My expected due date if the frozen transfer had worked was October 31st. I shouldn't have even looked it up before the transfer but I did. We could have had babies just days apart....
Getting this email brought me to the brink of tears during my pedicure, bringing up feelings of jealousy and bitterness that I haven't felt in a while. Of course I am happy for her but once again she gets pregnant as soon as she is ready- this will be her third child. Why couldn't we have it that easy? Meanwhile CP and I are putting aside tax refund/work bonus money so that I can look forward to sticking myself with needles and getting violated with dildo cams over and over with no guarantee that any of it will even work.
It's amazing how I am able to brush off comments that I got this week like "oh your daughter is 16 months? So when are you going to have another?" but this email comes and hits me right in the gut. And CP doesn't help. I told him how I was feeling and he said that I shouldn't feel that way at the expense of a friend. I don't think that it is wrong to be sad/upset that we no longer could have babies just days apart. I don't think that it is wrong that I am sad/upset that getting pregnant is significantly harder for us.
I think I will wallow in my sadness tonight with some wine.
9 comments:
Bugger this... I'm joining you at your table and making it a bitter party of two.
Men, they're great, but they just don't get it.
I spent my Good Friday sobbing in tears because of how this last 18 months has gone, and hubby just doesn't know what to do with me. It is NOT fair. It sucks. And you're not alone.
Those moments are tough, as it would have been really difficult to handle her news at that moment, yet I also hated when people felt they needed to shield me from pregnancy announcements. My Co-worker and I had due dates that were four days apart with my first pregnancy, and I also mourned the loss of not going through pregnancy with her and having our kids at the same age. It's still fair to lament how easy it is for others, especially for ther third child! It feels like the rich are getting richer, while we're (actually) getting poorer. Pity party away!
My husband never understood why someone's news could make me feel awful either. It must be a man thing. I can be extremely happy for my friend/cousin/co-worker and still the sadness for myself could hit me like a brick wall.
You are totally not alone in feeling that way.
And I am annoyed she didn't just tell you also.
Damn this is hard. You literally are staring at a physical reminder of what could have been. And that sucks on so many levels. I'm so sorry that you're in this place. It's not fair and I can't think of anyone who wouldn't be upset.
I get where CP is coming from, but I also know that the concept of "happy-sad" isn't something most men understand (though many get there after going through this process). You're not diminishing your friend's news in any way. So no guilt.
I understand the way that you feel. My hubby and I started IUI treatments in January of 2013. That month my sister announced her pregnancy. Between that we had 3 other IUI's and a fresh IVF cycle and then had a FET in January of 2014. In February, she announced again that she was pregnant. Our babies would've been like 10 days apart. It stung. :(
It's okay to be sad and upset, I think he means channeling it towards your friend isn't going to make you feel any better.
Hope you & your family have a happy Easter :)
I think you are completely entitled to how you feel. Life is completely unfair and you do have todeal with a ton more crap and pay more and all the rest and that sucks!!! However you feel is just fine. XOXO
I've had so many moments like this! The worst was right after my sister donated her eggs to us and it worked. We got pregnant, but had a miscarraige at just past 9 weeks. She had found out just days before the miscarriage, but hadn't told us yet, that she was also pregnant. Just ONE month after going through egg retrieval and donating her eggs, she got pregnant! She hadn't told me about her pregnancy immediately because she wanted me to have my moment after so many years of trying and we hadn't announced it yet, but then she couldn't tell me after our loss! That was a hard one. She was honestly very upset and hurt about it too. I'm sure your friend most likely wasn't comfortable sharing her news at the same time you were suffering a loss. That's such a tough place to be in and it is bound to hurt no matter when the news is shared. My heart goes out to you, because I know. I know how much it hurts to want to experience pregnancy together and have your babies be close. My sister and I mourned not being pregnant together. Turned out that our months later FET was successful and our babies are now 3 months apart instead of days, and we did get to be pregnant together briefly. Hopefully your next round of shot torture and dildo cams will be successful and your babies will still be somewhat close! I'm so sorry you've had to go through this at all though v
Oh man. I know these feelings all too well. I'm sorry this shit is so hard. That is why I've been avoiding TTC again and ignoring my self imposed time-line. It's all so frustrating and it doesn't help that the outside world just can't get it. Not even our loving husbands. Hugs to you.
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