This weekend I headed out for my 4 mile run. Before the run even started I began to psych myself out. But why? Why did I think that 4 miles was going to be so difficult when I had a good 3 mile base? Would an extra mile really be that difficult? I actually started to feel strong in my weekday runs.
I have been running on a treadmill a lot because the weather has been so bad. Running outside is more difficult because you aren’t kept to a steady pace and the ground is not completely flat. Would I have the endurance to finish?
I tried to push the doubting thoughts away and started out on my run. Within the first .75 of a mile I had walked twice (up hills). The doubts came back. I put a peppier song on my iPod and pushed myself to run again. Despite my walk breaks up the hills throughout the 4 mile run, I had a pretty good run in the end. I felt slow, but my pace really wasn’t that bad considering the hill walking.
So why does this always happen to me? When I jump up to running 5 miles, then 6 miles, and then 7 miles are these doubts going to come back Every.Single.Weekend? The farthest I have ever run before was 6 miles, so why is the distance suddenly scaring me? And if I really want to do a half marathon am I going to get freaked out by those distances too?
This doubting feeling is SO FRUSTRATING. I don’t just do it with running. I did it before CP and I went scuba diving for the first time in Hawaii. And even though I survived (and enjoyed myself), I doubted myself AGAIN during our Scuba Diving Certification class. WTF? Despite my excitement to sky dive after college, as soon as I got into the plane I got nervous. I knew that I was going to make myself do it because let’s face it, I was already in the plane, but the doubt was forefront in my mind.
In the end, I always end up doing the thing that I am scared of. Whether it is CP making me or making myself do it, it gets done. If I ever get pregnant, I’m sure that I am going to have doubts as to whether I am going to be a good mother.
So what is wrong with me? Is it that I am getting old? Any advice?
6 comments:
Don't doubt yourself! You can do it! It's hard to train on a treadmill because it doesn't come close to training outside. Also? It's hard to push yourself to do mileage alone. Try and find a running buddy and you can get out there and push each other.
As for the mama thing? I think FB is proof you'll be fabulous ;-)
I think it's ok to have doubts, as long as you do your best to conquer them! And it sounds like you do confront them, so that's good!
When I have doubts I try to just tell myself that there's no way out. I HAVE to do it.
As for running, especially when I was training for my half marathon last year, I actually found that the longer runs were easier in some ways. Maybe it's because I DID psych myself out and thought they would be horrible...then they didn't turn out to be so bad. I know you can do it!
And you're going to be an awesome mama.
Part of it could be the fear of the unknown. The next time you do the run you will know what to expect. Try to let the positives push you forward and you work to conquer that fear.
Oh the self doubt...tell it to
P-off!!
I've had a love/hate relationship with running for a long time and I've come to the conclusion that most of the issues I have are all in my head. And that the first 2 miles are always the hardest. Always. I'll feel like death in the first mile and then, once I push through it and stop bitching, I feel great by mile 3. I don't know if that's really advice, but it's how things go with me. :)
i always tend to have more doubt for some reason when i've been running on a treadmill, then to go run outside. it's so daunting to me. the best advice is to do it...no matter what you do, just do it!
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