Staying in a
hotel room for two weeks by myself leaves me with tons of time to think.
The recent
news that I may have poor quality eggs based on my blood tests threw me for a
loop. Add a long discussion with my
friend who is desperately fighting against a one child household. Then add numerous bloggers that have decided
on one child because they can’t fathom going through fertility treatments after
the struggle for their first child. Or other
bloggers that have stopped fertility treatments for a second child because it
has become too much.
What does
that have me thinking about? It has me
jumping ahead through the major parts of IVF treatment- the Lupron shot, the injections,
the retrieval, fertilization, etc- and straight to the transfer.* For a while now I have been strongly on the “I
only want to transfer one embryo” train.
CP travels a lot, sometimes for two weeks at a time (like he will this
Saturday). Our close friend here in
Chicago has twins- her husband is around all the time and can tell me how hard
it is. Having two kids at the same time (then
stopping) means that you are only going to have the infant phase once, the
crawling/walking/talking/etc once, high school graduation once, etc. Not to mention if you think that you need to
do a better job with teaching X to your kid, you have another shot with a younger
sibling. My sister and I are 20 months apart-
I think that our relationship and our personalities would be different if we
were twins.
But now with
my potential poor egg quality…..what if it takes us a while to get
pregnant? What if we lose the
pregnancy(ies)? I’m 34 now and my egg quality is most likely only going to go
down. If it takes us a long time to
finally get our take home baby will we be that couple that decides to only have
one child?
Which leads
me to…maybe CP and I should think about transferring two embryos with each IVF
cycle. Sure there are some risks to
having multiples but then I only have to go through one C-section. Then we only have to go through the terrible
twos once. Even if twins are harder to
take care of, I won’t know the difference between how hard two babies are
versus one because I won’t know any different.
I told CP
about my thoughts and asked him to think about it. It’s clearly not a decision that we have to
think about right now, but I do want to have these discussions ahead of time so
that we are not making spur-of-the-moment decisions that we may regret. Plus I may or may not have rational thoughts
while I am on IVF drugs. :-)
Of course I
am completely jumping over several major steps with this thinking. We may get a good number of eggs at the
retrieval and have a lot of them fertilize.
The supplements that I am currently taking may make a difference and
result in good quality eggs. Having a
few good quality eggs ready and waiting to transfer may lessen the urgency to
transfer two embryos because we would know that we have some quality eggs
frozen for a second pregnancy.
I don’t know
what the future brings, but I am looking forward to actually getting on to the
IVF treatment instead of talking about it and thinking about all of the
variables. I’m also looking forward to
getting home today so that maybe, just maybe, my brain will stop thinking about
all of this so much!!
If you have
gone through IVF how did you make the decision on how many embryos to
transfer? If you could do it all over
again, would you transfer the same number?
If you haven’t
gone through IVF, what are your thoughts on twins versus single pregnancies?
*For now,
obviously, I am going to believe that everything with my IVF is going to go
swimmingly although we all know that nothing ever goes the way you plan.
21 comments:
Of course our final decision on embryos transferred will be dependent on our future surrogate's opinions on a multiple and on her age and health and thus our doctors' thoughts too. Dax and I are both very receptive to the idea of twins. I am probably happier with the idea of a singleton over twins as I will be the primary carer but Dax is definitely more keen on twins. He thinks that in a way, once past the baby stage, it may be easier as they will entertain each other...in theory!
Hoping you're well on the way very soon!
Gosh this is such a hard decision to make. I was told after my first ivf that we might have an "egg quality issue" so on our second ivf I transferred (3) embryos all B grade and it didn't work out either. Although I have some issues on doctors saying that egg quality is reason for not getting pregnant. I don't know what test you had that your doctor is saying that and they might very well have reason and evidence to give that diagnosis. In so many cases it is a very generic reason to give when nothing else is showing up.
Wishing you the best!
I think this decision will be easier for you to make once you know how many frozen embryos you have left over. That is going to be the deciding factor for me.
Do you read Mrs. Green Grass? She had a baby a few months ago after transferring two embryos, one of which split into identical triplets, and then did a selective reduction before the one surviving baby was born extremely early. She has written pretty extensively about this topic and how hard the decision is, particularly in this post but also throughout the blog: http://babymakingmerrygoround.blogspot.com/2012/10/single-embryo-transfer.html. Might be some food for thought.
Omg I am totally thinking the same thoughts, too! Obviously there will be so many other variables to consider leading up to the transfer, which will all help to make a more informed decision, but I'm kind of leaning toward 2 because I cannot FATHOM a negative pregnancy test after all this. Still, that's hardly a valid reason... just selfish, really. Ugh, I seriously don't know what we'll do!
I transferred two, because that was what my re recommended. I out very little thought into it for myself. I really wanted twins. Neither one took.
Only recently, reading other posts like misconception, have I realized I should have out more thought into just one.
And then very recently, on the past two weeks since I've had a baby, I've wondered many times a day, what does a mother of twins do?!? It a single mom? I'm astounded at how inch work and how little sleep is invloved in infant care.
On the other hand, it's hard but people do it all the time, and to your point.. You wouldn't know anything different! Good luck with the decision, there are perks and drawbacks to both.
I have poor egg quality too, but I'm keepin my head buried in the sand for the 2nd. I woul love another baby, but refuse to think it will be As hard as number 1. Haha.
So many typos! Sorry!
I had a lot of the same thoughts as you about twins. I knew it would be a lot of work, very stressful, and a higher risk pregnancy. But, it seems like once you get past the first year there are a lot of perks to having twins. Also, it really was my only chance at having two children (unless by some miracle I naturally get pregnant) because before I went through the second frozen embryo transfer I had already decided I would NEVER do that again- so expensive, and emotionally and physically draining.
I've gone through two FET's and both times I put back two embryos. The first time I miscarried both and this time I only lost one and am 11 weeks pregnant. So, if I would have only put in one there's a good chance that I wouldn't be pregnant now.
It is a hard decision and everyone is so different but I'm sure your doctor will have some great input to help you decide.
That's a super tough decision. Like Mrs. Green Grass, a friend of a friend transferred two and ended up with quads as well. They did a selection reduction, too. I like to think that the second will be easier because it will "reset" the system. Ha! Not likely.
We transferred two 5-day blasts and have two frozen. We were super lucky because I'm 38, and my b/w showed that my egg quality wasn't all that great for my age (which isn't good to hear when you're already 38!). We knew when we started the cycle that we would transfer two (or 3 if the quality was really poor), but we also went by my RE's recommendation. She bases it on the guidelines for the number to transfer based on age and on embryo quality. A friend of mine that cycled through the same clinic transferred 3 3-day embryos. They didn't look great, and I don't think the RE felt they'd make it to freeze. They initially had twins, lost one, and had a baby about six months ago. I'm just mentioning it to show that once you're at that stage, it might be easier to decide.
Personally, I would be nervous to only transfer one, but at the same time, I'd only transfer two if I was ok with twins. We were freaked out by the idea of twins, but not so much so that we felt we couldn't handle it. At the same time, a FET cycle is supposed to be so much easier than a fresh cycle, so if it looks like you'll have enough to freeze, it might sway you to transfer one. The scary thing is that you'll probably have to decide how many to transfer before knowing if any make it to freeze.
I don't know if any of this helps, but I really do think the right answer will be more clear once the cycle is underway! Good luck!
I know many, many people who opted to transfer two to increase their odds, or to try for multiples. Personally, it's not a decision I could make. I have seen too many multiple pregnancies turn into TRUE multiples (3-4 babies)... to me, it's not worth the risk. After taking so long to get pregnant, I always hoped for as smooth a pregnancy as possible - and for me, it made sense to only do Single Embryo Transfers. I had terrible eggs to choose from too {only 3 fertilised during each IVF procedure - no frosties first time around, and 2 the second time) - so it wasn't a matter of having a lot to choose from. Very personal decision, but I definitely am very happy to be carrying a single bub!
I opt to transfer 2 because I feel like it gives me a better shot (not sure if it actually does or not). I am also ok with having twins. My husband is a twin. I really want more than one and at the rate I'm going I feel like twins is my only shot at having that happen.
Oof, tough choices, for sure. I think it's smart to weigh your options now, especially when you're off the crazy drugs and can think clearly ;)
I'm of absolutely NO help to you, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you! I know that you and CP will make the best decision for your family.
That's a really tough decision with so many variables involved.
But I do see the logic in transferring two and being open to the possibility of multiples. That does make sense to me.
Good luck with your decision. Will be thinking of you!
I didn't really have to make this choice but after we found out we were pregnant with twins I've done a lot of thinking along similar lines. I think there's a lot in the pregnancy and early years that I'm sad about with twins - I have had a hard pregnancy thus far (though so did my mother with her two singleton pregnancies so it may just be coincidence) and I know the first few years will be hard too. However I'm glad at age 34 (how old I'll be when they're born if all goes well) that I won't have time hanging over me when worrying about going through treatments again.
Also I feel like we're that much closer to having a lot of the things I've most looked forward to with kids - getting to talk about school, travel, share books etc. Whereas if we were to have 2 spaced out as we'd thought (2-3 years) we'd be looking at 6-7 years (if we were lucky and treatments worked well for round 2 which is obviously far from a given) until all those things could happen.
Essentially I think there's benefits and drawbacks, and it's about what makes you most comfortable given the very intimate specifics of your life/eggs/family/partnership/job etc.
This has to be one of the most difficult aspects of the IVF process. IMHO if you're thinking about having more than one, maybe why not transfer more than one. We're really committed to only having one and I'd like to try to do mini-IVF, so we don't have to decided what to do with many frozen embryos, but I also feel we'll have to see how the quality of the embryos turn out. It's such a tough gamble
That's a lot to think about. I'm 39 and we transferred one embryo for both my fresh cycled in the fall and my FET last week. I didn't want twins because I don't think I could carry to term, so my solution was to do PGD to make sure I was transferring a good embryo. Out of 8 biopsied, only two turned out to be normal. We found this interesting because I had four good looking blasts and only two were normal.
That is a rough thing to think about. But I know you guys will know what to do when you get there. Wishing you peace and hugs :)
Good luck with the IVF. We had the same question and it literally happened on the day of the transfer. We never expected to have any embryos to transfer let alone 2 perfect blastocysts (and I was told that my egg quality may be poor with an AMH of 0.55 so don't pay too much attention to that!) in the end we decided to put both back in. Listen to what your dr advises - ours said even though I had an arcuate uterus he reckoned I would be fine to carry twins. Plus embryos don't always survive the freezing so given the choice again (and we are trying again at the end of next month as unfortunately our pregnancy didn't make it this time) we would go for putting two (or three) in. Best of luck I hope it all goes well. BTW what supplements are you taking? also I found acupuncture really helped before and after the transfer. Oh and my acupuncturist recommended laughing a lot as it relaxes all your muscles and eating a little pineapple core during the days when implantation should have been taking place! (well those are the things I did and I did get pregnant at 40!)
I went through almost this exact same thought process between my first and second cycle. I had been adamantly set on just one embryo (after all, I'm single... twins would be nuts!) But then round one failed and I realized I was more afraid of failure than twins, and after this huge anxiety-filled rollercoaster towards cycle 2 - I decided to transfer 2. It still didn't work, but I relate to the shift in thinking. My only advice would be to weigh all your options and all the risks involved for each of your choices - your guys will make the best decision for YOUR family.
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