One year later

Facebook's "memory" feature is usually great. Seeing pictures of the kids when they were younger, seeing pictures of various trips, and fun memories with friends is a great trip down memory lane. However, I knew that a tough memory was coming up soon once I started to see pictures of my time in Texas to help Hurricane Harvey survivors last year. I just wasn't totally prepared to see it today.  

One year ago today we had to put Buster down. Re-reading my post made me sob today and I really can't believe that it has already been a year. Yesterday as we shopped for Christmas decorations we saw a puppy Berner in the store and my heart felt so sad as I was petting the dog (his name was Bodie). I "liked" the place where we adopted the cats and every time I see a dog adoption picture on their page I get jealous. I know that a dog is not exactly conducive to our lifestyle right now, but man I miss having a dog. As frustrating as Buster was with his quirks, he was my quirky dog.

😢

Miss you buddy

Monday would have been Buster’s 7th birthday. 

On Sunday, the kids and I drove by the emergency vet clinic where we had him (and Koda back in 2014) put down back in November and I started silently crying in the car. I can still picture him laying down on the dog bed after the drugs stopped his heart with his head laying next to his right paw. I still remember the heaving sobs that took over my body after his heart stopped beating. I really, really miss him and yesterday was a tough day with birthday pictures of Buster almost every year in my "see your memories" feature on Facebook. I can't believe that he didn't even make it to his 7th birthday.

Now that we have had the cats for over a month, I think that I can safely say that I don't think that I will ever have as deep of a love/relationship with them as I did with our dogs. The cats are great and definitely much easier than a dog. I love that the kids LOVE the cats and LOVE to play with them. They love to help feed them every morning and night and Izzy loves when the cats (mostly Cocoa) jump on her bed in the morning. But it is definitely not the same. 

I am happy that they are part of the family and for now, they are filling a small part of the hole that Buster left wide open in November. But at some point in the future, I will be ready to open my heart for a new dog. It may not be for a few more years and we will have to find a dog that plays well with cats....but at some point I will need that deeper love and relationship with my family pet once again.

Miss you my big, cuddly furball.

Staying busy since Christmas

We have certainly stayed busy since Christmas.

Working on the house

I did have to go into work the day after Christmas, but the rest of that week I took off so that CP and I could do some work around the house while the kids were at daycare. The first day was spent organizing the unfinished part of our basement- figuring out what could be taken to Goodwill, what needed a new home somewhere else in the house, what could be organized on the shelves, and what just needed to go into the garbage.

The mess that was the unfinished section of the basement

The pile of stuff to donate or throw out

Organized!

Organized stuff!

The second day we were a bit lazier as we took the kids out to breakfast and spent some time at Home Depot, but we still got a few things done. On the final day we painted parts of the basement (mostly concrete) that were untouched during our house rehab, hung out some wires for the kids to put their artwork on, and hung up two picture compilations of the kids from birth to 11 months old.

The new hallway after the house remodel....the new wall on the left got painted but other parts did not

The part that didn't get redone

New paint! Can't wait to get rid of the stairs, but that's a project to be done after we do a patio outside

Kids artwork on the wall!

Racks to organize Izzy's art supplies in the basement

Buster

One of the places I dropped off some stuff was some of Koda and Buster's stuff to the local animal shelter. CP and I decided that we aren't quite ready for another animal just yet and even then, we would like to start over with new stuff. So the shelter got dog beds, leashes, bowls, a soft cone, etc. As I was dropping the stuff off at the shelter I SO wanted to go into the back to see what kind of dogs and cats were back there to take one home, but thankfully the office was closed off from the adoptable pets so I didn't have a chance to check any out. CP and I agree that we should wait until we at least come back from our trip to CA later this month....afterwards, we'll see. We still have pictures up in a few places in the house of Buster and Koda and every so often, I just start to cry (last time was yesterday when walking upstairs to put Wes to bed....he pointed at a picture of Buster when he was just a puppy and said "arf arf.") :-(

Izzy's speech

Before Christmas and probably only one week after I wrote up Izzy's 4 year old update, she started to say the letter "s" before consonants! Her teachers in Pre-K have been working on it with her but it literally was like a light switch went off in her head one day and she came home and would slow down to say the word or correct herself. Chris and I were pretty excited because it is much easier to understand her, but we were also a little sad because it means that she is growing up so fast!

Mama!

Speaking of words, guess who is now walking around saying "mama" all the time? That's right- Wes! This is doubly exciting because he is NOT saying "dada" so I win! I kid of course but I did have three months of Izzy saying "dada" before she started to say "mama" so this is payback CP! Lol.

New Years Eve

New Years Eve was spent with friends who have an 8 year old daughter. Izzy totally looks up to her and surprisingly, they have a lot of fun together so it was a fun night. CP made Cajun food- duck gumbo, shrimp & grits, corn/tomato side dish, and a collard greens side dish. It was delicious! Our friends left around 10:30 to get their kid to bed; Izzy then went to bed (which means she was cranky the next day). I went to bed before midnight but CP came up at 11:59 to go to bed so technically we were up at midnight? :-)

Stitch Fix

I got my latest Stitch Fix this weekend and decided to cancel the service because the only thing that I kept was a necklace (mostly because it was only going to cost me $5). The clothes just don't fit right and one pair of pants the stylist sent because it is "on trend" right now. I am not an "on trend" kind of girl and could care less about that. I would rather go to Loft and buy clothes there since I seem to really like the patterns/styles and they fit me well. 

Ice skating lessons for Izzy

Izzy took beginning ice skating lessons right after Christmas and by the second night started to get the hang out getting up onto her skates after falling and gliding a little bit. She enjoyed herself so hopefully we can find some time to take her again this winter to practice her new skills.

Izzy is in the black coat

Wes in the ER

Finally, Wes decided on New Years Day, after I didn't get quite enough sleep the night before, to get sick enough to necessitate a trip to the ER. I could tell that he was having trouble breathing and he was constantly coughing so we broke out the nebulizer....which made him better for about an hour, hour and a half before he would start to take a turn for the worse again. His ped was concerned that the treatments weren't helping him for the whole four hours inbetween so off to the ER we went at 8pm where he promptly spiked a 102.3 fever and started wheezing. He tested positive for RSV and they finally got his fever down, but we ended up getting admitted for the night. Wes refused to sleep in the baby cage like last time, so around 1:45am he finally fell asleep on the twin bed with me. I didn't sleep well because throughout the night I would have to give him a breathing treatment, or the nurse would come in and need to check his breathing, etc. Thankfully he were released the next day and he only needed the nebulizer for another day before he started to get better. I most likely caught RSV from Wes and have been battling a terrible cold since then. 

Waiting in the ER with a fever

Feeling better the next day and trying to hide from me

Okay, that's probably enough for now. How has 2018 treated you so far?

Too soon- RIP Buster

This is a post that I am having to write too soon. On Sunday night after the kids went to bed, CP and I took Buster to the emergency vet to be put down. We are both heartbroken.

Saturday I got back to Chicago after my flight from Austin and being away for 18 days. Before I left Buster wasn't doing great, but was still able to walk and not that long ago, could even do a funny run (even though it wasn't very far). While on Facetime late last week I saw Buster essentially dragging himself around on the carpet with his two front paws because it was too hard for him to get up on all fours so I knew that things had gone downhill.

Saturday night I tried to take Buster for a walk at the end of the night and he could barely make it to the end of the block, even with me holding up his backside via his harness the entire time. He would partly drag his back legs on the grass and partly sort-of walk while almost falling over most of the time. His back right leg was clearly weaker so his body was curved towards his right side while he "walked." At that point, I knew that his time was short and I burst out crying, petting Buster while he sat down and rested. The rest of the night I sat on the floor petting Buster. Eventually I went to bed and CP stayed downstairs with Buster for a few hours, mainly sleeping, before coming upstairs with me. Around 2:30 I heard Buster barking downstairs (he hadn't come upstairs in about a week) so I headed downstairs to be with him. He was anxious, panting like he was hot although it was cold downstairs (something that is fairly normal in DM dogs as the disease progresses according to the DM Facebook group). I brought him next to the couch and pet him until he calmed down and we both went back to sleep. 

Sunday morning, I knew it was the day. I had originally thought that it could wait until the following weekend and it could have....but Buster's quality of life was rapidly decreasing and this week he would have sat home, by himself for 11 hours while we were at work, barely able to drag himself around. He couldn't go for a walk any longer (one of his favorite things to do) and instead, we could give him a good last day that we weren't able to give Koda. So on Sunday Buster had Wes' leftover french toast for second breakfast, he sat outside chewing sticks that Wes would bring him and enjoyed the cold weather outside while we raked leaves and hung out with him. 

Bringing Buster sticks to chew on

Enjoying the cool weather outside 

We left him for only a few hours in the afternoon (for Izzy's 4th birthday party) before coming home and having my parents over for dinner. Buster was happy to see his "friends" (my parents) and all of the adults gave him lots of attention all night long. CP made him a special steak dinner and Wes made sure to drop some of his steak on the ground for Buster too. Wes gave him a hug and a kiss before heading upstairs for bed. After Wes was in bed, it was finally time to bring him in while my parents were home with the kids. He was so excited to get in the car that it felt so wrong. I started crying immediately. I knew in my head that it was the right decision, but I felt guilty for being gone for 18 days right before putting him down. 

When we arrived, I got in the very back of the car with Buster, sobbing and petting him while he laid down in my lap while CP went inside to check in. I told him that he was a good boy and that I loved him very much. We brought Buster inside the vet's office and they have a special room where we had also taken Koda on her last day. CP and I just cried, knowing what was to come. A vet technician came to pick Buster up to put a catheter in his front leg where they would administer the drugs. After they brought Buster back we had a few minutes of talking to Buster, petting him, all while sobbing. I'm pretty sure he knew that something was up. Then the vet came in to tell us about the procedure- that he would first administer a large dose of anesthetic before giving Buster the second drug that would stop his heart. We also had a short conversation about DM and the issues that Buster was having. We asked if they could use the Help Him Up Harness that was on Buster and the vet said that they could. He then left us to say our final goodbyes. When we were ready, we let the doctor know and he came to administer the drugs while we continued to pet Buster and talk to him. The doctor checked Buster's heart to make sure the drugs had worked and I let out uncontrollable heaving sobs. CP put his hand on my back to comfort me as he was crying at the same time. I couldn't believe that at just 6.5 years old we had to say goodbye to Buster. It just wasn't fair. The vet left to give us some time with Buster before we left. He looked so peaceful, just laying there with his eyes half open, head on top of his paws.

It felt wrong leaving Buster in the room and not taking him home with us. After we left the room, CP poked his head in one last time to see him before we headed out to the car, sobbing. We discussed our memories of Buster on the drive home, like how we got his name on his first night home with us or the day that Koda bit a small piece of his ear off when he was puppy and annoying her. I realized that it had been a few months since he was able to give us one of his hugs where he would stand up on his back paws and wrap his front paws around your waist. My parents thankfully moved his water dish, food bowl, and doggie bed downstairs to the basement before we came home....but then it made our family room look bare without the bed. After my parents left, CP and I couldn't sleep so we watched the end of the Eagles-Cowboys game while I posted a message on Facebook about having to say goodbye to Buster. CP took Nyquil to help himself sleep and I kept crying as I went to bed. 

We woke up in a daze on Monday morning. Izzy asked where we had taken Buster the night before and CP and I had agreed that we would tell her that he was at the vet (we didn't want to tell her before taking her to school). I wanted to take the day off but had a meeting that was being held at my office that I had facilitated so I had to go in. My eyes were swollen and red and I'm pretty sure that everyone thought that I was on drugs. I did my best to not cry and left work a little early because I was so exhausted. That night after dinner CP and I sat down with Izzy and told her that we had to tell her something. We told her that unfortunately, Buster had died. We were a little surprised at her reaction as we never thought she was particularly close to Buster- she started crying and said that she wanted to give Buster one last hug. We explained that wasn't possible and she just kept saying that she wanted to give him a hug....meanwhile we both started to cry again. After about five minutes, she got up and wanted to play. Later that night she had trouble falling asleep and when I came into her room, she started crying about Buster and wanting to give him a hug. I told her that it was okay to be sad because Buster was a big part of our family. CP and I questioned whether we should have made a big deal about getting Izzy to give Buster a hug and a kiss Sunday night before leaving, but decided that she might have thought it fishy since we never do that....but it was too late now.

Wes seems to know that Buster is missing as well. Last night he threw some food on the floor and looked around as if to say, "where is Buster to pick it up?" This morning he wanted to look outside from his room, I think to see if he saw Buster out in the backyard?

Needless to say, I'm working from home today and the house feels empty. Not having Buster here to pet or talk to is devastating. I'm glad that I waited until today to write this post because I have been bawling the entire time while writing it. Buster came into our family at a tough time in our life. He was our first baby and now he is gone. This one was so much harder than Koda because she was old and it was absolutely her time to go. I was also only a little more than 1 month out from giving birth to Izzy and totally hormonal so I couldn't focus as much on losing Koda. Not to mention that we had Buster at home so we still had a dog. Koda was truly CP's dog (she was already 1.5 years old by the time I met him), but Buster was truly my dog. I mean, he loved CP, but he definitely loved me more. 

I miss his hugs. I miss him nudging my hand for me to pet him. I miss petting his soft fur. I miss him trying to get in my lap, even though he was too big for a lap dog. I miss him getting all excited about meals, treats, and walks. I wish that he had made it to see one last snow, his favorite weather event because he would eat it off the ground. He was a frustrating, but super loving dog to his favorite people.

I don't know how to end this post, but to tell you that I am devastated. He had only been in our lives since May 2011, but there is now a huge hole in our family that may not get filled for a while. Love you forever buddy.

First day with us

Last day with us- Sunday, November 19th

Buster update

CP and I continue to do research on what (if anything) we can do to make Buster's life a little better for the time we have left with him. 

• We are going to continue to give him a nerve blocker pain medication just in case he is having some pain because I don't want him hurting and the medication is safe for long term use. 
• The steroid treatment isn't doing anything so we are slowly starting to wean him off.
• Buster never got a lot of people food except when the kids threw food on the floor but these days, that rule is out the window (he is pretty happy about this change).
• After checking out blogs and websites on DM, a lot of owners get their dogs boots. I asked the vet about it and he said that they are a good idea for walks so that Buster stays active, but doesn't come back with bloody paws from scraping his paws on the sidewalk/pavement. I try to keep Buster on the grass as much as possible, but we do have to cross streets and driveways on our walks so this should help. The boots arrived yesterday and Izzy and I took Buster for a walk last night to see how he tolerated them. Previously he would have tried to get them off his feet, but did just fine (maybe he can't really feel them?).

Buster in his boots

I was worried that not eating was a symptom of DM because Buster wasn't finishing his meals for a few days, but after calling the vet he said that Buster likely had an upset stomach from the steroids. Thankfully Buster is eating again and that shouldn't be an issue that we have to deal with.

I also reached out to Buster's breeder to let her know that he has DM since it is hereditary and his litter mates might have it as well. She let me know that Buster's father tested negative for the general DM marker before she bred him, but when a Bernese Mountain Dog-specific DM marker test became available (only a few years ago), the father did test positive for that. She never got the mother tested because by the time the new test came out, she was spayed (but she obviously has it). :-(

CP and I did have a hard conversation last night about when we would feel it was necessary to put Buster down. Right now he is acting like himself again mood-wise; it is just the physical symptoms that are present. From what I have been reading, generally about 6 months after diagnosis a dog is no longer able to walk. I think that this would be our breaking point because there are days where we leave Buster at home by himself while we are at work. If he can't stand up and walk to drink some water or change positions, that's not fair and not a good quality of life. The other breaking point would be when Buster becomes incontinent. *sigh*

Have any of you dealt with the loss of a pet? Izzy is not super close with Buster, but we are worried about how she is going to react when we do have to put him down.

Can't stop crying

This weekend was tough. Friday night after Buster got home from the vet and his MRI he couldn't sleep. They said that he was resting comfortably after the procedure and he would likely sleep the rest of the night, but it was the opposite. We fed him half of his normal dinner as per the vet's instructions and then when he kept it down, tried feeding the rest 30 minutes later (he wouldn't eat it). CP and I went to bed but couldn't sleep because Buster couldn't settle down. He wouldn't lay down and kept panting and whining. CP eventually took him downstairs to sleep on the couch and Buster at some point did pass out. The next morning I ended up bringing Buster to the emergency vet because we were worried that he had bloat. Thankfully he didn't, but he did get an anti-nausea shot which seemed to make him feel better and he finally started eating again. The rest of the weekend and even Monday, Buster was not himself. He wasn't asking for petting. He just laid down in the house like a lump. I'm not sure if he was just exhausted from all of the tests and vets or if he was depressed. Thankfully yesterday he seemed to perk up a bit more and act like himself.

Meanwhile, the test results on Buster's spinal fluid are in and the results are clear. This means that he does not have an auto immune disease that we could potentially try to fight with drugs or anti-inflammatories. We had the option to do a blood test to see if Buster has specific genetic markers which are consistent with having degenerative myelopathy, but decided not to. Whether he has the markers or not, it doesn't change the treatment plan for Buster.

Right now he is on a steroid for the next 18 days to see if it helps. If he has DM then the steroids won't help at all as it is a last ditch effort. If they do help then he doesn't have DM and we can search out other ways to figure out what is wrong with him. The neurologist vet is pretty sure that it is DM because Buster has all of the classic signs and issues....the only abnormal thing is his age (6.5 years old). DM is usually a disease that happens in older dogs (at least 8 or 10 years old), so for it to present this early in a dog's life is rare.

I started crying during the conversation with the vet after asking how long we may have left with Buster. He said that generally about a year after you start to notice signs, the dog loses the ability to walk and control urine and bowel movements. Trying to get some sort of wheels or cart for Buster is not an option because although his issues are worse in his hind legs, the vet already noticed issues with his front legs as well. As soon as you put a dog in a cart, you put extra strain on the shoulders and front paws and with Buster's size, that is not an option. 

I started to see a difference in Buster by at least January of this year because I took him in to the vet in February (when we found out that he had two partially torn ACLs). So we may only have a few more months with Buster which is legitimately hurting my heart right now. For those of you that haven't been around these parts as long as Buster has been in our lives, CP and I decided to get a second Bernese Mountain Dog as a present to each other on our first anniversary. We  pushed off getting a puppy until the following spring due to some bills and by then we were almost a year into trying to get pregnant and starting to get some bad news about our fertility. Buster, especially when he was a puppy, was a great distraction from all of the bad news that we were getting, so he was able to fill the infertility hole in our lives until I was able to get pregnant. I'm sure my mental state would have been worse had we not brought him home around that time, so his presence has been so helpful in our lives.

We didn't know how long we had left with Koda when she started to show signs of a bone tumor....turns out it was only 5 months later that we had to put her down only a week before she would have turned 10. I do think that with Koda, we waited a bit too long and I don't want to make that same mistake with Buster. The one good thing about DM is that it is not painful for the dog, but I do think that CP and I are going to have to make a hard decision in the next couple of months as Buster and his abilities deteriorate.

It will be far too soon.

MRI= no answers

Today was Buster's MRI. He wasn't allowed to drink or eat anything this morning which made him a bit hangry, but when we showed up at the vet, he started to shake out of anxiety/fear. Poor buddy. He went in for a two hour MRI (sleeping of course) and unfortunately, we have no answers. 

There is no cancer or tumor on his spine that would account for changing his peeing stance and barely lifting up his tail. CP also reported that he had trouble pooping this morning and almost fell backwards.

There is no narrowing of his spinal column to account for him not picking up his back legs enough so that they drag.

There is a little evidence of disc-related issues in his spine but nothing too out of the ordinary and certainly not enough to account for the lack of control he has over his back legs.

All of these are good things of course, but now we are left with, okay but what is wrong with him? He was fine up until the very beginning of the year and we thought that his issue with going up stairs was because of his partially torn ACLs....now....who knows?

While Buster was under anesthesia, the vet took some fluid from his spinal column to get it tested since the MRI was inconclusive. Most often with dogs if there is something in their spinal fluid it points to an auto-immune disease. If that sample comes back normal then we will get him tested for a genetic abnormality that can be found in Berners. It usually doesn't show up until a dog is 8 years old (Buster is only 6.5 years old), but Buster seems to have all of the signs despite being a younger dog. Fingers crossed that it is not this abnormality (called Degenerative Myelopathy) because the outlook will not be good.

So now I don't know what to think and I don't know how to help Buster. This is a terrible feeling.

Right now- July edition

Stealing this from Risa!

Right Now- July edition

Reading:  Do people have time to read anymore? I guess I read the Washington Post every day (especially the Daily 202). Other than that, I have started a book on my Kindle but now it has been so long since I started I have no idea what I am reading and will likely have to start over.

Watching: Game of Thrones of course. I'm so sad that this is a shortened season, but heard that the show runners are thinking about making every episode 90 minutes long next season which would be pretty awesome.

Listening: When I am on the train, it is usually a podcast- Pod Save America or Lovett or Leave It. I also enjoy the New York Times short podcast The Daily. When I am in the car with the kids, Izzy is also requesting the Hamilton soundtrack which is so much more enjoyable than the Frozen soundtrack! She says that her favorite song now is "You'll Be Back" (King George's first song) because she likes to sing the "da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da." Parenting WIN!

Drinking: Before camping I found that Starbucks makes an Caffe Mocha VIA product where you just pour the packet into hot water. I tried it out and it's really not bad, plus I get the caffeine kick that I need in the morning. It's a little over a dollar a packet so much less expensive than if I went to Starbucks to order coffee. When we got back from camping I bought four boxes and I currently drink one packet a day. I'm not sure why so many Facebook friends tried to turn me off from drinking coffee when I asked for suggestions a few months ago- the higher amount of caffeine in coffee is SO MUCH BETTER than the Refreshers/Spark/Chai Latte/Soda/etc. caffeine drinks. I'm not sure I will ever get to drinking black coffee, but for now this works.

Eating: I just had a snack of sugar snap peas, but I am starving. I'm trying to hold out for another 30 minutes until I have a lunch of a chicken salad sandwich and pretzels.

Wearing: A pair of capri pants that I bought at Kohl's and deemed fancy enough to wear to work, a shirt from Ann Taylor Loft and a black cardigan. Nothing exciting but it will be 80 degrees today and I didn't feel like wearing long pants.

Loving: Not having to bring bottles and formula into daycare every morning! It was so great to drop Wes off the past two days with NOTHING in my hands!!

Anticipating: The move back into our house on Saturday. CP and I are trying to move a bunch of stuff ahead of time to shorten the day as much as possible. Our general contractor said that the upstairs will be cleaned before we move back in, but how dusty is the rest of the house going to be? This should be interesting with a crawling toddler...

Hoping: That Buster's MRI shows something we can easily fix to get him better. Also hoping that the pet insurance that we just got for him will pay for whatever we will have to do!

Following: The state of Wes' mouth closely. His bottom left gum is extremely swollen which means another molar is going to erupt soon. The quicker it pushes through the better!

Wondering: How someone like Jared Kushner still has his top secret security clearance?!? He has amended his form three times because he "forgot" over 100 contacts with various foreign individuals. For literally anyone else in the government their security clearance would have been 

Trying: To determine how to go about eating better. Should I join Weight Watchers which I had success with before my wedding? Should I try to convince CP to do Whole 30 to try to deal with my sugar cravings? I'm consistently running three times a week and averaging about 10,000 steps/day yet it's not making a difference on the scale (I'm not necessarily running to lose weight but was hoping that it would be a by-product). I know that diet is 80% of losing weight so I think that I need to do something.

Worrying: That the Republicans are going to get their healthcare bill passed this week. No one even know what they are voting on (which is ridiculous in itself). How come John McCain doesn't see the irony of voting on a healthcare bill when he has just been diagnosed with brain cancer? Sure he has good healthcare and enough money, but if this bill passes, what about low-income people in his state that are diagnosed with the same cancer? Would they even have coverage? Would they have to file for bankruptcy just to stay alive? It boggles my mind.

Planning: I am thinking ahead to next year when I turn 40 and hoping to do a fun friend vacation (without kids) with some law school friends. One of the friends found a place in Iceland where you can stay in a hotel bubble so that you can watch the Northern Lights!  Fingers crossed we can get a grandparent to watch the kids so that we can go somewhere. I definitely want to celebrate 40 in style.

Contemplating: How nice it will be to have a treadmill at our house! CP already bought it and it is scheduled to be delivered with our kitchen appliances. I can't wait to use it on days where it is raining or too cold to go for a run outside. I think that I want to continue running in the morning as much as possible, but it is really going to be great for when CP is traveling, when the kids are down for naps, etc. YAY!!!!

Monday morning bullets

*On Friday I took Buster for his dog neurologist appointment. The dr agreed that he thought that it was not just his partially torn ACLs that were the problem. He may have one of four things going on:

1. Stenosis- a narrowing of the spinal column that puts pressure on the spinal cord. 

2. Degenerative disc disease- sort of like a ruptured disc but in a dog.

3. A hereditary condition that Berners often get.

4. A tumor somewhere on Buster's spine.

Next step is to get Buster an MRI to see what is going on in his body (scheduled for August 11th). The dr doesn't think that Buster is in much pain (if any) because he wants to run and take walks. If a dog is in pain then they will sit themselves out of activities. That was good to hear. Meanwhile, Buster has a new fancy harness that we can use to help him jump into the car, help him up the stairs, etc.

*Over the weekend not only did Wesley learn how to drink out of a sippy cup but we officially made the final switch over to 100% milk!! I am ready to give away all of the bottles, we threw out/donated the rest of the formula we had in the house, and simply bought a few more sippy cups! YAY!!! That was so much easier than the tough time I had getting Izzy to switch over to sippy cups when she was 13 months old. 

Drinking out of the cup upside down, but whatever works for you buddy

*I also was able to put Wesley to bed without milk or water so after brushing his teeth (a new addition to the routine), we went into his room to read some books, I sang him a few songs, and then he went into his bed. No peep from him on needing anything to drink which is fantastic! Go Wesley!

*Continuing on with another Wesley story. I had to call the on-call doctor Sunday because Sunday morning I noticed that Wes had a red bump on his forehead and his ear was red with a blister or some sort of fluid-filled raised bump. It started weeping a bit in the afternoon but we gave him some Benadryl and he seemed fine, other than it being a bit itchy. The nurse on call wasn't too worried since he didn't seem to have any other symptoms, but seriously this kid needs to stop with the issues for at least a few weeks. It did look much better this morning, so that's a start.

The weeping ear :-(

*As I was putting Izzy to bed this weekend she asked me how long it was until midnight. I told her four hours and that she would be asleep at midnight, as would mommy and daddy. I asked why she wanted to know about midnight and she let me know that she was scared of midnight. I told CP about the conversation and he seems to think that it might have something to do with Cinderella because he read it to her the night before. 

*FIVE MORE DAYS UNTIL WE MOVE BACK INTO OUR HOUSE. I am so excited! The house won't be completely done and we will likely have to eat out for about a week until the appliances are installed but we will at least be back in our house! CP and I did a bunch of packing and moved some stuff back in the house this weekend. We will continue that this week then have the moving truck and two movers helping us on Saturday to empty the rental house.

My poor two boys

It's Friday and I'm exhausted after this week.

Buster

All week CP has been running errands and buying needed items for the house while he waits to start his new job on Monday. One of those errands was an appointment for Buster at the surgeon's office. Back in February I noticed that he was doing some weird walking and that he was having trouble going up stairs and jumping into our cars to go to daycare. We had xrays done and found out that he had partial tears of his ACLs in his hind legs.  Since then we have tried to keep him fairly quiet with no long walks and definitely no running with me. The rental house has been good though because it is a ranch so he hasn't needed to go up and down stairs and we ended up putting a lot of rugs down so that he had an easier time walking around and getting up from laying down.

About a month ago, I started to have to make him walk on the grass during our walks because he was dragging mainly his back right paw while walking. Sometimes he would come home from a walk bleeding from his nail because he had dragged it too much. He also started having a lot more trouble getting up from laying down (one or both of his back legs would slip on the floor and splay out to the side), he changed his stance for peeing, and one of his back legs often would get caught on the other leg like he didn't have control of it. We decided that this was not fair to Buster and even though he hadn't completely torn his ACL, he was likely in pain and needed to start the surgery.

We were all set to get Buster into the $4400 surgery (gah) Tuesday afternoon, when the surgeon called and said that Buster's liver test came back a little elevated. It could just be because he didn't eat that morning as it wasn't too off, but it could mean that he has some sort of kidney disease. But the surgeon also said that based on his appointment with Buster, he felt like we should see a neurologist to get Buster checked out for some sort of nerve disease or cancer of the spine. He said that it is improbable that two partially torn ACLs would cause all of the problems above and that he may not need the ACL surgery if he has a growth on his spine. After some debate because seeing a neurologist (especially if he has to have an MRI) is going to be expensive, we made the appointment for next week. 

Right now I am trying not to think about it too much because we don't have any answers. But everytime Buster scrapes his paw on the floor while walking or has trouble getting up from laying down, I wonder if it is because he is in pain from something on his spine. Or if he has cancer. We will hopefully have more answers next Friday, until then Buster is getting extra attention from me.

Wesley

Meanwhile, poor Wesley's first birthday is tomorrow. He came home from camping with a bunch of mosquito bites which at least one other parent at daycare was worried about (and remarked to a teacher). We kept joking about Wesley's chicken pox with the teachers during pickup/dropoff this week. Then CP got a call yesterday afternoon that his teacher noticed that he had a few more red bumps on his stomach that he didn't have earlier in the week. CP ran Wes over to the doctor (note: we currently are insurance-less until Monday) and it turns out that he has Hand Foot & Mouth disease. *face palm* I didn't put Wes to bed Wednesday night (CP did) and didn't see him in the morning as I had left for work at that point so I had no opportunity to see extra spots and CP doesn't remember seeing any either. I just feel so terrible that he has mouth sores and isn't going to be feeling great for his birthday. (Fingers crossed Izzy doesn't get it!)

Wes as I was putting him to bed last night

My poor two boys....

Buster turns 6

Buster

On Sunday, Buster turned 6 years old. Life these days is a lot different for Buster than when he joined our family back in 2011. I mean, he certainly looks a lot different...

Buster's first day home with us

Back then we were living in CT and his best pal was Koda. He followed her everywhere.

Buster helped to fill a hole in our family at a time where we were not able to get pregnant.

Only a little over a year later, we had moved to IL.

Koda unfortunately passed away only a year and a half later and Buster took it hard. Between Koda's passing and Izzy's arrival life turned upside down for him. Wes' arrival has been even harder because I have even less time for him.

Wes going in for the grab. We are still working on "gentle" and probably will be for a while

Thankfully he has taken to Wes about as well as he took to Izzy. He knows when to move away, but does like to give kisses to the kids when he can.

These days he is hobbling a bit more on his partially torn hind leg ACLs and I'm worried about how the three month move to the rental place is going to affect him. But he still loves attention, eating snow, walks, going up to Michigan, and people that he knows and trusts. He is still my buddy and an important part of our family. 

Happy birthday Buster!

Playing catch up

So much to catch up on! I have been a bad blogger recently because I simply haven't felt like writing. I think it has to do with being so exhausted every day after hearing whatever Trump has done that day to bring our country closer to Armageddon. So- bullets it is!

*Two weekends ago I headed down to Ft Lauderdale sans CP and the kids for a long weekend with ladies from my freshman hall in college. Despite being in four different sororities and now living in states across the country, 6 out of the 8 of us were able to get together for a fun girls weekend! It was nice and relaxing to be in sunny FL and to not have to worry about diapers, naps, etc. Saturday night we even pretended like we were still in collegeand did way too many shots! Thankfully I don't have many nights like that any more. The only annoying thing about the weekend was having to pump.

I don't remember FL beaches being this beautiful

*That Sunday night CP called as Izzy had puked all over herself. Later she had diarrhea so CP was trying to handle a crying, sick Izzy while also dealing with Wes. I came back on Monday night and we took turns taking off of work to stay home with Izzy (she was able to go back to daycare on Thursday). Since I was already home with a sick Izzy on Valentine's Day I made use of the day to clean parts of the house, bake some bread, and bake some cookies! We didn't do anything special for the holiday....

CP complains that I don't bake much anymore so now I'm good for another year or so? LOL

*The house renovation seems like it is a go! We are finishing up finalizing the scope of the project and CP and I are trying to nail down housing for three months starting April 1st with a 90 pound dog (harder than it sounds!). Thankfully after refinancing our house (cash-out), getting some money from my parents, using money from our savings, and getting a loan from my parents we won't have to take out any more commercial loans for the project. It isn't everything that we wanted to do but we can't afford everything we want to do so we are moving forward with what we can do. With any luck all of the renovations will be complete by the end of June!

*Buster has been limping a bit and acting weird about going up stairs and jumping into the cars so I took him in for x-rays. Unfortunately it looks like he has partial ACL tears in both hind legs. We are doing our best to keep him quiet so hopefully they scar over and we don't need to have surgery on either leg just yet but he is not even 6 (next month). Poor buddy.

*This past weekend I flew out sans kids and CP to perform matron of honor duties for my best friend in VA. It was a fabulous wedding and although I missed CP, he would have been dreadfully bored the entire time because I was busy with MOH stuff all weekend long.

*Unfortunately when I got back on Monday night, I noticed Wes breathing fast and retraction in his belly/throat. So CP stayed home with Izzy and I took Wes to the ER since it was too late for urgent care. He had two nebulizer treatments (one 5 min, the other 1 hour) before we finlly got a room on the peds floor at 3:30am. Poor Wes screamed bloody murder when they tried to put a cannula on him- I think he may have PTSD from his NICU days. We stayed at the hospital most of the day Tuesday and CP is home with him today. Is the universe trying to tell me that I am not allowed to get away from my kids for a weekend??

Napping on Mommy in the ER....unfortunately his oxygen levels dropped while he was sleeping

Sleeping with oxygen

In his baby jail once we got moved up to the Peds unit

Mom uhhh where the hell am I?

*Finally, last night Izzy had a nightmare. She was crying in her room and when I got in there, she told me that "wolves were chasing her." Essentially she was having a nightmare about a short section of the movie "Frozen." LOL.