Lucky

Last night I had dinner with a woman that is usually part of the local RESOLVE group, but has decided not to attend anymore because after five years, she thinks that all she will do is depress people.  However, she did agree to meet with me as the facilitator of the group thought that we would get along.  After hearing people’s stories at the RESOLVE group and then this woman’s five year quest for a child, I have decided that my journey (by the way, I hate that I use that word for this- I feel like I am in an interview segment on the Bachelor) has been easier than many others.

So far CP and I haven’t gone into debt paying for infertility expenses.  At most we have probably paid $5,000 so far?  (Mostly on my fibroid surgery.)  And for our upcoming IVF, my new insurance will pay for most of the medications and the process.

I haven’t had any losses and I think that this makes a WORLD of difference.  Those of you with losses…well, I just think that you are STRONG, AMAZING ladies.

I have a normal shaped uterus, normal hormone levels, I ovulate regularly, I have open tubes, and I have two working ovaries.

CP has a bit of a sperm problem, but at least he has sperm to give.  He doesn’t have any blockages and doesn’t have to undergo surgery.

Sure I went through a painful surgery for the large fibroid, but after the pain went away, I don’t have lingering problems….just 5 incision scars on my stomach.  I wasn’t planning on wearing a bikini any time soon anyway. 

Sure I have a short luteal phase, but my friend Crinone (ugh) helps me to add progesterone to my body to lengthen my cycle.

Sure I had endometriosis, but it was only Stage 2 and I didn’t have any scarring. 

Sure I have two new fibroids in my uterus, but I’m not worried about the upcoming surgery because it is going to be SO MUCH EASIER than the last one.  And it shouldn’t sideline me for the January IVF start date.

Next month I turn 34.  Not ancient by IVF standards so we still have a little time to play with.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I feel lucky when I compare myself to others.*  And that worries me.  There are still other things that could pop up when we start the IVF process.  Right now I am blissfully unaware of those problems.  And as much as I try to tell myself not to get hopeful about IVF….well, the hope is still there.  As much as I try to tell myself that the doctors will have no idea how the medication will affect my body and thus I should almost use the first cycle it as a “test” cycle, well, of course I am still thinking that I should get pregnant.  I should know better….the logical person in me knows better.  The logical person also knows the statistics on miscarriages.  *sigh*  But the closer I get to January and as the number of birth control pills in my cabinet dwindles, the more that hope is chipping away at all  logical reasoning in my brain.

I want to believe that this is going to be the answer.  I want to finally get that positive pregnancy test.  After 2.5 years I would KILL for a positive pregnancy test. 

Please let IVF be the answer to our infertility problems.  

*Annnnnd here is where I jinx myself.