Recently one of my coworkers spilled the beans that she is pregnant. Considering there are only a few of us young enough to have kids, everyone in the office got excited. I was talking to one of my friends who has one child (working on another) and told her the news.
“I’m sorry. I know how hard that must be for you.”
I was confused why she said that. Finding out that someone else is pregnant doesn’t upset me. I am happy for them. I was happy when two close friends announced that they were pregnant. I was also jealous because OF COURSE you want to be in the same boat as them…but not pissed.
Maybe she meant that I must be sad? I must admit that sometimes I do get sad. I wonder if I will have some of the experiences my friends have had….a baby kicking in my stomach, seeing my child’s face for the first time, watching CP be an amazing father, hearing my child’s first words, teaching my child how to walk/play sports/etc, teaching my child right from wrong, and generally watching them grow up. I do want these experiences and all of the good AND bad that comes with having kids. Sometimes I worry that if we stay childless we are going to lose some friends. Are some of our friends that have kids going to take vacations and not invite us because we don’t have kids?
Despite my occasional sadness over not being able to conceive so far, I would never want ANYONE to have to deal with infertility. It’s not something that I would wish on an enemy of mine. To wish and hope every month that THIS TIME will be different….and it is just the same old story.
But hating people that get pregnant (okay, I admit that I am not happy for druggies that are still able to get pregnant despite the fact they are ruining their bodies with illegal substances and in turn ruining their babies)? Wishing that others were going through my same journey? No.
It’s possible that I won’t have this attitude in a few years if we are still not pregnant….
3 comments:
I think it's pretty darn strong of you to be able to be truly happy for your co-worker. When you hear news like that, I think it's only natural to be reminded of your own journey and maybe feel sadness or disappointment or frustration or any of the other emotions that come with infertility. I think your friend was just acknowledging your infertility and not glossing over it in the excitement of someone else's moment.
When dealing with infertility, there are so many emotions that come up at different times but, it does not mean that you are upset or sad or envious. Sometimes you don't know what their journey has been like.
But, it does make you wish and hope that one day you will make your own announcement.
You are a wonderful person with a great attitude. And yes I'm sure she meant sad, not jealous.
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