The night after my doctor’s appointment, CP and I went out to dinner. I told him about everything that I had discussed with doctor. We then had a tentative discussion about when we thought we might start trying to conceive.
It would obviously have to be after we moved to Denver.
It would obviously have to be when we thought we would be in a better financial position (I know, I know, you are never truly ready money-wise for a baby…..but still- I would like to be at least somewhat out of debt!).
So our tentative plans are to start trying in a year. That is....if CP doesn’t get cold feet. The conversation was actually pretty funny. We discussed the fact that we definitely will eventually have children. And I brought up that if we know that we are definitely going to try to have kids, why not have them sooner rather than later and hopefully bypass the possible complications and risks that come from having a baby at a later age?
I asked him if he was worried because he thought that he might not be a good father. His cocky answer? “Oh no I’ll be a great father.” LOL. Yes, and a very modest one at that. ;-)
CP is simply a bit worried about a loss of freedom. He obviously knows that having a baby= no freedom for 18+ years. He meant it more as, there are certain things that you can’t do anymore if you have kids. Except when I asked him to elaborate- what exactly would he be missing out on that he is currently doing now? He couldn’t think of anything.
It was kind of funny to be the one wanting to talk about kids and having CP be the one that was holding back. About six months into our relationship, CP suddenly brought up my match.com profile and the fact that I put “willing to talk about” or something similar under the “kids” section. I think that he was worried that I would never want kids and whether we should continue to date if that was the case.
So, the plan is a year. Although after some of the stuff that my friend talked about at the baby shower two weekends ago?? I've got to be honest that pregnancy and the “miracle of birth” scares the living crap out of me.
9 comments:
B and I have also had this discussion. We've always known that we want kids, eventually. Then, when our wedding was over and people started asking us when we would, we started deeper discussions. It's funny - B sounds a like like your hubby. He's mostly worried about not being able to be spontaneous and adventurous. Although that is also a huge worry of mine as well. We've tentatively agreed to start trying in 2 years. And boy, we have a lot of things to accomplish before then: mostly, fix our finances, but also TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL!
We have the same fears that we will not be successfully out of debt, that we want to travel and having a baby freaks me out.
At this point time will tell.
Having a baby definitely changes your lifestyle. But we definitely plan to do things with our kids that a lot of people don't. Like travel internationally. Given the international nature of our family, it's unavoidable, and honestly, I'm kind of glad about that.
this is such a hard topic, but what a great one to come to a meeting of the minds on. i feel in limbo, because really, we don't know if we are going to adopt or not. we cannot for a few more years, legally, so that helps...but it does put us in that "holding pattern"
We've pushed back our trying date a couple of times already...mainly because of job changes/finances. I go back & forth between thinking I'm ready and thinking no way. At this point though, I'm not really sure where we're at...maybe sometime this year. I always have to remind R. that it isn't like you get preggers & have the baby immediately...there is the 9 month cushion of time :-)
I'm right there with ya. Being more financially stable is the biggest reason that my boyfriend and I aren't moving immediately toward marriage and children. We've had that conversation and I LOVE hearing him talking about how much he wants to have kids, but it would just be so hard right now.
How exciting for you guys! Can't wait to hear more updates :-)
@ChasingParadise- I would love to say that we will try to travel in the time between now and trying to get pregnant, but I don’t see it happening. We would love to get down to the Galapagos, but paying down our credit cards is more important right now. We figure that National Parks in the US are really easy and fairly inexpensive trips once we have kids so we are not too worried about getting to those any time soon. Even places in Europe are easy with kids. It’s the longer-flight locales and the not-as-family-friendly places that we are interested in getting to. But, those might have to wait until the kids are a bit older!
Staying anon for this one because it might come off as harsh.
If CP can't think of one thing he'll be missing out on, then he is in no way, shape, or form ready for a baby. Let me help with things parents miss out on:
- sleep
- ability to go out with friends whenever they want
- free time
- ability to go out to dinner at any restaurant
- 99% of happy hours
- successfully keeping friendships with 90% of your childless friends
- being able to do what you want, when you want
- spending ample amounts of 1-on-1 time with your partner.
I could go on and on. You're newlyweds. Enjoy each other and create the strongest foundation as a couple that you can. Kids are hard!
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