So remember this post that I wrote a little bit ago about my sister and how I am upset at her lack of interest in her only niece? Well, the story continues.
(I should pause to say that in a way, I am lucky that this is why I am having issues with my sister. I know that there are bloggers out there with much deeper sibling problems...but having said that, this still upsets me.)
In September my sister and her boyfriend went to Africa for a vacation and while they were there, they got engaged. I am very happy for them because they have been together for a while now. When they got back we had them over to celebrate. My sister barely acknowledged Izzy and the entire conversation was basically about planning for their wedding. I realize that non-parents would not be excited about milestones and all but Izzy had just started pulling up on furniture which you think they would have noticed that suddenly she was up and off the floor but they were too engrossed in their cell phones and/or talking about their wedding.
Anyway, so they started talking about their wedding and possibly having it next fall...which wouldn't really jive with our January frozen transfer as if it worked my due date would be right around the wedding. My parents tell us not to base anything on their wedding date, but CP and I discuss it and decide to push back the frozen transfer date so that we can make sure we are at the wedding. Turns out it is not that big of a deal as now my sister's wedding will be in 2016 because they couldn't find a venue big enough that had any dates next year.
So last week I send out an email to my parents and my sister about Thanksgiving and Izzy's first birthday party on the 29th (Saturday). My parents will be there but my sister will be with her fiance's family in WI since they won't be around for Christmas. Fine. At least we won't have 5 extra people sprung on us (her fiance's family) coming for Thanksgiving like last year (the day before my c-section no less). But as far as Izzy's birthday? Well, they "will try to head back from WI" to make the party.
Am I being an asshole for thinking that they are assholes if they can't make Izzy's birthday party? The world does not revolve around my daughter and her life but they barely see her as it is and they can't even commit to coming to her first birthday party?
*sigh*
I promise that I don't stew on this all day (who has the time?) but when I do think about it it gets me riled up!
8 comments:
She justs sounds so self absorbed that she is never going to get this, unless she has a child of her own. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. My brother couldn't make my daughters birthday last year because he was with I laws for Christmas and my SIL didn't try to arrange her custody weekend so Evers cousins could celebrate with her, so both of our siblings were kinda... Lame. :) in the words of the old dad from legends of the fall, screw em!!
I would not plan TTC around her though. She doesn't make your fam a priority and you should put your dreams and family's building first!
No, I pretty much agree with you that they are assholes. I also concur with not scheduling your transfer around their wedding. They sound supremely self absorbed. I don't understand how a person can be around a baby and NOT notice them??? Besides, Izzy is just about the cutest thing ever.
I would be so offended! I cant stand self-absorbed people and I cant stand people who are constantly on their cell phones even less. (They only care about the baby so they can take pictures with her!) How could you not notice Izzy pulling herself up to stand? Even non-parents have got to know that is a big deal, right?
So I don't think you're an asshole. But I also wouldn't be totally freaked out either. Some single people, people without kids, just don't get it or don't care. It's not something you can force them to get. Some people just don't have it built in to them. I know that sounds really bad, and it's really hard for you because that's your sister and you want her to love her niece.
It's a crap place but I'd just move on and not put any weight in anything they do or change any plans on account of them. It doesn't sound like their invested in anything but themselves right now, anyway.
I have considered flying to a whole separate goddamn PROVINCE to make it to my niece's birthday parties. And though I've never been able to actually make it, I make damn sure I Skype when she's opening her gifts and hate the fact that I can't be there in person. If it was a short drive, you bet your sweet bippy I'd be there. I just don't get your sister.
This is so incredibly hard for me to wrap my head around. I was single until my mid-thirties and I still do not have any children of my own. That has NEVER stopped me from attending EVERY big life event for any of my nephews and/or niece. I drive nearly 2 hours to see them and have even made trips on a week night to watch sporting events, band concerts, etc. My nephews/niece are my everything. I can't even begin to imagine acting the way your sister acts. I may not ever be a "mother", but I'm going to be the best damn Aunt that there ever was!!!!
I agree with what Lanie wrote - your sister is far too self-absorbed/clueless to get it. We have (several) family members who are inherently very selfish and clueless like this and I try to mentally reframe it as they aren't trying to be malicious, they just DON'T THINK. It (kind of)(sometimes) helps me to feel less angry. But I will admit that every time another incident happens I manage to feel shocked and confused once again before self-talking myself out of it.
And I also agree that you need not bend your life to meet theirs. That is another little lesson I have learned over time. The more I was accomodating to said clueless relatives, the more they seemed to expect that and rely on it.
None of this is easy, that is for sure!
This sort of thing would really aggravate me too. I have a feeling it will be like this with my brother when I have kids. He has missed my birthday for the last 3 years that he's been with his girlfriend - holiday birthdays are tough. Anyway, I don't think you're an asshole. I'd feel the same way too. A first birthday is kind of a big deal.
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