20 months!

20 months

Height: not sure

Weight: 29 lbs

New Tricks: Izzy is getting even better with her colors. She will correctly point out blue every time (my kind of girl- blue is my favorite color too!), yellow, green. She has to pause to point out red, black, white and purple but gets them most of the time. Last week we were reading the book "Put Me in a Zoo" and Izzy pointed at three spots one at a time while saying "one, two, three."

Playing in the sand

Cute things: Running around in circles to make herself dizzy. Izzy knows exactly what button to push on her mini piano to play the prerecorded songs so she presses the button and then runs to the middle of the room to dance. She also loves to jump off anything- steps outside, curbs, etc. which is pretty funny.

I love to pull my wagon

Language: Izzy definitely has too many words these days to count. But she is calling CP "daddy" instead of "dada" (I'm sadly still "mama"). Yesterday in the car she got the hiccups and started saying the word "hiccup" without me saying anything. She will pull out random words like "bones" and I'm amazed that she knows the word (Buster has a few bones around the house but it's certainly not a word that we say very often so I was surprised when she saw a bone in one of the books, pointed at it, and said the word.)  Another example is sometimes when she is coloring CP and I will draw a circle or triangle for her to color- one day she asked for a pentagon. Really kid? Wow. Will do!

She is quite the sponge these days and it's fun to try to have a conversation with her. We are still working on saying a lot of "please" and "thank you."

Giving herself a soap beard in the bath

Personality: Izzy is definitely starting to get bossier. Recently when CP has picked her up she will point to another room and say "in there" meaning that she wants him to walk her into that room. CP joked that he is turning into Hodor (Game of Thrones fans will know what I am talking about). The wanting to do a lot of things herself continues- I'm pretty sure that this will last for a couple of years at least. We try to have her help or do as much as possible- how else is she going to learn?

This week Izzy has been ALL about daddy which has been hard on me. I know that I can't take it personally and I know that CP is loving it after so many months of Izzy favoring me. 

Her hair is long enough for braids

Teeth: No two year molars as far as we can tell but has everything else.

Favorite Toy: Not much has changed this month- she is still all about rocks and chalk outside, while still obsessed with coloring with crayons inside.

Favorite Book: We are back to loving the Pout Pout Fish.

The ultimate popsicle eating position

Sleeping Habits: Izzy generally falls asleep anywhere from 7:30-8 and sleeps through the night until about 6:30-7. Most days she will take one two hour nap starting around 1:30 or 2 but has skipped a nap a couple of times. 

Eating:  Izzy loves ground-up meat whether it is meatballs, sausage, hamburger, etc. She will eat chicken if there is a dip for it (ketchup, BBQ sauce, etc.). I tried giving her hummus as a dip for her chicken and she really wasn't interested. She continues to eat her weight in fruit and we still work on veggies. She is consistently eating cucumbers and cut up tomatoes now which is exciting (for me). :-) I can't wait until we have some cukes and tomatoes from our garden for her!

What kid doesn't love pancakes?

Diapers: Seventh Generation Size 5 diapers during the day, Pampers Overnight Size 5 at night.

Clothes: all 2T clothes these days and she moved up to size 7 shoes.

Illness: Some lose bowel movements, but otherwise good the whole month.

I love the water

Other highlights:  First time in the ocean when we flew out to NH. That trip also allowed her to meet most of CP's extended family.

Microblog Mondays

Random thoughts around infertility/pregnancy

*We are only halfway through the summer and yet I am somewhat ready for fall. We have had quite a pleasant summer so far temperature-wise, but I am ready to stop playing the pregnancy game. What is the pregnancy game? Well you can easily rule out the skinny bitches and the 9 month pregnant bellies but the game is all about the inbetweeners. With minimal clothing on during the summer months I am constantly looking at women's bellies as I walk past them on the street. I'm not sure why I do this but I start asking myself, is there a baby in there or is she just out of shape? When the weather turns cooler I won't be able to play which will be good for my sanity.

*Remember the friend that upset me because when I was having my miscarriage she only mentioned that she was "in the danger zone" and then later told me that she was basically only a few days off from my due date had my pregnancy worked out? Well in a few weeks we will be spending a week together in WI with another couple and their kids. I'm no longer upset with her but I am wondering if seeing her pregnant belly and the inevitable talk about being pregnant is going to cause me to drink more on the trip than I would otherwise.

*Recently, there have been a number of infertile bloggers that I read that are finding out that they are pregnant with number two despite having first kids that are younger than Izzy. I hate to say it but these announcements are killing me. I know that a pregnant infertile is always a win for the infertile community but I'm jealous. I had the chance for a second child slip through my fingers earlier this year and I guess that I am not fully over it. All of this waiting to see an infectious disease doctor is not helping either.

*Speaking of my miscarriage, I can't help but think that I caused the miscarriage because I was selfish and didn't want to give myself the progesterone in oil shots. That maybe the embryo just didn't have enough hormones- and if it did it would have survived and I would still be pregnant. I know that there are a lot of reasons that people miscarry and this was a BB embryo that was frozen on day 6 so even with PIO it's possible I still would have miscarried. All of that being said, I feel like I let the embryo down and I will never know if it was my fault or not.

*I am not a fan of my current nurse at my fertility clinic. My usual nurse is on maternity leave for her third pregnancy and I'm pretty sure that the other nurses are unhappy that they had to take on extra patients while she is out. I don't consider myself a difficult patient but they seem to have little patience for me. 

Looking to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Insanity

Welp, I can't get a appointment with the infectious disease doctor until September 3rd so it looks like there will be no cycling until at least some time in September. That gives both of us more time to hopefully decrease the CMV levels in our body and stay away from my sister's wedding next Memorial Day weekend. Ideally the transfer would be around mid-October so that I would be heavily pregnant, but not cutting it too close. 

Meanwhile I decided that I am somewhat sick of running (or my lack of running) so I should try something else. My abs (or lack there of) have been rather sad since Izzy's birth....they got a little better when I was running last year but since I haven't really worked on them in a number of years, I find myself really annoyed that my stomach is so weak these days.

I am also bored with 30 Day Shred. It's bad when you can quote Jillian throughout the entire video. So why not try something more difficult and work out my frustration on having to wait even longer to cycle? That's where Insanity comes in. A used copy of the program popped up on a local Facebook garage sale group and I jumped on it. I did the Fit Test today and I think that this program is going to be difficult, but doable. And it's definitely going to have me work on my core so it should be stronger by the time I start cycling.

My hope is to do the program at least 5 days a week. I know that you are supposed to do it 6 days a week with one rest day but I want to give myself more leeway, even if it stretches the program out a little longer. Wish me luck!

Have you ever done P90X or Insanity?

NH long weekend

Last Thursday CP, Izzy, and I headed out to New Hampshire to visit CP's family. The beginning and end of the long weekend were rough but thankfully most of the time in NH was worth the trip.

Wednesday at work I felt like garbage so I didn't end up eating much for dinner that night. Around midnight I woke up to awful diarrhea. I won't go into details but around 4am CP rolled over to ask if I was okay and I told him that I may not go to NH if it continued at that pace. I popped Immodium like it was candy. Thursday morning I worked a half day from home and decided not to eat anything before heading to the airport as I didn't want to have any issues on the plane. I ended up eating the blandest thing I could find at the airport- a big pretzel- before getting on the plane.

The flight also could have gone better. Izzy decided not to nap even though we picked a flight that should have fallen during her nap time. She fidgets the entire flight and we do our best to hold her on our laps on a tiny plane and to not have her kick the seat in front of her. Not even Finding Nemo on the iPad held her attention for more than a few minutes. We were really ready to get off the plane.

Get we get off this plane already???

I rock rough and stuff with my Afro Puffs

After arriving we met up with CP's dad and his wife for dinner. I eat half a sandwich then push the rest away because my stomach is killing me.

Izzy tolerated the hat for a few minutes at dinner...

We had hoped that getting Izzy to bed a little later than usual AND the no nap the day before would help her sleep like a log but at 2am she started crying and could see us in the room with her so she came into bed with us. Thankfully instead of kicking and punching us like usual she passed out in between us but was up at 5:30am. Ugh.

I was still feeling crummy so CP took Izzy to the park with his mom while I took a short nap. After they got back we decided to head to a nearby farm to check out some farm animals.

This cat came right up to Izzy and lay down to be pet. Izzy was loving it!

Izzy checking out the goats

An alpaca that has been shaved like a poodle.  Interesting....

Then we were off to a state park to go swimming. CP and I had a parenting fail in that we forgot Izzy's swim diaper- so we decided that the rest of the people swimming in the water would rather Izzy wore a regular diaper than possibly poop in the water. Izzy definitely got the short end of the stick.

Check out the judging mom in the background. Izzy's diaper must have weighed 10 pounds as she was walking out of the water- we chalked it up to leg strength training. :-)

I was finally feeling a teensy bit better so when we went out to lunch I had a delicious brie, apple and ham sandwich on a croissant. We had some nice conversation with CP's mom, her husband, and CP's grandmother while Izzy took a proper nap. That night we decided it was time for some lobster. I was wary of how my stomach would take rich lobster but decided to chance it because lobster is just sooo delicious. Like a typical Midwesterner, it takes me forever to eat a lobster with all of the cracking and one of us had to take care of Izzy so I decided to get Lazyman's lobster- aka the restaurant does all of the hard work for you.

I've missed you lobster

Turns out there is some satisfaction in cracking the lobster, but oh well. It was good nonetheless. While eating dinner I looked over and saw Richard Petty, the race car driver, walking into the restaurant. I was surprised that I recognized him, let alone knew his name because I'm the farthest thing from a NASCAR fan imaginable. It was a race weekend in NH so he must have been in town for something related to the race.

Saturday morning had us over at CP's dad and wife's house for breakfast. Izzy enjoyed trying to pet any of their four cats who generally ran away from her as much as possible. That afternoon we headed over to a friend's house where all of the guys that CP grew up with came over to hang out (they all live on the east coast). Most brought some or all of their kids but Izzy was a little young to play with most of them. CP's mom put Izzy to bed and I headed back to the party where CP and I stayed late hanging out with everyone.

Sunday morning I woke up to an email from our neighbor saying that if we needed to shower or run a power cord for electricity to let them know. *foreshadowing* I emailed asking what had happened and asking if the power was still out. Meanwhile, CP and head to Gloucester, MA for a party for my FIL's side of the family. Izzy was originally wary of the beach but I sat in the sand with her a while digging a hole and eventually she was okay with being held in our arms and jumping over waves. This was her first time in the ocean!

Enjoying playing in the sand in the horseshoe pit

On the final day it was super hot early on so we decided to go swimming at the state park again. Unfortunately, CP's grandmother came down with a bacterial infection (c diff) so CP's mom was busy with her at the hospital instead of hanging out with us (she is now feeling better with fluids and antibiotics). Izzy decided not to nap again and as a result, was super whiny on the plane before passing out for an hour. CP and I are happy that we won't be flying again with her in our laps. 

When we get home I put Izzy to bed while CP throws away some of the fridge food. The power came back on after about 12 hours or so but we don't want to chance it with milk for Izzy and some other items. CP went down to the basement for something and realized that it had flooded while the power was out. CP has been meaning to set up the sump pump back-up battery but hadn't gotten around to it.... F*ck. We spend the next hour and a half or so moving ruined items up the stairs and out to the street or salvageable items into the garage to hang on something and hopefully dry. Thankfully we don't have anything that was too high value on the floor but still not an ideal situation. We collapse into bed hoping to get enough sleep to make it through the day on Tuesday.

Waiting waiting waiting

I had hopes that IVF #2 would start tonight with Lupron shots but not surprisingly, my hopes were dashed. Everything seems to be going well with my body- my hormones are quiet and the cyst is gone. However, the CMV issue is not going away.

The nurse called today and told me that my RE said that we could start the cycle but it would be a freeze all cycle and whenever our CMV tests were negative, we could do the transfer. I am not cool with that.

First, if I still have active CMV then what's to say that it won't affect my embryos? I would rather wait until the infection is totally gone which could take months OR get the all-clear from an infectious disease doctor. My RE talking to my primary care physician is nice and all but neither of them are experts in CMV and pregnancy.

Second, when we met with the RE for our consult, I told her that I was more comfortable with transferring after a fresh cycle as that's how we had Izzy. A frozen transfer would definitely mean PIO shots and I don't particularly want to give them to myself if CP is traveling and I can help it. I don't produce a lot of eggs so adding in extra steps of freezing/thawing doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

My RE took two vials of blood from me today- one to do the regular hormone tests and one to see if my CMV was gone. I had the nurse delete the CMV test (she said that it could still be done) because if I just had the test last week, nothing is going to change in a week. It's been almost 3 months since I first tested- clearly my RE knows nothing about CMV if she thinks that my test is suddenly going to change in a week.

The new plan? Stay on birth control and skip my period while hoping to get an appointment with CP's infectious disease doctor soon to hopefully get the all-clear. I hate to have to "plan" the cycle around an event but my sister's wedding is in late May next year. If I get pregnant in August (if the cycle even works) then my due date would be in May. Not ideal as I will have to have a c-section again. So if we don't get in to see the ID doctor soon, then it looks like the earliest we would cycle would be September. And the wait continues......


(Sorry if the formatting is weird- blogging from my iPad)

Day in the Life- Summer 2015 edition

Day in the Life- Summer 2015 edition

Visit My Life in Transition to submit your DITL post by Wednesday!

CP- 39

NSC- 36.5

Izzy- 19.5 months 

Buster- 4.25

I decided to do a weekend day so I picked Saturday, July 11th.

12:10am- I head to bed after hosting a Bunco party at my house. I could have won money two different ways but ended up losing via roll-offs. Boooo.

Boo to the dishes but yay to free leftover wine!

7:05- Izzy wakes up and starts yelling for us. I pee and then head into her room. Last night CP brought her home during the party, took her right upstairs and into a bath because she had diarrhea. I slowly open her nighttime diaper but only find pee- I win! We head downstairs to let Buster out, to grab some milk, and to throw on Sesame Street. 

Elmo!

Izzy and I end up watching an hour of Sesame Street (30 minutes longer than usual because I am a bit slow from all of the wine last night). Izzy claps to the "Letter of the Day" song and stomps to the "Number of the Day" song. I grab a blueberry muffin and water for breakfast and Izzy helps me with both. Izzy does a little coloring while watching the show too.

Clapping with a muffin in her hand

My little artist

8:15- We head upstairs to wake up CP (I have to *ahem* use the bathroom). Izzy jumps around on the bed and on daddy. We all get dressed and decide to head to the park.

Izzy insisted that I hold her hand while walking to the park- I love it!

It's almost 9am so it's sunscreen and bug spray for Izzy, bug spray for me. Consumer Reports just came out with their bug spray recommendations and the Sawyer Fisherman's brand with Picadin in lieu of DEET gets the highest ratings. So far it is working great! 

CP walks to get Dunkin Donuts coffee while Izzy starts to play.

Weeeee!

Navigating the metal ladder.

Climb up the slide, then slide down, climb up the slide, then slide down. Hey, however you want to tire yourself out kiddo!

9:30- Izzy finds a super ball in the bushes and proceeds to learn all about the fun of super balls! I remember having a lot of these in different sizes when I was a kid. Izzy runs all around the park after the ball having a great time.

9:50- Time to leave the park, thankfully without any fussing from Izzy. On the short walk home we spot a bunny.

10:05- Once we get home I grab Buster's leash (which gets him all excited) and the stroller. CP cleans a little diarrhea out of car seat (which I didn't realize was there. Why did he wait until the next morning? Ewww) and showers while Izzy and walk Buster around the neighborhood. Izzy points out the pool as we walk by. I realize part of the way through the walk that I should have put on sneakers for the walk instead of walking in flip flops- not a great idea as I am having some shin splint pain from wearing the wrong pair of shoes earlier in the week at work and having to run around the city for meetings.

I love walks!

10:40- We are home from the walk and it was a success because we didn't see any other dogs- which means no barking or lunging by Buster- yay! I jump in the shower. CP goes downstairs with Izzy while I get dressed and do my hair.

11:05- We head to an early lunch at a Mediterranean place. Our hope is to eat early and get Izzy to sleep in the car ride down to the zoo...

Izzy crying as I won't let her play with my phone.

Before the food comes out I change Izzy's diaper in the bathroom. She freaks out at automatic hand dryer. How long does that last? I feel like most bathrooms these days only have automatic hand dryers. 

Izzy eats a little hummus but refuses part of my lamb sandwich. She also refuses the yogurt dish that we got her. *sigh*

She flirts with the bus boy by waving at him and then becoming shy. When CP was packing up the backpack he took out the wipes and forget them on the dining room table at home- thank goodness we have another package in the car. I go grab it and Izzy's water.

12pm- Uh oh. Lunch took a little longer than expected and we are now running late to meet our friends at the zoo. I ask Izzy if she wants a banana because she didn't eat much at lunch and she does. 

But she throws part of it in the back of the van and refuses to let me hold the rest as CP drives. Ahhh power struggles. After she finishes the banana CP starts shushing Izzy to try to get her to nap. Not happening. Total plan fail.

12:40- There is a little confusion in meeting up with our friends but we figure out it and they are able to get us in to Brookfield Zoo for free (yay!). We end up spending three hours at the zoo before it starts raining a bit too much.

Penguins!

Monkeys!

Funny looking monkey!

Watching the leopard shark swim by.

Peacock hanging out near picnic tables

Towards the end of the day at the zoo our friend's twins were whining about getting ice cream so we stopped and I shared part of a lemon ice with Izzy. At that point it started to rain harder so we decided to leave.

Mmmm sugar

3:45- We are rained on as we head to our car; one minute after we get situated in the car Izzy fell asleep. Not great timing as we were headed to our friend's house which is not too far away.

Send some of this rain to CA!

4:15- We stop at a nearby liquor store to grab beer and give Izzy a few more minutes to nap. She clutches my water bottle while napping. Poor kiddo. All of the kids fell asleep on the way home so we leave the kids in the cars with the windows open and sit out on the front porch drinking Stiegl-Radler grapefuirts. Very refreshing! It was nice to have some adult conversation for a while. 

Good summer time beer.

5:25- Izzy wakes up and slowly the twins wake up too. Izzy is very shy but is interested in eating a cracker and some raisins.

6:15- We would like to stay longer but decided that we should probably get home to feed/let out Buster and to figure out dinner for Izzy. We hit a little traffic on the way home and discuss what we should do for dinner. Izzy's hungry and cranky so we try to keep her busy by singing songs. We start singing "If you're happy and you know it" but that makes her burst out crying. She does allow us to sing "Rain Rain Go Away" and what I call the "Izzy song" (Izzy bizzy bo bizzy banana fana fo fizzy, etc.) with all of the members of the family. 

7- We finally get home and let Buster out. We curse the fence people that were supposed to come that day but obviously never made it. CP runs to the store and I start to go downstairs to the basement to get Buster's dinner and hear Izzy hysterically crying- she got her fingers caught in the door. I comfort her and get the frozen snail to put on the finger from the freezer. Once she has calmed down a bit I change her poopy diaper and CP calls with the worst timing ever. I finally get downstairs to feed Buster.

7:10- I stick a large leftover meatball in the microwave and take out snap peas from our garden out of the fridge. Izzy is not really interested in the meatball and throws most of the peas from the snap peas on the floor. She isn't really listening and asking where daddy is constantly ("Dada? Dada?")

7:30- We give up on dinner and head upstairs with milk. I read "Wish" and "Wherever you are My Love Will Find you." 

I change Izzy into her nighttime diaper and put on her pajamas. We brush her teeth and head back in room as Izzy asks for "one more book?" So we read "Goodnight Moon" and "Those Darn Squirrels."

8- Izzy tries to stall going to bed by saying that she has to pee pee. I know that she doesn't so I ignore her and start to sing "You are My Sunshine" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." I put her in crib, tell her I love her and that I will see her tomorrow. I turn off the light and turn on her fan and the heartbeat white noise button. According to the monitor downstairs Izzy is out by 8:10, 40 minutes later than her usual bedtime.

8:20- While I was putting Izzy to sleep, CP was cutting up veggies for a large salad for dinner. Grilled pork tenderloin, avocado, carrots from our garden, cucumber, tomatoes, lettuce from our garden, some croutons, and ranch dressing. Delicious.

Mmmmmmm

CP and I watch the second episode of the new season of True Detective. We agree Vince Vaughn is not a good actor and a poor choice for the series. I also hate Colin Ferrell so I'm not sure how long i am going to watch this show. I sort of pay attention to the first hour but play on my phone during the second hour, sending pictures from the day to my email to upload for this post. I eat a chocolate chip cookie leftover from the party last night. 

10:05- I give up on the day, kiss CP goodnight and head up to bed as I am simply too tired. I actually remember to wash my face and put on night cream! I turn on the tv in our room but fall asleep almost immediately. I guess I didn't even stir when CP came up to bed around 11pm.

Izzy wakes me up the next morning at 6:40 but I am totally refreshed from my long night of sleep.

July cycle?

(Blogging through my phone so the formatting may be weird.)

On Monday CP and I both went to get re-tested for CMV. We both had positive results and my levels actually went up since April (argh!). My primary care doctor says that the test shows that we both have immunity and that it is not a good indication of when I got CMV. I asked CP to call the infectious disease doctor to discuss the latest results with him. We both tested positive in April so it should be gone by now.....

In the meantime I went into the RE to get bloodwork and ultrasound. I'm fairly certain the cyst I had ruptured on Friday night because I was in a lot of pain; by Monday it was gone. My lining is still fairly thick (7.3) but it's at least under 8.

I only have 3 antral follicles which scares the crap out of me. For our 2013 cycle I had 9 so it worries me that If we do go forward I won't produce a lot of follicles/eggs. Anyone have any positive stories about a small number of antral follicles? Otherwise my hormones are looking good.

CP has to turn in a sperm sample this week and I stay on birth control until I have my next baseline on Tuesday. If everything looks okay I would start Lupron. That is, if this cycle can even start with the CMV results.....

Microblog Mondays

This Saturday my next door neighbor (Neighbor #1) dropped a bomb- she is 8 weeks pregnant. She already has 3 boys, the youngest is currently 5 years old. She has been drooling over Izzy and I knew that she was thinking about it, but has mentioned numerous times how sick she gets when pregnant so she wasn't entirely looking forward to doing it again. She also mentioned at one point that she only wants a girl and would do gender selection but I have no idea if they went through with that or if they were kidding.

We happened to be with another neighbor of ours (Neighbor #2)  who has two girls (the youngest only 1 month older than Izzy). Neighbor #2 knows a little bit about our infertility (no one else on the block knows)- she knows that we had to use IVF to have Izzy and that I had a miscarriage this spring. Her best friend is struggling with infertility so I try to help her with what to say/what not to say and how to help as she is pretty clueless since she had no fertility struggles. 

However I had to hold back a snarky comment when Neighbor #2 said "Oh I want to be pregnant again too! I need to get pregnant soon!"

If only it were that easy....

Want to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Hormone update

Monday I went in for another round of bloodwork and an ultrasound. My lining was still pretty thick and I had a easy period this month so it looks like that isn't going down any time soon. Not sure what my uterus thinks is so valuable and thus worth hanging onto....

My estrogen level increased to 265 (it should be under 60). Again, instead of dropping it is increasing. Grrrr. I also have a clear cyst on my left ovary measuring 30mm. 

The rest of my hormones were normal. I'll be back in the office on Monday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound to see what's going on. Here's hoping the birth control brings my estrogen level back down to normal and that the clear cyst has resolved itself! Also on Monday CP and I will be getting re-tested for our CMV levels- we are crossing our fingers we will get authorized to start a cycle later this month!

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In other news, I played softball for the first time last night. My office has a team and I agreed to be a substitute, knowing that with CP's travel schedule I couldn't be a full-fledged member. I haven't played since freshman year of high school but was still fairly effective last night. I mostly played at third base and was effective in my fielding AND had a spot-on throw to first for an out. However, in the second inning I moved laterally and pulled my groin muscle for the first time in my life! I tried to stretch it as much as possible while teammates were batting but I was in PAIN. I made contact and had three solid hits for my three times at bat (however I was thrown out at first each time- I'd like to think because my groin slowed me down), but running to first also hurt. 

I have been icing a lot and took a slow walk with Buster today at lunch (I'm working from home today). Anything else I should be doing? I fear that groins take a long time to heal...