I hate that this may be something that we can’t “fix.” We could unblock my tubes. There are medications that I could take if my eggs sucked. But this? I don’t want him to feel guilty over something that he probably can’t control.
What are our prospects for getting pregnant now? We were pretty rigid in the beginning with what we were willing to do (aka nothing, all natural) to get pregnant. Maybe our narrow path has to widen in order to work with the cards we have been dealt.
My doctor suggested that CP visit a urologist to get further testing done. His appointment is later this month. He is a little nervous because the questionnaire goes into areas where CP doesn’t exactly want to get poked and prodded. For instance, it asks about his testes- the size, shape, consistency and tenderness. CP is worried that he is going to have someone tugging on his balls during an exam (LOL). It also asks about his prostate- the size, nodules, tenderness.
I tried to reassure CP that his prostate has nothing to do with reproduction but it is probably on the form for other patients. So remember how I was saying that CP is a lucky bastard because his test included doing something pleasurable? Wellll that may not be so true anymore.
Who knows if the doctor will even find anything. CP will probably get another sperm analysis done to make sure that the test results were accurate the first time. From there? I don’t know.
I think that one of the hard parts about this diagnosis is that I can’t tell anyone about it. One of my friends (by now I have told three friends of our lack of progress in the baby making department) mentioned that two of her friends were having problems with baby making because of male infertility.
But this is CP’s thing. If it was my problem then I would have no problem telling people. But what guy wants mutual friends (and their husbands because couples discuss this kind of thing) to know that he is lacking good sperm? So I can’t talk about it to anyone.
Does anyone know of any blogs about the male side of infertility? As far as we know I am good to go which is great, but it would be nice to hear from a guy’s point of view. There are tons of blogs about PCOS and other female problems, but I have yet to come across one for a couple with sperm problems.
4.13.2011
4.12.2011
Bad swimmers Part 1
Last week I got CP’s sperm analysis results. They were not good.
The number of sperm included in the sample is normal.
The percentage of good sperm that swim forward is normal (i.e. motility).
But the number of sperm that are considered “good sperm” is low. A normal percentage is 14-15%. CP only has 4%.
“Good sperm” have an oval head with a long tail. “Bad sperm” have head or tail defects- like an oddly-shaped head, a double head or lack a tail. The defects affect the ability of the sperm to reach and penetrate an egg.
So, I could be busting out perfectly good eggs on the regular with no good sperm in the area to complete the procreation process.
As soon as I heard I burst into tears. CP kept joking that the tests that we were having done were going to show that I was the one messing the process up. After all of those jokes, how was he going to take the news? That’s an essence of his manhood that the doctor is now telling him is defective.
Why couldn’t it just be something wrong with ME???
That night after CP got home I gave him the results. He didn’t have much to say and I didn’t want to push him to talk about it. He clearly wasn’t in the mood. It was a quiet dinner and a fairly quiet night in our house.
The number of sperm included in the sample is normal.
The percentage of good sperm that swim forward is normal (i.e. motility).
But the number of sperm that are considered “good sperm” is low. A normal percentage is 14-15%. CP only has 4%.
“Good sperm” have an oval head with a long tail. “Bad sperm” have head or tail defects- like an oddly-shaped head, a double head or lack a tail. The defects affect the ability of the sperm to reach and penetrate an egg.
So, I could be busting out perfectly good eggs on the regular with no good sperm in the area to complete the procreation process.
As soon as I heard I burst into tears. CP kept joking that the tests that we were having done were going to show that I was the one messing the process up. After all of those jokes, how was he going to take the news? That’s an essence of his manhood that the doctor is now telling him is defective.
Why couldn’t it just be something wrong with ME???
That night after CP got home I gave him the results. He didn’t have much to say and I didn’t want to push him to talk about it. He clearly wasn’t in the mood. It was a quiet dinner and a fairly quiet night in our house.
4.11.2011
Crying while running?
This weekend my half marathon training group had a 8 mile run planned. It would be my longest run ever.
I had an exhausting end to my week. Work was really stressful and frustrating and uncertainty with our parent company did not help matters.
Then on Friday towards the end of my day I received a phone call from a friend. The friend that I have been commiserating with because both of us are having trouble getting pregnant. Whadda know- she’s pregnant- with TWINS. I am, of course, overjoyed for her. But also jealous. They were about to go in and start the testing that CP and I have been through when she found out that she was pregnant.
So now two of my very close friends are pregnant and another one will probably start trying for her second soon.
Meanwhile, CP and I failed yet again this month. As soon as I saw blood I wasn’t surprised, but I was sad that it happened after only 26 days. I started to take B6 a little over a week ago and I don’t think that I have been taking it long enough for it to take effect. Maybe next month I will have a longer cycle.
Because this was such a long run the group spread apart pretty quickly. I usually run around the same pace as another woman but she went out faster than I was ready for on Saturday, so I ended up running most of the run by myself.
Was it a good idea that I basically had an hour and a half of time to think by myself? Probably not. Because around mile 4, despite the pumping music in my ears, I literally starting tearing up. Not because my body was in pain from running. Not because I was happy at the fact that I was going to finish an 8 mile run. It was because I started actually thinking about the possibility that I will never be a mother. That I will never get to feel what it is like to get pregnant or be pregnant, however unglamorous it can be. How I may never have a child that I can watch grow up. WHO DOES THIS? Who starts crying in the middle of a freaking RUN? Apparently me. Because I am crazy. And tired. And stressed.
Luckily my crying-while-running episode didn’t last too long because I realized how ridonkulous I must look. I tried to think about other topics and finished the run. I didn’t feel great or energized after the run. I just felt beat down.
-------------------------------------------------
I had an exhausting end to my week. Work was really stressful and frustrating and uncertainty with our parent company did not help matters.
Then on Friday towards the end of my day I received a phone call from a friend. The friend that I have been commiserating with because both of us are having trouble getting pregnant. Whadda know- she’s pregnant- with TWINS. I am, of course, overjoyed for her. But also jealous. They were about to go in and start the testing that CP and I have been through when she found out that she was pregnant.
So now two of my very close friends are pregnant and another one will probably start trying for her second soon.
Meanwhile, CP and I failed yet again this month. As soon as I saw blood I wasn’t surprised, but I was sad that it happened after only 26 days. I started to take B6 a little over a week ago and I don’t think that I have been taking it long enough for it to take effect. Maybe next month I will have a longer cycle.
Because this was such a long run the group spread apart pretty quickly. I usually run around the same pace as another woman but she went out faster than I was ready for on Saturday, so I ended up running most of the run by myself.
Was it a good idea that I basically had an hour and a half of time to think by myself? Probably not. Because around mile 4, despite the pumping music in my ears, I literally starting tearing up. Not because my body was in pain from running. Not because I was happy at the fact that I was going to finish an 8 mile run. It was because I started actually thinking about the possibility that I will never be a mother. That I will never get to feel what it is like to get pregnant or be pregnant, however unglamorous it can be. How I may never have a child that I can watch grow up. WHO DOES THIS? Who starts crying in the middle of a freaking RUN? Apparently me. Because I am crazy. And tired. And stressed.
Luckily my crying-while-running episode didn’t last too long because I realized how ridonkulous I must look. I tried to think about other topics and finished the run. I didn’t feel great or energized after the run. I just felt beat down.
-------------------------------------------------
On Sunday we put together three out of our four raised garden beds. I think that they came out great!
We started with a lot of wood. We used TimberSil which is a new kind of wood fused with glass. No chemicals leach into the soil, it is a very hard material which will prevent bowing, it should last a very long time and it is less expensive than cedar.
It took us the morning to finish the first bed.
By the afternoon we finished two 4 x 12 beds (the two on the right) and one 4 x 8 bed (on the left). We are going to use PVC piping (the arch on the bed on the right) with garden fabric to keep away pests and later in the season, to reduce the intensity of the sun on the lettuce so that we can have a longer season.Now we have to finish the final bed (the longest and heaviest one- 4 x 16), dig up the grass for all four beds in order to drop the beds into the ground, fill with soil and start to plant! Hopefully we can get this done within the next month because we are starting to get behind!
4.06.2011
Wordless Wednesday
I can't remember where I have seen "Wordless Wednesday", but I follow someone's blog that has this feature. Let me know if it is you and will claim you as the rightful owner of that title! :-)
The breeder sent us new pictures of the puppies at three weeks. They still look a little like rats, but still super adorable. I can't wait to meet all of them in just a few weeks!
While I did other yard work tasks, CP tackled a stump in our back yard with his new chainsaw. I told him that he had to be very careful. I didn't want a husband missing half of his face or a hand. Thankfully he didn't have any problems and we demolished the stump!
I love random flowers! Whole Foods was having a sale on tulips...so pretty!
My medal for finishing the Quarter Marathon. My friend and I wore the medals in the grocery store after the race because we are super cool. :-)
I've been on a bread making kick and this was my first crack at Country Classic Bread. Delicious! (The sheen on the top is from butter that they have you brush onto the bread after it cooks.)
The breeder sent us new pictures of the puppies at three weeks. They still look a little like rats, but still super adorable. I can't wait to meet all of them in just a few weeks! Especially this guy/girl. S/he looks like s/he is either lazy or about to start some trouble. Either way I want to meet her/him and bask in their adorableness.
While I did other yard work tasks, CP tackled a stump in our back yard with his new chainsaw. I told him that he had to be very careful. I didn't want a husband missing half of his face or a hand. Thankfully he didn't have any problems and we demolished the stump! 
I love random flowers! Whole Foods was having a sale on tulips...so pretty!
My medal for finishing the Quarter Marathon. My friend and I wore the medals in the grocery store after the race because we are super cool. :-)
I've been on a bread making kick and this was my first crack at Country Classic Bread. Delicious! (The sheen on the top is from butter that they have you brush onto the bread after it cooks.)Okay so this post was not exactly wordless...
4.05.2011
Trip out west
This past weekend CP and I received a Save the Date from friends in Denver. They have been together for 7 years so it was definitely time for them to get hitched.
Because CP and I won't be going anywhere for vacation this year (other than the week long camping trip in ME in July), I think we may make the trip into a week long vacation. I have never been down to New Mexico so we may spend the first weekend with family in Colorado, drive down to NM for some alone time and then head back up to Denver for the wedding weekend.
We were thinking about heading to Santa Fe because CP has been there before and says that it is much better than Albequerque. I definitely want to hit up Bandelier National Monument and maybe the Capulin Volcano National Monument. We will definitely be going to delicious restaurants and exploring the city.
Here's where you come in. Have you visited Santa Fe? Do you have any restaurant, tours or sightseeing suggestions (we will be going in September)? Help us have a fun vacation!
Because CP and I won't be going anywhere for vacation this year (other than the week long camping trip in ME in July), I think we may make the trip into a week long vacation. I have never been down to New Mexico so we may spend the first weekend with family in Colorado, drive down to NM for some alone time and then head back up to Denver for the wedding weekend.
We were thinking about heading to Santa Fe because CP has been there before and says that it is much better than Albequerque. I definitely want to hit up Bandelier National Monument and maybe the Capulin Volcano National Monument. We will definitely be going to delicious restaurants and exploring the city.
Here's where you come in. Have you visited Santa Fe? Do you have any restaurant, tours or sightseeing suggestions (we will be going in September)? Help us have a fun vacation!
4.04.2011
Weekend madness
Another busy weekend in the NSC household.
Friday
*CP cursed while trying to make ramen noodles from scratch. I reminded him that we have a package from the Asian supermarket that we could easily use, but he was not deterred. The noodles tasted and turned out fine, but CP did admit that we will just use the packaged ones next time.
*I watched the Grey’s Anatomy sing-a-thon episode. Did everyone else hate it as much as I did? I mean, that could have been a GREAT episode. But instead of intense drama, people started bursting out into song. Shonda Rimes PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t do this again. It was just painful.
Saturday
*My friend and I ran the Quarter Marathon. Despite my inadvertent “tapering” my legs did not feel rested during the race. At least we had some sun and 40 degree weather instead of the snow/rain that was originally predicted! My time ended up being 1:15:08 which was a 11:28/mile. I wish that I had done a bit better, but the hills were leg killers! The only annoying thing was that the person that won the race finished the race right before I was finishing my first loop. Stupid sub 6 miler who probably weighed 120 lbs soaking wet.
*After my friend and I finished the race CP called and offered to BBQ some burgers if we were willing to pick up buns on the way home. Mmmm a cheeseburger after a run is so tasty!
*The rest of the afternoon with CP was spent doing yard work. CP didn’t really care that I had just run 6.55 miles. He had me picking up sticks in our yard from all of the nasty storms we got this winter, digging out a bush in our back yard to be transplanted, digging the hole for the transplanted bush and taking out any random plants with the loppers. I only had on my Bodybugg from 8pm to 6pm and I burned 3400 calories between the run and the yard work!!!
Sunday
*We installed our Squirrel Buster bird feeders and already have birds eating from them. While the feeders are great and keep the squirrels from getting anything, chipmunks are generally too light and tend to eat ALL of the bird seed. We will have to keep our eyes out for them.
*We put together the garden cart my parents gave me for my birthday. We also cleaned up the garage a bit, fixed one of our drain spouts and did other yard work. I ended up burning 3,000 calories from all of our hard work despite only taking a 20 minute walk with Fuzzy Britches towards the end of the day. I had earned my spot on the couch last night!
*Fuzzy Britches enjoyed an entire weekend outside sitting in the shade and playing with her various toys. All of our movement and activity this weekend meant that she didn’t get her daytime naps- so while we were eating dinner last night, instead of her usual “I’m patiently waiting for someone to hopefully drop something on the floor” face, she conked out and started snoring in the kitchen. So adorable.
Whew. One of these weekends I would like to relax, but with all of the landscaping/raised beds/etc. that needs to get done, I'm not sure that's in our future any time soon. What did you do this weekend?
Friday
*CP cursed while trying to make ramen noodles from scratch. I reminded him that we have a package from the Asian supermarket that we could easily use, but he was not deterred. The noodles tasted and turned out fine, but CP did admit that we will just use the packaged ones next time.
*I watched the Grey’s Anatomy sing-a-thon episode. Did everyone else hate it as much as I did? I mean, that could have been a GREAT episode. But instead of intense drama, people started bursting out into song. Shonda Rimes PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t do this again. It was just painful.
Saturday
*My friend and I ran the Quarter Marathon. Despite my inadvertent “tapering” my legs did not feel rested during the race. At least we had some sun and 40 degree weather instead of the snow/rain that was originally predicted! My time ended up being 1:15:08 which was a 11:28/mile. I wish that I had done a bit better, but the hills were leg killers! The only annoying thing was that the person that won the race finished the race right before I was finishing my first loop. Stupid sub 6 miler who probably weighed 120 lbs soaking wet.
*After my friend and I finished the race CP called and offered to BBQ some burgers if we were willing to pick up buns on the way home. Mmmm a cheeseburger after a run is so tasty!
*The rest of the afternoon with CP was spent doing yard work. CP didn’t really care that I had just run 6.55 miles. He had me picking up sticks in our yard from all of the nasty storms we got this winter, digging out a bush in our back yard to be transplanted, digging the hole for the transplanted bush and taking out any random plants with the loppers. I only had on my Bodybugg from 8pm to 6pm and I burned 3400 calories between the run and the yard work!!!
Sunday
*We installed our Squirrel Buster bird feeders and already have birds eating from them. While the feeders are great and keep the squirrels from getting anything, chipmunks are generally too light and tend to eat ALL of the bird seed. We will have to keep our eyes out for them.
*We put together the garden cart my parents gave me for my birthday. We also cleaned up the garage a bit, fixed one of our drain spouts and did other yard work. I ended up burning 3,000 calories from all of our hard work despite only taking a 20 minute walk with Fuzzy Britches towards the end of the day. I had earned my spot on the couch last night!
*Fuzzy Britches enjoyed an entire weekend outside sitting in the shade and playing with her various toys. All of our movement and activity this weekend meant that she didn’t get her daytime naps- so while we were eating dinner last night, instead of her usual “I’m patiently waiting for someone to hopefully drop something on the floor” face, she conked out and started snoring in the kitchen. So adorable.
Whew. One of these weekends I would like to relax, but with all of the landscaping/raised beds/etc. that needs to get done, I'm not sure that's in our future any time soon. What did you do this weekend?
4.01.2011
The State of NSC- March edition
A monthly take on my world.
Weight: I’m a bit confused. Yesterday I was 201, then this morning I was up to 207. I didn’t eat crazy things yesterday and only had two beers last night. How can you gain 6 pounds in one day? I still have about two weeks before my monthly visitor comes. ?????
Current Feeling: Sad. Frustrated. Not liking that things are out of my control. (more on this next week)
Running Stats
Miles Run: 41.49
Time Spent Running: 8 hours, 1 minute, 36 seconds
Calories Burned: 6442
Longest Run: 7.12 miles
PR: Ha ha ha. Not this month!
Current aches and pains: Thankfully the soreness in my legs is almost gone and I even got to run on Wednesday night. The soreness in my arms is still present, but not as bad. No knee pain and my plantar fasciitis hasn’t been acting up too much.
Current Favorite Song: Nothing really comes to mind.
Looking forward to: The Quarter Marathon race is tomorrow. I am looking forward to finishing it so that I can focus on my Half Marathon training. I’m also excited about visiting the puppies in a few weeks!
Annoyed about: My lack of motivation in running. Just last month I was walking on air. Now it is kind of like a job. Booo. Maybe when we start to hit distances that I have never run before I will get happy again…
Proud about: Completing the three hour fitness tour. Yes I was sore for DAYS afterwards, but now I can say that I have done CrossFit. And I may even incorporate some of the things we did into my normal routine. If they made me that sore I am clearly not doing enough strength training!
Craving: Pineapple. We are getting closer to the time when all of the fresh pineapples hit the grocery stores. I LOVE pineapple and will eat it as much as possible. I have perfected cutting it up too. Yum!
How are you feeling with the start of this new month?
Weight: I’m a bit confused. Yesterday I was 201, then this morning I was up to 207. I didn’t eat crazy things yesterday and only had two beers last night. How can you gain 6 pounds in one day? I still have about two weeks before my monthly visitor comes. ?????
Current Feeling: Sad. Frustrated. Not liking that things are out of my control. (more on this next week)
Running Stats
Miles Run: 41.49
Time Spent Running: 8 hours, 1 minute, 36 seconds
Calories Burned: 6442
Longest Run: 7.12 miles
PR: Ha ha ha. Not this month!
Current aches and pains: Thankfully the soreness in my legs is almost gone and I even got to run on Wednesday night. The soreness in my arms is still present, but not as bad. No knee pain and my plantar fasciitis hasn’t been acting up too much.
Current Favorite Song: Nothing really comes to mind.
Looking forward to: The Quarter Marathon race is tomorrow. I am looking forward to finishing it so that I can focus on my Half Marathon training. I’m also excited about visiting the puppies in a few weeks!
Annoyed about: My lack of motivation in running. Just last month I was walking on air. Now it is kind of like a job. Booo. Maybe when we start to hit distances that I have never run before I will get happy again…
Proud about: Completing the three hour fitness tour. Yes I was sore for DAYS afterwards, but now I can say that I have done CrossFit. And I may even incorporate some of the things we did into my normal routine. If they made me that sore I am clearly not doing enough strength training!
Craving: Pineapple. We are getting closer to the time when all of the fresh pineapples hit the grocery stores. I LOVE pineapple and will eat it as much as possible. I have perfected cutting it up too. Yum!
How are you feeling with the start of this new month?
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