Nursing/pumping also has been affecting my work. It is getting harder to spend the time away from my desk at work to pump. I lose a good 1.5 hours from my workday (I end up working through lunch to try to make some of the time up). I have a few all day meetings coming up and I will likely only be able to pump once/day- and hopefully I can find a room to do that in! Not being at my desk is hard and I'm simply not getting enough done at work. The day flies by and I don't know where the time goes!
There are other factors as well. If I only breastfeed/pump until Izzy's 9 month birthday:
*I would no longer have to worry about emptying my boobs before going for a run.
*I would get my body back. No worrying about how much caffeine I ingest in a day (generally not a problem), no worrying about having more than one beer or glass of wine, etc. My boobs would be mine again (hopefully a bit smaller?), although most likely even more saggy than they were before!
*It may lead to better sex?
*I could prepare my body for the frozen transfer of our one frozen embryo (more on this in a future post). I'm sure the first step is to get my period (done), but from what I have been reading, you need a few cycles under your belt before starting up on the drugs and everything else involved in an FET.
*I could stop wearing nursing bras.
*I could leave the house with Izzy without needing to remember a nursing cover or worry about the amount of time I will go between feedings (if I don't plan on nursing wherever we go and just bring pumped bottles of milk).
All of that being said, even if I feel that stopping around 9 months is the best decision for me, I will definitely feel guilty stopping before a year. Some of the thoughts that run through my mind:
*Some people can't breastfeed or pump at all and I am giving it up willingly?
*Cost of formula, even if for just a few months
*What if Izzy is our only baby? I couldn't make it three more measly months?
*Izzy has been sick since she started daycare. Maybe she really needs the extra three months of breastmilk?
*Breastfeeding/pumping is good for keeping the weight off, despite the extra food and water that needs to be ingested. Will I start to gain weight again if I stop?
*I would miss nursing her in the morning and at night. It is such a calm, relaxing time. Izzy does this adorable thing where she will nurse for a while, come off my boob and look at me and smile, before latching on again.
*Am I being too selfish by wanting to stop early?
I mentioned stopping a bit early to CP the other morning. Ladies, I think that I might have trained him TOO well in supporting me through breastfeeding. He said that he would be unhappy if I stopped prior to Izzy hitting the year mark (when she can start drinking cow's milk instead of breast milk)- not because of the cost of formula, but because formula is not as good as breast milk. (Please no comments on whether this is right or not. He is a boy and does not get involved and/or think about the breast milk/formula debate. He only knows that it was my wish to breastfeed and I told him numerous times during my pregnancy that I would like him to continue to support me to breastfeed even if it hurt/was tough/etc.) He mentioned that if breastfeeding is supposed to help Izzy with immunity that why would I not continue? This doesn't help with the guilt but I'm not sure he realizes how much of a sacrifice it is every day to be the sole provider of Izzy's nutrition!!
Argh. There are pros and cons to stopping a few months early and one of them would be for my sanity! 9 months is still almost 4 months away!!
Any wise thoughts from readers? I have thought about maybe stopping around 9 months and then using the freezer stash, along with formula, to prolong the time that she would get breastmilk. That way I am no longer pumping or nursing but she is still getting some breastmilk every day for a while.
*While I have a good amount in there, I don't think that it would last more than a few weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. So no, I don't have enough stored up to last three months.
16 comments:
Humans are very immature as a species, other animals breast feed for a shorter duration as their offspring are able to hunt and feed themselves at an earlier age. Looking at that model, when babies have teeth and can feed themselves, it 'a part of evolution to move away from the breast. Just my thoughts
Sorry in advance for the long comment;-)
There are all kinds of benefits to extended breastfeeding(not just for baby, but for mama, too), but just like every other decision you make, only you will know what works best for you & your little one.
The trick is to not be hard on yourself. Which is way easier said than done.
For me: I never set any hard goals as far as how long I was going to nurse the babe, but we're at 13 months and going strong now. I've always felt like we will go as long as the breastfeeding relationship is working for both of us.
I don't pump any more, and he has cows milk when I'm away from him. My body has adjusted to not pumping during the day. I got advice from a lactation consultant about moving from pumping to not pumping (which I did shortly before his 1st birthday). I had oversupply issues for a while there, but around 7 or 8 months it started getting better, so I was worried about what not pumping would do to me. It ended up being an easier transition than I imagined.
I've talked to lots of mamas about breastfeeding and something that has stuck with me is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Your body is amazing, and it can adjust to new schedules, etc. You may have to get help from a lactation consultant or breastfeeding group (like La Leche League) -- they can help you tremendously in figuring out what works best for you & your little one (if you are having trouble figuring out what to do).
I don't know if that helps any, but I guess mainly I wanted to say -- YOU ARE A ROCKING MAMA for feeding your baby with love! It doesn't matter if it is breast milk, cows milk, formula, or any other kind of milk.
There is so much guilt surrounding breastfeeding, isn't there? I only want to nurse for 6 months (for the same reasons you mentioned) and I know Andino would prefer it if I nursed for a year. People get all judgey when you tell them your plans for nursing, but I say do what works best for you! I'm sure Izzy is a super healthy baby and she is still getting a LOT of benefit from nursing for 9 months! I hope you feel good about your decision, whatever you decide.
I'm going to echo the comment above that said it doesn't have to be all or nothing! I had to do a mix of formula and breastmilk from 7-12 months with Oliver and I could clearly see the advantages of each and I'm glad to have that perspective. Could you try a mix? Be able to cut back on pumping but still have cozy nursing sessions in the mornjng and at night?
I agree with the comment above. Try just nights or whatever works for you. Don't worry about production, but so make sure you properly wean her onto te milk substitute. Everleigh didn't like cows milk and had diarrhea so I had to do a mix of lactose cow and breast milk for about a month before warining her into something else entirely. We continued to breastfeed on my days off, weekends and nights, and let me just tell you, my favorite time to breast feed was from 9-14 months. She stopped at exactly 14 months and it was the right time for both of us. Let izzy let you know too. :)
I think you do what works for you. I know many mamas that stopped pumping during the day and just bf at night, or in the morning. Whatever worked for them.
NSC, you're an amazing mom!! No matter how long you breastfeed or not, you've done so much for Izzy and will continue to do so. Do what works for you, Izzy and your family. That is all the matters. Period.
Now, for what I did... I only pumped a handful or two of times. I also thought of going to at least 6 months and then 1 year and then whenever it stopped working for my or Paxlet.
At around the time Paxlet was 6 months and started eating solids, he naturally didn't want or need as much breast milk. And as he started eating more, he wanted b.milk less and less. Once Paxlet turned 1 year and I went back to work, I would breastfeed him in the morning when he woke, (for only a couple of weeks right when I got home) and then before bed. This morning and night only feeding routine lasted for 7 months. I got to be close to my boy and he got nutrients from me. It definitely wasn't an all or nothing and it worked for us. At 19 months he stopped breastfeeding on his own (by biting me 3 too many times) and only once asked for it after that.
Moral of the story? Do what works for you and no matter what anyone tells you, you rock! (I couldn't imagine pumping at work!! And very thankful I didn't have to try.)
Hi Friend, Echoing what everyone else has said - do what works for you. Also, I wanted to share that I've been pumping and breastfeeding one side at a time for a bit now, and it certainly saves time. Perhaps it is worth a shot to transition to just doing one side at a time to save you time, especially since you are producing more than you need!
Hi Friend, Echoing what everyone else has said - do what works for you. Also, I wanted to share that I've been pumping and breastfeeding one side at a time for a bit now, and it certainly saves time. Perhaps it is worth a shot to transition to just doing one side at a time to save you time, especially since you are producing more than you need!
I know you know this, but Izzy will thrive with whatever decision you make.
I have been in your shoes twice before. Balancing work, pumping, parenting, and exercise, and everything that goes with all these things is daunting. It's even harder to imagine making it to a year when you aren't even close to halfway of the craziness that you have to deal with after you go back to work.
In addition to all the comments before me, I wanted to add a couple of things to think about if you do want to try to make the breastfeeding/pumping work. One thing to consider is what would make your life better? If you dropped one pumping session a day, would that help? If so, maybe you could see how long your freezer stash would last you if you just dropped the one session. Since you are producing so much, you may have a smaller deficit than you had thought and it could last you a couple of months, which means that you could cut back at that nine month mark. I cut back on the number of pumping sessions at work as I neared a year.
With regards to your all day meetings, pumping just once a day for a couple of days shouldn't kill your supply, but if you are concerned about it, you could always just do a quick five minute pump session just to 1. relieve the pressure and 2. keep up the frequency. I've had to be creative for off-sites, training classes and all day meetings. It certainly makes for some interesting stories. One time I pumped in closet at the Palace of Fine Arts in SF. It was the best they could offer me. :)
Best of luck on this decision.
While I can't relate to the actual topic at hand, I do think that going with your gut instinct is usually the right thing to do. While Izzy is both yours and CP's daughter, this is YOUR body so keep that in mind, too. Good luck with the decision - I'm sure it can't be easy.
It's so hard to know when to stop, I struggled with that as well. Whichever you decide you obviously are a rock star and have given your baby a great gift :)
And yes it's his baby too.....but it's your decision, Your boobs, your call :-)
It's so hard to know when to stop, I struggled with that as well. Whichever you decide you obviously are a rock star and have given your baby a great gift :)
And yes it's his baby too.....but it's your decision, Your boobs, your call :-)
I think the hardest thing about breastfeeding is not being so hard on yourself. I'm in favor of figuring out what's best for you. Maybe introducing formula when Izzy is away from you, which would allow you to retire the pump. Or, if you are really feeling ready to ditch breastfeeding altogether, then doing that. Seriously. As my OBGYN said to me soon after I realized I wouldn't be able to breastfeed: "When you chose me as your doctor, did you consider for one moment whether I was formula fed or breastfed? Right. And, I turned out just fine being 100% formula fed, didn't I?!" It's so true about so many parenting decisions ... we stress over them in the moment, but in hindsight, they become just one of many decisions we will make over our lifetime of being parents.
What did you end up deciding? Have you decided? I really don't know what to say here because I honestly remember in the beginning when I could only feed on one side and then had to pump on other and I wanted to scream with the frustration of it all.
I guess I'd say...congrats for having made it as far as you have. Whatever you decide will be ok. You will be ok, she will be ok. I kinda like your idea of going to 9 months, then fading out with stash.
I'm not sure when I will stop myself. Because I'm currently a SAHM, I hardly ever pump, and bfing is just so much easier for me than before. I always wanted to make it 6 months, then a year. Now, I am thinking ahead to weaning and it makes my heart hurt. (But I'm also excited!!)
My goal was to make it 6 months, my husband's was a year. I made it almost 8 months. I think I felt an extra layer of guilt because my husband didn't really want me to stop, but he also understood why I needed to. It was taking too much time at work and even though I pumped at home while the girls were sleeping, I wanted to relax or sleep in and I just couldn't. Maybe if I was nursing instead of pumping I could have lasted longer but I needed to be free of that machine. It's only been a couple weeks, but already the guilt is easing and it is so nice to have my body back - even the smaller boobs.
Because you are producing so much and freezing, could you drop a pumping or 2 at work? Maybe just supplement with formula when needed but keep nursing while you are with her? keep the good parts, reduce the bad parts?
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