Torture

So after a downer of a Monday post (thank you for all of your comments btw), I turn to now being tortured by CP. Specifically, by an email he sent to me this morning.

This past weekend CP and I took Fuzzy Britches on a long walk at the nearby Reservoir. It was a pretty awesome walk as we saw a HUGE red-tailed hawk fly across the path and scoop up some sort of prey. He then sat in a tree as we walked by. We were bummed we didn’t bring our camera. :-(

Red-tailed hawk (picture from here)

So towards the end of the walk, we spotted another Bernese Mountain Dog. While we saw a lot of FB’s relatives out west, we haven’t seen too many in CT and MA. So we got to talking to Gus and his owner. Gus could have been FB's brother, just 50 pounds heavier (and taller). He had similar markings, they panted the same way, they sat the same way, and had other similar mannerisms. Adorable. Simply adorable.

Anyway, we asked where Gus came from and found out that he was from a breeder in NC (FB came from a breeder in PA). After we finished talking to Gus’ owner we remarked that we should look into the NC breeder if we were ever seriously going to think about getting another Berner. You have to be careful with overbreeding and hip problems with the breed. When we got home I looked up the website and almost died. Then I showed the website to CP who contacted them (without my knowledge). They then sent pictures like this:

Check out those paws!!!

All puppy photos from Swiss Kisz Farm

And they are so freakin’ cute that I just want to EAT THEM. Or snuggle with them.

So I emailed CP back and asked if he was having fun torturing me. He said that he was. (Jerk) I did mention that if he happened to think that getting a puppy was a good idea, the email did say that there will be a litter in December. Even if we get pregnant this month then that leaves two months or so to train the puppy before a baby would show up (thinking that the puppy would be 8 weeks or so in Feb)… So the puppy would be potty trained by then (right? It’s been a looong time since I have had a puppy). And I would have two months or so at home with a puppy and a baby.

Okay so maybe that is a crazy plan, but I don’t seem to be getting pregnant any time soon so we might as well work on the puppy. Right? ;-)

Sadly, since we are currently on budget crackdown (aka Operation Spend No Money), I can't imagine that he actually contacted them to seriously inquire into getting a puppy. I mean it would make an AWESOME anniversary gift, birthday gift, Christmas gift, etc......

*FYI- posting may be light the rest of this week as I am away on business and don't know if I am going to have access to a computer.*

Running thoughts

As I sat in the funeral last Thursday for CP’s Great Aunt I had thoughts constantly running through my mind throughout the service.

I thought about how CP was taking everything. How his father was doing. How my father-in-law was losing his “other” mother. It was the end of a generation.

I thought about how close this side of the family is. How there is a big get-together at least twice a year. How cousins are considered brothers and sisters. How amazing and wonderful it was for a family to stay so close. How jealous I am that I don’t really have that on my side of the family. Aunt, uncles and cousins all over the country, even some in Canada. Facebook has allowed me to stay in better touch with cousins, but it is not the same.

I thought about how I was sort of jealous that my sister gets to spend time with my parents in Chicago and I am in CT. How I have loved living all over the country, but wished that I lived closer to my parents. If CP and I are lucky enough to have kids I want them to know their grandparents, not just see them for visits twice a year.

I thought about the pain my new family (aka CP’s relatives) were all in. How they were trying to stay strong during the ceremony, but that it was obviously very difficult. That was making me very sad. Was there anything I could say to take some of their pain away? What do I even say to them?

I wondered if it was weird that I was tearing up during the ceremony. I have been with CP for five years next month, but only met this part of the family three years ago. I was still sad that she was gone and I am going to miss her. But was I not entitled to those feelings because I hadn’t known her as long as everyone else? The whole family has been so welcoming and she was a big part of that. She was always so excited to see me, even if I was the newest member.

I thought about what people were saying at the funeral. The way she would brighten up a room and smile, even at 92 years old, was the absolute truth. Would people have nice things to say about me when I die?

I wished that I had spent just a few more minutes with her in July.

I thought about my parents and how they were getting older. How I am lucky that they are still alive. Even though I am almost 32, what would I do without them?

After the funeral, all of the family members gathered at her house. One person had a story from the day that she just KNEW the Great Aunt would have loved. And now she wasn’t able to share it with her.

*sigh*

Important Women's Health Issue

With all of the depressing thoughts and news this week, I got this email from a friend and decided it was perfect for a Friday. I hope to have some time to put down all of the thoughts rushing through my head next week....


Important Women's Health Issue:

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
* Do you suffer from shyness?
* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.


So who is with me in needing a Margarita today? :-)

Sadness

…..AND hopes dashed before I even made it to the store. *sigh* It's just weird. Maybe I mentally gave myself the nauseous feeling, but that is unlike me. At least I don't have to feel bad about the delicious blue cheese I had this weekend.....

In addition to the fact that my body clearly hates me, CP and I received more bad news over the weekend. Remember how I told you about CP’s Great Uncle dying earlier this year? Well, they say that older people tend to pass soon after their spouse and this was no exception. They were together for 72 years and just a few months after he passed away, CP’s Great Aunt had a massive heart attack. They operated on her, but her body couldn’t take the trauma.

CP is a bit worried about his dad. His dad’s mother died about 4 years ago (his father died very young), but he was very close to his aunt and uncle as he and his brother lived with them after his dad died. He basically considers his cousins more like brothers and sisters. But we think that now that his aunt has passed that he is going to have to finally come to terms with all of their deaths.

Funeral is Thursday. *sigh* I am happy that we were able to see her just over a month ago at a family party, but this one is also going to be hard.

THIS month

Every month I get excited and think, “alright THIS is the month.” This month I told myself that I wouldn’t allow myself to think that way. I would try not to get my hopes up again.

The first month I was convinced that we would get it done the first month. Even though I kept telling myself that it usually takes a few months, in the background of that post I had high expectations on getting pregnant that month.

Then I was disappointed.

Last month I convinced myself that my gas was an early symptom of pregnancy. Or that I had implantation bleeding. Googling weird things on my Blackberry. Only to be disappointed again.

I told myself to not do it again this month. That no matter what my body was doing, that I wouldn’t do crazy Google searches. I mean, we haven’t even been able to “practice” that much because of the move.

But yet what was I doing at one point at work today? Googling how soon morning sickness can occur after conception. Of course my search got my hopes up as some posts said that morning sickness or upset stomachs could occur as little as two weeks after conception because of all the hormones racing around your body.

I felt queasy after dinner last night, but I just brushed it off as the fact that I probably ate a bit too much (not a usual reaction for me, but a possibility). Then again today in the late morning I started to feel queasy again. I have a strong stomach so I either am coming down with something (not too likely as I don’t know anyone that is sick right now), I ate something bad, or maybe it is morning sickness?

Meanwhile I will wait until at least tomorrow to buy a pregnancy test (when I am scheduled to get my period). Or maybe I will buy one tonight.

Commence dashed hopes in 5…4…3…2…

Disasters

From weather.com

Today I woke up to a cloudy sky, but currently the sun is trying to peek out from the clouds. It isn’t scheduled to start raining here from Hurricane Earl until 2pm or so.

So far in my life I have yet to be near a natural disaster. In the suburbs of Chicago we heard about tornadoes, but I didn’t have any close calls. The floods that occurred along the Mississippi River happened far, far away so that wasn’t a concern either. We did have one earthquake along a fault in southern IL when I was growing up. My best friend at the time SWORE that she felt it, but I think that we were too far away and personally didn’t feel a thing.

For my years in Philly I also didn’t have any problems. I remember being at work and one of my coworkers couldn’t reach anyone in his territory (North/South Carolina) because everyone had been evacuated. I think that was Isabel. But again, no tornadoes, no floods, no hurricanes, no earthquakes, etc.

After moving out west I encountered the same thing. Sure there were tornadoes east of us, but for the most part we were safe because of the mountains.

When an email was circulated around at work about the different ways we should prepare for Earl, I scratched my head in confusion. But wait. We aren’t on the coast and although CT is a small state we should just feel heavy winds and rain, right? Well, according to my boss, CT has a very large number of trees per mile for such a populated state. Which means that when a strong storm comes though- it doesn’t have to be a hurricane- power goes out, it is tough to leave your house because of fallen trees, etc. AWESOME.

Thankfully, Earl is weakening. We hopefully just get a lot of rain which the Northeast desperately needs anyway. Earl also brings nicer weather after he comes through- no more 90+ degree days!

So maybe we are susceptible to a few more natural disasters here in CT. We have already had two tornadoes in the state in the past few months. CT hasn’t had a direct hit by a hurricane in a while (Bob in 1991). With a major storm earlier this year we had some flooding in the southern part of the state. As with anywhere, we have earthquakes all the time, we just don’t feel them because they are small.

As a side note, after the Haitian earthquake CP and I were sitting in the car and he was telling me that NH gets earthquakes a lot. I didn’t believe him and found the USGS site to prove him wrong. Well, it turns out that he was right (damn it!). In fact there seems to be nowhere to hide from earthquakes in the US. But again, in most places they are too small for us to feel.

So I guess by moving to CT I have moved myself a bit closer to natural disasters? I guess I can count blizzards in natural disasters and I have been in some of those. But to me, a lot of snow is not as scary as some of these other things….

Do you live in a disaster prone area? Do you prepare for a big storm with water, flashlights and food or just scoff at the warnings? Do you have a natural disaster story?

Friends

Last night I did something that I probably shouldn’t have. It made my stomach twist into knots. I kept thinking that something bad, something horrible was coming. I kept thinking that it was something that I shouldn’t be doing. That I should stop. But after 10 minutes, it ended up being fairly tame.

Afterwards I called my friend from law school who I knew would back me up. She also has bouts of “The Crazy” and I knew that she would understand. Even though she now has a kid, she assured me that she would do the same thing.

She was relieved to know that it wasn’t anything major. She talked me down as we moved on to what was new with her life.

Thank goodness for good friends.