Hey, It's Okay Tuesday

I always enjoy reading "Hey, It's Okay Tuesdays" from Airing My Dirty Laundry and today I decided to finally link up with the weekly post! 

HEY, IT'S OKAY.....

That I freaked out for the two days that Feedly was hacked last week.  I usually try to read blogs during my train commute and/or when pumping at work so I was very sad that Feedly was down (I read a book on my phone instead).

To miss maternity pants.  I think that it's great that I am fitting into regular, normal pants with buttons and zippers, but I recently bought a pair of black pants for work.  They have four different buttons and a zipper.  When I have to go to the bathroom, ain't nobody got time for four buttons and a zipper!  That's why maternity pants were so great.  No buttons, no zippers, nothing.  

To think that most women shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans.  I saw a woman yesterday on the street wearing skinny jeans.  She had thin calves and thighs, but a large butt and hips.  The pants basically made it look like she had taken a dump in her pants.  Ummm no.

To be excited that I finally got a good night of sleep last night.  I was worried that I would be up part of the night due to pain from a cavity between two molars getting filled yesterday, but I took some breastfeeding-allowed pain medicine and slept all night long.  Hopefully I get to do it tonight too!

To think that my reaction to ovulating last week was crazy. I actually got sad that CP wasn't around to try to make a baby the natural way...despite the fact that I want to enjoy the rest of the year before trying to get pregnant (and the possibility of us getting pregnant naturally is probably .000000001%).

To be excited about our vacation coming up in September to Gaitlinburg, TN.  We are renting a place with friends and their kids (8 adults, 6 kids- one age 5, three age 3 and two less than 1) right near the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. It will be my first vacation since having Izzy (I don't count maternity leave as a vacation- especially because I never got outside because it was so cold!) and I can't wait.  Only three months away....and a trip where I want to enjoy alcohol with friends so not being pregnant this year will be nice!  Has anyone been to GSMNP?  Any suggestions or tips?

To be even MORE excited about the trip that we just booked to Barcelona!  Using CP's frequent flier miles our family of three will be headed to Spain for 9 days right after Christmas to meet up with CP's sister and her family.  While I wish we were going during nicer weather, it will be their first time meeting Izzy.  I also want to enjoy alcohol and not worry about eating pregnancy-safe foods for this trip. I have only been to Barcelona once- in high school- and the only thing that I remember is the old Olympic stadium.  Any suggestions or tips on things to do/see (especially with a 1 year old!) would be helpful!

To be annoyed that CP is most likely heading back to Thailand in two weeks, and then going again in the beginning of August.  He is going to miss our block party on Fourth of July and my cousin's wedding in August.  :-(

Friday Accountability

(Should have posted this on Friday)

This past week was pretty much a failure workout-wise. I was in a crappy mood all week long from not sleeping enough, my hormones were wacky because I was ovulating, and everything that could go wrong, did.  Just an example: on Friday I was cutting pineapple for breakfast while working from home and sliced my pinky.  My finger bled for 45 minutes and I finally called my neighbor (an ER doctor) to ask when a person needs stitches.  After sending pictures, she thought that I didn't need them, but really?  That was my second cut on the same hand in two days. And now I promise to stop whining.

30 Day Buns, Guns & Abs Challenge 

I went up to Michigan with my parents last weekend and forgot to do the exercises, so I did Saturday, Sunday, and Monday's exercises all on Monday. My plan to do the challenge the rest of the week went kaput. I suck.

Runs

Not surprisingly, I didn't run at all last week.

Walks

I took a long walk with Buster, Izzy and my Mom on Sunday when we were in Michigan.  Buster and I also took a walk on Wednesday when I worked from home.  But after picking Buster up on Thursday, his daycare mentioned that he had been coughing, so it was a vet visit for him on Friday....then no walks on Friday or Saturday because exercise made him cough.  Poor buddy. 

Other exercise

I mowed the lawn on Wednesday.

Weight

I haven't taken out the scale in the past week to check on my weight so I have no idea where I stand!

This week I need to SLEEP.  CP is finally HOME and having the extra pair of hands around should help.  The more I sleep the more I energy I have to workout.  Unfortunately today I am exhausted because Buster decided to whimper, pant, and pace around our room for an hour starting at 2am.  I eventually went downstairs (where it is cooler) and slept on the couch so that he would stay downstairs with me and hopefully stop being so anxious, but even after taking him out I have no idea what was wrong with him. Oh wait....sorry....I whined again.

Missing Izzy

I'm not sure what it is about yesterday and today but I am missing Izzy like crazy while I am at work.  I usually miss her but today I feel like I am on the verge of tears whenever I think about her. I watched videos of her during my first pumping session and I have a new picture of her on my desk, but they just seem to be making me more sad than helping me through the day.  I just want to give her a big hug and play with her.

New picture on the left- Izzy's daycare does "school" pictures.  Too bad she is not smiling....
Also, what a difference from two months to six months!!

Maybe it is because I am tired and desperately in need of sleep? Last night I looked at the clock when it was 9:20.  I decided that I was going to turn off the tv and head to bed after finishing up getting ready for the next day, putting clean dishes away and then doing the dishes from dinner, and grabbing the laundry from downstairs.  I didn't watch any more tv, but after doing all of these things (I didn't even fold the laundry!) I wasn't in bed until 10:30.  I had a crappy nights rest and was exhausted when I woke up at 5 to start the day.  At least tomorrow I can sleep in a little bit because I am working from home....

Fertility Friend seems to think that I will ovulate tomorrow, so it shouldn't be PMS. Maybe it is because we are getting towards the end of CP's two week trip to Thailand? He hopefully (*crossing my fingers*) only has one more of these two week trips over there this year, but I shouldn't get my hopes up too much.  I miss my husband as well....

I can do this.  Only a few hours left of work.

Friday Accountability

Two posts in one day?  Wow! Sorry about that last one- had to get that rant out.

Moving on....remember last week when I posted about the 30 Day Buns, Guns, & Abs Challenge?  Well, I only got one of you to join me (yay Jess!) and we have decided to do a Friday accountability post to make sure that we are staying on track. Feel free to join us- it's not too late!  Every Friday I am going to post on how I did exercise-wise that week in hopes that you guys shame me into doing more!  :-)

30 Day Buns, Guns & Abs Challenge 

So far, so good!  I have done one set of the exercises every day.  I definitely could do more reps (especially squats), but figured that since this is really my first time working my arms and abs in a while, I'll stick with the one set and do other strength exercises on the side.  

Runs

Only 1 run this week (this morning) for 2 miles to pick up the car that I left at the other train station yesterday. Buster came with me so that he also got some exercise.  I find when CP is gone it is harder to get my runs in because even when I am working from home I have other errands that take up my time.  I also want to pick up Izzy from daycare earlier on the days that I can so that we have more time together.

Walks

If I can't get a run in with Buster during the week, I will at least be able to walk him. I walked him at least a mile on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  After I picked Izzy up from daycare on Weds she and I walked 1.6 miles to and from the grocery store because it was such a nice day.

Other exercise

On Saturday, I gardened for a couple of hours while Izzy was sleeping. I planted hot pepper plants, eggplant, and cucumber seeds.  I also weeded at bit.

Weight

It seems to be staying pretty consistent from when I posted about being excited that I was once again under 200. I would be surprised if it didn't trend downwards at least a little bit soon because I have been eating a ton of healthy salads and have lots of kale, swiss chard, and spinach to eat from our garden! 

Next week I hope to keep up with the 30 Day Challenge and run at least two times.  I need to be a bit more consistent!!

Needed: big glass of wine

It is only the 5th day of being a "single mom" and I am ready to cry.  How the hell do military wives do this for a year????  It actually hasn't been Izzy that has been so frustrating this week- it's been everything else. Couple that with not sleeping very well (again, not because of Izzy but because I need to get things prepared for the next day after she goes to bed and then I end up going to bed after 10-10:30pm and that's too late when you are waking up at 5am) and it's a recipe for a frazzled NSC.  I'm usually fairly "with it" and this week has been the complete opposite. Thankfully it has all been minor things but they are starting to add up and it's making me want a big glass of wine.  Except that it is barely noon, I'm working, and I have to drive to MI this afternoon so drinking would not be advised for at least a few more hours.

Monday I showed up to daycare in a different car than the one I dropped her off in because I thought Buster would enjoy the car ride and he likes the bigger car....I realized once she was in my arms that the car seat was in the OTHER car and I had to go home to get it before I could pick her up. (I decided that morning to not bring her car seat in like usual because she is getting pretty heavy.)  

Tuesday I rushed from one work meeting to another and realized that I forgot to bring dressing for my salad.  I didn't have any time between meeting to buy some so I ate a dry salad for lunch. I guess I could call this a win because I didn't waste calories on dressing?

Yesterday I knew that an event that I was attending at another site was going to be close in terms of catching the right train home in order to pick up Buster and Izzy from their respective daycares. I wasn't able to catch a cab from the site (I assumed that I was going to be able to), so I got a ride from someone from another company to the train station.  I missed the train that I needed and had to decide whether I took the one at 5:30 that put me at the train stop two blocks from my house, but not the train stop where my car was....or take the 5:52 that put me at the train stop for my car.  I decided that I would figure out how to move the other car and ran to catch the 5:30 because it got in earlier.  I was still late in picking up Buster and Izzy from daycare after grabbing the other car from our house AND I didn't get to talk to CP last night because I was running so late.  After getting everyone home and Buster fed, there was no time to have Izzy reject the sweet potatoes and breastmilk I pureed for her and no time to give her a bath so I nursed her and she went to bed. Essentially I had no quality time with her yesterday. Everything worked out okay once I ran with Buster this morning to pick up the car but it was really stressful- and the fact that Izzy was at daycare for almost a full 12 hours yesterday is more than ridonkulous.

Today I thought the day was going better but then I got an email from our dog walking service.  Although there was no indication from the dog walker's note that something went wrong on Weds when she came to walk Buster, we have been told that they won't be walking him anymore because they have to worry about the safety of their employees. This is probably a whole other post, but dammit. 

I know that none of these are life threatening things.  I know that I could have much bigger problems.  I probably shouldn't even post this because it is a post only interesting to me.... But maybe the rest of the day will be better?  Maybe I will finally get my big glass of wine tonight after navigating Chicago traffic to get to Michigan?  One can only hope.

Pumping decision made

As you know, recently I have been struggling with the balance between providing Izzy all breastmilk and being a productive employee.  The past three months of pumping three times a day at work has been HARD.  Trying to figure out times to head down to a different floor in my building to pump while balance my need to participate in meetings, events not in my building, conference calls, and getting general work done has been difficult.  I often feel like I am rushed in everything that I do and can't take the time to sit down and really work on various projects for long periods of time.  Losing almost 1.5 hours a day is tough and my work has definitely suffered.

All of your comments on my post about when to stop breastfeeding were helpful.  They made me think about whether I could think about cutting back instead of stopping completely.  I mean, what was I most frustrated about?  Nursing every couple of hours on the weekends didn't bother me; nursing at night and in the morning on weekdays didn't bother me either.  Not drinking too much wasn't a big deal and pumping or nursing prior to runs really wasn't THAT awful.  And frankly, I would really miss nursing her if I stopped all together.  I realized that the biggest problem with exclusively breastfeeding was the damn pump during the work day.  I also realized that maybe I shouldn't think of my decision as being an all or nothing decision. I mulled over dropping down to two pumping sessions a day and whether that would work and make me happier- and I have decided to try that.

I talked CP about dropping a pumping session and supplementing with formula. It turns out that he was simply against me stopping breastfeeding because I beat it into his head prior to Izzy's birth that when breastfeeding got hard, I needed him to motivate me to continue and for him to support me.  I meant for him to do that in the early days of breastfeeding when it hurt- not six months into breastfeeding (but kudos to him for listening and doing his job)!  Once we got over the miscommunication, he was on board with whatever I wanted to do and liked the idea because it still meant that Izzy was getting breastmilk, and thus, the benefits of breastmilk.

Izzy turned six months last week and I talked to her doctor about supplementing with formula if I didn't produce enough after dropping a pumping session during the week.  He gave suggestions on formula- surprisingly, he did not recommend organic formula (not tested as much as regular formula and he thinks it was brought to market too quickly with a different formulation). With CP's blessing and the realization that Izzy would still  be getting plenty of breastmilk each day, I started pumping twice a day while at work this week.  

Before I got too far and couldn't get back my supply once it dropped, I had to make sure that Izzy would even eat formula. On Monday night I opened up the formula samples sent to me right before Izzy's birth. My doctor didn't recommend one over the other so I decided to try the Similac brand because they had four 2oz ready-made bottles in the box. I put the provided nipple on the bottle, took a deep breath, and proceeded to feed Izzy her first taste of formula. Turns out, she housed the 2oz. It was quite an impressive chug- and also the reason that we still have her on Level 1/Newborn nipples- with her parents' chugging backgrounds she needs a lower-flow nipple. ;-)  It felt weird to be feeding her something other than my breastmilk...but it also felt a bit freeing in a way.  Now that I knew that she would eat formula, I no longer had to worry about if my supply drops in the future for any number of reasons (including my monthly visitor). 

Yesterday was the first day I mixed formula in with her breastmilk bottles for daycare. It ended up being about 1-1.5oz of formula added to 3oz of breastmilk. I assume I will have to continue to do this and maybe supplement more as time goes on and my body adjusts to the 2 pumping sessions at work (today I didn't have to supplement at all). I'm not sure how it is going to work on the weekend when I nurse on demand...she may just need to have a bottle of formula in the middle of the day.  For right now though, she is nursed three times a day and gets 4 bottles during the week, so more than 80% of her calories is coming from breastmilk if I continue to only need 4oz of formula a day.

I'm sure that I will eventually be 100% fine with this decision.  If I had a friend that had the exact same situation I would support her in her decision to supplement and drop a pumping session.  It's silly that I am beating myself up about this because my daughter will thrive either way. I fully intend to keep nursing at least until she hits 9 months old, hopefully until she hits a year....but may need to supplement more as I get closer to those milestones.

*sigh*

Monday bullets

-It is really awkward when a daycare worker tells you that your breastmilk is very good because it is thick and like cream.  Ummmm thanks?

-You feel terrifically awful giving your child your cold.

-Despite the fact that your child is regularly sleeping through the night, every once in a while you freak out when you wake up and either check the monitor, or go into her room to make sure that she is still breathing.  You find out that your husband is doing the same thing and you feel a little less crazy.

-You find yourself even more attracted to your husband after watching him interact with your child.  I had an inkling that he would be a great father just by how he interacted with our dogs or friends' kids.  But you never truly know until suddenly you are co-parenting your kid.  I was also a little worried that he wouldn't bond with Izzy until she was a few months old and started interacting with him because he seemed to not be as excited about my pregnant belly as I was, but he jumped into being a dad from the very beginning!  

-Why don't all infant clothes come with zippers instead of snaps?  It's so much easier to change them!! Our neighbor had her third child a few weeks ago and came to our Memorial Day weekend BBQ with her son in a magnetic sleeper.  Now THAT sounds like the best thing ever invented. (She did mention that sometimes it gets lost in the dryer because it sticks to the side- ha ha ha.)

-After over a year without my period, I forgot just how sh*tty they are.  I amazingly didn't get hormonal during pregnancy or after giving birth...but boy did I notice how irritated I was at CP last weekend.  Yikes.  Hopefully the PMS just hit me hard because it had been so long....or else I do sort of feel bad for CP.

-I also forgot just how HUNGRY I get right before my period. Damn.  I will have to remember that for this coming month and make myself go for a walk or run instead of trying to eat everything in sight!

-CP left for another work trip to Thailand yesterday.  Originally his trip was cancelled because of the coup, but higher-ups told him last week "while we can't make you go, you know how important this project is...."  So of course he had to go.  ARGH.  Hoping the next two weeks fly by.....