I was tremendously lucky to get pregnant and have Izzy through not only my first and only IVF cycle, but on my first transfer. Not knowing the heartbreak of a failed cycle or transfer is of course great, but it worries me that I am simply going to expect that this frozen transfer will go just as swimmingly and CP and I will be done with expanding our family in the next year or so. In reality, there are so many things that have to go well for this to happen. Can I really hope that lightening will strike twice for us?
Am I ready to ride the rollercoaster again? As much as CP is a fantastic father, he is not the most supportive husband while going through treatments. When I was in physical pain, for instance after my fibroid/endo surgery or after the retrieval, he was great. He took care of me and understood when I was not physically able to do anything. But the harder part is the mental aspect of the rollercoaster. You have hormones coursing through your body and you just feel different. Lupron made me depressed, not interested in working out, and just plain grumpy- and that was just one of the drugs that has now spent time in my body so far. Going through the two week waits after the three IUIs and the IVF transfer were difficult but he didn't understand why I was anxious and constantly thinking about it.
Maybe now that we have Izzy and he knows just how much is at stake he will be a bit more supportive while we go through this frozen cycle? But what if we don't make it to the frozen cycle for a few months? Now that our consultation date has been pushed back to today, a January frozen transfer will not be likely to happen. If it doesn't happen in January, CP wants to play God and push it off until May because fall is very busy with family birthdays, the holidays, etc. and he doesn't want a second child's birthday to be close to Izzy's birthday. I have argued that it is possible that I may need surgery based on the fibroid that is still lurking behind my uterus which would push us back a few months anyway. I have argued that if the frozen transfer doesn't work and we need to go into a fresh cycle we are now working with 36 year old eggs (as opposed to the 34 year old frozen egg in the embryo) and we already know that I am not a great responder to the medications. And really who cares if the birthdays are close together? So why are we unnecessarily pushing everything back?
*sigh* Maybe I should have a drink before I head into my consultation?
7 comments:
Not even sure if you remember me. My first IVF cycle was a pretty close copy to yours. Slow response, 1 embryo transferred, 1 frozen and 1 happy healthy baby.
I stopped blogging due to some privacy issues but have been following your story all year long.
We are also waiting for our RE consult to talk FET. I totally feel the same way as you do. nervous. Hoping it will turn out just the same way as the fresh cycle did and then laughing at my self to even consider that possibility. I mean who gets THAT lucky. Not once but twice.
We won't do a fresh cycle if this one fails. So this is going to be it. We think to do a transfer in the spring. Or as soon as the clinic can get us in. I refuse to look at due dates. It's not important to us. Whenever is just perfect timing.
Good luck to you! And thank you for keeping your blog alive! It's always fun to compare our two little girls who are pretty much the same age.
I understand this. It's scary, the unknown. I thought we had beat it, that we had SO MUCH LUCK getting pregnant for #2 on our first FET... but you know how that turned out. Now, here we are, over 12 months later, and still no pregnancy.
While I hope you're a lot luckier than us, I just wanted you to know you're not alone in that fear - and we'll support you if you need it. xx
Yeah...not gonna lie, it seems like CP was a little spoiled by your first success. And sure, it's entirely possible things will work out the same on your second try, but I agree that you're right in not wanting to postpone almost 6 months. Especially if (I hope not!) another fresh cycle is needed. Good luck with your appointment!
Best of luck as you embark on the roller coaster again! I'm so excited for you!
I'm so so excited for you and praying all goes smoothly. Have you talked to him about your fears? He may never get it, but you two will get through it just like you did before Izzy. Hubby and I are looking into marriage counseling-I'll let you know how that goes lol. First successful step is that he WANTS to go now too lol!
Not to use myself as a cautionary tale (although feel free to do so, if you need to give an example for CP) but I was technically a first time IVF success and I had higher hopes for our FETs. Interestingly, my Husband wanted to skip our October FET for financial reasons (at that time we through his car was going to need some expensive repairs) but we couldn't do an FET in Nov, as my RE was away and I didn't want to go with the other doctor in the group as my RE knew our issues and challenges all too well. Husband didn't want me to have to deal with brining my meds and injecting myself with lupron in Connecticut, but thought we could secretly do an FET while my parents were visiting for Christmas, which of course was not going to work for me, so we would have been waiting until January. After enduring so many delays and failures, this was unacceptable to me, so I put the FET on my credit card and the Joint account eventually paid me back (it turned out his car repairs were much cheaper) I haven't pulled an "I told you so", but if your first FET is successful, CP will be so happy and won't care about the birthdays being close together and you can say 'I told you so!" quietly to yourself.
That is a tough one. It's easy to get spoiled and think that the next transfer will work just as easily as the first. Unfortunately, us infertiles don't have the luxury of planning our pregnancies based on the best time of year to deliver. Sounds like CP assumes it will just work, but the reality is we have to prepare for all possibilities. I agree with you, you can't delay any longer than necessary. Hope you can get him to understand the urgency. Good luck! It can't be easy stepping back into it.
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