Deleting Facebook

Yesterday while running 4 miles (woo hoo!) and listening to a This American Life podcast called "Beware the Jabberwock" (about conspiracy theorists), I made the decision to delete the Facebook app off my phone. In the past couple weeks I have been contemplating whether I should do it and I decided to take the plunge.

It seems like every day there is a story about Facebook and the terrible things that they do (or don't do). Whether it is allowing hate groups to fester on the site leading to 700,000 Rohingyans having to flee Myanmar, allowing the spread of anti- vaccination information in this country leading to outbreaks of diseases that should be dead, or just simply not protecting the privacy of users, I am no longer okay helping the site make money. 

The podcast mentioned above was about Lenny Pozner, one of the parents who had a child, Noah, killed in the Sandy Hook shooting. There are disgusting Facebook groups that have published the Pozner's personal information- phone number, address, etc. People in those groups feed off each other and some become stalkers and/or threaten the Sandy Hook families (this unfortunately happens after every tragedy). The Pozners have had to move 8 times already because of threats. This seems to happen a lot- Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford has had to move 4 times after testifying against Brett Kavanaugh.

My use of the site, my clicks, the things that I read, the ads that pop up, etc. all contribute towards the bottom line of Facebook and I no longer feel comfortable using the platform. I personally am not in any of the above-mentioned groups and I understand the slippery slope argument with policing content. However, I have a choice to make...I don't pay for Facebook because of course the site is free, but I don't have to help them make money either. I do have to keep my account active because I run the monthly Bunco group out of Facebook, but maybe I can find a better place to house that as well. Either way, I am looking forward to reclaiming some time by not mindlessly scrolling through Facebook every day. 

Do you still have Facebook? 

Caffeine hunt

In my never ending quest to ingest enough caffeine into my body to stay awake during the day, I have found some new products that work great AND are low in Weight Watcher points.

If you have been reading long enough, you know that this has been an ongoing quest for quite some time. When Starbucks came out with the Refreshers, I was instantly smitten because soda and chai lattes were simply not enough caffeine. I have been drinking those for a while, but they don't have THAT much caffeine in them and it turns out that they are 3 WW points each.

So what can I recommend?

I was recently down in St. Louis for a work trip and was looking for something to keep me awake during very boring meetings. I happened to see this at the grocery store and picked it up in the hopes that it would help. This is good for the afternoon pick-me-up when you don't need a huge jolt of caffeine, but something to wake you up. I like it better than powdered stuff because you just squeeze the liquid into water- no need to stir! Pro tip- I also tried the Blue Citrus version and I like the Orange Tropical Fusion better.

Zero WW points!

Randomly a sorority sister reached out to me about this product after seeing me complain about caffeine on Facebook. Advocare is a MLM company so the annoying thing about this is that I have to order online and get it shipped to my house instead of finding it in the stores. However, it has tons of caffeine (120mg) and is great for hot days when you don't want hot coffee. I like the Fruit Punch or Mango Strawberry flavors.

Zero WW points!

The next product I happened to taste only because they were handing it out as samples at Union Station in Chicago as I walked to work. I took one thinking that I would absolutely hate it because it was going to taste too much like coffee and it was cold. However, when I got to work and tried it, I actually liked it. Good before long car rides as it doesn't make you need to pee 10 minutes after consuming it. The only drawback is the price- I have been able to find them for 2 for $5 which is pretty steep.

Two WW points

Finally, the best and lowest point creamer that I have found has been the one below. Coffee Mate's Sugar Free French Vanilla liquid creamer (the powder creamers are gross in my opinion). I can put 3 tablespoons of this stuff in coffee and it is only one WW point!

What is your favorite way to ingest caffeine? :-) Have you tried any of these products?

***As always, I have not been asked to review these products OR compensated for blogging about them. Just wanted to let other caffeine-challenged folks know about them if they are interested!***

50 Questions You've Never Been Asked

A few weeks ago Risa and Amber both tagged me in their 50 Questions You've Never Been Asked post. I'm finally getting around to answering them!

01. What’s your favorite candle scent? Cinnamon or Lavender. I am pretty obsessed with Lavender.

02. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Tina Fey or Amy Poehler.

03. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Someone funny like Chris Pratt. Wait, no, he is too attractive (he is seriously hot but if recent rumors are correct, he is a total douche). How about Will Ferrell then.

04. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? My "plan" was to get married around age 30 and sure enough I was married when I was 30 years old! 

05. Do you know a hoarder? Sort of. One of CP's good friends from growing up (and his best man) has a father who is a hoarder.

06. Can you do the splits? Nope. I am not flexible.

07. How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike? No idea.

08. How many oceans have you swam in? 3- Atlantic, Pacific, Indian

09. How many countries have you been to? 21 plus a bunch of islands on a cruise (not sure of which ones we went to)- Canada, Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, South Africa, Mozambique, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Britain, Spain, France, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Sweden, Netherlands, Belgium, Monaco, Denmark, 

10. Is anyone in your family in the army? No one in my immediate family

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Isabel

Izzy's first selfie. LOL.

12. What would you name your son if you had one? Wesley

13. What’s the worst grade you’ve got on a test? Probably a D? 

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid? He-Man

15. What did you dress up as for Halloween when you were 8? No idea

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? All of the Hunger Games books. I want/need to read the Harry Potter books. I have no interest in reading the Twilight series.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? I guess British but maybe just because it's different than what I have.

18. Did your mother go to college? Yes and she also graduated from law school.

19. Are your grandparents still married? This must have been created by someone young. I never met my grandfather on my mother's side (he died when she was 19). My dad's parents died when I was 7 and 8, then my grandmother on my mom's side died when I was 16. Neither pair had divorced before passing.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? I took a few in college with a friend but dropped out quickly.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? Of course!

22. What was the first amusement park you went to? Great America (Six Flags) in IL.

23. What language beside your native language would you like to be fluent in? I took Spanish growing up and in high school. I wish that I would have continued to take it in college. I gained back a lot of fluency when I studied abroad in Argentina, but since I haven't been practicing, I have forgotten most of it again. :-(

24. Do you spell the color grey or gray? Gray.

25. Is your father bald? He has been going bald for a while but I think Rogaine has helped immensely. My husband still has a gorgeous head of hair.

26. Do you know any triplets? Not personally.

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? I have never seen the Notebook but would hope that it would be better than the Titanic? That is a terrible movie.

28. Have you ever had Indian food? Love it!

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Not sure I have a favorite restaurant as most of the ones that we go to these days are kid-friendly and not so fancy.

30. Have you ever been to Nandos? No

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, Bookers, etc.)? Costco

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Not sure. I do know that my parents floated around naming me "Jennifer" for a while. 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Unfortunately telling you my nickname would give away my maiden name and because this is a semi-anonymous blog, I'm going to keep it to myself.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? My mom.

35. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city? How about the burbs? Close to a city but not actually in the city. I would be too far from things in the countryside, but want a lawn for the kids.

36. Can you whistle? Yes

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No I need the room as dark as possible to sleep.

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? Yes. 

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? I have been taking melatonin to help me sleep and it has been amazing.

40. What medical conditions do you have? Infertility. Fibroids.

41. How many times have you been to the hospital? For myself or also for my kids? Two c-sections, a couple surgeries, a small number of ER visits with my kids, a few visits to friends/loved ones. I would say that I have been pretty lucky so far.

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? I don't think that I have actually watched the entire movie....CP is usually the one that gets to sit down to watch the movies with Izzy.

43. Where do you buy your jeans? My latest pair is from Ann Taylor outlet.

44. What’s the last compliment you got? My boss said that I was "dressy" on Monday.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Sometimes. CP HATES it when I remember my dreams because then he has to hear about them!

46. What flavor of tea do you enjoy? Chai tea. Cinnamon tea. My latest tea find is this which is pretty good:

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Probably 15 pairs of shoes but really only wear three pairs regularly- flip flops, Sketchers sneakers that I wear during my commute, and running shoes.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? No religion

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? No idea. Boy is my memory bad!

50. Why do you have a blog? I like interacting with my readers. I I also use it as a journal because my memory is so bad!

Hmmmm who should I tag? Let's go with the following:

Jane at Mine to Command

Harriet at Feisty Harriet

Jess at My Path to Mommyhood

Lacey at Perks of Being a JAP

Cristy at Searching for our silver lining

Wednesday Bullets

*Memorial Day Weekend we headed up to MI to my parent's place. We had a fun weekend, but I think that going to a local carnival was Izzy's favorite. She got to ride on her first "rollercoaster", ferris wheel, and other toddler rides. She had a BLAST. She keeps telling us that she is going to eat lots of fruits and vegetables this year so that next year she can go on the ride that goes upside down (LOL).

Izzy enjoying her first "rollercoaster"

Add caption

*This weekend we took Wes to the pool for the first time. He has always liked to splash in the bathtub and doesn't mind when water runs in his face, but we still had no idea how he would react. It took him a few minutes, but he had a blast splashing at the pool while in our arms. CP even dunked him once to see his reaction and it didn't phase him at all!

Splashing in our homemade water table

*CP was offered the position for the job with less travel and a shorter commute! He is currently in negotiations with the company about the signing bonus because we stand to lose some money if he jumps over and takes their current offer (b/c of his current bonus structure with his company). We'll see!

*I'm just so proud of Izzy. She brought this home the other day- she was trying to spell her name. Sure she missed the B and the S is sideways but she spelled and wrote it all by herself!

*CP spent a lot of this past weekend painting Wes' room. It is one of the rooms that is not getting touched in the renovation, but ever since we painted it before Izzy was born, I sort of hated it. It was great for a baby's room, but it was time to re-think the room now that Wes will be a toddler soon (AHH!). We picked Benjamin Moore's Labrador Blue for the walls and BM's Patriotic White for the ceiling. It looks 10 million times better. Now I might try to find some dinosaur decals to put on the walls!

*Running is going well. Because CP spent a bunch of time painting this past weekend the first chance that I got to go running was not until Sunday afternoon- when it was 92 and disgusting out. I ran anyway....only going two miles, but I was proud that I went out there and did it anyway. I currently have a cold (along with Izzy and Wes) so waking up this week to workout has been a struggle, but I was able to push myself to run this morning. 

*Related to running, one of my motivators to run is seeing how many steps I get after even a short run. I have been doing a lot of challenges with Amber through the Fitbit app and they are so motivating!! Amber is the only person I know of the people participating but who cares? I want to beat everyone!! :-) When I don't have lunchtime meetings I have been stepping out of my office to go for a 15-30 minute walk at work as well.

*I thought that the Seasonale pill was going to be the answer to my birth control, but instead I'm halfway through the second month of pills and have had a light period for more than a week. Ugh. With all of this talk about dropping the requirement that birth control is covered from this administration, I finally made an appointment to get an IUD (Mirena) put it at the end of the month. That way I will be covered for five years and hopefully my period will go away completely. Fingers crossed!

*At the end of the month Wes has to see an ENT for the ear infection that he just can't clear. He may have to get tubes. :-(

*Thanks for all of your coffee suggestions the other day. My coworker suggested that I try the $.99 Iced Mocha Coffee from Dunkin Donuts so I went for it this afternoon. It is TERRIBLE. I even dumped some more sugar in it after getting back to the office. I am going to need a lot of gum after I muddle my way through this to get the taste out of my mouth. I think this is going to be harder than I thought....

YUCK!

Women will save the world

Yesterday on my walk to my train after work I was listening to the latest "Pod Save America" podcast where the hosts were talking about the fighting between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner. News reports surfaced that President Trump had to sit them down to scold them like the kids they all are to try to stop the bickering. While listening, something struck me. Tommy Vietor (one of the hosts) mentioned the fact that Trump had to hold this meeting was ridiculous because they all have important jobs and how the fighting will eventually lead to a disaster. My immediate thought was that maybe if we had more women in the White House this wouldn't be an issue? There is something with getting a bunch of men together with dicks, testosterone, and power that leads to puffing of chests, power grabbing, and just trying to outdo one another. 

I'm not saying this happens all the time, but I have certainly seen this happen before. In a previous job, I was working for a male manager who felt the need to continually fight with another male manager in the company. The fighting got so bad between them because neither would back down, that we went past a deadline to have contracts in place for a disaster before hurricane season started. So if there happened to be an early season hurricane that year, we would have been sh*t out of luck and wouldn't have been prepared. All of this literally because they wouldn't work together and instead wanted to play 'who has the bigger ego.' Instead of thinking about the big picture and the actual people that their fighting would impact, they fought instead.

Then today, North Korea is saying that they are ready to go to war and that Trump's tweets are not helping matters. Trump is trying to show how powerful he is by dropping the largest non-nuclear bomb in Afghanistan- a bomb that cost $16 MILLION DOLLARS- that only killed 36 ISIS fighters. You can't tell me that dropping that bomb had nothing to do with Trump's ego.

I am terrified that with all of these man-children in power right now, including our own President and in North Korea, that we will soon have World War III simply because of testosterone. I'm heartened by the fact that so many women are running for office these days but we need to hurry and get a lot more into office- and quickly before we no longer have a world. 

What do you think? I ran across this article recently by a former secretary of defense and Harvard professor about how we would have a more peaceful world if women were in charge. What are we waiting for?

Friday bullets

I keep wanting to sit down to write but I simply don't seem to have the time so I'm going to have to do bullets.

*My hair has started to fall out. With Izzy it was right around the 4 month mark so it's a bit earlier but so far it's not too bad. What's funny is it is the same hair (so far) that fell out with Izzy because they are all shorter hairs that I am finding. I guess it's better than if a different part of my head decided to fall out. I'm not looking forward to the next year or so of wispies.

*Against my better judgment I got in a political conversation with the woman that does my Brazilian wax (I had a "I voted" sticker on). She is from Poland (still has an accent), as is her husband. I don't understand women that vote for Trump but realized pretty shortly into the conversation that she was going to vote for him. This is quite the generalization, but I do think that it is so weird how people who WERE immigrants are so close-minded to other immigrants coming into the country (she mentioned her worries about illegal immigrants). She was very worried about property taxes and only paying her share of what she owes. She only has one kid in the school system and thinks that she should pay less in property taxes towards schools and that her neighbor should pay more because she has three kids. I said that even though I don't have any kids in the school system, I'm okay with paying for schools with my property taxes because people are more productive when they get a good education. It's for the betterment of society. She was then complaining about people that "game" the system and get so much from the government, how she should just sit at home collecting welfare with five kids. Lastly she finished up the conversation with complaining about people with nice cars getting food at the food bank (she has a friend that volunteers). I did my best to not respond too much since we clearly have quite different opinions, but one thing that struck me was why are you so concerned about other people and what they do/do not get? Yes there are a few people that game the system but "welfare queens" are a myth. Maybe the person with a nice car just lost their job and is having a hard time making ends meet? You never know what is going on with that person. I left knowing that if politics comes up again with her I will quickly
change the subject.

*I voted early yesterday and I was excited to cast my ballot for the first female president. #nastywomenvote

*This year I asked Izzy what she wanted to be for Halloween about five times throughout the month. Every time I asked she said Superman. Not Supergirl but Superman. Okay kiddo. I would love it if you wanted to be an animal, but I'm cool with it because you are not asking to be a princess. I have no idea how she knows about Superman other than maybe some kids in her class? Wes has no choice on what to be for Halloween so I got him a caterpillar costume and it's adorable.

Izzy as Superman "flying" before daycare this morning

Mom, this is what I think of your caterpillar hat.

*I've already had to drop down to two pumps a day at work because three (this doesn't count the pump I do before I leave for work) hurts my nipples and I simply don't have enough time to get my work done and pump three times. I think that with my use of the nipple shield and Izzy's poor latch due to her lip tie affected my supply more than I thought last time. I do remember freaking out a lot about whether I was making enough milk. I am making plenty of milk for Wes and the boob that was producing more milk last time (right boob) is getting outperformed by left boob this time around.

*Things are not going well with the house reno. We did all the design work and the contractor came back with an astronomical price to rehab our house. So now we have to go out to other contractors to figure out whether our original contractor is just smoking crack or whether we need to change our design. We are both really annoyed because WHY DIDN'T THEY SAY SOMETHING A WHILE AGO? They knew that we didn't want to go above a certain price, so it would have been nice to let us know that we were probably getting out of our range. *sigh*

*I'm so pumped that the Cubs are in the World Series! I can't afford to go to a game nor do I want to battle the crowds (some bars are charging $250 as a cover charge) in Wrigleyville, but it's just all so amazing! Fingers crossed we can win the next three games and win here in Chicago!!

GO CUBBIES!!!!! FLY THE W!!!

Just F*cking Doing It Club

Two nights ago I was up until 1am crying and anxious because how was I going to deal with having two kids? How was I going to juggle work, kids, Buster, etc. especially when CP is traveling? I should be cherishing the time that we have left as a family of three, instead I am feeling guilty because I am tired and annoyed. 

Yesterday I went to see my primary care physician about my foot. 10 days later I'm still limping and in pain so it was time to make sure that I didn't do something silly to it. After an appointment and X-rays, it was deemed by a student doctor that I didn't have a break that they could see in my foot but maybe I have a tiny stress fracture? And that the slight bit of extra fluid in my feet and the extra weight due to pregnancy are not helping. Their answer? Ice and Rest. Okay, so I will continue to suck it up as I have been and continue to get sh*t done.

Later in the day I had an appointment with my OB and talked to her about the possibility of getting postpartum depression if I didn't have it the first time. I have been more emotional this pregnancy and my google searching while up crying the other night didn't yield any answers. My OB's response was that it would be highly unlikely to get PPD if you didn't have it the first time, however, with a second baby there will likely be more anxiety and guilt. For instance, I could get anxious if both kids are crying so it was important to use my support network to help with Izzy while I am busy with the baby- especially before Baby Boy has a schedule. 

That didn't really make me feel any better, but reading this article- The Just F*cking Doing It Club- helped me a bit because it is so true. Once I had Izzy I was asked numerous times how I fit everything in. You just do. You figure out what works for you and you just do it because you have to. And that is what I will do once I have two kids.  I'll figure out what works for me and just f*cking do it.

Current mood: annoyed

At 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, I would say that my current mood about almost everything is annoyed.

-Last week CP traveled to New Orleans. This week he is in Puerto Rico. Next week he is in North Carolina. I keep trying to tell myself that it is probably best that he is traveling while I am still pregnant and hopefully it cuts down on the travel that he has after the baby is born (at least in the beginning), but there is no guarantee. 

-For over a week now I have been limping around. I have some unexplained pain on the top of my left foot. It's not red or swollen so after emailing my OB, she wasn't concerned about it being pregnancy-related, but despite me icing it every day, sometimes multiple times a day, the pain is still there. Google searching hasn't come up with anything specific so maybe I will try to get to my primary care physician tomorrow to see if it is anything important? I'm sure the extra weight of being pregnant is not helping matters, but I am wearing sneakers every day at work (switching to appropriate shoes when I have an important meeting) and walking slowly from the train to my office. I also often have an extra 35 pounds on me as Izzy is asking to be picked up so much these days....

-This past weekend we had a crawfish boil party, mainly to celebrate CP's 40th birthday two weeks before. It was 93 degrees out so I basically sweat the entire day. While we were getting ready for the party I was outside squatting down to pick something up (quite a chore these days) and heard a "riiiiiiiiippp." Sure enough I split my maternity capri pants. That was quite the ego booster.

-After today is over I only have 11 days left of work. I hate to say it but between my problem employee (who is quite a problem these days), and things not going so well (but out of my control) on a project, I am looking forward to the three months away. 

-Izzy has hit the "why" stage in that every.single.question. out of her mouth is "why?" I know that it is a specific stage of development and that it is good that she is so curious but I run out of answers pretty quickly.

-I feel terrible that during the week, my interaction with Izzy is more rushed and trying to hurry her- whether it is to get dressed, to go to the bathroom, to get in the car, to sit down to dinner, to brush her teeth, etc. I wish that there was more time in general to relax with her during the week- I just feel like we are not having any "fun" during the week (especially with CP gone). I know that I should be savoring these last few weeks with her as only one kid but solo parenting makes it 10 times more difficult and I have less patience these days.

Mostly I just feel rushed and not ready to have two kids yet. On the other hand, I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. July 15th is going to come very quickly....

Microblog Mondays: Over or Under

I never believed that there was a right or wrong way to load the toilet paper until I had a toddler. In fact I thought that it was seriously stupid that people actually spent time thinking about it. Then came Izzy. Izzy likes to slap the toilet paper roll at times and if it is not loaded the correct way (aka "under"), the entire roll could spill to the floor.

So despite what the original inventor of perforated toilet paper said in his patent application, the correct way to load toilet paper is under. (The inventor clearly didn't have kids.)

Want to read more Microblog Mondays? Go here.

Extra emotional

I know that I am extra emotional these days, but three different things have left me sobbing recently and reaffirm just how lucky I am.

I don't even remember what I was watching, but it was about a person who went to visit an orphanage and instead of hearing the sound of crying babies as one would expect, they heard silence. When they asked a person that worked there, the explanation essentially was that after a bit of time the babies learn that no one is going to pick them up and comfort them if they cry so why bother? This tore my heart out to hear this. Babies are so helpless and to give up so early in life because no one is there for you....well, this just writing this makes me want to cry all over again. This story was of an orphanage in a foreign country, but I can only assume that it happens here in the US to babies born to drug addicted parents (or other scenarios where the parents are absent or unable to take care of their babies).

The other story that had me sobbing while walking to the train was while listening to the podcast Embedded. The May 25th episode focused on a Doctors Without Borders facility in South Sudan. The reporter, Kelly McEvers, sat by the bedside of an infant as she lay unconscious because of severe malnutrition and severe malaria. Later on in the episode, the girl woke up and asked for water which surprised Kelly. Turns out that even though the girl was only 15 pounds, she was three years old and could talk. 15 POUNDS at 3 years old?!? Izzy hit 15 pounds right after her 4 month birthday. There are no words.

Embedded podcast

Both of these stories are terrible and heartbreaking and it makes me mad that via mommy wars we fight about the stupidest stuff when we really should be so thankful that we were born in a first world country and don't have to worry about these life or death situations.

To try to end this post on a good note, here is a video that made me cry last night. As you know, most of my job has to do with homelessness so seeing this video made me cry happy tears. Maybe I am more tired this time around, but I am definitely succumbing to the hormonal cry more often during this pregnancy- CP is not phased by it anymore.

Trying to keep a secret

Despite having made it through the first and very important ultrasound, I am still wary of celebrating this pregnancy quite yet. I mean, I'm still blown away by the fact that this miracle, magical pregnancy happened to us. I literally thought that we would never have this happen and we would only get pregnant via IVF. 

However, we still have a ways to go until we are out of the first trimester and not being able to go in for an ultrasound until next Tuesday is so tough. Currently only my parents know about the pregnancy, but the I want to keep it a secret for a little while longer....something that may not be possible.

This weekend CP and I were out and about doing Christmas-y things with Izzy when my neighbor texted and asked if she could use our freezer as they needed to flash-freeze dumplings and they ran out of room in their freezer. I told her how to get into our house but didn't think about the fact that my ultrasound pictures were hanging up in the kitchen, hard to miss. She hasn't said anything and hopefully she was too distracted to see them, but the next day I brought over a baby item (she is currently pregnant) that we never used with Izzy and she said, "well, I'll make sure to keep it if you ever need it....." I assume she is not saying anything because she looked at the date of the ultrasound and saw that it was still early....  I have since moved the ultrasound pictures upstairs in a drawer where no one can see them.

This week my parents and my sister and her fiance are coming over for Christmas. The weekend before my birthday we all went out to dinner to a Peruvian restaurant and while everyone else indulged in ceviche and alcohol, I demurred saying that I wasn't feeling well from the night before. My sister and fiance seemed clueless that night, but we skipped their holiday party this past weekend because I have been so exhausted (and knew that it wouldn't be much fun without alcohol)....then if I don't drink again on Christmas maybe her radar will go off? Then again, because she doesn't seem too interested in having kids, she may not notice at all. In general, I don't want her to find out until I am into the second trimester as I'm not even sure she responded at all to the fact that I had a miscarriage this spring (seriously, after telling her the news I don't even think that she said anything).

Finally, CP's sister and her family are flying out for almost a week the day after Christmas. CP is taking next week off to hang out with them, but I checked my vacation time/sick time balances and figured out that if I do give birth in late July I am not going to have enough time saved up for a 3 month maternity leave, so I shouldn't take any time off. I think that they are going to be a bit confused with me going into work while they are here, which means we probably need to tell them what is going on (not to mention that we both will be going to a doctor appointment next week). However, I would love to wait until at least Tuesday AFTER the next ultrasound because I am either going to be happy or crying and I would rather not have them get all excited if this is just going to end in disaster.

So, my plans to keep the pregnancy news a secret for a while longer will likely be ruined later this week. Fingers crossed I won't have to re-tell the same people bad news just a few days later.

Invisibilia

Last night on my train ride home I was listening to the NPR Podcast Invisibilia. I have recently become obsessed with this podcast and I'm sad that it only has 6 episodes. Hopefully season 2 comes out soon as I have one episode left to go.

Anyway, this podcast was about the power of categories. People want and need to be placed in categories- are you a dog person or a cat person? Are you male or female? We are very uncomfortable with people who don't neatly fit into one category or another, and the person that doesn't fit into a category feels uncomfortable as well.

Towards the end of the podcast, the hosts were talking about an Indian retirement community in FL. The founder of the community decided that he didn't want to go back to India to live out the rest of his life because his family was here in the US (amongst other reasons), so he thought that he would create a mini-India retirement community in FL, complete with yoga classes, mediation, palm trees, Indian decor, etc. He started to sell the units right as the recession hit but instead of having issues selling the condos when bigger condos were being sold for less right across the street due to foreclosure, he quickly sold out and had to build more units (which then sold out quickly as well). Turns out that when people fear death or see death coming sooner rather than later, they become racist and want to be with people like themselves.

The host spoke to a psychology professor that has researched what happens when people are facing death. Experiments like asking what happens to you when you are physically dead or asking questions outside a funeral home tend to make people more negative towards other cultures and become more nationalistic. The professor seems to think that it is something about the threat of disappearing. But if you are surrounded by people like you, either in culture, religion, or something else, then you still matter, you are still here.

This is fascinating and most likely why Donald Trump's racist thoughts are resonating with the older white group here in the US. I would argue that all of the Republicans are running on a platform of fear. Fear of terrorism, fear of people taking our jobs, etc. makes his supporters want to surround themselves with people just like them. Thus they all believe that our country needs to ban Muslims and curb immigration from other countries (especially those south of us because they don't look like us either).

This isn't to give an excuse to all of the people supporting these insane proposals, but it does give me some insight into why they might be doing so. I don't have anything to wrap up this post in a neat and tiny bow, but just thought that this was a fascinating podcast that was very relevant to the past few weeks!

Interview

This weekend I had the weirdest dream. Don't worry I won't go into too many details, but it involved having to go to a public place to print off IVF documents and running into two other women doing the same thing. Instead of being supportive as we were all going through the same experience, they made fun of me and made me start crying. Good thing this was just a dream.

Speaking of support, for anyone that misses the Bitter Infertiles podcast and wants another infertility podcast to listen to, there is now Beat Infertility. I have been listening for a while now and finally decided to submit myself as a success story. I spoke to Heather on Friday and my episode went live today! If you have ever wanted to hear my voice here is the link: Dual Factor Infertility. I listened to the episode this morning and don't think that I sound like too much of an idiot. :-)

Heather is looking for more success stories so if you want to be a part of the podcast go here.

Thanks for letting me tell my story Heather! It was fun to talk to you and I hope that my story and advice can be helpful for someone listening out there!

Kids books

Kids books are so funny you guys. Some of them I absolutely love, some of them are just SO WEIRD.

For instance, my sister gave Izzy a copy of The Giving Tree which is her favorite book of all time. I hadn't read it in a while but as soon as I did I was like, why is this such a good book? The tree bends over backwards to make the boy happy and the boy just keeps taking and taking, never even saying thank you?!? 

Or how about Babar, another book that Izzy received at the baby shower. If you haven't read Babar in a while when he gets to the city an old woman becomes his sugar momma and then he marries his cousin. Huh??!?

How about some Mother Goose rhymes? I found a book with various rhymes for $1 at our local library (they have a used book section) and here is one of the odd rhymes:

PETER, PETER PUMPKIN EATER
Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well.

Uh so he keeps her locked up in a pumpkin shell so that she doesn't leave? Maybe we shouldn't promote kidnapping/abuse??

I know that others think that this book is weird as well- I Love You Forever. It's about a mother who no matter how old her son gets, she sneaks into his room to sing him the same song every night. Despite the weird helicopter mom, I cry every time I read Izzy the book because (spoiler alert) at the end of the book the mother becomes too sick to go over to her son's house so he picks her up and sings the song and then also sings the song to his newborn. Then I read an article about the book and felt awful that I felt the book was weird- according to the article, the author and his wife had two stillborn babies and the song was for them. Gah.

Finally, one rhyme that I do love is the Itsy Bitsy Spider. When I was trying to think of songs to sing Izzy when she was younger I could only remember the first verse. Did you know that there were six verses? According to the lyrics on this website, there are. Anyway, I like singing the song to Izzy because although most people wouldn't want to hear about a spider before they are about to go to sleep, the song teaches perseverance. I mean the spider keeps getting knocked down and yet climbs back up again and in finally triumphant and gets to rest in the sun!

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the waterspout
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the kitchen wall
Swoosh! went the fan
And made the spider fall
Off went the fan
No longer did it blow
So the itsy bitsy spider
Back up the wall did go

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the yellow pail
In came a mouse
And flicked her with his tail
Down fell the spider
The mouse ran out the door
Then the itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the pail once more

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the rocking chair
Up jumped a cat
And knocked her in the air
Down plopped the cat
And when he was asleep
The itsy bitsy spider
Back up the chair did creep

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the maple tree
She slipped on some dew
And landed next to me
Out came the sun
And when the tree was dry
The itsy bitsy spider
Gave it one more try

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up without a stop
She spun a silky web
Right at the very top
She wove and she spun
And when her web was done
The itsy bitsy spider

Rested in the sun

Have you encountered any suspect books or rhymes for kids? Or maybe I am just putting too much thought into this?