Friends and infertility

It is quite interesting how different my friends are around me (how they act, what they say, etc) regarding infertility.  It truly depends on the friend.  I'll give you four recent examples.

Last night I had a long, long conversation with a good friend who is also battling infertility.  She has now lost three pregnancies in trying for a second child.  My heart aches for her as no one should have to go through that.  When she was pregnant this last time she didn’t say anything until I asked because she didn’t want to upset me (she ended up losing that pregnancy too).  She rarely talks about her firstborn with me and when she does, she makes sure to say that she knows that she is very lucky to only have one (even though she and her husband want two).  I keep telling her that she doesn’t need to continually say those things- but she does it because she doesn’t want to seem ungrateful when I am trying so hard to have to my first child.  I appreciate her sensitivity to me because even though we are in different circumstances and have different triggers,  we both do our best to not upset the other person and what they are going through.

My law school friend here in Chicago didn’t go through infertility, but knows all about our struggle and asks what is going on.  She is great about allowing me to vent and doesn’t say stupid things like “maybe it wasn’t meant to be” or “just relax.”  A good example of a fertile that is sensitive to our infertility.

Oddly enough, my new next door neighbor is pretty good.  I have not told her about our infertility, yet she seems to be sensitive to the fact that we don’t have kids.  (This is the neighbor that is friends with the infertility doctor that I met at a BBQ at her house this fall.)  She has never asked whether we want them or whether we have had problems.  I have never hinted at the fact that we are having problems and when I’m around her I say things like “if CP and I have kids.”  But yet at the happy hour before Christmas she apologized that much of the conversation earlier in the day (another neighbor had all of the women over for Christmas tea) had been about baby monitors and other baby-related stuff.  I’m not sure if I somehow tipped her off to our infertility or if she is just nice and knows that someone that doesn’t have kids wouldn’t necessarily want to discuss baby monitors, but either way I appreciate it.

Meanwhile, I had a fantastic time with my CT friends over New Years Eve/Day, but a few of them simply just don’t get it.  My one friend is clueless as to infertility (she had her two kids with no problems) and would often make some of the comments that you shouldn’t make to infertiles.  Another friend had no problems conceiving her three kids but would at least ask how things were going and ask questions about the various techniques/options because she truly knew nothing about infertility.  The only person that seemed to be at all sensitive to the fact that I wouldn’t want to hear every little detail about her pregnancy, the baby’s room, preparations, etc. was my pregnant friend (she had three miscarriages before her current pregnancy).

It just goes to show you that you can tell someone all about your infertility journey or you can keep the details to yourself….but you never know what they are going to say.

Have you found a large difference between your friends when it comes to your infertility (or anything other major thing going on in your life)?

Delay

Going to New York ended up delaying my first IVF cycle.  While I wouldn’t take back the experience that I am getting and the help that I am giving out, it was disappointing that I wasn’t able to get my one-month Lupron shot before I left.  Because my doctor believes that the Lupron shot really helps with IVF success, I will be getting it this Friday, the day I arrive back in Chicago.  Then I will have a month on Lupron prior to starting any other IVF drugs, which means my cycle will really start in mid-February and I probably won’t have a retrieval (if I get that far) until the beginning of March.  (For more on the basics of IVF go here.)

I am definitely worried about even getting to the retrieval phase.  Based on my experience last time with the three-month Lupron shot, I had no sign of a period even three months after surgery and after the shot was supposed to be out of my system.  I had to take progesterone to “jump start” my system again so I wonder if the Lupron is going to heavily suppress my reproductive system again.

I keep telling myself not to put too much hope into the first cycle.  I never used injectables with my IUIs so I have no idea what the fertility drugs are going to do to my system and neither does the doctor because every patient responds differently.  So will the Lupron over suppress and I won’t have any eggs and/or I won’t have eggs big enough to even retrieve?

But when I start to worry too much, I try to think of my motto for the year.  While CP and I do have to think about what happens if any IVF cycle(s) don’t go well or don’t work, I don’t want us to dwell on it.

I'm just really ready to get this show on the road after so many months of WAITING!!  Bring on the month of hot flashes baby.

My personal hell

I saw this writing prompt on Perks of Being a JAP and thought it was a cute idea!

My personal hell would consist of:

*The only drink available is coffee.

*Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, or Carly Rae Jepsen playing on repeat.

*A large group of fertile women telling me that I just need to relax, take a vacation, and/or drink some wine to get pregnant.

*I could never use a Q-tip again.

*Constantly having popcorn kernels or other food stuck in my teeth.

*Forced to watch American Idol, The Voice, X Factor and Seinfeld all day long.

*Forced to wear a bikini everywhere I went.

*I never had access to gum, mints, mouthwash, toothbrush/toothpaste, etc.

*I was put in a room filled with spiders, taranchulas and fire ants and/or told to eat them.

*Sitting next to someone whistling or singing all day long.

*The only food available to eat is chocolate (makes my stomach hurt), tripe, olives, or pickles.

*Sitting next to someone that never wore deodorant and farted all day long.

*Watching the Twilight series or Titanic next to 100 13-year old girls.

What would your personal hell look like?

By the way, click through and check out my new blog design.  Do you like?  I keep trying to make the picture a bit smaller but then it screws up the formatting.  

Exhausted

Yesterday I finally got a day off from working on Sandy disaster efforts and it couldn't have come at a better time.  I was mentally exhausted.  I can't go too much into it, but it's frustrating when you are the only person (at least it seems like) going the extra step (or more) for these people that have already suffered enough.  People around me (not from my company) were telling me, "Oh that's not what we were told to do."  So you have to be told to give a sh*t?  *sigh*

I'm also physically exhausted after working so many days in a row. I'm not sure why because I'm sitting all day, but 10 hour work days plus the commute and going out for dinner every night leaves little down time. Only a glass of wine seems to help in slowing down my brain down after a tense day. I never thought that working on the weekends would lead to not knowing what day it is! Needless to say, it's probably going to be a really good thing that I get back into Chicago on a Friday so that I have the weekend to decompress after these last two weeks.

I can't complain too much though because, of course, I have it way better than Sandy victims.  And being back on the East Coast has meant getting to see a few friends and family when I do have time off.  After finishing work on New Years Eve I headed up to CT to see friends and celebrate the New Year with them.  I loved having a home cooked meal as it has now been a while!  Then last night I headed into the city to have dinner at Ed's Lobster Bar (delicious!) with my aunt, uncle, and cousin.  I originally thought that I would go do something in NYC since I had the whole day, but a day of doing laundry, watching football, and sleeping in was more of what I needed!!

CP always tells me that traveling for work is not as glamorous as it sounds.  After my first two week work trip, I would have to agree with him.  Eating out for every meal, not having the comforts of home, and being on a totally different schedule in a new city gets old (especially if you are not even IN a major city*).  Not to mention spending time with coworkers that you either have never met or have had limited time with in the past and having to deal with their crazy quirks, backgrounds, annoying habits, and opinions- YIKES.  One of my coworkers is perpetually late, asks inane questions, and tries to make himself more important than he is.  I'm trying to hold back my snark and b*tchiness when talking to him but it's hard when you are already mentally and physically exhausted.

And don't get me started on missing CP and the puppies.  I Facetimed with CP last night and like the crazy dog people were are, I talked to the dogs.  It seemed to confuse them more than anything (where is that voice coming from??), but they at least recognized that it was me.  :-)

I'm definitely looking forward to early Friday morning when I head back to Chicago.  I'll get to have a quick 24 hours with CP before he leaves for his two-week work trip around the world, but at least while he is gone I will be HOME with the puppies.  I think that I will have to check back on this post when I'm feeling jealous of some of his work trips to remember that maybe, just maybe, the fact that he is in Asia, Europe, South America, etc is not as cool as one might think.

Do you travel a lot for work?  What are your tips on staying sane?

*I'm actually staying on Long Island and I don't have a car- my coworker has to drive me to/from work!

2013 request

Can I make a request of all of my readers/commenters so early on in 2013?  Often I read your comments on my posts and would LOVE to send you a reply via email but your email is not listed on your webpage.  Pretty please with a cherry on top could you update your profile/about me/etc to show your email address?

Doctor recommended supplements

A number of people commented on my potential increase in vitamins and other supplements to prepare for my first IVF.  This information and the large number of supplements are not combed from the internet, but I  received the list from my doctor.  So in an effort to help other IVF patients out there, I’m going to summarize what my doctor gave me in hopes that it may help another patient.

First off, I am not a doctor.  You should get a blood test prior to starting this regime to find out if you even need the supplements.  THE FOLLOWING SUPPLEMENTS ARE TO HELP IMPROVE EGG QUALITY.  My doctor suggests that you start these three months prior to treatment, but that they can still help even if you don’t have three months (I do not).

1.      Take a prenatal vitamin with DHA daily but stop with the trigger shot or with ovulation.

2.      Myo Inositol- 2 gm, two times a day

a.      Shown to help with blastocyst (embryo) development

b.      Also correlated with higher E2 (estradiol) levels within the follicular fluid and better quality embryos

3.      Melatonin- 3 mg, once at night

a.      Helps scavenge the free-radicals that can damage delicate sperm and egg DNA

b.      DO NOT take this if you are on thyroid medication

4.      Co Enzyme Q10- 200 mg, three times a day

a.      Helps support and improve mitochondrial function

5.      Omega-3 fatty acid- 1000 mg, once a day

a.      In one study a higher omega-6 to omega-3 ratio was associated with higher numbers of follicles

b.      Eat more leafy greens, nuts and seeds and high quality, purity tested fish oil supplement

c.      Eat less snack/fast foods, factory/grain-fed red meat and processed oils

6.      Vitamin C- 500 mg, once a day

a.      Helps prevent oxidative mitochondrial damage

b.      Supports healthy blood vessel structure

7.      Vitamin E- 200 IU, once a day

a.      Helps prevent oxidative mitochondrial damage

b.      May improve glandular epithelial growth and development of blood vessels in the endometrium

8.      L-arginine, 1000 mg, two times a day

a.      Encourages your pituitary gland to produce more Human Growth Hormone, which helps improve with quality and quantity of egg production

9.      DHEA- 25 mg, three times a day

a.      Positive effects have been reported to egg and embryo quality

10.   Pycnogenol, 100 mg, once a day

a.      Anti-inflammatory effects

b.      Supports blood vessel structure

So there you have it.  10 different supplements recommended to boost egg quality by my doctor.  It certainly seems like a lot, but I am going to try to help my old and crappy eggs as much as possible!!  (NOTE: I may end up NOT taking everything on this list- I'm trying to decide which ones are most important.)

If you are on supplements to boost egg quality, what are you taking?  

2013 Goals

Well, the new year is here (although I am few days late with finally getting this post up).  It brings with it a lot of uncertainty and a dash of hope.  I have been waiting for January for a while because my new insurance with IVF coverage finally kicks in this month.

Without further ado, my goals for 2013:

Keep in touch more with friends.  Just “liking” someone’s status on FB or commenting on a picture doesn’t mean that I am catching up with them.  Some friends are harder to get on the phone because of their kidlets, but an email is at least a little more personal.

Take whatever steps are necessary to ensure IVF success (within reason of course).  I don’t want to think that I could have done more if I have one or more failed cycles.  Currently I am taking DHEA, CoQ10,  and L-argigine in addition to my regular prenatal vitamin.  I will be adding to this regime as I will start Myo Insitol that I just ordered and will be delivered by the time I get  home from NYC.  I also would like to add Melatonin, Omega-3 Fatty Acid, Pycnogenol, and extra Vitamin C and Vitiman E (all were recommended by my doctor).  It’s a whole lot of pills, but again, you never know what is going to work and help my eggs!!

Workout 3 times a week- even if it is just walking.  There will be times that I won’t be allowed to work out; there will be times that I will NEED to work out  my frustrations.  I will try to balance this as much as possible and do what I can when I can.

Fewer status updates on FB.  I’m not a daily poster by any means and I try to keep my updates funny and/or interesting, but I'm sure that I could cut down.  I kept my pledge to stay away from political posts last year and will continue to do that this year.

I will look into the Mediterranean diet.  Gypsy Mama’s latest blog had a link to a Huffington Post article on a study showing that the Mediterranean diet could triple IVF success.  Sold!  I love Mediterranean food (had some last night in fact), so that sounds like a win-win to me!

I am going to do my best to stay positive about IVF process.  Despite getting the bad news from the doctor about my hormone levels, I am going to try my hardest to stay positive.  If I start to get stressed, I will use mediation to calm myself down and remember to breathe.

Read at least 30 books.  I think I read 22 books last year but now I have a 30 minute train ride two times a day and can get a lot more reading done this year.

Continue to stay away from the soda!  I have been slipping a little bit because of the 12 hour days in NYC, but I’m hoping to work on getting more sleep the next week or so until I return to Chicago and hopefully that helps.

Finish updating our house in 2013- at least the extent that CP and I can do ourselves….

Read every single entry in the 2012 Crème de la Crème list.  

And finally, my 2013 motto will be:

“If you get caught up in the worst case scenario and it doesn’t happen, you’ve wasted your time. And if you are caught up in the worst case scenario and it does happen, you’ve lived it twice.” -Michael J. Fox