), I thought that because we kissed that we would start dating. I was wrong. We were always friendly after that, but never did the “dating” thing. I even brought him to a friend’s party at one point and the whole night he talked to an acquaintance (female) of mine.
Nevertheless, we moved into spring and then summer volleyball on the same team. He had gone to law school so as I was applying and eventually enrolling in law school, we were always able to discuss that. After I left for the west coast city, I didn’t give him much thought as I was then wrapped up in an ex (Herb) that suddenly came back into my life after a phone call saying that he still loved me.
About a year ago, I received a message from a Chicago friend that she saw Rob and he was asking all kinds of questions about me. Was I still in law school, how was I doing, etc. I didn’t really chalk it up to anything….until I got the email from him (I had deleted his email a while ago so of course it went into my junk mail folder).
Lots of questions such as: was I back in Chicago, where was I working, what did I think of my law school, etc. While that seems perfectly harmless, he seemed to remember a lot about me when frankly, I remembered that he went to law school but I couldn’t tell you where, what kind of company he worked for, etc. Maybe he just has a better memory?
Anyway, I sent a reply back, making sure to include that I was getting married in October and funnily enough, I haven’t received a reply from him. Too late buddy boy…..and my friends were right- I could (and did) do better!
I randomly joined an indoor volleyball team from a Craigslist posting. I didn’t have a ton of volleyball experience, but like with most sports, I was a quick study (and it didn’t hurt that I was tall). One of the guys on my team, Rob, was pretty cute and I dug (ha ha) his quick arm that could crush the ball. He was a nice enough guy….and I could overlook the slight stutter.
We kissed on Halloween after drinking WAY too much. My friends thought that he was a nice enough guy, but thought that I could do better. Because I am the naïve and silly girl (even after all of these years), I thought that because we kissed that we would start dating. I was wrong. We were always friendly after that, but never did the “dating” thing. I even brought him to a friend’s party at one point and the whole night he talked to an acquaintance (female) of mine.
Nevertheless, we moved into spring and then summer volleyball on the same team. He had gone to law school so as I was applying and eventually enrolling in law school, we were always able to discuss that. After I left for the west coast city, I didn’t give him much thought as I was then wrapped up in an ex (Herb) that suddenly came back into my life after a phone call saying that he still loved me.
About a year ago, I received a message from a Chicago friend that she saw Rob and he was asking all kinds of questions about me. Was I still in law school, how was I doing, etc. I didn’t really chalk it up to anything….until I got the email from him (I had deleted his email a while ago so of course it went into my junk mail folder).
Lots of questions such as: was I back in Chicago, where was I working, what did I think of my law school, etc. While that seems perfectly harmless, he seemed to remember a lot about me when frankly, I remembered that he went to law school but I couldn’t tell you where, what kind of company he worked for, etc. Maybe he just has a better memory?
Anyway, I sent a reply back, making sure to include that I was getting married in October and funnily enough, I haven’t received a reply from him. Too late buddy boy…..and my friends were right- I could (and did) do better!
2.19.2009
Feeling lazy
I stole this meme from this lady (I have training again today so I don’t have much time to write a post).
How long have you been together?
Three years and four months. We started dating in October 2005 during my first semester of law school.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We actually went to the same college (I am one year behind) but didn’t know each other. We had a few mutual friends, including a girl that lived on my freshman hall that he worked with at the student center. A bunch of girls from my sorority also used to hang out at his fraternity all the time. After emailing back and forth a couple of times on match.com and then for a few weeks with our personal emails, we finally decided to meet up.
Who asked whom out?
It was probably a mutual thing (I really don’t remember). I think that we both didn’t know a lot of people in our area and thought it would be fun to meet up with a fellow alum, so we met up at a bar to watch football.
How old are each of you?
He is 2 ½ years older than me. He is old for his class and I am young for my class.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Because he is actually friends with his sister, we have seen her a lot. Because of wedding stuff and my sister being a bridesmaid, we have seen my sister a lot recently. Once we move back west, his sister and kids will only be about an hour from us so we will probably see them a lot.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The fact that his parents are divorced. It has caused problems with wedding planning, it has caused problems in trying to figure out who to see and when whenever we are in their area (they live about 20 minutes from each other), etc.
Did you go to the same school?
We went to the same college. I even had my sorority bid party at his fraternity, but I can’t find him in any of my pictures that night!
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I am from the Midwest and he is from the Northeast.
Who is smarter?
Hmmm. We are both smart in different ways. He is an engineer so science-wise and math-wise he certainly knows a lot more. I read a lot faster and know a lot more about liberal arts subjects (and the law of course). We are both very logical and analytical though.
Who is the most sensitive?
I am of course. I am not the most sensitive of chicks, but at different times of the month…..
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Due to our weight loss program, we have tried to not eat out as much. But I guess the restaurant that we have been to the most in our short time in MA has been a Thai restaurant in our town. It’s not super good, but they do make a good Tom Yum soup.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Argentina- both Buenos Aires and Bariloche.
Who has the craziest exes?
I guess me? I have talked about my ex Herb before and I guess he would be crazy because he was calling a lot when CP and I started to date. CP has an ex that he dated for a while that has contacted him a few times since we started dating, but no craziness (at least as far as I know).
Who has the worst temper?
He does. I just let him work it off before trying to talk to him. It’s just easier.
Who does the cooking?
He does (thank goodness). And he is DAMN GOOD.
Who is the neat-freak?
Neither of us. We both like things clean, but we aren’t fanatics about it.
Who hogs the bed?
He does! He loves to roll over on my side of the bed and snore in my ear. Lovely.
Who wakes up earlier?
During the week CP wakes up earlier. On the weekends I usually wake up earlier because the dog pants in my face, asking to be let out.
Where was your first date?
A sports bar. CP said that he wanted to meet just “as friends” so I ate wings on our first date. Not the sexiest of meals…..
Who is more jealous?
I think that both of us are a little jealous, but nothing crazy. I have my moments, but haven’t in a while because CP isn’t traveling now. It wasn’t like there was any basis to my crazy thoughts anyway…
How long did it take to get serious?
Considering I was still dating two other guys when we first met, we didn’t get serious until over a year into our relationship when we discussed me moving into his condo.
Who eats more?
He does. Although I do eat a fair share.
Who does the laundry?
I do all of the laundry because otherwise it wouldn’t get done. I do refuse to fold his laundry though.
Who's better with the computer?
He is.
Who drives when you are together?
He does because otherwise he is really annoying about my slow driving. Plus, he usually knows where we are going in MA and I am usually lost.
How long have you been together?
Three years and four months. We started dating in October 2005 during my first semester of law school.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We actually went to the same college (I am one year behind) but didn’t know each other. We had a few mutual friends, including a girl that lived on my freshman hall that he worked with at the student center. A bunch of girls from my sorority also used to hang out at his fraternity all the time. After emailing back and forth a couple of times on match.com and then for a few weeks with our personal emails, we finally decided to meet up.
Who asked whom out?
It was probably a mutual thing (I really don’t remember). I think that we both didn’t know a lot of people in our area and thought it would be fun to meet up with a fellow alum, so we met up at a bar to watch football.
How old are each of you?
He is 2 ½ years older than me. He is old for his class and I am young for my class.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Because he is actually friends with his sister, we have seen her a lot. Because of wedding stuff and my sister being a bridesmaid, we have seen my sister a lot recently. Once we move back west, his sister and kids will only be about an hour from us so we will probably see them a lot.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The fact that his parents are divorced. It has caused problems with wedding planning, it has caused problems in trying to figure out who to see and when whenever we are in their area (they live about 20 minutes from each other), etc.
Did you go to the same school?
We went to the same college. I even had my sorority bid party at his fraternity, but I can’t find him in any of my pictures that night!
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I am from the Midwest and he is from the Northeast.
Who is smarter?
Hmmm. We are both smart in different ways. He is an engineer so science-wise and math-wise he certainly knows a lot more. I read a lot faster and know a lot more about liberal arts subjects (and the law of course). We are both very logical and analytical though.
Who is the most sensitive?
I am of course. I am not the most sensitive of chicks, but at different times of the month…..
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Due to our weight loss program, we have tried to not eat out as much. But I guess the restaurant that we have been to the most in our short time in MA has been a Thai restaurant in our town. It’s not super good, but they do make a good Tom Yum soup.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Argentina- both Buenos Aires and Bariloche.
Who has the craziest exes?
I guess me? I have talked about my ex Herb before and I guess he would be crazy because he was calling a lot when CP and I started to date. CP has an ex that he dated for a while that has contacted him a few times since we started dating, but no craziness (at least as far as I know).
Who has the worst temper?
He does. I just let him work it off before trying to talk to him. It’s just easier.
Who does the cooking?
He does (thank goodness). And he is DAMN GOOD.
Who is the neat-freak?
Neither of us. We both like things clean, but we aren’t fanatics about it.
Who hogs the bed?
He does! He loves to roll over on my side of the bed and snore in my ear. Lovely.
Who wakes up earlier?
During the week CP wakes up earlier. On the weekends I usually wake up earlier because the dog pants in my face, asking to be let out.
Where was your first date?
A sports bar. CP said that he wanted to meet just “as friends” so I ate wings on our first date. Not the sexiest of meals…..
Who is more jealous?
I think that both of us are a little jealous, but nothing crazy. I have my moments, but haven’t in a while because CP isn’t traveling now. It wasn’t like there was any basis to my crazy thoughts anyway…
How long did it take to get serious?
Considering I was still dating two other guys when we first met, we didn’t get serious until over a year into our relationship when we discussed me moving into his condo.
Who eats more?
He does. Although I do eat a fair share.
Who does the laundry?
I do all of the laundry because otherwise it wouldn’t get done. I do refuse to fold his laundry though.
Who's better with the computer?
He is.
Who drives when you are together?
He does because otherwise he is really annoying about my slow driving. Plus, he usually knows where we are going in MA and I am usually lost.
1.27.2009
The issue of divorce
Once again, the problem with divorced parents rears its ugly head again in regards to the wedding. We have two potential issues:
1. While talking to the florist on Saturday, we weren't sure how many boutonnieres or wrist corsages to get. Obviously our biological parents will be getting flowers, but do we also get a boutonniere for CP's new stepfather? Do we also get a wrist corsage for CP's dad's girlfriend? Will that confuse wedding guests if we do include them? Will the new significant others be hurt if we don't include them? Ugh. Thoughts?
2. Our other problem is including the different sets of parents with wedding details. This past weekend we were lucky as CP's mom and stepfather went to Maine and were not available to go to the florist with us. But my parents are flying out sometime this spring in order to meet both sets of his parents so that it is not awkward at the wedding. We were thinking about staying at the Inn where we are getting married so that my parents can see it, but which parent do we go there with?
CP's dad and girlfriend have now seen the place, whereas CP's mom and new husband have not. Both parents have agreed to jointly pay for the rehearsal dinner. CP and I think it might be a good idea to keep my parents away from the new stepfather as he will talk about his gun collection or a myriad of other topics that might scare my parents. However, CP's mom can talk to a wall so I think that she will get along well with my parents.
Oh decisions, decisions.
1. While talking to the florist on Saturday, we weren't sure how many boutonnieres or wrist corsages to get. Obviously our biological parents will be getting flowers, but do we also get a boutonniere for CP's new stepfather? Do we also get a wrist corsage for CP's dad's girlfriend? Will that confuse wedding guests if we do include them? Will the new significant others be hurt if we don't include them? Ugh. Thoughts?
2. Our other problem is including the different sets of parents with wedding details. This past weekend we were lucky as CP's mom and stepfather went to Maine and were not available to go to the florist with us. But my parents are flying out sometime this spring in order to meet both sets of his parents so that it is not awkward at the wedding. We were thinking about staying at the Inn where we are getting married so that my parents can see it, but which parent do we go there with?
CP's dad and girlfriend have now seen the place, whereas CP's mom and new husband have not. Both parents have agreed to jointly pay for the rehearsal dinner. CP and I think it might be a good idea to keep my parents away from the new stepfather as he will talk about his gun collection or a myriad of other topics that might scare my parents. However, CP's mom can talk to a wall so I think that she will get along well with my parents.
Oh decisions, decisions.
Labels:
ex issues,
family,
the wedding industry can suck it
12.03.2008
More random musings
On Saturday CP’s mom got married to a man that she has been dating for five years. After the reception CP and her new husband had a small party back at their house for most of the guests. Because they had food leftover, CP’s mom handed us cookies, brownies, and other assorted desserts to take back to CP’s dads house. On the way back to his dad’s house, CP and I both agreed that it would be really weird to bring desserts to his dad from his mom’s wedding reception. I was surprised that she would even think to give them to her ex husband. I don’t think that she meant it in a mean way, but was it a small in-your-face to her ex? We decided to leave them in the car and bring them into work this week.
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Poor CP can tolerate his new stepfather, but both he and his sister reported that the new man in their mom’s life was trying to get touchy-feely with them. Saying that now that they are family, that he wants to have a better relationship with them. *Awkward* Both CP and his sister are not huge fans of the guy, but are nice to him because their mom loves him. Although my parents might not have a perfect relationship, I am thankful that they are still together. Divorced parents make everything so difficult. CP and his sister are both over 30 years old so a stepparent is not really necessary….not to mention their father is still alive and well so they also don’t need a fatherly figure in their life.
I think that CP is going to want to keep his interaction with the stepfather to a minimum while we still live on the east coast and hopefully it is just his mom that comes to visit after we move back out west!!
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Poor CP can tolerate his new stepfather, but both he and his sister reported that the new man in their mom’s life was trying to get touchy-feely with them. Saying that now that they are family, that he wants to have a better relationship with them. *Awkward* Both CP and his sister are not huge fans of the guy, but are nice to him because their mom loves him. Although my parents might not have a perfect relationship, I am thankful that they are still together. Divorced parents make everything so difficult. CP and his sister are both over 30 years old so a stepparent is not really necessary….not to mention their father is still alive and well so they also don’t need a fatherly figure in their life.
I think that CP is going to want to keep his interaction with the stepfather to a minimum while we still live on the east coast and hopefully it is just his mom that comes to visit after we move back out west!!
8.07.2008
The issue of exes
Staying friends with your ex after a break up is a tricky thing. The last serious boyfriend I had before BF was Herb.* Herb and I dated for a grand total of 9 hot and heavy months. Three months into the relationship we were talking about marriage. The sex was great. He was adventurous, intelligent, outgoing, and funny. I didn't care that he was in college and didn't have any money (he went into the military for four years after high school). I thought that even though he wanted to live abroad after college, that he always wanted to travel despite not having any money, etc. were exciting things, not warning signs that he wasn't ready to settle down. Things were going fine until he decided that he wanted to study abroad and didn't think that it would be right for us to stay together.
However, he didn't end up going abroad. He stayed in the same city and for another nine months, we were basically boyfriend and girlfriend again, except without the label. At the time, I hated my job. I knew that I wanted to go to law school, but wanted to make sure that it was the right choice. I ended up moving 700 miles away to work as a paralegal. I had to get away or else my heart was going to be broken again.
Herb started to date someone else right after I moved. I was devastated. I had purchased football tickets before I left, and decided to keep the "date" (as friends) anyway. The weekend was fine, but I decided that I needed to move on with other men. Then, that New Years Eve, I get a drunken message from Herb saying that he still loved me. Ahem, he was out with said girlfriend that night. I didn't think much of it, but a few weeks later, he let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend and missed me.
Fast forward to law school. I had just moved west and was still talking to Herb. He talked about possibly moving out west to be with me. I held out hope that he finally had grown up enough to figure out his life and that I was what he wanted. Fortunately, he didn't make that decision.
The reason for the background on Herb is because I was talking with him via Facebook last night and he is currently getting his masters abroad. He is thinking about staying in the country for his current girlfriend.** I don't love him that way anymore, but I wonder why he thinks she is the one to settle down with? Before he left the country Herb would call me (sometimes drunk, sometimes not) and tell me that he would never find a girl like me. That no one would ever live up to me. (These phone calls would upset BF, but that's a story for a different day.) So has grad school changed Herb that much? In the end, I am very happy that I decided to move away from Herb. He was so much fun, but our futures were never meant to be. It just took time away from the relationship to realize that I needed a more stable and grounded man. Thankfully, BF came along and we have been happy ever since.
So do you guys keep in touch with exes? Do you wonder or care why your ex becomes serious with someone after you?
*Name changed of course. Can you imagine doing sexy times and saying Herb?
**This could totally not happen too. This is the first I have heard of this new girlfriend and when asked about her he said: "she's cool." I'm sure that he wasn't worried about holding back to protect my feelings so only "she's cool"???
However, he didn't end up going abroad. He stayed in the same city and for another nine months, we were basically boyfriend and girlfriend again, except without the label. At the time, I hated my job. I knew that I wanted to go to law school, but wanted to make sure that it was the right choice. I ended up moving 700 miles away to work as a paralegal. I had to get away or else my heart was going to be broken again.
Herb started to date someone else right after I moved. I was devastated. I had purchased football tickets before I left, and decided to keep the "date" (as friends) anyway. The weekend was fine, but I decided that I needed to move on with other men. Then, that New Years Eve, I get a drunken message from Herb saying that he still loved me. Ahem, he was out with said girlfriend that night. I didn't think much of it, but a few weeks later, he let me know that he broke up with his girlfriend and missed me.
Fast forward to law school. I had just moved west and was still talking to Herb. He talked about possibly moving out west to be with me. I held out hope that he finally had grown up enough to figure out his life and that I was what he wanted. Fortunately, he didn't make that decision.
The reason for the background on Herb is because I was talking with him via Facebook last night and he is currently getting his masters abroad. He is thinking about staying in the country for his current girlfriend.** I don't love him that way anymore, but I wonder why he thinks she is the one to settle down with? Before he left the country Herb would call me (sometimes drunk, sometimes not) and tell me that he would never find a girl like me. That no one would ever live up to me. (These phone calls would upset BF, but that's a story for a different day.) So has grad school changed Herb that much? In the end, I am very happy that I decided to move away from Herb. He was so much fun, but our futures were never meant to be. It just took time away from the relationship to realize that I needed a more stable and grounded man. Thankfully, BF came along and we have been happy ever since.
So do you guys keep in touch with exes? Do you wonder or care why your ex becomes serious with someone after you?
*Name changed of course. Can you imagine doing sexy times and saying Herb?
**This could totally not happen too. This is the first I have heard of this new girlfriend and when asked about her he said: "she's cool." I'm sure that he wasn't worried about holding back to protect my feelings so only "she's cool"???
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