7 months postpartum

At almost 7 months postpartum, here is what is going on with my body. Let's start at the top and work our way down.

Right around 4 months pp, I started to lose my hair again. This was right around the same time as it happened after having Izzy. The major hair loss also lasted about as long as it did after Izzy too- about two months. The hair on my head is growing slowly...at least for now and is pretty dry.

Throughout my pregnancy I had two raised marks on my face (cysts?). They were frustrating because they weren't zits (so I couldn't pop them) and no matter what I did they didn't go away. Well soon after delivering Wes I noticed they were gone! I did have two skin tags near my arm pits and unfortunately, they never went away so I guess I am stuck with them. At least they are small.

My few black chin hairs (thanks Lupron!) grew like crazy during pregnancy, slowed down after giving birth, and have now ramped up growth in the past month or so (boooo!!).

For the first four months postpartum, I had the WORST body odor. I showered as much as possible, used deodorant like crazy, etc. but it didn't matter. I did some research online and found out this was normal as many other women have this happen after giving birth...but it was weird because I never had it with Izzy. It must be a hormonal thing because once my period came back (around 4 months), the body odor went away. So weird!

My boobs are still huge because I am still nursing. I have no idea what size I am right now but plan on getting resized once I am done nursing. Right now I am feeling guilty that my supply is not fantastic, but dropping down to two pumps a day at work has been nice. Possibly by the end of the month I will only pump once a day at work. I would like to continue nursing Wes in the morning and night for a while but it all depends on him and my boobs.

I am about 10 pounds lighter than when I got pregnant with Wes which is great. I still have a squishy midsection though....I assume that I need to do some work on my diet, work out some more, and finish breastfeeding for that to go away.

Finally, my feet got bigger when I was pregnant with Izzy, didn't get smaller after giving birth, and then stayed big throughout my pregnancy with Wes and now postpartum. Sadly while some of my size 10 shoes fit, I'm more like a 10.5 or an 11 these days. :-(

Friday bullets

I keep wanting to sit down to write but I simply don't seem to have the time so I'm going to have to do bullets.

*My hair has started to fall out. With Izzy it was right around the 4 month mark so it's a bit earlier but so far it's not too bad. What's funny is it is the same hair (so far) that fell out with Izzy because they are all shorter hairs that I am finding. I guess it's better than if a different part of my head decided to fall out. I'm not looking forward to the next year or so of wispies.

*Against my better judgment I got in a political conversation with the woman that does my Brazilian wax (I had a "I voted" sticker on). She is from Poland (still has an accent), as is her husband. I don't understand women that vote for Trump but realized pretty shortly into the conversation that she was going to vote for him. This is quite the generalization, but I do think that it is so weird how people who WERE immigrants are so close-minded to other immigrants coming into the country (she mentioned her worries about illegal immigrants). She was very worried about property taxes and only paying her share of what she owes. She only has one kid in the school system and thinks that she should pay less in property taxes towards schools and that her neighbor should pay more because she has three kids. I said that even though I don't have any kids in the school system, I'm okay with paying for schools with my property taxes because people are more productive when they get a good education. It's for the betterment of society. She was then complaining about people that "game" the system and get so much from the government, how she should just sit at home collecting welfare with five kids. Lastly she finished up the conversation with complaining about people with nice cars getting food at the food bank (she has a friend that volunteers). I did my best to not respond too much since we clearly have quite different opinions, but one thing that struck me was why are you so concerned about other people and what they do/do not get? Yes there are a few people that game the system but "welfare queens" are a myth. Maybe the person with a nice car just lost their job and is having a hard time making ends meet? You never know what is going on with that person. I left knowing that if politics comes up again with her I will quickly
change the subject.

*I voted early yesterday and I was excited to cast my ballot for the first female president. #nastywomenvote

*This year I asked Izzy what she wanted to be for Halloween about five times throughout the month. Every time I asked she said Superman. Not Supergirl but Superman. Okay kiddo. I would love it if you wanted to be an animal, but I'm cool with it because you are not asking to be a princess. I have no idea how she knows about Superman other than maybe some kids in her class? Wes has no choice on what to be for Halloween so I got him a caterpillar costume and it's adorable.

Izzy as Superman "flying" before daycare this morning

Mom, this is what I think of your caterpillar hat.

*I've already had to drop down to two pumps a day at work because three (this doesn't count the pump I do before I leave for work) hurts my nipples and I simply don't have enough time to get my work done and pump three times. I think that with my use of the nipple shield and Izzy's poor latch due to her lip tie affected my supply more than I thought last time. I do remember freaking out a lot about whether I was making enough milk. I am making plenty of milk for Wes and the boob that was producing more milk last time (right boob) is getting outperformed by left boob this time around.

*Things are not going well with the house reno. We did all the design work and the contractor came back with an astronomical price to rehab our house. So now we have to go out to other contractors to figure out whether our original contractor is just smoking crack or whether we need to change our design. We are both really annoyed because WHY DIDN'T THEY SAY SOMETHING A WHILE AGO? They knew that we didn't want to go above a certain price, so it would have been nice to let us know that we were probably getting out of our range. *sigh*

*I'm so pumped that the Cubs are in the World Series! I can't afford to go to a game nor do I want to battle the crowds (some bars are charging $250 as a cover charge) in Wrigleyville, but it's just all so amazing! Fingers crossed we can win the next three games and win here in Chicago!!

GO CUBBIES!!!!! FLY THE W!!!

This is hard

I'd like to think that I was doing well parenting two kids but to be honest, I feel like I am barely scraping by.

Mornings are not too bad. Sure I'm tired when either Wes or Izzy gets me up for the day, but there is always the hope or prospect of a nap later in the day (even if the opportunity never happens). Sometimes I need to feed Wes in the middle of getting Izzy dressed and off to school but a lot of times he is sleeping which is really helpful. Thank goodness she is patient and will do something ("read" a book, have me read her a book, play with a toy, etc) while I am nursing.

How competent I feel as a mother during the day really depends on the day. Last weekend I went up to MI with my mom on a Thursday night because CP was out of town for work and it was nice to get some help on Friday. My dad stopped by  my home earlier in the day and reported back to my mom that I seemed "overwhelmed." (This was with just Wes home.) After a disastrous drive down to the city to pick up my mom (Wes screamed the entire time before crying himself to sleep 10 minutes before getting to their house), we stopped to nurse, then he cried most of the way to MI despite my mom's best efforts to put a pacifier in his mouth or calm him down. On Friday Wes had a crying fit during the day and my mom agreed that Izzy was never this difficult. I was actually happy because at least someone else understood what I have been going through.

Another day Wes essentially nursed from 10am to 5pm. I barely got lunch in (he cried the entire time while I ate) and barely peed. Needless to say I got nothing done that day. But then the past two days have been more pleasant and I feel more competent. So maybe we are turning a corner?

Nighttime is always difficult. Especially with CP being gone the past three weeks (during the work week), I never feel like I do a good job of balancing the attention Izzy needs while balancing a hungry Wes. I tend to rush Izzy through the bedtime routine and I think she knows it. On days that he is more calm I can read an extra book or spend a little more time with her, but there are some nights where I am bouncing a crying Wes on me, singing Izzy her songs, just counting down the seconds until I can go downstairs and only deal with one child.

I know that this is just a phase- and a tough one at that while we try to get into a routine as a family of four (or three if CP is gone). How competent I feel really depends on how sleep deprived I am. If I was ever being tortured and was also sleep deprived I would give up state secrets in a second!

But man that guilt is tough. Guilt for not wanting to be on maternity leave anymore. Guilt from wanting to get away from your son (even for a few minutes) to get a break. Seeing other new moms on FB isn't helping because they seem to have their shit together way more than me. I know that what people post isn't always an indication of what is really gong on at home, but still. 

In other words, this shit is hard. I haven't be able to post as much as I would like here because getting onto a computer is hard these days when you are needed so often for nursing. I'm crossing my fingers that the worst is behind us but I think that the transition to working mom with two kids will be tough in two weeks as well. I hate that I feel less bonded to Wes than I did to Izzy at this point. I know I shouldn't compare the two kids but it is hard not to. I hate that I am wishing that time would speed up past this hard part. I hate that I am not sad that this is my last newborn. I should be soaking up all of the last "firsts" but instead I am doing the opposite.

I'm not sure how else to wrap up this post other than it may look like I have my shit together these days but it is actually the complete opposite.

Birth Story/Hospital Stay Part 1

Day before C-section (7/14/16)

Remember when I wrote that I felt totally unprepared for a baby? Well after finishing up work I then rushed around the house cleaning a bit, putting together the pack n play, and washing some more clothes. Just doing that really helped me feel a bit better about Wes' arrival the next day. We decided to go out to dinner and ice cream as our last night as a family of three; unfortunately Izzy drank way too much water at dinner and peed her car seat heading home for the first time (great timing!). After she went to bed I headed to Target to buy diapers and pack n play sheets. I also packed my hospital bag, wrote an email to my mom about Izzy's schedule and we finally hit the sheets at midnight.

C-section day (7/15/16)

CP and I were up early and both helped Izzy to get ready for school. We asked her what she wanted to name her baby brother- her answer "poopy butt!" (Her go-to answer these days.) As we headed into the hospital, we were even more relaxed than last time. We arrived to find that the OR was running behind and we would have to wait. No biggie but I'm certainly glad that this didn't happen with Izzy!

Once I am in the OR the numbing agent hurt more than I remember but the spinal block quickly flooded my legs. I got nauseous quickly- just like last time- but knew it would happen and the doctors were quick to push medicine to make me feel better into my iv. The surgery started around 10:20 and CP came into the room.

Wesley was born at 11:10am weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces- same as Izzy! But instead of her beautiful cry, he made more of a gurgling sound and had to be suctioned A LOT. I started crying in relief once he was out. Finally CP got to hold him and Wes gurgled/cried most of the time. Unlike last time when the anesthesiologist made conversation to keep my anxiety down, the anesthesiologist this time was silent and boring.

With Izzy the fast part was getting her out and the longer part of the surgery was stitching me back up. Just getting Wes out took the doctors almost an hour and it would take them over an hour more to get me closed up. I had lots of scar tissue from the previous c-section that my doctors had to remove, along with bladder adhesions (my doctor didn't touch these because it would just come back with this surgery anyway) and lots of blood loss. Because of the scar tissue from the first c-section, my doctor decided that she needed to cut a different, thicker part of my uterus for the surgery so that is part of the reason the surgery took so long- it required the doctors cutting through more layers and stitching back up more layers. Towards the end of the surgery, I definitely started to feel more of what they were doing but kept thinking that it would be over soon so I didn't say anything.

Over two hours later, surgery was finally over. I didn't have as much teeth chattering and shaking as with Izzy which was a nice change. Before I was wheeled out of the room, my doctor came over and told me that the surgery "was complicated." I was then moved to the recovery room where my parents could come in to meet Wes! He was sleepy after all of that crying in the OR so he wasn't really interested in nursing. My sister and brother in law were able to get a few pictures with Wes before he was put under the warming lamp because his temperature was a bit low. I had to kick my sister and BIL out after a while because I was exhausted from a tough surgery. My doctor also had to give me a medication in my butt because I think that they were worried about my bleeding? (It's a little hazy now) Finally Wes went to get cleaned up in the nursery and I headed up to my room.

Unfortunately, the NICU team came in with Wes quickly to tell us that his oxygen levels were low so they were going to run some tests. He got an Xray to see if he had fluid in his lungs which was negative. Since Wes wasn't around to breastfeed I asked for a breast pump and surprisingly, I was able to pump 10 ml the first time! I then start to pump every three hours to try to get my milk to come in as soon as possible. I also got compression boots to try to manage the fluid in my legs (and to prevent blood clots).

That afternoon my parents stopped by with Izzy and she looked sad and confused that when she came into the room. "Why you in bed Mommy?" Her mood quickly turned around when we told her that she had gifts from her baby brother Wes. Siblings with all of their vaccinations are allowed into the NICU so CP took Izzy down to meet Wes. I guess she held his hand and sang him "Happy Birthday." (I so wish I had seen this). After about five minutes she was bored.

That night I wanted to see Wes, so a day earlier than usual, I got out of bed and into a wheelchair in order to head down to the NICU around 8pm. I got some skin to skin time and Wes curled up on me. Unfortunately, his breathing was rather rapid the entire time- it was obvious that he was working very hard. His O2 (oxygen) level started at 60% (you want it as close to 100% as possible) when he got to the NICU and had decreased to 43% despite Wes being on a cannula (the tube up his nose). He also had a feeding tube down his nose since they didn't want to give him bottles or boobs while he was working so hard to breathe.

Finally at 10pm I was exhausted and headed upstairs. Every three hours I would wake up CP to get the pump supplies ready, pump, then have CP clean the parts, call the nurses station to have them take the milk down to the NICU (at this point I had very little), then go back to sleep. This repeated all night long.

To be continued...

One Month Old

Wes turned one month old yesterday!

Height: 21.5 inches (at his three week appointment)

Weight: 9 pounds 11.7 ounces (at his three week appointment)

Heading home from the hospital

Nickname: Tooters (because he farts a lot), Buddy (although I need to stop using this because I also use that name with Buster), Monkey

Milestones: Like Izzy, Wes had fairly good neck control from the beginning. I guess in utero they must do some neck exercises? :-) In the past week or so he has started to grab things (tshirts, CP's chest hair). He is a bit more alert these days, but is still sleeping quite a bit. He doesn't mind tummy time that much but sometimes gets lazy about turning his head.

Meeting Buster for the first time and getting his requisite first lick

Eating: Wes is a champion breastfeeder despite having both a tongue tie AND a lip tie. From the first time I was allowed to put him to my breast while he was in the NICU he had a good latch and most importantly, didn't fall asleep like Izzy did and we haven't had to break out the nipple shield! Frankly, it was really nice to not have any issues with eating. He also has no problem with bottles which will make his start in daycare much easier. Right now he generally just feeds on one side every two to three hours except at night when I don't have as much milk- usually that is a both sides boob affair. Last week we went to the dentist to get his tongue tie and lip tie lasered which did not please Wes. But he seems to be recovering nicely and hopefully it makes a difference in his suction soon. 

Contemplating life's biggest mysteries

Diapers: Wes started off in newborn but moved to size 1 around 3 weeks old (could have moved earlier but I was trying to use up the smaller diapers that I had).

Clothes: Has been in newborn or 0-3 month clothes all of this month but will be wearing 3-6 month clothes starting today. He is gaining weight really quickly!

Sleep: I wish that this was going a bit better. I generally am able to go to bed between 10:30 and 12 after some cluster feeding. He is definitely not on a schedule but tends to wake me up two to three hours later. One night he went four hours and my boobs leaked and I felt super refreshed (totally worth it)! A couple of days around the three week mark were really rough as Wes would get up around 2am and be up, cluster feeding and generally awake until 5am. Talk about a rough next day!! Most of the time we are able to take a nap together later in the day. CP has been great about letting me sleep in on the weekends after Izzy gets up as he knows that I am not getting much sleep at night (because I don't need much help keeping Izzy awake at night for feeds CP has been getting more sleep at night- lucky duck!).

Likes: Snuggling in our arms, sleeping on us, nursing, taking walks outside

Dislikes: Diaper changes, baths, when we first put him in the car seat or a lot of time when we are driving. 

Illnesses: Thankfully nothing so far. Stay healthy big guy!

Overall, Wes is acting very similar to Izzy when she was a month old. I hope he starts to sleep a bit more at night, but otherwise he is great! Izzy has been a great big sister so far being very patient if we are busy with Wes. We are trying to give her lots of one-on-one time (usually with CP because I need to be around to feed Wes) and fun activities. She has enjoyed all of the grandparents being around as well as the random presents from family and friends.

Microblog Mondays: Bad Moms

When the trailers started a few months ago for the movie Bad Moms, I knew that it was a movie that I needed to see. However, it was coming out only two weeks after Wes was scheduled to be born so I wondered whether I would be able to see it.

Thankfully three neighbors of mine were going to see it on Saturday night and invited me. Being the awesome husband that he is, CP agreed to watch both kids so that I could go to the movie- provided there was enough milk in the fridge for Wes.

Going out to see a movie- something that I haven't done since I lived in CT over 4 years ago (!!)- was such a nice mental break from being at home. I was able to enjoy a nice glass of wine and tons of laughter as the movie was FANTASTIC. I was so happy that I didn't waste my time with a stupid movie or one that blew all of the funny jokes on the trailer. When I got home, CP let me know that he had an easy time putting Izzy to bed and Wes literally slept the entire time I was away. Good job kids!


Want more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Mama

Just a short, happy post for this Friday. This week Izzy FINALLY started to say "Mama" consistently- something that I have been waiting to hear for MONTHS now. It makes my heart soar every time I hear it. I love how I will be across the room and she will say the word that is magic to my ears. CP has heard "Dada" since Izzy was about 13 months old so it's been a loooooong 5+ months for me. I can't wait to catch it on video!

Izzy's daycare picture. I'm amazed that she isn't crying as she was a total mess that morning.

Signing and potty training

For Izzy's first birthday our next door neighbor gave me a "baby signs" book that she meant to give me months ago. No matter- we had already started working on signs anyway so the book has been a handy reference for teaching Izzy more signs like "bath", "help", and "book." 

Once a month our neighbor also teaches a class at the local library for signing with babies. Last month was our first time going and although Izzy was one of the older kids, she was also one of the only ones that already had signs under her belt. At the class my neighbor talked about all of the good things that signing has done for her kids- including helping her to potty train all three boys before the age of 20 months.

I was shocked. Don't boys take longer? And before the age of 2? My friend that has twins is still trying to get her almost-3.5 year old very stubborn girl to potty train! After the class I went back to the book she gave me and did some research. Up until the 1960s before disposable diapers were invented, most babies were potty trained by 18 months- now the average is more like 46 months! The diaper companies are certainly happy about that, but not the environment!

While we had to stop cloth diapering around the 9 month mark because Izzy was wetting through everything, once I read that I was ready to go! The sooner we can get Izzy out of disposable diapers the better! So yesterday I went out and bought Izzy a toilet trainer. The book said to make it fun so I went with a toilet where Izzy can "flush" the toilet herself, it makes noise and lights up, then says "yay!" When the kid actually pees on the toilet, there are sensors at the bottom and the toilet will sing a fun song to the kid.

After I brought it home Izzy and I checked it out. She thinks the lights and the "yay" sound are awesome. She was willing to sit on the toilet for about a minute but I didn't push it. Now we work on the "bathroom" sign (already in process) every time we change her diaper and then the "wash" sign and slowly work on sitting on the toilet more often. I would LOVE to have her potty trained within the next few months. I need to make sure that daycare works on this as well.....

Wish us luck!

(Anyone out there have any potty training advice?)

No more bottles!

With Izzy turning 14 months old soon I thought it would be a good time to wean her off her bottles. It was getting rather annoying to wash all of the parts and when she moved to the next room at daycare she needed to be using sippy cups for milk, not bottles (around 15 months). I knew that it was going to be a struggle because she LOVES her nighttime bottle. I had tried a couple of times to give her milk in various sippy cups in the past but to no avail. She would just cry and give the milk sign, even if she had just seen me pour milk into the sippy.

I thought that I would wait until CP came home in case it was a sh*t show but this past weekend I had a three day weekend, which I thought might be the perfect time. On Friday night, Izzy had her last sip of milk from a bottle.

Saturday morning she was unhappy and cranky as I only offered her milk in a sippy. She had a big breakfast and we played for a while. Luckily we had a free music class planned that morning at the library so she was distracted from the lack of milk, at least for an hour.

Putting felt snowflakes on the board at music class.

The rest of the day she was extra cranky and crying but I did my best to distract her. She didn't drink much water throughout the day (maybe 3 oz?) which I was trying to push when she wouldn't drink milk. So it wasn't a surprise when Izzy woke up constipated on Sunday morning, most likely due to dehydration. Her poops were like rabbit poops. She didn't want water so I decided to take her shopping as my neighbor told me about think baby sippy cups. Off we went to Toys R Us where we found nothing. I did find a MAM bottle that had a soft nipple that you could swap out for a hard one later on and bought that but of course once I brought home, Izzy wouldn't drink from it.

At this point i was questioning this transition. Is she ever going to drink milk again? Why is she not drinking water?? I ran into neighbors on my street and asked their opinion on what I should do. Their advice was to stick with it since you have already put two days in and give her prunes or prune juice, watery fruits and applesauce. (They also thought that it was crazy that I was doing this without CP.) I was already doing most of those, but ran to the store with Izzy to grab grapes and prune juice. She gobbled up the grapes but of course wouldn't drink the prune juice.

Monday I had the day off so I took Izzy to the Shedd Aquarium. Still no milk in a sippy, but at least the prunes and grapes did a good job overnight. I got her to drink some water out of my water glass at lunch.

Fish!

Lo and behold when I picked Izzy up from daycare on Tuesday she had chugged the milk out of a sippy at lunch! She still refused to do it at home for dinner but it was a start. Yesterday she refused the milk again in the morning but chugged it at daycare for breakfast and lunch. Last night she finally drank some with dinner and then the rest right before bed (unfortunately right after brushing her teeth but oh well). This morning? Downed the sippy.

Yay! We are free of bottles! 

Note to myself: stick with it when you do these transitions. Maybe make sure CP is home so that he can help out as well, even if it is just saying "stick with it." Thank goodness for my neighbors who have all been through these things and have lots of good advice!

************************************************

On a side note, Izzy had another big girl moment yesterday. Daycare starts to move the 14 month old kids over to the next room to get them used to the transition- new teachers, sleeping in a cot, sleeping at the same time, etc and Izzy's first day over there was yesterday! She went to sleep in the cot all by herself and did great! She did wake up crying because I'm sure she was quite confused as to where she was, but the teacher said that happens even to kids that have been in that room for months. Yay Izzy!

On Facetime last night CP then asked if we should start transitioning her to a toddler bed and I just laughed. Oh honey, we are going to want to keep her in her cage crib as long as possible....

9 month body update

I remember when I was pregnant seeing an update from Miss Conception and being surprised that many months later, the after-effects of pregnancy couldn't be ignored. I kept hearing from others about how pregnancy changes your body forever, but I guess I didn't think that it would happen to me?  

HA HA HA HA HA.

Tomorrow Izzy will be 9 months old and she will have been outside of my body longer than she was inside my body. My pre-pregnant self and my pregnant self would have liked to have known these things so here is what has and hasn't changed in the past 9 months (for the 5 month update click here): 

*Although my hair loss only lasted about two months or so, it seems to have all fallen out close to my forehead so I definitely notice a clump of hair on one side of my head that is only about two inches long when I pull my hair back. It will certainly be interesting as it grows out....

*My weight has been consistent for the past 4 months which I guess it's a good thing that I haven't gained any weight since Izzy stopped nursing?  I am still hoping that I can lose at least a few more pounds.

*Biff and Harry the hemorrhoids are STILL THERE.  They don't cause any trouble but seriously, when do they go away???

*I have no more issues with uterine soreness after working out, but my abs are still not very strong.  I think that 9 months of not using your abs/not sucking in your stomach ruins them.  I'm sure a c-section doesn't help matters. I try to remember to suck in my stomach when walking or really doing anything but I often forget. I also should probably be doing some ab work in general...

*Sexy time is back to normal.  It basically got better once I got my period when Izzy was around 5 months old.

*Prior to getting pregnant my boobs were a bit lumpy which made it hard to do monthly self-exams. Then they got huge with pregnancy and nursing.  Currently they are floppy, but even before pregnancy (because of their size) they were floppy so this isn't too much of a change. They have gotten a bit smaller since I am no longer nursing, but I am wearing bras that I wore pre-pregnancy when I was 15 pounds heavier.  That means that my band size and cup size haven't changed despite being lighter.  Whamp whamp. The only change that I truly notice is that they are smoother and less lumpy, so that is sort of nice.

*Yes, there is more on my boobs. My nipples were constantly out during pregnancy and continued to want to show themselves off while I was breastfeeding- it didn't matter if I was cold or hot.  They have retreated slightly but still come out to play more often then they did pre-pregnancy.  

*I still have a lovely pouch above my c-section scar.  I don't think this is going anywhere unless I lose some serious weight.

*I sure ate a lot of Tums during my pregnancy to deal with the heartburn (especially towards the end of the pregnancy), but these days I am not needing to take my charcoal pills very often for heartburn which is great! I have only had to take them probably 3 times in the last 9 months whereas prior to getting pregnant I would probably take them once a month.

*I can still sort of see my stretch marks- they are definitely turning white and no longer are an angry red color. I won't be sad to see these go, although I guess they will never truly go away.

Overall?  I don't hate my new body.  It's certainly different and it still needs work, but I certainly don't fret about my body as much as I did before pregnancy. Who has the time?  

Wednesday bullets

*This summer I have seen a TON of pregnant women. Unlike two years ago or even when I was pregnant, but not showing, I am not jealous of the women. I do look at the bellies though, marveling at how funny they look with a basketball under their shirt- despite the fact that I was in the same boat just last summer! What a great summer to be pregnant though- at least here in Chicago it has been in the 70s or 80s every day except for a few hotter days (this is NOT typical).

*Yesterday I went to CVS on my lunch break and bought a few things, including a new bottle of prenatal vitamins. I continued to take them while I was nursing and have decided to continue to take them. If I am hoping to do a frozen transfer of my one and only embryo in January, that's only 5 months away. I might as well stay in the habit of taking them...I've been on them for 4+ years anyway! So as I was checking out, the clerk asked if I was pregnant. First off, I hope that I don't LOOK pregnant, but seriously what a forward question! I told her that no, I had a baby and just lied and said I was still nursing. Then she mentioned that she heard that taking prenatals keeps women from getting pregnant.  Ummm what?  Weird lady.

*I have been using my train commutes recently to use the app Duolingo. It's a FREE app to help you learn a language. I am using it to brush up on my Spanish before we head to Spain in December and it's awesome. It's mainly my vocab that needs refreshing so it's perfect!

*The piece of technology that is pissing me off the most is my Nike Fuelband. I haven't been able to sync it with my iPhone via Bluetooth in probably a month. It's really annoying.

*I randomly saw an ad on Facebook for Ecodu. It's a company that created a kit to turn an old formula canister into a play toy. I love re-using things and even better that it was a play toy that we didn't have for Izzy! At eight months she doesn't get the concept of putting the pieces into the circle/square/etc slots but she loves to chew on the pieces and play with the canister! (Note: they have kits for the major brands, not just Similac.) 

Izzy and her Similac/Ecodu canister 

*We have yet to baby-proof the house now that Izzy is crawling. I want to strike a balance between keeping her safe and not over-doing it. I worry if we over baby-proof that she won't actually learn not to touch certain things. CP ordered a bunch of stuff from Amazon and it should arrive here in time for us to do some baby-proofing when he gets back from Thailand.

*Unfortunately most of my pictures from the White House event I attended while I was in DC include me in them so I'm not going to post them, but Izzy got a souvenir from my trip! I was hoping to hit the White House gift store that supposedly has items that you can't find in the regular shops but sadly it closed before I was able to get there.  :-(  

I couldn't resist.  :-)

Oh and I also got to see Michelle Obama speak while I was in DC which was awesome!!

FLOTUS!!!

She is clearly reaching for me...  :-)

*This past weekend was the first time I felt old at a wedding. My cousin got married and although she is only 7 years younger.....it made quite a difference. The couple had a hashtag for people to talk on Twitter/Instagram about their wedding, they played music I had never heard at the reception, etc. It was the first wedding since I turned 21 where I didn't really drink which I'm sure didn't help. (I had to drive home from the city by myself- it was our first time leaving Izzy with a babysitter that was not my parents! We found the babysitter at our daycare- she claims that Izzy is her favorite and that she would quit her job to be Izzy's nanny if we wanted her to. The good news is that everything went great and Izzy had a big smile on her face when the babysitter showed up at our door.)

*Speaking of how awesome Izzy is, she was a total trooper the night before the wedding. My cousin invited us to the rehearsal dinner so that everyone could meet Izzy and she was such a hit! Luckily she took a late nap during the car ride downtown because dinner didn't start until 9pm and we didn't head home until 11 or so. She was up the entire time and absolutely fantastic. No crying, fussing, etc. Just smiling, happy, and excited to get some of mommy's dinner! She did have a bunch of random wake-ups throughout the night but settled down by herself so I didn't have to get up. Honestly, best baby ever.

Izzy in her rehearsal dinner outfit.  The bracelet is from a friend of the family who got it in Cambodia (I guess baby jewelry is a thing there?)

*Finally, I wrote most of this post yesterday but now when I am finishing it up to post it, I want to cry.  Not only did Izzy have a bad night of sleep- she cried out four different times last night- two of them I needed to go into her room to calm her down, but CP called this morning to let me know that he has to stay in Thailand for an extra week.  I was really looking forward to him coming home on Friday but now it will be THREE WHOLE WEEKS that he is away this trip.  I am not coping well with this news.

Last bottle

Yesterday I gave my last bottle of breastmilk to Izzy. 

Yes I took a picture of it

I made sure that I gave it to her for her morning bottle so that I would be the person to give her the last bottle of breastmilk. 

Yes I took a picture of Izzy drinking it because I am clearly insane

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but stopping before I was completely ready has made me a little weird about the whole thing. Now we move into a few months of expensive formula before switching over to cow's milk. 

I am happy that I was able to nurse Izzy for as long as I did. Frankly, I probably would have kept nursing her in the morning and at night for a while if she would have let me. But there are definite positives to having milk-free boobs once again. (I can finally declare my boobs milk-free as of last Weds.) I am doing my best to think about all of the positives, but I am still surprisingly sad about no longer nursing.  This is despite the fact that when I am feeding her a bottle, I get to look into her eyes more than I did while she was nursing (big boob problems).

Every once in a while I get a twinge in my boobs but they have deflated as they are supposed to. Now I'm waiting for them to shrink a little (please, please shrink!).

All of my pumping parts, my nursing pillows, lanolin, maternity clothes, nursing clothes, and clothes that Izzy no longer fits into have been boxed up and put into the attic. I hope with all of my heart that I get to use everything up there again.

Difficulty stopping

Stopping my breastmilk supply has been difficult so far. I brought my pump home from work last week and put my home pump away as well. Last week I had CP pick up a head of cabbage which I put on under my bra at night. The cool leaves felt good but I'm not sure that it did much. After only 30 minutes or so the cabbage leaves start to stink so I haven't been too religious about stuffing my bra with them.

I thought I was doing well and only having to hand express for a minute on each side to relieve pressure once a day....then this weekend happened. I'm not sure if it was the two runs at the end of last week (possibly stimulating my nipples in my sports bra with the friction), but this weekend my breasts HURT. Especially my left one (which is the one that didn't have as much milk?!?).

On Sunday I broke down and bought Sudafed which supposedly has an ingredient that drops your supply. I had some freaky dreams Sunday night (thinking that I was in the show The Leftovers) but I plan on finishing out the box. I also grabbed some Peppermint Altoids and drank a couple cups of Peppermint tea as I guess peppermint is supposed to help decrease your supply as well. I don't really want to down tons of Halls if I am not sick, but I might start soon.

While I appreciate my boobs hanging on to every last drop in case Izzy decides to change her mind, it is too late and I would really appreciate it if they would dry up as soon as possible.

The End

Last Monday I went through the usual morning routine while CP was still in Thailand. I got Izzy up, changed her and went to nurse her when she started hysterically crying. I was very confused but kept trying to nurse her. She kept pushing away, crying, until I finally decided that I would make a bottle of formula and pump while I fed it to her. All week she refused to nurse in the morning and then halfway through the week she started refusing her bedtime feedings as well. "That's it" I told myself. The end of nursing. Just like that. I wasn't ready for it to really be the end and I burst out crying as well.

I searched the internet for possible reasons. There were a bunch suggested on various websites and most agreed that a baby wouldn't self-wean at 7.5 months old. Message board posters said that nursing strikes could last a week or as long as a month.

I am leaving for a work trip at the end of the month so my original plan was that I would continue nursing/pumping through that trip so that it wasn't a shock to Izzy for her mother to leave for 5 days AND to suddenly not nurse. But then Izzy started her nursing strike. I didn't know how long it would last but I knew that I didn't want to pump instead of nurse. Nursing at this age was so easy- no issues with whether or not she was latching correctly, easy on/off and it didn't even take that long anymore. My only issue was that she occasionally bit my nipples. But I still hate pumping with a passion.

So I decided that it was time to wean in hopes that I wouldn't have to bring my pump on my work trip in a few weeks.  Suddenly, instead of trying to produce as much milk as possible, I was trying to decrease my milk production to zero. What a mind-f*ck. A neighbor advised me to try to do it quickly because she was a crying, hormonal mess when weaning....but as soon as she was done she felt free as a bird. 

All this weekend I did my best to tank my supply by only hand expressing when I had to. It's still probably going to take a few weeks until I am fully in the clear (especially on my right boob since I was still producing a ton of milk). I am doing my best to think positively about it. I no longer will have to wear nursing bras. I will soon no longer have to leave work to pump. I no longer have to bring bottles and a cooler to work. I can wake up later every morning. CP can take more of the feeds every day. If I get back into running I will no longer have to worry about if I just pumped or nursed before heading out. And, I'm crossing my fingers that my boobs shrink a bit.

Yesterday morning I got Izzy to nurse a little after her formula bottle to help with my engorged breast and as much as I poo-poo'ed it before, nursing really is quite the bonding experience. Once you get through the hell of the first couple of weeks it is truly amazing and something that I am so glad that Izzy and I were able to share for 7.5 months. I will definitely miss it but we have had a good run after a shaky start. At least I have enough milk in the freezer to give her two bottles of breastmilk a day into early August.....that will ease my mother's guilt at least a little bit....

Missing Izzy

I'm not sure what it is about yesterday and today but I am missing Izzy like crazy while I am at work.  I usually miss her but today I feel like I am on the verge of tears whenever I think about her. I watched videos of her during my first pumping session and I have a new picture of her on my desk, but they just seem to be making me more sad than helping me through the day.  I just want to give her a big hug and play with her.

New picture on the left- Izzy's daycare does "school" pictures.  Too bad she is not smiling....
Also, what a difference from two months to six months!!

Maybe it is because I am tired and desperately in need of sleep? Last night I looked at the clock when it was 9:20.  I decided that I was going to turn off the tv and head to bed after finishing up getting ready for the next day, putting clean dishes away and then doing the dishes from dinner, and grabbing the laundry from downstairs.  I didn't watch any more tv, but after doing all of these things (I didn't even fold the laundry!) I wasn't in bed until 10:30.  I had a crappy nights rest and was exhausted when I woke up at 5 to start the day.  At least tomorrow I can sleep in a little bit because I am working from home....

Fertility Friend seems to think that I will ovulate tomorrow, so it shouldn't be PMS. Maybe it is because we are getting towards the end of CP's two week trip to Thailand? He hopefully (*crossing my fingers*) only has one more of these two week trips over there this year, but I shouldn't get my hopes up too much.  I miss my husband as well....

I can do this.  Only a few hours left of work.

Needed: big glass of wine

It is only the 5th day of being a "single mom" and I am ready to cry.  How the hell do military wives do this for a year????  It actually hasn't been Izzy that has been so frustrating this week- it's been everything else. Couple that with not sleeping very well (again, not because of Izzy but because I need to get things prepared for the next day after she goes to bed and then I end up going to bed after 10-10:30pm and that's too late when you are waking up at 5am) and it's a recipe for a frazzled NSC.  I'm usually fairly "with it" and this week has been the complete opposite. Thankfully it has all been minor things but they are starting to add up and it's making me want a big glass of wine.  Except that it is barely noon, I'm working, and I have to drive to MI this afternoon so drinking would not be advised for at least a few more hours.

Monday I showed up to daycare in a different car than the one I dropped her off in because I thought Buster would enjoy the car ride and he likes the bigger car....I realized once she was in my arms that the car seat was in the OTHER car and I had to go home to get it before I could pick her up. (I decided that morning to not bring her car seat in like usual because she is getting pretty heavy.)  

Tuesday I rushed from one work meeting to another and realized that I forgot to bring dressing for my salad.  I didn't have any time between meeting to buy some so I ate a dry salad for lunch. I guess I could call this a win because I didn't waste calories on dressing?

Yesterday I knew that an event that I was attending at another site was going to be close in terms of catching the right train home in order to pick up Buster and Izzy from their respective daycares. I wasn't able to catch a cab from the site (I assumed that I was going to be able to), so I got a ride from someone from another company to the train station.  I missed the train that I needed and had to decide whether I took the one at 5:30 that put me at the train stop two blocks from my house, but not the train stop where my car was....or take the 5:52 that put me at the train stop for my car.  I decided that I would figure out how to move the other car and ran to catch the 5:30 because it got in earlier.  I was still late in picking up Buster and Izzy from daycare after grabbing the other car from our house AND I didn't get to talk to CP last night because I was running so late.  After getting everyone home and Buster fed, there was no time to have Izzy reject the sweet potatoes and breastmilk I pureed for her and no time to give her a bath so I nursed her and she went to bed. Essentially I had no quality time with her yesterday. Everything worked out okay once I ran with Buster this morning to pick up the car but it was really stressful- and the fact that Izzy was at daycare for almost a full 12 hours yesterday is more than ridonkulous.

Today I thought the day was going better but then I got an email from our dog walking service.  Although there was no indication from the dog walker's note that something went wrong on Weds when she came to walk Buster, we have been told that they won't be walking him anymore because they have to worry about the safety of their employees. This is probably a whole other post, but dammit. 

I know that none of these are life threatening things.  I know that I could have much bigger problems.  I probably shouldn't even post this because it is a post only interesting to me.... But maybe the rest of the day will be better?  Maybe I will finally get my big glass of wine tonight after navigating Chicago traffic to get to Michigan?  One can only hope.

Pumping decision made

As you know, recently I have been struggling with the balance between providing Izzy all breastmilk and being a productive employee.  The past three months of pumping three times a day at work has been HARD.  Trying to figure out times to head down to a different floor in my building to pump while balance my need to participate in meetings, events not in my building, conference calls, and getting general work done has been difficult.  I often feel like I am rushed in everything that I do and can't take the time to sit down and really work on various projects for long periods of time.  Losing almost 1.5 hours a day is tough and my work has definitely suffered.

All of your comments on my post about when to stop breastfeeding were helpful.  They made me think about whether I could think about cutting back instead of stopping completely.  I mean, what was I most frustrated about?  Nursing every couple of hours on the weekends didn't bother me; nursing at night and in the morning on weekdays didn't bother me either.  Not drinking too much wasn't a big deal and pumping or nursing prior to runs really wasn't THAT awful.  And frankly, I would really miss nursing her if I stopped all together.  I realized that the biggest problem with exclusively breastfeeding was the damn pump during the work day.  I also realized that maybe I shouldn't think of my decision as being an all or nothing decision. I mulled over dropping down to two pumping sessions a day and whether that would work and make me happier- and I have decided to try that.

I talked CP about dropping a pumping session and supplementing with formula. It turns out that he was simply against me stopping breastfeeding because I beat it into his head prior to Izzy's birth that when breastfeeding got hard, I needed him to motivate me to continue and for him to support me.  I meant for him to do that in the early days of breastfeeding when it hurt- not six months into breastfeeding (but kudos to him for listening and doing his job)!  Once we got over the miscommunication, he was on board with whatever I wanted to do and liked the idea because it still meant that Izzy was getting breastmilk, and thus, the benefits of breastmilk.

Izzy turned six months last week and I talked to her doctor about supplementing with formula if I didn't produce enough after dropping a pumping session during the week.  He gave suggestions on formula- surprisingly, he did not recommend organic formula (not tested as much as regular formula and he thinks it was brought to market too quickly with a different formulation). With CP's blessing and the realization that Izzy would still  be getting plenty of breastmilk each day, I started pumping twice a day while at work this week.  

Before I got too far and couldn't get back my supply once it dropped, I had to make sure that Izzy would even eat formula. On Monday night I opened up the formula samples sent to me right before Izzy's birth. My doctor didn't recommend one over the other so I decided to try the Similac brand because they had four 2oz ready-made bottles in the box. I put the provided nipple on the bottle, took a deep breath, and proceeded to feed Izzy her first taste of formula. Turns out, she housed the 2oz. It was quite an impressive chug- and also the reason that we still have her on Level 1/Newborn nipples- with her parents' chugging backgrounds she needs a lower-flow nipple. ;-)  It felt weird to be feeding her something other than my breastmilk...but it also felt a bit freeing in a way.  Now that I knew that she would eat formula, I no longer had to worry about if my supply drops in the future for any number of reasons (including my monthly visitor). 

Yesterday was the first day I mixed formula in with her breastmilk bottles for daycare. It ended up being about 1-1.5oz of formula added to 3oz of breastmilk. I assume I will have to continue to do this and maybe supplement more as time goes on and my body adjusts to the 2 pumping sessions at work (today I didn't have to supplement at all). I'm not sure how it is going to work on the weekend when I nurse on demand...she may just need to have a bottle of formula in the middle of the day.  For right now though, she is nursed three times a day and gets 4 bottles during the week, so more than 80% of her calories is coming from breastmilk if I continue to only need 4oz of formula a day.

I'm sure that I will eventually be 100% fine with this decision.  If I had a friend that had the exact same situation I would support her in her decision to supplement and drop a pumping session.  It's silly that I am beating myself up about this because my daughter will thrive either way. I fully intend to keep nursing at least until she hits 9 months old, hopefully until she hits a year....but may need to supplement more as I get closer to those milestones.

*sigh*

Monday bullets

-It is really awkward when a daycare worker tells you that your breastmilk is very good because it is thick and like cream.  Ummmm thanks?

-You feel terrifically awful giving your child your cold.

-Despite the fact that your child is regularly sleeping through the night, every once in a while you freak out when you wake up and either check the monitor, or go into her room to make sure that she is still breathing.  You find out that your husband is doing the same thing and you feel a little less crazy.

-You find yourself even more attracted to your husband after watching him interact with your child.  I had an inkling that he would be a great father just by how he interacted with our dogs or friends' kids.  But you never truly know until suddenly you are co-parenting your kid.  I was also a little worried that he wouldn't bond with Izzy until she was a few months old and started interacting with him because he seemed to not be as excited about my pregnant belly as I was, but he jumped into being a dad from the very beginning!  

-Why don't all infant clothes come with zippers instead of snaps?  It's so much easier to change them!! Our neighbor had her third child a few weeks ago and came to our Memorial Day weekend BBQ with her son in a magnetic sleeper.  Now THAT sounds like the best thing ever invented. (She did mention that sometimes it gets lost in the dryer because it sticks to the side- ha ha ha.)

-After over a year without my period, I forgot just how sh*tty they are.  I amazingly didn't get hormonal during pregnancy or after giving birth...but boy did I notice how irritated I was at CP last weekend.  Yikes.  Hopefully the PMS just hit me hard because it had been so long....or else I do sort of feel bad for CP.

-I also forgot just how HUNGRY I get right before my period. Damn.  I will have to remember that for this coming month and make myself go for a walk or run instead of trying to eat everything in sight!

-CP left for another work trip to Thailand yesterday.  Originally his trip was cancelled because of the coup, but higher-ups told him last week "while we can't make you go, you know how important this project is...."  So of course he had to go.  ARGH.  Hoping the next two weeks fly by.....